LeaE
Gold Member
Well good evening my new diary
Doesn’t this all seem scary
Little intro hey
Well I have been here before and having a blog really helped but it’s so hard to be brutally honest and private
I love this place .. just to rant .. hear peoples reflections etc etc
So thought hey I’m back to battle the bulge .. so better get my diary going
I’m a mum of 2
I am fat have been fat all my life and that’s a true story
I lost about 5 stone on Cambridge quite some time ago but ended up with gall stones .. didn’t refeed and to be honest have eaten my way to a right size
I diet on and off continuously and I’m back on Cambridge because I like it
I work loads I teach I do beauty hair and nails part time and I’m always busy so meal planning is never going to happen
I have a boyfriend .. it’s been 18months we have our ups and downs
Fiercely independent 34 stubborn driven and much more you will find out if your following my journey
Well this is day 3 of sole source
I weighed in yesterday at 20stone13.5lbs
My heaviest was 22 stone last year but healthy ate and gym got me down to 19st 4lbs
Fell off the wagon and back up again - my cycle in a god dam nutshell there
Now don’t get me wrong I liked healthy eating but ... realistically I’m **** at planning
I’m too busy and my job means I drive all over and end up not eating at all or eating bits of crap. I’m sat on my arse a lot and the nature of the job just means atm that’s a no go
Anyway so here I am in day 3 - I’m doing good with water - I’m fine with the shakes 3 a day is fine- I’m bloody cold and think my period is brewing but overall I’m doing ok
I’m impatient as hell - I want to be slimmer like yesterday so I find the first week more mentally difficult than anything. I’m ok with not eating - I spend most of my life in starvation mode so just cutting the large unhealthy meal and binge at the end of each day isn’t actually that bad but I spend hours of my day when I’m dieting day dreaming about what I would do, wear and be like thin
I have a daydream I run through every day at least twice that goes - oohhhh if only I could lose a stone every week - that would be good then it goes on and on and well I buy clothes in my head, I do things that my weight holds me back from and ooohhhh my sex life is amazing thin lol
But then reality kicks and I’m back fat and only at the beginning of my journey - and that is mentally hard
The first week requires a lot of commitment without any positive reinforcement and no achievements to spur you on - don’t you think?
So
I hate been fat .. anyone else .. and I mean really fat
People might read this who aren’t massive like me and I do feel your pain I do
I get it’s harder because you lose less and that it’s how you feel and to be honest if you want to input I would love your side of events too x it’s hard for us all
But for me .. I’m so fat I litterally can’t do things
I darent go on a plane .. I’m too fat for the seats
Clothes shopping is awful .. minimal shops stock my size and if they do it’s unfashionable
If I have sex in certain positions I’m either inflexible, my fat slaps agains itself or I can feel my fat wabble and it puts you off
Roller coasters and fair rides - no go as I don’t fit in the seats
Excercise - is so hard when you are carrying all this extra weight - yes it’s hard for all but I have been 5 stone lighter and I promise you it’s a dam sight easier if you haven’t got an extra 5 stone to carry
Bending down hurts - I can’t god dam breathe
I’m really unhealthy like I’m almost 34 and feel 74 x getting in and out of the car is hard work
And I’m clumsy - I knock everything over trip fall and that doesn’t happen as much when your thinner - fact
All of the above are why I’m here
At the moment I’m a clothes size 20 - not comfortable though and if I’m honest clothes are bought to cover my fat and just that they fit - not style and looking hot
I dared to take some photos too I will try to attach
I’m focused I’m determined and mostly I’m sick of being fat
I would like to first of all reach the end of the 30 day challenge of being 100%
Not been able to do that in years
Have started this diet then given in about 109 times since I last did it successfully
Sooooo here’s my journey
I would love some people to join me
Not just for a few days but to catch up with regularly x to get to know x to keep each other going however
If I don’t get any friends I’m ok with just a space to reflect rant and document
Here’s to surviving my first Saturday
LeaE x
Ps . I’m actually sorry if my photos offend trust me I’m aware of my body and it offends me xx but I had to do it so I have to face up to it otherwise I just avoid my reflection x hope you understand
