completely off topic - teenager help!

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by daisydoll, 3 February 2010 Social URL.

  1. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,609
    Likes Received:
    60
    Start Weight:
    12st6lb
    Current Weight:
    10st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st12lb(14.94%)
    Diet:
    was LL now diet chef
    Hi there
    Well not completely off topic as its driving me to food!

    I have caught my just 13 year old playing 'call of duty modern warfare 2' on his PS3 live.

    Apparently he gave the £40 to his sisters 15 year old boyfriend who then bought it for him.

    He knows I would not let him have it - or play it as I won't allow them to watch 18 dvds or play 18 games.

    we have 'discussions' about it every week! (I do actually let them watch and play 15s so am not overly strict!)

    Anyway 'all' his friends are on it (and to be fair, looking down the list of players there are lots of his mates that are)
    He is now going to be a social outcast and have nothing to do and have no friends apparently.

    I have taken it off him and have said I will ebay it to get some of his money back or I will look after it til he is 16 when I will consider letting him play it.

    All hell has broken loose with both him and his sister - age 14 , both screaming and shouting at me how old fashioned and unfair i am etc etc.

    I know when they go round their friends I can't control what they watch and I'm not so naive to think they haven't seen or played on games that I would not be happy about, but I feel really strongly about sticking to my guns here!

    Anyone would think I was personally responsible for categorising the blinking things the way they're going on at me and I am definately the most out of touch, 'dread' mum in the world

    How can I explain to them = or can't I?!

    For those of you who have got the game how 'bad' is it?

    Teenagers! At least my littlest one - age 5 - is still lovely!

    Someone give me some advice, before I turn to food or drink!

    daisy x
     
  2. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Matched Content

  3. CalicoSoneji

    CalicoSoneji Full Member

    Posts:
    296
    Likes Received:
    3
    Start Weight:
    16st12lb
    Current Weight:
    9st2lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Lost(%):
    7st10lb(45.76%)
    Diet:
    Lighter Life
    Hi Daisy!

    I've not got children myself but I think your right to take the game away from your son. My brother (17) has just got this game and it is definitely not suitable for a 13 year old. It's got really brutal scenes and excessive violence in it.

    There’s actually a part in the game where you have to mix in with a group of terrorists and kill civilians in an airport – which I think is completely unnecessary and pretty vile.

    I remember when I was in primary school and all my friends had watched the south park movie but my mum wouldn’t let me watch it, I was so angry at the time and hated that all my friends talked about it all the time - my dad ended up buying for me when I asked (not realising I had been told no) and when I finally watched it I had no idea what was going on in it and ended up asking my teacher 'what a clitoris was' which ended up in a bit of trouble o_O

    A few years ago my brother asked me to take him to see ‘The hills have eyes 2’ which I had already seen (and loved!) but it was a downright disgusting, sickening movie really and I refused to take him. Even now he doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t take him *sigh*

    I don’t think we ever really understand why we can’t do these things when we’re teenagers; I know it took me a while to realise!

    Anyway, I hope this helped in some way and don’t let it ruin your diet; you only have a little bit left to go!
     
  4. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,609
    Likes Received:
    60
    Start Weight:
    12st6lb
    Current Weight:
    10st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st12lb(14.94%)
    Diet:
    was LL now diet chef
    thanks
    esp for the info on the game itself as i don't have a clue what its actually about.
    have just had a long talk - i have tried to explain that i don't know what i am on about - which is why i have to rely on the guidelines set. i asked him if he would be able to see an 18 at the cinema and he accepts that he wouldn't be allowed to - but he doesn't seem to make the connection!

    it doesn't help that all his mates parents let them go on it.

    anymore 'bad' bits please to 'give me ammunition' ( prob not the best phrase to use, lol!) would be appreciated!

    daisy x
     
  5. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

    Posts:
    9,908
    Likes Received:
    344
    Start Weight:
    258lb
    Current Weight:
    228lb
    Goal Weight:
    168lb
    Lost(%):
    30lb(11.63%)
    Diet:
    cambridge
    Stick to your guns Daisy. You are the mom....don't ever let them forget it. ;)

    Kids grow up too fast and those kind of games don;t help. Also, I believe kids HAVE to learn to respect rules. Just cause yours are different from others, it does not matter. They can't get what they want just be throwing tantrums.

    Look at the kids on the street that did.....not a nice bunch of kids.

    You are doing the right thing. Be strong, show them you are boss. mom first, friend second, etc. ;)

    If they yell and scream and stompe their feet - tell them to build a bridge - and get over it.

