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Cambridge brutal honesty - warning

LeaE

Gold Member
S: 20st13.5lb C: 19st9lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 45.8 Loss: 1st4.5lb(6.3%)
Well good evening my new diary
Doesn’t this all seem scary
Little intro hey
Well I have been here before and having a blog really helped but it’s so hard to be brutally honest and private
I love this place .. just to rant .. hear peoples reflections etc etc
So thought hey I’m back to battle the bulge .. so better get my diary going
I’m a mum of 2
I am fat have been fat all my life and that’s a true story
I lost about 5 stone on Cambridge quite some time ago but ended up with gall stones .. didn’t refeed and to be honest have eaten my way to a right size
I diet on and off continuously and I’m back on Cambridge because I like it
I work loads I teach I do beauty hair and nails part time and I’m always busy so meal planning is never going to happen
I have a boyfriend .. it’s been 18months we have our ups and downs
Fiercely independent 34 stubborn driven and much more you will find out if your following my journey

Well this is day 3 of sole source
I weighed in yesterday at 20stone13.5lbs
My heaviest was 22 stone last year but healthy ate and gym got me down to 19st 4lbs
Fell off the wagon and back up again - my cycle in a god dam nutshell there
Now don’t get me wrong I liked healthy eating but ... realistically I’m **** at planning
I’m too busy and my job means I drive all over and end up not eating at all or eating bits of crap. I’m sat on my arse a lot and the nature of the job just means atm that’s a no go
Anyway so here I am in day 3 - I’m doing good with water - I’m fine with the shakes 3 a day is fine- I’m bloody cold and think my period is brewing but overall I’m doing ok
I’m impatient as hell - I want to be slimmer like yesterday so I find the first week more mentally difficult than anything. I’m ok with not eating - I spend most of my life in starvation mode so just cutting the large unhealthy meal and binge at the end of each day isn’t actually that bad but I spend hours of my day when I’m dieting day dreaming about what I would do, wear and be like thin
I have a daydream I run through every day at least twice that goes - oohhhh if only I could lose a stone every week - that would be good then it goes on and on and well I buy clothes in my head, I do things that my weight holds me back from and ooohhhh my sex life is amazing thin lol
But then reality kicks and I’m back fat and only at the beginning of my journey - and that is mentally hard
The first week requires a lot of commitment without any positive reinforcement and no achievements to spur you on - don’t you think?
So
I hate been fat .. anyone else .. and I mean really fat
People might read this who aren’t massive like me and I do feel your pain I do
I get it’s harder because you lose less and that it’s how you feel and to be honest if you want to input I would love your side of events too x it’s hard for us all
But for me .. I’m so fat I litterally can’t do things
I darent go on a plane .. I’m too fat for the seats
Clothes shopping is awful .. minimal shops stock my size and if they do it’s unfashionable
If I have sex in certain positions I’m either inflexible, my fat slaps agains itself or I can feel my fat wabble and it puts you off
Roller coasters and fair rides - no go as I don’t fit in the seats
Excercise - is so hard when you are carrying all this extra weight - yes it’s hard for all but I have been 5 stone lighter and I promise you it’s a dam sight easier if you haven’t got an extra 5 stone to carry
Bending down hurts - I can’t god dam breathe
I’m really unhealthy like I’m almost 34 and feel 74 x getting in and out of the car is hard work
And I’m clumsy - I knock everything over trip fall and that doesn’t happen as much when your thinner - fact
All of the above are why I’m here
At the moment I’m a clothes size 20 - not comfortable though and if I’m honest clothes are bought to cover my fat and just that they fit - not style and looking hot
I dared to take some photos too I will try to attach
I’m focused I’m determined and mostly I’m sick of being fat
I would like to first of all reach the end of the 30 day challenge of being 100%
Not been able to do that in years
Have started this diet then given in about 109 times since I last did it successfully
Sooooo here’s my journey
I would love some people to join me
Not just for a few days but to catch up with regularly x to get to know x to keep each other going however
If I don’t get any friends I’m ok with just a space to reflect rant and document
Here’s to surviving my first Saturday
LeaE x
Ps . I’m actually sorry if my photos offend trust me I’m aware of my body and it offends me xx but I had to do it so I have to face up to it otherwise I just avoid my reflection x hope you understand
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Attachments