Doesn’t this all seem scary
Little intro hey
Well I have been here before and having a blog really helped but it’s so hard to be brutally honest and private
I love this place .. just to rant .. hear peoples reflections etc etc
So thought hey I’m back to battle the bulge .. so better get my diary going
I’m a mum of 2
I am fat have been fat all my life and that’s a true story
I lost about 5 stone on Cambridge quite some time ago but ended up with gall stones .. didn’t refeed and to be honest have eaten my way to a right size
I diet on and off continuously and I’m back on Cambridge because I like it
I work loads I teach I do beauty hair and nails part time and I’m always busy so meal planning is never going to happen
I have a boyfriend .. it’s been 18months we have our ups and downs
Fiercely independent 34 stubborn driven and much more you will find out if your following my journey
Well this is day 3 of sole source
I weighed in yesterday at 20stone13.5lbs
My heaviest was 22 stone last year but healthy ate and gym got me down to 19st 4lbs
Fell off the wagon and back up again - my cycle in a god dam nutshell there
Now don’t get me wrong I liked healthy eating but ... realistically I’m **** at planning
I’m too busy and my job means I drive all over and end up not eating at all or eating bits of crap. I’m sat on my arse a lot and the nature of the job just means atm that’s a no go
Anyway so here I am in day 3 - I’m doing good with water - I’m fine with the shakes 3 a day is fine- I’m bloody cold and think my period is brewing but overall I’m doing ok
I’m impatient as hell - I want to be slimmer like yesterday so I find the first week more mentally difficult than anything. I’m ok with not eating - I spend most of my life in starvation mode so just cutting the large unhealthy meal and binge at the end of each day isn’t actually that bad but I spend hours of my day when I’m dieting day dreaming about what I would do, wear and be like thin
I have a daydream I run through every day at least twice that goes - oohhhh if only I could lose a stone every week - that would be good then it goes on and on and well I buy clothes in my head, I do things that my weight holds me back from and ooohhhh my sex life is amazing thin lol
But then reality kicks and I’m back fat and only at the beginning of my journey - and that is mentally hard
The first week requires a lot of commitment without any positive reinforcement and no achievements to spur you on - don’t you think?
So
I hate been fat .. anyone else .. and I mean really fat
People might read this who aren’t massive like me and I do feel your pain I do
I get it’s harder because you lose less and that it’s how you feel and to be honest if you want to input I would love your side of events too x it’s hard for us all
But for me .. I’m so fat I litterally can’t do things
I darent go on a plane .. I’m too fat for the seats
Clothes shopping is awful .. minimal shops stock my size and if they do it’s unfashionable
If I have sex in certain positions I’m either inflexible, my fat slaps agains itself or I can feel my fat wabble and it puts you off
Roller coasters and fair rides - no go as I don’t fit in the seats
Excercise - is so hard when you are carrying all this extra weight - yes it’s hard for all but I have been 5 stone lighter and I promise you it’s a dam sight easier if you haven’t got an extra 5 stone to carry
Bending down hurts - I can’t god dam breathe
I’m really unhealthy like I’m almost 34 and feel 74 x getting in and out of the car is hard work
And I’m clumsy - I knock everything over trip fall and that doesn’t happen as much when your thinner - fact
All of the above are why I’m here
At the moment I’m a clothes size 20 - not comfortable though and if I’m honest clothes are bought to cover my fat and just that they fit - not style and looking hot
I dared to take some photos too I will try to attach
I’m focused I’m determined and mostly I’m sick of being fat
I would like to first of all reach the end of the 30 day challenge of being 100%
Not been able to do that in years
Have started this diet then given in about 109 times since I last did it successfully
Sooooo here’s my journey
I would love some people to join me
Not just for a few days but to catch up with regularly x to get to know x to keep each other going however
If I don’t get any friends I’m ok with just a space to reflect rant and document
Here’s to surviving my first Saturday
LeaE x
Ps . I’m actually sorry if my photos offend trust me I’m aware of my body and it offends me xx but I had to do it so I have to face up to it otherwise I just avoid my reflection x hope you understand