    And in this instance, hunger is not the problem - so food is not the answer.

    xx
     
  6. My Skinny Jeans Challenge

    My Skinny Jeans Challenge Full Member

    Posts:
    80
    Likes Received:
    1
    Start Weight:
    10st5lb
    Current Weight:
    9st9lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st10lb(6.9%)
    When I had problems with my daughter playing a game I didn't like I said ok you can play it, but I sat in the room and watch it while she played it. I sat and watch and made oh noises. She soon got bored of it and said it was lame. I don't know if that's any help
     
  7. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

    Posts:
    3,881
    Likes Received:
    150
    Diet:
    lighterlife
    Daisy,
    I remeber when i was a teenager having those rows with my mum.
    A major one was when I was 14. My parents wouldn't let me go with my friends to the Isle of Wight Festival !!!
    It was the sixties and I had a sister who's 9 years older than me. It seemed like she could do everything - she could!
    Then I felt as if I WAS 25 and knew it all. I had a tantrum for weeks.
    I've never forgotten, but of course I now understand they were right.
    It's like the not sleeping with your boy/girlfriend in your parents house. Most parents lnow it goes on, but try to pretend it doesnt if it's not under their noses (so to speak!)
    At least if he can't play the game at home youwill be limiting it a bit.
    I'm sure most of us can remeber saying
    "everyone else is allowed to. You don't understand. My friends will never speak to me again
    etc etc etc. I can !
    Good luck. Sounds like things are a bit fraught in your house at the moment.
    Is there something else at the bottom of it?
     
  8. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,609
    Likes Received:
    60
    Start Weight:
    12st6lb
    Current Weight:
    10st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st12lb(14.94%)
    Diet:
    was LL now diet chef
    SB - I have the girlfriend/ boyfriend thing going on too! My 14 year old has been seeing her 15 year old boyfriend for over 2 years. He seems like a nice lad and they are very 'into' each other. I have no idea how far it has gone - when they are here they have to keep her bedroom door ajar.

    but they aren't always here - sometimes they are at his house and i don't know if his mum is there all the time....

    BL its difficult sticking to the rules. They see their dad at the weekends and I know he doesn't monitor them as strictly, tho he doesn't 'knowingly' let them watch 18s. I do feel a bit 'single parenty' on this one as although I get on well with ex its not the same as him being here to deal with it and I am definately the bad guy.

    MSJC - may try that with some of the 15s I'm unsure of, lol!

    x
     
  9. Foxtrot

    Foxtrot Is back in the saddle!

    Posts:
    1,385
    Likes Received:
    35
    Start Weight:
    15st5.6lb
    Current Weight:
    14st5.8lb
    Goal Weight:
    12st7.0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st13.8lb(6.4%)
    Diet:
    5:2 Fasting
    Hard call Daisy. You really should try to gain the support of his father too if you can.

    I had the same problem with Gran Theft Auto and my son 10 years ago. I really put my foot down and banned him from playing it at home. I knew I as banging my head against a brick wall though, especially when I caught him playing it with his cousin around SIL's house and he was bloody brilliant at it! He didn't learn how to do that in half an hour!! BUT he didn't play it under my roof.

    He also didn't turn out to be a car thief, a reckless driver or a gun toter!

    (I wouldn't go through the teenager years again for anything! I love them to bits now they're out the other side though.)
     
    Last edited: 4 February 2010
  10. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,609
    Likes Received:
    60
    Start Weight:
    12st6lb
    Current Weight:
    10st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st12lb(14.94%)
    Diet:
    was LL now diet chef
    - take it you mean he didn't turn into a car theif etc...?lol
    x
     
  11. Foxtrot

    Foxtrot Is back in the saddle!

    Posts:
    1,385
    Likes Received:
    35
    Start Weight:
    15st5.6lb
    Current Weight:
    14st5.8lb
    Goal Weight:
    12st7.0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st13.8lb(6.4%)
    Diet:
    5:2 Fasting
    :eek::eek::eek:

    No, he turned out alright. :)
     
  12. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

    Posts:
    9,908
    Likes Received:
    344
    Start Weight:
    258lb
    Current Weight:
    228lb
    Goal Weight:
    168lb
    Lost(%):
    30lb(11.63%)
    Diet:
    cambridge
    It must be hard Daisy. Sorry if I sounded hardline. lol :)

    I just see the result of children, here in my town, who have always gotten their way and have zero respect for authority, etc., and they are scary. SO I tend to see it all rather through my jaded eyes.

    I don't envy you with this one, I am sure it is a difficult position to be in.

    But I remember seeing my mom as the bad guy, and sometimes dad too. But ya know what, as I grew up - I understanded their logic and respected them for it.

