childrens behaviour
- Thread starter lonleymum
- Start date
Michillinwoman
sugar binger
Hi Lonelymum. My name is Breda and I am 47 . My kids are 17 and 15 now but my oldest (girl) has autism so we had major tantrums -behaviour problems when she was younger. My 15 yr old boy has aspergers so has a lot of social problems but is very intelligent and a sweet kid if i say so myself. . What age are your kids ? and can I ask are you on your own . Please tell me your story and I will try to help if I can . I just stared back this week .
my kids are 10 5 3 two eldest are girls little one is a boy.
my eldest has behaviour problems it all started when she was 2 she would bang her head off the back of the bedroom door then the tantrums started constant answering back hurting her siblings bullying them in different ways does not understand no is constantly trying to push me to the limit (not just with me) i have had to move her school to try and sort it but its not worked. she has attacked her friend when on a sleep over . broke her sisiters elbow pushing her off the sofa. split her brothers head pushing him off the trampoline ... the list goes on to as little as stealing caremal sauce out the bottle in the cubord... im on my own my husband left us three years ago as he could not handle it any more..
lauren has been tested for adhd but because she levels out at school they wont diagnose her .. i have had years of parenting classes but they dont work. they wont work with lauren on her behaviour they say i need to try parenting differently.. in my opinion if my parenting was the problem my other two would be the same but now i have to watch them following in her footsteps and there is nothing i can do ..............
my eldest has behaviour problems it all started when she was 2 she would bang her head off the back of the bedroom door then the tantrums started constant answering back hurting her siblings bullying them in different ways does not understand no is constantly trying to push me to the limit (not just with me) i have had to move her school to try and sort it but its not worked. she has attacked her friend when on a sleep over . broke her sisiters elbow pushing her off the sofa. split her brothers head pushing him off the trampoline ... the list goes on to as little as stealing caremal sauce out the bottle in the cubord... im on my own my husband left us three years ago as he could not handle it any more..
lauren has been tested for adhd but because she levels out at school they wont diagnose her .. i have had years of parenting classes but they dont work. they wont work with lauren on her behaviour they say i need to try parenting differently.. in my opinion if my parenting was the problem my other two would be the same but now i have to watch them following in her footsteps and there is nothing i can do ..............
Michillinwoman
sugar binger
Hi Lonely mum.
I wrote you a long reply last night and when I went to submit it timed out or something and I lost the whole thing
and broadband was off this morning.:sigh:
Anyway I am going to try to sumerise what i said last night . I hope you dont take offense or get upset about anything I say because thats the last thing I want to do.
I presume with Lauren you have tried all the usuail time outs ,consequences like no telly, take awayDS etc and found it impossible to inforce with her.
I found it strange that she levels out at school .obviously she has figured out that this behaviour will not be tolerated at school.
Behaviour problems beyond the normal can be caused by many things but you need professional help to sort it out. I had to fight for every assessment the lads ever got and go on your gut instinct ,a mother always knows. Get your gp involved , Nhs , local Mp and get her assesed properly. They should have come to watch her behaviour at home too.
My youngest 15 boy has Asperger syndrome , very mild but has social difficulties and sensory problems. Some days he comes home from school like a bear and goes in to his room and thumps a punchbag and then plays his playstation ot tecnic lego and then comes out an hour later a different child . I have learned he needs this time alone. Your girl may have been storing up her frustrations at school all day too and you get the brunt of it when she comes home. . Is there any chance she could be dyslexic .this can cause frustration for kids at school,food allergies can also cause hyperactivity.?
You have to look after your own mental health too as I have learned over the years. Try and get some support from family and friends and start shouting to get her reassesed. The thing is if you dont do it noone will . Dont be afraid of the outcome . A diagnosis is only a means to getting help.
I wrote you a long reply last night and when I went to submit it timed out or something and I lost the whole thing
and broadband was off this morning.:sigh:Anyway I am going to try to sumerise what i said last night . I hope you dont take offense or get upset about anything I say because thats the last thing I want to do.
I presume with Lauren you have tried all the usuail time outs ,consequences like no telly, take awayDS etc and found it impossible to inforce with her.
I found it strange that she levels out at school .obviously she has figured out that this behaviour will not be tolerated at school.
Behaviour problems beyond the normal can be caused by many things but you need professional help to sort it out. I had to fight for every assessment the lads ever got and go on your gut instinct ,a mother always knows. Get your gp involved , Nhs , local Mp and get her assesed properly. They should have come to watch her behaviour at home too.
