Crazy life of Chilli

Mary2020

Gold Member
S: 11st2lb C: 9st2lb BMI: 22.7 Loss: 2st0lb(17.95%)

ChilliQueen

Full Member
Hey chilli, we all have those days, when the carb cravings gets the better of us, but all you can do is draw a line under it and keep going. I know you've been keeping your carbs low so it might be what made you feel yucky, i've had those days when i have given in to the cravings felt the difference.
Looks good how you've worked out your IF and as you said the changeovers might be ropey, but do what works for you cos long term as long as your keeping close to your cal allowance the weight loss will follow. :)
I think on those first nights it's just tiredness as I don't sleep the day I'm switching over. I had a good sleep today though :)
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
I'm a shocker with cookies, if they are there I'll eat them, no matter how focused I feel - any way you could get rid of them?
They are the biscuit stash where I work so no. It's easy at home as I only buy stuff for the kids which then goes into their boxes which I never touch. I'll try not to eat any tonight but I'm a sucker if there are bourbons left in the box :rolleyes: There are always sandwiches as well and if we don't eat them they end up in the bin in the morning which is such a waste... but I didn't even look at them last night. I'll try to do better tonight!
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
Biscuits are my downfall. I can't stop at just a couple I am only satisfied when the packet has gone then feel guilty for eating them.:(

Hope your feeling better.:)
I feel better thanks, probably a mix of tiredness last night as well
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
counting from midnight I had the shortbread biscuit, my curry, then nothing till 6pm, when I made a shake with almond milk and raspberries, and had some chicken. I'm sitting on 647 calories so I may have some nuts to bump that up a little. For tonight I've brought the other half of yesterdays curry, and some chicken goujons. They won't be eaten until after midnight though so will be counted in with tomorrows eating.

I actually love working nights, I have been a poor sleeper for around 13 or 14 years (after a traumatic bereavement) and nothing seems to fix it permanently, I am often going through phases of simply being awake all night, so about 18 months ago I decided I may as well work nights. It works great for the moment albeit not perfect with homeschooling just now. It seems to reset my sleeping and during my run of 5 or 6 shifts I usually sleep well during the days. Then when I'm off after that for 8 or 9 nights and switch back to night sleeping although it isn't perfect I do still sleep better than I used to.

I'm sure it's a combination of working when my body wants to be awake anyway, having that freedom to simply sleep when I'm tired rather than conforming to 'normal' and then I can't discount the fact I feel much better generally. My marriage in it's latest years were extremely stressful and anxiety building and although I didn't want it to be over, when he left and I recovered I have realised how much better off I am on my own, how much calmer and happier I have become. I'm rambling I know but I am just so secure than having healed so much of my mental health over the past 2 years, it is time to focus on the physical as well.

I don't care about my slips, I'm 45 - some of my slips have been several years in length lol. So to have short slips now is nothing. Onwards ever backwards never!

Interestingly, despite the extra carbs last night, I still haven't been hungry today. I don't know if I'm in ketosis and although I did consider buying sticks to check I decided there was really no point. Ketosis or no ketosis I know what I need to do and I know sometimes I won't do it right. I'm pretty sure I'm heading in an improved and positive direction and I'm enjoying the journey :) Every day I hop on the train and buy my ticket, sometimes we take a detour - that's life.
 

tipperary

Gold Member
S: 88.7kg C: 82.6kg G: 68kg BMI: 36.2 Loss: 6.1kg(6.9%)
I like that analogy about the detour
I think thats my whole life really, none of this was planned
 

ladyfelsham

Clean green leafy machine
S: 356lb C: 317lb G: 140lb BMI: 56.1 Loss: 39lb(10.96%)
Yes that is a great way for how we should be responding to slipups!

I'm a bit the same with night work. I run my own comms business and I feel really productive when I'm up in the night and tapping away :).
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
even at home I can end up getting stuff done in the evening/night rather than the day, glad you find the freedom to do it with your business @ladyfelsham

Well last night was a bit of a disaster. We were short staffed and all kinds of stuff happened to compound it. I ate my goujons which I had counted in with last nights calories as I'd planned to eat them before midnight - I can't remember I might have... I ended up eating whilst updating charts. It was horrendously busy. I never had time to heat and eat my curry and it's actually left in the fridge at work, I'll need to bin it tonight though. I ended up picking up 2 quarter sandwiches and 2 bourbon biscuits because I was feeling really exhausted so took the boost. I haven't counted the calories yet but I don't guess it will be much. 2 bourbons, 1 slice bread, 1/4 portion tuna and a 1/4 portion sliced ham.