    Follow your heart and do what you feel is right. GOod luck hon. :)

    xx
     
  13. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

    Posts:
    1,957
    Likes Received:
    164
    Diet:
    LighterLife for Men (VLCD)
    I know I'll be the unpopular minority here, and my POV will be a bit biased as I am a younger guy and a gamer as well, but if it was my 14 year old son, I'd let him play any game providing I knew what the game entails; as a gamer myself I know that the only reason that particular game is an 18 is the violent parts of it - it IS a game about war, after all, and there are plenty of 15-rated games that are just as violent, but perhaps not as realistic in nature and certainly lots of 15-rated films that are more violent and realistic; "Saving Private Ryan" for example, the opening 20 minutes of that film are far more intense and shocking and violent and harrowing than anything in Modern Warfare 2, and that only got a 15 certificate back in 1998 when rules of censorship in both games and films were stricter!

    Ratings for games are particularly tricky; Modern Warfare 2 and Grand Theft Auto 4 are both 18's but MW2 is almost *mild* compared to most of GTA4 because of the themes/story of the content.

    I also consider that ratings for games and ratings for films are VERY different; a game like MW2 that is an 18 for violence in no way compares to a film like Pulp Fiction which is an 18 for violence, drugs, sex, murder, etc. And of course there is the major difference that when you watch a film, you are seeing *real* people despite the film being fictional; a computer game is purely graphics, and I think even younger children react to them in very different ways because of the different perceptions to the mediums.




    When you start up the game (and in the options menu at any time during playing) you can disable access to this mission as the developers were aware that some people might find it offensive.
    However, I defend the content of that part as it is integral to the story, it hits hard at the idea that your main (American/English) character is on the right side of the war as it showcases the effects of terrorism.

    Of course that is your own POV and I respect that; personally, I enjoyed that mission as part of the game and story, and as a gamer it was a refreshing change of pace to switch sides and play from the "evil" point of view, and I even chose to go back and repeat the misson twice more as well because it's such a finely crafted and intriguing piece of gaming that I wanted to full appreciate it. But that's just me, I know it's not real and I don't/won't/can't feel bad for having fun playing what the developers created with fun being the intended result.


    I think we also have to remember that a lot of 14 year olds are not really 'children' in the same way that even I was at 14 (jusy 10 years ago), they now know just as much as a lot of 16-17+ year olds thanks largely to gaming/tv/movies/internet - when I compare what I was like at 15 to my cousin who is currently 15 it's almost scary. And yes, he plays MW2 and he&I frequently have a few online games and chat. And I certainly don't believe that a computer game can influence and produce such awful behaviour as the news would have us believe.

    Ultimately, if your son is home, safe, and having fun with his friends while playing a game, how bad can that really be?

    Just my 0.02cents.
     
  14. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,609
    Likes Received:
    60
    Start Weight:
    12st6lb
    Current Weight:
    10st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st12lb(14.94%)
    Diet:
    was LL now diet chef
    Thanks Pete
    I was hoping you would reply as I know you are into games.

    I think teaching I do see a side to these games that is negative for some children which make me more cautious.

    There is also the 'moral' bit of me which thinks as a teacher I should encourage children to follow the guidelines set out with the ages on films etc.

    My son is pretty well adjusted lad ( I like to think) he is lovely with his little sister and very kind, works well at school and although is starting to be a bit more teenagery in grunting rather than speaking at times is on the whole quite nice.
    I don't think playing this game will trun him into a gun toting asbo yob - but I guess I just want to 'protect' him from stuff that is not nice. Even tho he does not want protecting, lol!

    Problem is I have no interest/time to play computer games so I don't really know what the game is about - apart from the fact it is about war so I assume this involves killing people!

    i completely agree that ratings differ so much - 15 films are not consistant.
    GTA is one that definately would end up in the bin if he brings it home - as you say the 'theme/content' is totally inappropriate but I suppose war does exsist, is legal (in most cases!)

    Are the 'themes' in COD questionable - apart from the airport terrorist one which can be disabled?

    Any other 'guidance notes' much appreciated.

    I have calmed down a bit - told him I will discuss it with him in a month - gives me time to find out about the game. He has accepted this as punishment for going behind my back.

