thank you, it was an... average sleep lol. I'm struggling to save any money and it was on my mind when I went to bed, and my daughter had an online class this afternoon which meant the dog was left unattended and barked a bit. However tonight is my last night and I'll be off for 8, so I don't mind as much.
I've not eaten yet, I didn't eat my soup last night but left it in the fridge at work for tonight. I did however have the usual 2 bourbons. I think I'll try to break that habit next time I have a run of shifts, perhaps if I try out the recipes I'm finding I could make myself some low carb pancakes or some other nibbles to bring and focus on those instead. I'm eating less than my 800 calories but not always the food I've planned. Learning how to manage working nights will be a work in progress.
I was thinking again about the job I saw advertised (I can't remember if I spoke about it here but I thought it would be perfect for me) and I've decided it isn't as great for me as I thought. One of the reasons I took on my dog 2 years ago was because I knew our lifestyle here means she won't be left for long periods. If I took that job I'd be out the house from probably 8am till after 5pm, the kids will be back at school, I'll need proper pre/after school care etc.
I worked out I'd be approx £200/month better off, but then you can wipe out at least half of that with diesel for car, and probably the rest of it with childcare costs and then I'd need a work wardrobe, and the dog would be left alone long periods. She's fine in her crate overnight and sometimes when I do go out for a few hours during the day, but I didn't get her to be in her crate all night and all of most days as well. I need something part time or continue with nights. I actually like nights anyway generally.
I'm just going to get myself through the next year and then I know I have a loan that will be paid off making us a bit easier for money, I'll take the time to try and think about what I really want to do, and see where those thoughts take me.
I'm just having a cuppa then need to do some homeschool with son. I'm looking forward to not having to do this every day! I have missed just being 'Mum' most of the time.
Tonights tea for the kids is chicken pie, probably be mash for daughter, pasta for son. I make the filling myself then top it with supermarket pastry, so I will either have some of the sausage curry (I popped the slow cooker on low whilst I slept and it just needs thickened) or I will have the chicken pie filling with something appropriate for me. I also made a big pot of rattatouie yesterday which is divided into 3 portions in the fridge, and I have the other half of my roasted squash so I've plenty options what to have for dinner, the kids will be away tomorrow I think (to ex's) son won't be back till saturday night, so I'll only need to worry about my own food tomorrow. Daughter may come home before though.
Feeling a bit tired and frustrated today. Money is annoying me and I really don't want to have to give up my car, we live in a village not handy for towns or cities and 70 miles from family. I keep thinking 'things will work out' but it's march! final payment I need the money for is July. I may be able to refinance the final amount but they can't tell me until 22nd April, which gives no time really to find more money if they say no! I have people who would loan me what I can't gather but I don't want more debt, I've enough of that as it is, and the process of dragging myself out is very slow (although I'm very proud of progress I've made over past 2 years)
I need to flip my thinking back to not worrying about it, and knowing things will work out, one way or another. They always do.