My youngest 15 boy has Asperger syndrome , very mild but has social difficulties and sensory problems. Some days he comes home from school like a bear and goes in to his room and thumps a punchbag and then plays his playstation ot tecnic lego and then comes out an hour later a different child . I have learned he needs this time alone. Your girl may have been storing up her frustrations at school all day too and you get the brunt of it when she comes home. . Is there any chance she could be dyslexic .this can cause frustration for kids at school,food allergies can also cause hyperactivity.?
You have to look after your own mental health too as I have learned over the years. Try and get some support from family and friends and start shouting to get her reassesed. The thing is if you dont do it noone will . Dont be afraid of the outcome . A diagnosis is only a means to getting help.
Michillinwoman
sugar binger
me again
Just had another thought . Any chance she is being bullied at school and again taking it out on the others at home. ?
Just had another thought . Any chance she is being bullied at school and again taking it out on the others at home. ?
hi thanks for the replys her teacher last year was backing me 100 per cent but moved in the summer so dont know where she went . lauren is not being bullied at school . she is a very moody child and very bossy to the point when there is group work none of the children will work with her . the thing i dont get is when i went to her parents evening they said she was not meeting where the teacher expected her to be work wise. she can be disrupitve in class ie shouting out annoying the teacher . but when mental health spoke to them they said there was not a problem and lauren was managing .. its two sided . i have called dr manders who is the boss of the lady i see and said that if nothing happens i will take it further and was told i would be called back tomorrow
Michillinwoman
sugar binger
good on ya !!!
good on ya !! well done . I think teachers sometimes get a bit excited about professionals coming in to their classrooms to observe and dont like to say anything too bad about a child in case it reflects badly on them. Whereas they will complain to parents.
Keep after it , you are doing the right thing to try and get her some help now before she hits the teenage years.
good on ya !! well done . I think teachers sometimes get a bit excited about professionals coming in to their classrooms to observe and dont like to say anything too bad about a child in case it reflects badly on them. Whereas they will complain to parents.
Keep after it , you are doing the right thing to try and get her some help now before she hits the teenage years.
Michillinwoman
sugar binger
Hi Lonely mum ,just wondering if you heard anything back today .
There are a whole range of possibilities for laurens difficulties but you need the professionals to pin point it.
It could be as you thought Adhd, Add, Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, Aspergers syndrome. could be a mixture . My son is aspergers and dyslexic .. .
He is now progressing fine in mainstream school and is sitting his junior cert(o Levels) next month. He has learned about his difficulties and knows how to regulate himself. i.e has been to a few discos but finds after a while he cant stand the noise so will phone me to collect him or takes his mp3 player with him and sticks it on under his jumper so no one notices and puts the earphones in his ears.
There are a whole range of possibilities for laurens difficulties but you need the professionals to pin point it.
It could be as you thought Adhd, Add, Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, Aspergers syndrome. could be a mixture . My son is aspergers and dyslexic .. .
He is now progressing fine in mainstream school and is sitting his junior cert(o Levels) next month. He has learned about his difficulties and knows how to regulate himself. i.e has been to a few discos but finds after a while he cant stand the noise so will phone me to collect him or takes his mp3 player with him and sticks it on under his jumper so no one notices and puts the earphones in his ears.
chocaslim
adores posting
Hi there my daughter is 7 yrs old and has Aspergers it has taken 2.5 yrs for this diagnosise and the school have told us they can not give her any more support as they have no budget left she is being put forward for a statement in june and we had to see our gp for a referal to a specialist who was able to diagnose its a long process but worth it at one point i was told by the school to find an alternative route home as there were very angry parents waiting to discuss an incident where she had hit out at others its an uncomfortable time (especially when you are dieting its all to easy to grab a chocci bar when times are tough)
good luck and i hope things get sorted out for you. x
good luck and i hope things get sorted out for you. x
mia_queenbee
Full Member
i hope you manage to get things sorted huni.
chocaslim when your daughter has her statement the school will get funding especially for her. make sure they only use it for her as schools can be very devious. a friend of mine has a son with adhd diagnosed then statement he had a laptop for him. which he used 3 times then it was given to another child without a statement. also another from same school her child was ment to have 6 hours per week extra help and never had any of it. other children used it! very annoying x
chocaslim when your daughter has her statement the school will get funding especially for her. make sure they only use it for her as schools can be very devious. a friend of mine has a son with adhd diagnosed then statement he had a laptop for him. which he used 3 times then it was given to another child without a statement. also another from same school her child was ment to have 6 hours per week extra help and never had any of it. other children used it! very annoying x
hi yes i had a voice mail telling me dr manders wants to come and see me on monday and do a home visit. lauren has had two adhd conners reports done one in p2 and one it p5. both were off scale at home but were borderline at school so they wont do anything and keep saying its the parenting .. im dot being told im wrong this doc is going to wish he never offered me a home visit lol
Michillinwoman
sugar binger
Thats the girl !!!!!. Great he is coming to see for himself . Be polite but let him know that you will take this to your mp if you dont get the help your child needs.