Fooddisaster

Member
S: 84.3kg C: 74.2kg G: 60.33kg BMI: 30.5 Loss: 10.1kg(11.95%)
Hey, I just wanted to say, when you stated your weight I started getting a picture in my head and it was alot bigger than your actual photos. I know it sucks being bigger than you want to be, no matter the size but your body is not offensive. This is your body, the arms that cuddle your friends and family, the face that smiles at people in the street, the legs that take you where ever you want to go. You have a way to go to get to where you want to be but don't hate yourself as you are now, this body is the one thats going to make all the changes yet to come. You are strong enough to make this journey, try to be kind to yourself on the way x x
 

LeaE

Gold Member
S: 20st13.5lb C: 19st9lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 45.8 Loss: 1st4.5lb(6.3%)
Hey, I just wanted to say, when you stated your weight I started getting a picture in my head and it was alot bigger than your actual photos. I know it sucks being bigger than you want to be, no matter the size but your body is not offensive. This is your body, the arms that cuddle your friends and family, the face that smiles at people in the street, the legs that take you where ever you want to go. You have a way to go to get to where you want to be but don't hate yourself as you are now, this body is the one thats going to make all the changes yet to come. You are strong enough to make this journey, try to be kind to yourself on the way x x
Thank you and I completely feel what your saying x I just need to be brutal with myself for a bit x I love me I honestly do I have 100s of great qualities but I am not happy with my size and how I look and I needed to write that to be honest with myself x I have spent my entire life being ok with being fat and feeling like I can’t be honest with how I feel to a point I actually start believing it so for me writing that is me laying it bare honest and open as it’s how I feel x posting the pictures is a big issue for me well even taking them was because it’s easier for me not to see it and pretend it’s ok when in my heart it actually isn’t x I really enjoyed your reply and I agree I can’t be this brutal everyday but I just feel I need to be x
How are you getting on with your journey x
 

Fooddisaster

Member
S: 84.3kg C: 74.2kg G: 60.33kg BMI: 30.5 Loss: 10.1kg(11.95%)
I completely get needing to lay it bare, I just couldn't stand the thought that that was how you thought about yourself everyday, I'm really glad its not :)
I started two weeks ago, lost three pound the first week, weigh in is on Monday so don't know for this week yet. Evenings are my down fall too, but we will get there. Hope you have a good day x x
 

LeaE

Gold Member
S: 20st13.5lb C: 19st9lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 45.8 Loss: 1st4.5lb(6.3%)
I completely get needing to lay it bare, I just couldn't stand the thought that that was how you thought about yourself everyday, I'm really glad its not :)
I started two weeks ago, lost three pound the first week, weigh in is on Monday so don't know for this week yet. Evenings are my down fall too, but we will get there. Hope you have a good day x x
I don’t xx but thank you for the reply xx here’s to a good diet day x
 

LeaE

Gold Member
S: 20st13.5lb C: 19st9lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 45.8 Loss: 1st4.5lb(6.3%)
Hello day 4
Hey positive note I’m now half way through my first week .. baby steps x
It’s god dam cold here and with no food in me I feel colder
I have a big PR day tomorrow with work so spending some time today to beautify and prepare .. I’m dreading it if I’m honest. I don’t want my photo taking and spreading around but on a plus note I will quite enjoy when that’s not an issue to goal number 7 there x
I had apple porridge for breakfast x wasn’t too bad x I’m just so over my meals being nice x food is now fuel nothing more x kinda like that
I’m feeling ok about my 1st week but a bit nervous about surviving 30 days no food and not killing someone
Right I’m cracking on with my day x
Bye diary x
 

LeaE

Gold Member
S: 20st13.5lb C: 19st9lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 45.8 Loss: 1st4.5lb(6.3%)
Oh dear
Mardy fit alert
So I’m sat in my car in the middle of a shopping centre crying my eyes out so thought better get my diary out
I’m trying to be less emotional and pathetic
I have sent my daughter and boyfriend shopping because my self esteem is low I now have fake tan streaks down my face that I applied 2 hours ago and I’m just annoyed
I honestly try to be supportive but it’s got me doubting myself
Both daughter and bf insisted on coming shopping, I need clothes for tomorrow
They hovered round me when I was picking them up that I hate
I dispise clothes shopping
And then while I’m trying them on they walk off
Tomorrow is a big day for me and if they had to come with me I just needed them to say yes you look nice
But they disappeared
So I put everything back except some trousers which are imperative
I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I mean hate it. I’m vile looking and tomorrow I’m nervous and dreading it so need to fake confidence
I didn’t say anything just found them and went towards the tills
My BF kept asking me what was wrong and said I was being unfair
So I explained why I was hurt
He says I’m childish and acting like a child
I just don’t get why when I have explained it no one gets it
I’m not inarticulate I stated why I was hurt and feeling crap about myself and I needed someone to say yes you look fine
I just don’t understand why I don’t deserve that
He’s now walked off in a mood annoyed with me
I don’t understand
If I see someone heart broken I swear it hurts me too. I try my best to help - why when I’m feeling like I do don’t I deserve that
 