After work I went to pick up my click and collect from tesco - so I have plenty food again including what is needed to try some new recipes, but by the time I'd got home, put it all away and called the optician (our glasses are ready need to make appointment to get them) it was about 10am before I slept, I've woken off and on with kids normal noises and up at 3pm so I'm still tired and decided intermittent fasting is not for days like these, I've had a small handful of pistachios and shortly I'm going to have some berries and yoghurt (which I'm not sure is full fat but it doesn't say low fat or half fat? it's yeo natural)

no idea what to make yet for later, I'm still all fuzzy headed and need to sort out some homeschooling for my son, I may just give us the day off as I really am just soooo tired! urghhh.

Tonight will be better I hope, we should at least have full staff. In between writing this post I've been talking elsewhere to my nurse from last night, we are all blown away at how difficult a shift it was. I only moved into the care environment 2 years ago and I actually love being a care assistant, but a few things lately making me wonder if I want to do it long term. I only really want to do it if I am allowed the resources to do it as well as I would like. I have to admit once covid settles and the world feels more stable I may start to look around...

I am no longer afraid of things (Ms philosophy is here sorry not sorry lol) I spent 26 years in an engineering role, much of which I actually enjoyed but I was scared to leave for a long time, only leaving when it was about to send me over the edge mentally. I was scared of money, possibly even having less status etc. Turns out I can get by and I never did care much about what people think anyway. At the moment I will stay as I need a local job until I know for sure I can afford to keep my car (final payment looms in summer) and covid makes everything so unpredictable. By 6-12 months I will have given it all a chance to settle and decide if I want to stay or not.

Anyway I'm going to stop rambling. Catch you all later/tomorrow/whenever I can!
 

ladyfelsham

Clean green leafy machine
S: 356lb C: 317lb G: 140lb BMI: 56.1 Loss: 39lb(10.96%)
That wasn't a ramble - it's so interesting to hear what's going on for you.

Sorry it was such a challenging work day for you but I absolutely love your whole attitude - not scared, not pleasing lots of others and doing what's right for you - it's so wonderful to read that and be reminded how important, and refreshing, that kind of approach to life is - Rock on!
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
I wish I could explain how I got here @ladyfelsham there are people I know it would help, but honestly I fought it for years and really ended up discovering and falling in here by accident/circumstances. I would never have planned or chosen this but I'm grateful so much to have found myself in it.

So today including my unplanned food at night, I've had the sandwich and bourbons, pistachios, yoghurt, berries, chicken skewers, root fries and some chocolate. I'm a bit over today on 891 cals, but honestly now I just feel I need to get through the next few days and not worry too much.

I feel good about everything as far as food etc goes, I haven't fallen off the wagon at all just a few small things here and there and no decision to just give up or have a whole day off just because I ate a biscuit. I feel like I'm in a really good mindset.

I won't eat again before midnight, I'll bring some soup for after midnight at work.

I attempted to make 'cloud bread' earlier, it wasn't a success, tasted really just like baked eggs to me, but nothing ventured nothing gained.
 

ladyfelsham

Clean green leafy machine
S: 356lb C: 317lb G: 140lb BMI: 56.1 Loss: 39lb(10.96%)
Yes I tried cloud bread once, with a disastrous result :eek:

The best low carb breads I made were ones with flaxseed - but a friend is enjoying the fat boy dough, made from almond flour/ground almonds and mozzarella cheese - have you tried that yet?
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
Thankfully work was a lot quieter and easier on us last night! I did still succumb to 2x bourbon biscuits though lol. I also ate my soup and I think that was it. Haven't eaten yet since getting up about 3pm, was a quick shower then along to the opticians to pick up our glasses (daughter and I) all seems well. I can certainly see better reading... will take a bit of getting used to.

Tonight I need to do a bit of homeschooling, and have some left over bolognaise for son and me perhaps with some veggies. Also going to make a sausage curry. Not sure how this will work for calories or carbs as I've not worked it out but it's a recipe from ages ago for slow cooker that I loved, you chuck in the sausages, a can of campbells condensed soup, whatever veg plus curry powder and that's it. I've bough heck 97% pork sausages to make it, so I know they're not full of wheat or whatever else they put in sausages. I'll take some of that to work. OOh I have squash in the cupboard I'm going to bake half of it to have with my bolognaise.

Toodles :)
 

ladyfelsham

Clean green leafy machine
S: 356lb C: 317lb G: 140lb BMI: 56.1 Loss: 39lb(10.96%)
That sossie casserole sounds lovely, I have some cream of mushroom soup I could syn - good thinking! x
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
Yeah, I use chicken soup, but mushroom would work. You can throw in anything. I threw in cauliflower, peas, onion, chick peas, sausages, the soup, curry powder and a bit of hot water then pop slow cooker on high for 4 hours. Sadly I was over optimistic about timing and it wasn't ready for work but I'll have it tomorrow.