I really wish you all the best and wish I could be closer to give you support . :hug99:
I really wish you all the best and wish I could be closer to give you support . :hug99:
Michillinwoman
sugar binger
Hi Lonely mum , Just to wish you all the best for tomorrow and maybe just an idea .Jot down tonight a little list all you want to get across to him that you think is relevant to laurens behaviour and keepit near you tomorrow. sometimes in the heat of the moment we can forget all that we want to say. I sometimes do this when I am going to doctors. Will be thinking of you . let us know how it goes.
DoingItForMe
Full Member
Sorry to be joining this a bit late but....
My son is four and has a few behavioural issues. He has cerebral palsy too which complicates issues a bit lol. But I also KNOW something else is going on - he has a fair few sensory issues etc.
But... last week we spoke to one of his head teachers (he goes to two schools, one special) and his new hospital consultant - I had a list and I stuck to it. Try not to be persuaded all is ok when you know it isn't. You shouldn't have to fight to be heard and get support for your daughter, but, it does seem to be almost a necessity in these times of cuts etc.
I think there's a possibility that your daughter's school are a little worried about having people in to observe but that is their problem and they need to deal with it!
I do hope your meeting goes well, keep to your list, say what you need to. I'll be thinking of you.
My son is four and has a few behavioural issues. He has cerebral palsy too which complicates issues a bit lol. But I also KNOW something else is going on - he has a fair few sensory issues etc.
But... last week we spoke to one of his head teachers (he goes to two schools, one special) and his new hospital consultant - I had a list and I stuck to it. Try not to be persuaded all is ok when you know it isn't. You shouldn't have to fight to be heard and get support for your daughter, but, it does seem to be almost a necessity in these times of cuts etc.
I think there's a possibility that your daughter's school are a little worried about having people in to observe but that is their problem and they need to deal with it!
I do hope your meeting goes well, keep to your list, say what you need to. I'll be thinking of you.
Michillinwoman
sugar binger
Oh lonely mum . Its so frustrating with these people. Do you still want to keep working on this ? if yu do there has to be another way, problem is I dont know the english system at all so maybe If there is anyone else who has a child with behaviour problems on here they might give a hand with some advice. Is there any way you can get to appeal this or maybe go privately (probably cost a bit but if you have a diagnosis they cant ignore you). I wish I could be more help but as i say I dont know the system .Chocolism or doing it for me can you offer any suggestions
chocaslim
adores posting
Hi to be honest i went to my doctor and explained that she was hitting other children and i was having to find an alternative route to and from school due to confronting parents
I was then referred to a multi-disaplinary accessor (sorry cant spell) who gave us an appointment to see him he was great said she maybe have ADHD but wanted to make sure to see if there was any progress in 4 months so we went back then and he changed his mind to Autism and we were referred to more accessors which came to the house then we had a final assessment for 4 hrs at the clinic and the final diagnosis was Aspergers. she also has assessments done termly by the school SEN and speech and language come to the school to work and assess her monthly these were taking place long before the diagnosis though as the school said she had receptive language problems and didnt understand instructions so had no concerntration.
Either speak to the school Senco or special needs team where she goes or your heath clinic or doctor our school has a family leason officer that helps with issues
sorry realy long and must dash got school run.
(lots of hugs for you all) its very hard.
I was then referred to a multi-disaplinary accessor (sorry cant spell) who gave us an appointment to see him he was great said she maybe have ADHD but wanted to make sure to see if there was any progress in 4 months so we went back then and he changed his mind to Autism and we were referred to more accessors which came to the house then we had a final assessment for 4 hrs at the clinic and the final diagnosis was Aspergers. she also has assessments done termly by the school SEN and speech and language come to the school to work and assess her monthly these were taking place long before the diagnosis though as the school said she had receptive language problems and didnt understand instructions so had no concerntration.
Either speak to the school Senco or special needs team where she goes or your heath clinic or doctor our school has a family leason officer that helps with issues
sorry realy long and must dash got school run.
(lots of hugs for you all) its very hard.
