philly_x
Full Member
The first time I started SW I was the biggest I had ever been at 15st 9lbs... I was absolutely horrified and as a result I managed to get down to 14st at my lightest.
Since then my weight has gone up and down, I finished university, started working shifts, and now I've been promoted I'm working 9-5.. Without me really noticing I've now reached 16st!!! And boy am I motivated now... But for how long?? If I keep repeating this destructive pattern of weight loss and gain, that seems to result in eventual gain then how big am I going to get?!
This year I decided to face my problems with hypnotherapy. I know that SW works, but I felt that my mind wasn't working with me. I felt like I couldn't control myself and I wanted to tackle that issue before attempting to lose weight again.
I had a real problem, as much as I wanted to not face it and hypnotherapy made me see that. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder, a very very common one that people almost wouldn't even know is a disorder, but it is infact an Eating Disorder not otherwise specified. I used to eat as a celebration when I was happy, and eat to console me when I was sad or stressed. I used to hide food and "binge eat" in the evenings.. not as much as some might think. A large bag of crisps and a large bag of malteasers / minstrels etc. was my favourite. Sometimes other things.. Or takeaways if everyone went out.
Since having the therapy I have successfully quit binge eating. I do not do it anymore, nor have I had the urge to. If I wanted crisps or chocolate I can have them, and maybe eat more than I'm supposed to - but not all of it and just be in control and not be ashamed. I used to eat dessert with family, then go and hide and eat another... As someone with a psychology background I found it very hard to accept that I could actually have something like that.. But now I think I'm finally on my way .
I haven't had a boyfriend for about 5 years, although i have been involved with several useless men... and I do blame the eating and the control it had over me for that, and not even the image but i never even wanted one because I wouldn't have been able to have my free time to binge, that is honestly how I thought!! Without blowing my own trumpet I have been blessed with good looks, I have beautiful olive skin, dark long hair and standout blue eyes. Cursed with disordered eating at the same time - but now I have that under control I look forward to hopefully losing the weight.
I could be so beautiful if I just let myself be!! Maybe I've been scared of that to, who knows what the deeper meanings of all of this are.
Next year I hope to be happier, to be more confident and spend more time with my friends and to find love... Maybe I shouldn't feel like this all depends on me losing weight but I truely think it does.. My weight needs to change. For my future happiness AND for my health.
This is something I really needed to just get out, it's so long I wonder if anyone with bother to read it. To be honest it's not about that for me, this is a release and this is something I still have not been able to tell anyone in my life. The anonymity of the Internet gives me the outlet to do so.
Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far, I'll see you in the forums... and I will make this more of a diary next week
Since then my weight has gone up and down, I finished university, started working shifts, and now I've been promoted I'm working 9-5.. Without me really noticing I've now reached 16st!!! And boy am I motivated now... But for how long?? If I keep repeating this destructive pattern of weight loss and gain, that seems to result in eventual gain then how big am I going to get?!
This year I decided to face my problems with hypnotherapy. I know that SW works, but I felt that my mind wasn't working with me. I felt like I couldn't control myself and I wanted to tackle that issue before attempting to lose weight again.
I had a real problem, as much as I wanted to not face it and hypnotherapy made me see that. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder, a very very common one that people almost wouldn't even know is a disorder, but it is infact an Eating Disorder not otherwise specified. I used to eat as a celebration when I was happy, and eat to console me when I was sad or stressed. I used to hide food and "binge eat" in the evenings.. not as much as some might think. A large bag of crisps and a large bag of malteasers / minstrels etc. was my favourite. Sometimes other things.. Or takeaways if everyone went out.
Since having the therapy I have successfully quit binge eating. I do not do it anymore, nor have I had the urge to. If I wanted crisps or chocolate I can have them, and maybe eat more than I'm supposed to - but not all of it and just be in control and not be ashamed. I used to eat dessert with family, then go and hide and eat another... As someone with a psychology background I found it very hard to accept that I could actually have something like that.. But now I think I'm finally on my way .
I haven't had a boyfriend for about 5 years, although i have been involved with several useless men... and I do blame the eating and the control it had over me for that, and not even the image but i never even wanted one because I wouldn't have been able to have my free time to binge, that is honestly how I thought!! Without blowing my own trumpet I have been blessed with good looks, I have beautiful olive skin, dark long hair and standout blue eyes. Cursed with disordered eating at the same time - but now I have that under control I look forward to hopefully losing the weight.
I could be so beautiful if I just let myself be!! Maybe I've been scared of that to, who knows what the deeper meanings of all of this are.
Next year I hope to be happier, to be more confident and spend more time with my friends and to find love... Maybe I shouldn't feel like this all depends on me losing weight but I truely think it does.. My weight needs to change. For my future happiness AND for my health.
This is something I really needed to just get out, it's so long I wonder if anyone with bother to read it. To be honest it's not about that for me, this is a release and this is something I still have not been able to tell anyone in my life. The anonymity of the Internet gives me the outlet to do so.
Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far, I'll see you in the forums... and I will make this more of a diary next week
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