Maddymay

Full Member
S: 15st0lb C: 13st10lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 32.4 Loss: 1st4lb(8.57%)
Hello LeaE, you have had a sh** day today and you did good to start writing instead of eating - this time six months you will go into that clothes shop and buy whatever you want. I am not on Cambridge but on exante but same type of thing. The one thing that struck me when I read your first post was that it sounded as though it came straight from my head and as I read it I felt so so sad, yeah we are being tough and realistic and facing up to our goals but there is no respect or kindness in there at all. If I were a little kinda to myself I might not crave that horrible crap that I put in my body. You will be a sensation tomorrow and children just think that mums are there to look after them - i have two teenage girls and I love them to bits but they are hard work. I actually dont think they know we have feelings and get very surprised when we express them. Don't let it linger, are you on day 4 - last saturday when I was on that, I felt so down and isolated and was thinking of every possible thing that would get me to eat. I too have been fat and dieting all my life so know myself very well. I hope you feel better now. Kids and husband have asked me to go and get a takeaway for them - I know! but i am in a good place today so I am going to do it. You will be great tomorrow!
 

LeaE

Gold Member
S: 20st13.5lb C: 19st9lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 45.8 Loss: 1st4.5lb(6.3%)
Hello LeaE, you have had a sh** day today and you did good to start writing instead of eating - this time six months you will go into that clothes shop and buy whatever you want. I am not on Cambridge but on exante but same type of thing. The one thing that struck me when I read your first post was that it sounded as though it came straight from my head and as I read it I felt so so sad, yeah we are being tough and realistic and facing up to our goals but there is no respect or kindness in there at all. If I were a little kinda to myself I might not crave that horrible crap that I put in my body. You will be a sensation tomorrow and children just think that mums are there to look after them - i have two teenage girls and I love them to bits but they are hard work. I actually dont think they know we have feelings and get very surprised when we express them. Don't let it linger, are you on day 4 - last saturday when I was on that, I felt so down and isolated and was thinking of every possible thing that would get me to eat. I too have been fat and dieting all my life so know myself very well. I hope you feel better now. Kids and husband have asked me to go and get a takeaway for them - I know! but i am in a good place today so I am going to do it. You will be great tomorrow!
Maddymay you are right
Day four and stress and pressure has got me down x I really do need to work on positivity right now your right but
Omg
Your going to pick up takeaway - you are like wonder woman - I could not take that right now
Following from the above I hit melt down
I told my bf he’s unreal and selfish and to man up - he apologised after an hour sulk
Reality is I’m actually a really strong independent woman but sometimes support would be nice however I need to learn not to need or expect it just have gratitude when it’s given
So in an emotional melt down I came to my room to plan tomorrow - I did so with 1litre of water and no snacks - to be fair I didn’t even think food
I’m not sure if I’m just desperate to lose weight or really focused but I’m not missing food one bit
I’m laid in the bath now and it’s triggered the thought of food and I am a bit hungry however it is 3rd product time so that’s ok
I’m having an early night tonight armed with my books and water of course x
What day are you on ? How you finding it ? How much have you lost?
I have thought just now that I need to keep busy and in my line of work that is not hard
I have also decided that I have a few things that keep me focused so I need to keep them
30 day tick off challenge
Success stories
Diary’s on here
My thin pictures
My dreams
I love a list so I’m using that at the moment
I also use my I watch and an app diary of what I eat and drink
I know I’m not calorie counting but I put everything in it so force myself to achieve each day x silly I know but .. this is going to be long haul so until I settle in I need to stay focused x
 

LeaE

Gold Member
S: 20st13.5lb C: 19st9lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 45.8 Loss: 1st4.5lb(6.3%)
Well hello day 5
Nice to see you x I’m still 100% which is the best I have done in a long time I just have 2 more days to survive until I have completed my 1st week x whoop
Today is a bit of a stressful one x big PR day and I do not feel prepared however winging it appears to be my thing x
 

