Bereavement and turning to food

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by tictac, 20 April 2009 Social URL.

  1. tictac

    tictac Member

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    I heard the tragic news this morning that a little lad in my daughters class had died over the weekend. He was only thirteen and I believe it was due to a medical condition. It has really upset me and I just feel for the parents so much.

    In the past I would probably have turned to food to make me feel better inside. I need help and some support guys as I just find it all so sad and I know my daughter will be inconsolable when she comes back from school - as the kids are being told today at school.

    Any words of wisdom appreciated.
     
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  3. asilasil

    asilasil Full Member

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    Thats awful news Tictac. The family must be going through hell. I completely understand the way you are feeling. Life can be so ynfair at times. And pointless deaths do make us question many things in life.
    I think you will find that your daughter will cope better than you think. Children have an ability to have short attention spans and she may well be very very sad for an hour or so and then be playing with friends the next minute and then sad again tomorrow for a little while and so on. Thats the way children cope.
    As for you, you are sadder because you are an adult and you cant switch emotions so easily. Also our mothering instincts come to the fore and we want to make everyones suffering as minimal as possible.
    Yes you would have normally turned to food. But once you have eaten you wont feel any less sad Im sure. In fact you will still be sad and also full of remorse for eating.
    Keep strong honey and try and stay positive
    xx
     
  4. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Hi Tictac

    I would say be open and honest with your daughter in response to any questions she has. Let her know it's OK to feel sad, but it's also OK to smile and laugh and be normal and happy.

    Make sure you are there to listen when/if she does feel the need to talk.

    All the best xx
     
  5. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Sorry - I didn't address the emotional eating. I suggest you have a list of things to achieve and if you do feel like eating turn to one of the things on the list. You should feel better for accomplishing something as well as polishing the halo for staying away from food.

    Be strong. You do not need to eat. But that doorhandle (or whatever) DOES needs to be fixed!

    xx
     
  6. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Very sorry to hear such sad news.

    A saying my LLC taught us which holds true in SO many circumstances, including grief is:

    "If HUNGER is not the problem, FOOD is not the answer."

    Eating will help no one. Even if you *think* it wiill make you feel better, I promise you after it's done you will feel worse then before. It just will not solve anything.

    Love and console your daughter with hugs and cuddles and kisses - that will satsify BOTH of you and provide a much healthier, more nurturing way to deal with such sadness.

    Just be strong - stand by the conviction that food will not make your daughter feel any better, will not make you feel any better, will not help the poor lad who has passed - its just a non-entity really that serves no purpose in a situation such as this.

    Big hugs to you and yours....and expecially your littlen. It's a mighty hard lessen to have to learn at such an early stage of life. :(

    xx
     
  7. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    how sad
    stay strong for your daughter - and stay away from the food, it is guarenteed to make you feel even worse
    ((((hugs)))))
    daisy x
     
  8. jcjazzy

    jcjazzy Silver Member

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    Just to echo the others really-food is not the answer and as a Mum its hard not to empathise too much with the parents.If your daughter is really struggling beg or borrow "Badger's Parting Gifts" by Susan Varley.Its a fab book about death especially for children,and although it is aimed at younger kids I think it helps older ones too..Good luck x
     
  9. tictac

    tictac Member

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    Just wanted to thank you guys for responding - it really was a big help to me to emphasise that I needed to stay on track. To be honest I had that horrible tense sicky feeling in my stomach all day and therefore wasn't that hungry.

    We all had a big cry last night (and think there will be a few more for a while) and went to bed quite exhausted. Think I am OK now on the food front. Its just having some help and guidance from others that sometimes clinches it - you all did that so thanks alot.

    This all seems so trivial compared to what the family are feeling but I need to keep my emotions for them seperate from my eating - not something I would have been able to do in the past.
     
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