Being treated differently. A good thing? Or a bad thing?

[somewhere_inside_is_me]

Great to see this thread revived. In my heart of hearts I know my original weight gain back in my twenties was related to my inability to cope with men after a couple of inappropriate relationships. I was attractive and I decided I'd had enough of male attention so I became dowdy and plump (didn't stop me getting married twice though LOL). I'm hoping I'm older and wiser now and that when I'm slim again I'll find male attention a happy issue not a vexing one!

 

[angie-bum]

I think a lot of people put on weight to hide from others, almost every woman close to me during my life said they put on weight to reduce the amount of attention they got from men and then found it difficult to lose the weight for fear that it would affect their relationship. I am no different, but me and those around me seem to be getting used to me being this weight, people have stopped staring at me which is good. Word to the wise people, wear clothes that fit you as you are losing, cos if you go from wearing ultra baggy 16's to 12's in one day it kinda freaks people out I have found =)

 

[futureyummymummy]

I find it a bit disconcerting to be honest. People talk to me now and smile at me where they never have before and I am aware that I'm probably coming across differently but it does make me a bit uncomfortable at the minute.

I think I need to readjust within myself before I'll feel comfortable with it all.

Emma xXx

 

[Blonde Logic]

It is all so different, when you are used to being viewed, perceived, treated, etc., a certain way....to suddenly find you are now treated like a different person.

Interesting this post again - as I have adjuted and now love the attention, if I am honest.

Why shouldn;t they treat me like a different person after all - I AM a different person. Inside and out. So, I have "made peace" with it. I know, without a doubt the different treatment I now get is because of the different energy I exude.


These past few weeks in that temp job - well, that was the FIRST time in over 25 years, I ever started a job as a thin person. It was a completely different experience.

No one there knew me from ADam, but one person. SO for all they knew, I had always been slim. ANd I felt different - no angst or anxiety being paraded around the building, being shown the ropes, etc. No trying desperately to avoid the glances of staff, certain I knew what they were thinking.

This time, I was just Jan. A lady that started working there. I had the confidence to go unattended into other departments to find something, etc. I just was not the least bit bothered by what anyone thought.

A very strange and wonderful experience.

Also, have made a few "train friends" who I see daily on the route. Mostly men. :giggle: I wondered if they would have been my train pals a year ago. I know they wouldn;t have. Because I would have assumed they would not want to - so they wouldnt.

Its all new, and its all goooooooooooooood.



XXX

 

[Mini_Me]

hmm, I can't relate to the whole 'male attention' thing, but I have definately noticed that some of my colleagues will crack lots of 'fat' jokes while I am there about other people. I never noticed this before - that's because they were no doubt talking about me!

It really annoys me that otherwise intelligent, educated (and generally nice and kind!) people behave like that, and are really two-faced about it. I make a point not to laugh or react when they make fat jokes... I have sometimes told them its inappropriate...

in summary - I would never have heard that 12 months ago... just makes you wonder how much other 'friends' would talk about you...

 

[Blonde Logic]

ouch MM. Thats not a very nice scenario, fortunately one I have not encountered. Its pretty insensitive....but a lot of people who don;t understand our problems can be.

 

[slendablenda]

Mmmmmmmmmmm interesting

As always, not straight forward!
I have to say I'm enjoying the male attention probably because it's on my terms and I'm aware how shallow it generally is.
However I am aware that we all respond in a better way to people we consider attractive.
I had forgotten what it felt like. I am aware that I allowed myself to become obese partly in oder to escape male attention and I was aware I had become "invisible" as a woman.I hadn't realised quite how invisible because it came on gradually in direct proportion to the fat. I had convinced myself it was due to my maturing in years - obviously not so judging from the attention I'm getting now -including from male gay friends. They always appreciate a bit of glamour.
Whatever the reason, it feels good.

 

[Blonde Logic]

Indeed!

 

[pete10141748]

From my experience so far, more people notice me in general, more ladies talk to me when in shops etc, when I'm out and about wearing my geeky/gaming/computer-humour tshirts random guys strike up conversations about it, if I notice someone looking at me accross the shop/pub/wherever I immediately think that it's for a good reason not a bad one anymore....

I love being the center of attention now

 

[Mini_Me]

This is really interesting.

We are really prejudiced against obese people here in the UK. I don't know what its like in the rest of Europe...

In the Middle East, where I have lived/worked briefly, during my obese days, I received very little negative attention for being obese - I just felt 'normal', and I got treated the same as everybody else. The negative prejudice is much less than in the UK from my experience...

Makes me wonder how other countries view obese people. Any body here from Japan or China?

 

[Blonde Logic]

This is really interesting.

We are really prejudiced against obese people here in the UK. I don't know what its like in the rest of Europe...

In the Middle East, where I have lived/worked briefly, during my obese days, I received very little negative attention for being obese - I just felt 'normal', and I got treated the same as everybody else. The negative prejudice is much less than in the UK from my experience...

Makes me wonder how other countries view obese people. Any body here from Japan or China?

You think its bad here,you should try living in America as a fat person. Its ironic becuase of the high population of fat people, though everywhere else is catching up - you are treated horrible there.

I must say, in all my experiences here no one has made me feel awkward or different for being fat - I did that to myself. ALl my collegues accepted me, it has always been comfortable now that i look in retrospect with my new eyes.

But in the states, they are downright mean at times - the beautiful elite. Particularly in California - its probably not as bad in the other states, but heck it was awful growing up in that environment!! Beauty and size was all that mattered. It made teen years very painful......and dramtically skewed. I wasn;t a fat teen, I see that now in photos but try telling it to me then!

Prejudices are evil.

 

[slendablenda]

It's a combination

isn't it of the physical, more socially acceptable attractiveness. Interesting that a couple of centuries ago a more rounded figure was thought attractive and sexy, and more recently Marilyn Monroe was a size 16, a what about Fern Britten? Didn't she look at her best when she was a little plumptious and happy before she bowed to whatever pressure it was and felt she needed to get slim? That was how she was when her husband fell in love with her.
All this has come as a pleasant surprise and a bonus to me because when I decided to do LL I never imagined I would feel attractive or care whhat other people thought about my appearance again. I was focussing completely on my health.
Knowing you look good certainly helps put a spring in your step. And as Pete says when people look at you in an approving way you are more likely to respond than when they look at you with "look at that disgusting fat person"" written all over their face !!