Maddymay

Full Member
S: 15st0lb C: 13st10lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 32.4 Loss: 1st4lb(8.57%)
Maddymay you are right
Day four and stress and pressure has got me down x I really do need to work on positivity right now your right but
Omg
Your going to pick up takeaway - you are like wonder woman - I could not take that right now
Following from the above I hit melt down
I told my bf he’s unreal and selfish and to man up - he apologised after an hour sulk
Reality is I’m actually a really strong independent woman but sometimes support would be nice however I need to learn not to need or expect it just have gratitude when it’s given
So in an emotional melt down I came to my room to plan tomorrow - I did so with 1litre of water and no snacks - to be fair I didn’t even think food
I’m not sure if I’m just desperate to lose weight or really focused but I’m not missing food one bit
I’m laid in the bath now and it’s triggered the thought of food and I am a bit hungry however it is 3rd product time so that’s ok
I’m having an early night tonight armed with my books and water of course x
What day are you on ? How you finding it ? How much have you lost?
I have thought just now that I need to keep busy and in my line of work that is not hard
I have also decided that I have a few things that keep me focused so I need to keep them
30 day tick off challenge
Success stories
Diary’s on here
My thin pictures
My dreams
I love a list so I’m using that at the moment
I also use my I watch and an app diary of what I eat and drink
I know I’m not calorie counting but I put everything in it so force myself to achieve each day x silly I know but .. this is going to be long haul so until I settle in I need to stay focused x
Well that is some accomplishment, you didnt even think of food whilst stewing in fury. I am on day 12 but I had a blip on day 5, however got over and started again pretty quickly - really worried about this thursday and friday though going away for 2 day training thursday morning to friday night - I will be tired as plane is at 7 and I have to get up at 5am and will have no control over my two day stay. Lunch and dinner will be provided, I am thinking if I can of just eating salad but dont want to draw attention to myself. Anyway just wanted to say well done and good luck on your presentation today. You have probably done it already.
 

LeaE

Gold Member
S: 20st13.5lb C: 19st9lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 45.8 Loss: 1st4.5lb(6.3%)
Well that is some accomplishment, you didnt even think of food whilst stewing in fury. I am on day 12 but I had a blip on day 5, however got over and started again pretty quickly - really worried about this thursday and friday though going away for 2 day training thursday morning to friday night - I will be tired as plane is at 7 and I have to get up at 5am and will have no control over my two day stay. Lunch and dinner will be provided, I am thinking if I can of just eating salad but dont want to draw attention to myself. Anyway just wanted to say well done and good luck on your presentation today. You have probably done it already.
Ahhhh I completely sympathise
Training away is hard on this diet along with meals provided that’s hell x try to stay focused hun x you can do this x thank you the PR launch went well x full post to follow x
 

LeaE

Gold Member
S: 20st13.5lb C: 19st9lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 45.8 Loss: 1st4.5lb(6.3%)
Hey it’s day 5
Well PR day at work went well x I didn’t manage to dodge the photos so still them to face up to but overall I survived
I learnt loads and I’m so excited about what opportunities this could bring me
Anyway it’s not all about that...
so today I have eaten 3 Cambridge bars. These were the most descreat form of product allowing me to avoid anyone noticing what I’m doing x I know 3 bars in one day is pants but ... it’s better than eating and coming off plan I figured
Soooo there was a buffet, cakes biscuits everything on display x I have literally spent a whole day surrounded by food and sat amongst a whole room of people scoffing this food
And not one crumb has been devoured x water stand and Cambridge diet stuck to however it’s really pants I have had 3 bars
I survived day 5 and just 2 more days to get through my 1st week
I don’t feel and less bloated I have no changes at all but I’m ok 🙂 usually by now I would be impatient and want to see results but this time I’m just more focused on sticking to it rather than results
I looked rubbish today however and I cannot wait for that to change
I have no scales so can’t sneak a look at how I’m doing so far but I think that’s a good thing
Activity is low as I have been sat on my arse all day
I’m cold but not totally freezing
 

LeaE

Gold Member
S: 20st13.5lb C: 19st9lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 45.8 Loss: 1st4.5lb(6.3%)
Hey x it’s day 6 xx excited xx
 

Maddymay

Full Member
S: 15st0lb C: 13st10lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 32.4 Loss: 1st4lb(8.57%)
oh well done LeaE, you know I dont order the bars because I can never stop at one, if I had seven to do me the whole week if I am in one of my moods I would devour all seven so well done at stopping at 3. Looking forward to see your loss tomorrow - your weigh in same day as me, I knwo you will do well. I have been jumping on the scales every morning and I am not so optimistic.
 