    I have made it clear this does not mean he will get the game back in a month, but that I will discuss it with him after I have calmed down.
    Daisy x
     
  15. kenshin112

    kenshin112 Gotta Make A Change

    Posts:
    2,125
    Likes Received:
    18
    Diet:
    Total Solution
    yeah the game cod mw2 aint bad
    the airport scene can be disabled but it plays a part in the overall mission, as pete said if this game was released late 90s it would be a 15 or even a game to be played under parental guidance
     
  16. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,609
    Likes Received:
    60
    Start Weight:
    12st6lb
    Current Weight:
    10st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st12lb(14.94%)
    Diet:
    was LL now diet chef
    so is it an 18 cos of the terrorist aspect then?
    how graphic/violent is the bloodshed?
    is it 'just' guns/bombs? or...what?
    i could go and put it on but he is in bed and i'm not sure i could operate the ps3 anyway, lol!
    daisy x
     
  17. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

    Posts:
    831
    Likes Received:
    55
    Start Weight:
    16st5lb
    Current Weight:
    12st13lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Lost(%):
    3st6lb(20.96%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge SS
    I agree with Pete Daisy - I have a 19 year old, but also an 11 year old who plays games with him. I also have no idea what games they play, and have no interest, as the sum of my interest in computer games is Wii Sports Resort. Maybe I am irresponsible for this view, but I kind of think that watchig 18 movies when I was younger (yes, before I was 18!) didn't make me delinquent, or violent, etc, etc, and I've brought my children up to be polite, happy and well adjusted, that they know enough about it not being real life. I kind of think of it like as a well adjusted adult, I know that Eastenders and Coronation Street isn't real life!! LOL

    However, that's not to say that he is right, as your rules are your rules, and he has to live by them at his age...I might be totally wrong and need locking up as a bad mum, but I wouldn't lose sleep over it. However, I do see where you are coming from totally. I think you absolutely know in your heart of hearts that your lovely little boy (they always will be to us mums!) will remain that forever, and when he is a little older and has a wife and kids of his own and speaks to you about his concerns about his son and what he is watching, or playing, you can be oh so wise and remind him of all of this!!

    Hugs honey!
     
  18. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Advert

  19. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,609
    Likes Received:
    60
    Start Weight:
    12st6lb
    Current Weight:
    10st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st12lb(14.94%)
    Diet:
    was LL now diet chef
    hi
    thanks for all your replies, they have been really useful!

    i have decided that he is having the game taken off him - for a month - as a punishment for going behind my back.

    i'm hoping by then he will have forgotton about it and will be playing something else by then.

    if he hasn't then i will then tell him he can play it - but only downstairs - and that if he ever displays any negative behaviour i think is coming from playing it then i will take it off him

    also - i will make it completely clear that he is still not allowed to play 18 games or watch 18 films and if i find out he is doing so then these will end up in the bin.
    if there is a game he wants to play and it is an 18 he must come and talk to me about it (then i will come and ask you guys for advice on it!)

    does that sound fair enough???
    bear in mind he has only just turned 13

    daisy x
     
  20. fun1uk

    fun1uk Full Member

    Posts:
    474
    Likes Received:
    10
    Start Weight:
    18st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Diet:
    lipotrim
    Well think I'm the odd one here too, I have a 13 yearvold step son who plays modern warfare, I think as long as you bring your child up to know the rights and wrongs in life like fighting and breaking the law, surely they know if been taught that it's only a game, and that it's wrong in real life. My step son doesn't go around beating people up or stealing just because it's on the game. He knows its wrong and only a game.
    There's my opinion lol. Children can grow up to be repectful adults even if they grew up watching or playing games that are older. I did.
    I say let him play it, he's old enough to know from whats right and wrong in real life at his age. All the best xx
     
  21. Foxtrot

    Foxtrot Is back in the saddle!

    Posts:
    1,385
    Likes Received:
    35
    Start Weight:
    15st5.6lb
    Current Weight:
    14st5.8lb
    Goal Weight:
    12st7.0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st13.8lb(6.4%)
    Diet:
    5:2 Fasting
    But a lot of this isn't the fact that he's playing something that's been rated unsuitable, it's about the fact that he's pushing his boundaries, as they all do, and seeing which of Daisy's rules he can break.

    Even if she feels guilty and a right poo at taking away his game, she has to stand her ground or there is no grounding for being a responsible parent. There are so many cases of 'oh, go on then's that they have to make TV programs about it now like Supernanny.

    I think you've taken a very good stance Daisy. You didn't close the door and bolt it to start with and you've given yourself room for manoeuvre.
     
  22. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

    Posts:
    9,908
    Likes Received:
    344
    Start Weight:
    258lb
    Current Weight:
    228lb
    Goal Weight:
    168lb
    Lost(%):
    30lb(11.63%)
    Diet:
    cambridge
    I agree FT.

    Yes, they can grow up to be respectful, even playing these games. But he wasn;t respectful - thats the point.

    SO Daisy, I think you are doing the right thing the wayyoua re handling it. Give and take. BEst way forward.

    Good job!
     
Popular Forums
  1. MiniMins.com is a weight loss support community helping each other on their weight loss journey. We have a multitude of forums, from Slimming World and Exante, to Success Stories. Click the logo at the top right to return to the forum home page at any time.
Loading...