LeaE

Gold Member
S: 20st13.5lb C: 19st9lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 45.8 Loss: 1st4.5lb(6.3%)
oh well done LeaE, you know I dont order the bars because I can never stop at one, if I had seven to do me the whole week if I am in one of my moods I would devour all seven so well done at stopping at 3. Looking forward to see your loss tomorrow - your weigh in same day as me, I knwo you will do well. I have been jumping on the scales every morning and I am not so optimistic.
Lol you need to put your scales away mrs!! How has your diet week gone ? Did you say you weren’t on Cambridge ? What is it how is it different ?
Today I have had to drive miles to teach 2.5hours there then the same back x have had to stop off for wee breaks as I almost had accidents in the car
This morning I had a smoothie and eeeww was well wired and sweet x I’m doing my next one in the blender with ice x
I have done 2 litres of water so need to up my game with that one x had a terra pack in the salon I was teaching and someone in there had done this diet too so was an ok conversation x
I’m bloody cold though x Jeeze roll on summer
Had a massive debate with my BF today regarding diets x was fun and I actually convinced myself that scientifically, mentally and health wise that this diet is ok x long term maybe not but short term I think it is
Stewing over it in my head I think my brain is finally on board with this diet
I’m not missing food. I don’t feel deprived. I’m not in Essex with weighing atm and I’m just happy to carry on with daily targets of getting through the day
Positive day I think
I’m excited but apprehensive about weigh day tomorrow x no amount on the scales is ever enough for me so big losses don’t motivate me x the amount I have to lose just buried me with how far still to go x sometime ignorance can be bliss x
Anyways here’s to the completion of day 6 whoop 💋
 

Willivie

Full Member
Not very happy with your boyfriends reaction ,,don’t think he gets you at all ,,sorry shouldn’t comment on that perhaps ,,you obviously have heaps going for you ,,
 

LeaE

Gold Member
S: 20st13.5lb C: 19st9lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 45.8 Loss: 1st4.5lb(6.3%)
Not very happy with your boyfriends reaction ,,don’t think he gets you at all ,,sorry shouldn’t comment on that perhaps ,,you obviously have heaps going for you ,,
No please don’t be sorry x my thread is for honesty and honesty only x no he is a complete tool at times x he doesn’t seem to get empathy
We have now discussed this calmly several times and he has aplogised however I doubt he will get it EVER but let’s see if he can at least react differently
How are you getting on ? What diet are you doing ?
 

LeaE

Gold Member
S: 20st13.5lb C: 19st9lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 45.8 Loss: 1st4.5lb(6.3%)
Holly cow
So just chatted with my mum and in actual fact I started this last Wednesday which means today is day 7 for me
Omg omg omg
I have achieved my first week and I didn’t even realise it
I have dodged ppl cooking and eating around me, drank black coffee twice while everyone had lovely costa coffee, I survived a buffet and the cake table, a weekend off, evenings and salon chocolates left from xmas
I have been a good girl and stayed 100%
I have debated this diet 5 times this week to justify my choice even when it’s actually none of their business, I have managed not to pee myself, I have survived weird headaches and I have survived my 1st week
I will weigh in the morning when I get up and I’m just leaving that one there because I’m cool with all the other week successes that even if I am not happy with the scales I’m happy I have been a tough ass b and got through this x 30 day challenge is on and I just have 23 more days to go
Soooo hello day 7 and good bye because you have now officially been my fastest and easiest day x
But I don’t look or feel thinner however screw that’s let’s stay positive x
Think thin xx
 

Willivie

Full Member
No please don’t be sorry x my thread is for honesty and honesty only x no he is a complete tool at times x he doesn’t seem to get empathy
We have now discussed this calmly several times and he has aplogised however I doubt he will get it EVER but let’s see if he can at least react differently
How are you getting on ? What diet are you doing ?
Well can’t make my mind up ,I like to eat healthily and think slimming world is good for that ,but one day on it and already floundering ,think I’m better just counting calories ,I don’t seem to eat so much ,,,thank you for your reply about boyfriend
 




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