Its quieter again at work tonight thankfully, and I haven't felt like my soup yet.
 

ladyfelsham

Clean green leafy machine
S: 356lb C: 317lb G: 140lb BMI: 56.1 Loss: 39lb(10.96%)
Hope you get a really good sleep today love x
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
thank you, it was an... average sleep lol. I'm struggling to save any money and it was on my mind when I went to bed, and my daughter had an online class this afternoon which meant the dog was left unattended and barked a bit. However tonight is my last night and I'll be off for 8, so I don't mind as much.

I've not eaten yet, I didn't eat my soup last night but left it in the fridge at work for tonight. I did however have the usual 2 bourbons. I think I'll try to break that habit next time I have a run of shifts, perhaps if I try out the recipes I'm finding I could make myself some low carb pancakes or some other nibbles to bring and focus on those instead. I'm eating less than my 800 calories but not always the food I've planned. Learning how to manage working nights will be a work in progress.

I was thinking again about the job I saw advertised (I can't remember if I spoke about it here but I thought it would be perfect for me) and I've decided it isn't as great for me as I thought. One of the reasons I took on my dog 2 years ago was because I knew our lifestyle here means she won't be left for long periods. If I took that job I'd be out the house from probably 8am till after 5pm, the kids will be back at school, I'll need proper pre/after school care etc.

I worked out I'd be approx £200/month better off, but then you can wipe out at least half of that with diesel for car, and probably the rest of it with childcare costs and then I'd need a work wardrobe, and the dog would be left alone long periods. She's fine in her crate overnight and sometimes when I do go out for a few hours during the day, but I didn't get her to be in her crate all night and all of most days as well. I need something part time or continue with nights. I actually like nights anyway generally.

I'm just going to get myself through the next year and then I know I have a loan that will be paid off making us a bit easier for money, I'll take the time to try and think about what I really want to do, and see where those thoughts take me.

I'm just having a cuppa then need to do some homeschool with son. I'm looking forward to not having to do this every day! I have missed just being 'Mum' most of the time.

Tonights tea for the kids is chicken pie, probably be mash for daughter, pasta for son. I make the filling myself then top it with supermarket pastry, so I will either have some of the sausage curry (I popped the slow cooker on low whilst I slept and it just needs thickened) or I will have the chicken pie filling with something appropriate for me. I also made a big pot of rattatouie yesterday which is divided into 3 portions in the fridge, and I have the other half of my roasted squash so I've plenty options what to have for dinner, the kids will be away tomorrow I think (to ex's) son won't be back till saturday night, so I'll only need to worry about my own food tomorrow. Daughter may come home before though.

Feeling a bit tired and frustrated today. Money is annoying me and I really don't want to have to give up my car, we live in a village not handy for towns or cities and 70 miles from family. I keep thinking 'things will work out' but it's march! final payment I need the money for is July. I may be able to refinance the final amount but they can't tell me until 22nd April, which gives no time really to find more money if they say no! I have people who would loan me what I can't gather but I don't want more debt, I've enough of that as it is, and the process of dragging myself out is very slow (although I'm very proud of progress I've made over past 2 years)

I need to flip my thinking back to not worrying about it, and knowing things will work out, one way or another. They always do.
 

ladyfelsham

Clean green leafy machine
S: 356lb C: 317lb G: 140lb BMI: 56.1 Loss: 39lb(10.96%)
Oh love big big hugs, I know what it's like to constantly worry about money, I was made redundant just as the pandemic hit last year (yeah my company certainly wouldn't win any brownie points for good moral behaviour there!), and that same day - Friday 13th, would you believe - I got home to find my mortgage paperwork had arrived, after months of faffing about! But you know what, it all came good - I set up my own comms business, and I've been lucky enough to find regular contracts.

Just try and focus on the major positive strides you've made over the last two years, and reassure yourself that it will all be fine - but make sure you talk to someone - anyone - if it all starts to feel a bit much. Come on here and just pour it all out, that's what we're all here for, to help each other!

And what about talking to your bank and maybe restructure the loan so it's same amount but paid off over a longer period?

I think you're right about that new job, there's no real benefit to taking it and a lot more effort. I'm a big believer in fate - the right job will come along soon, and you'll recognise it when it does. Maybe there's something you can do at nights from home - which the dogs and kids would love :). I love tapping away in the wee hours on case studies or articles, my thinking seems to be clearer then for some reason - and it means I can indulge in a little nana nap in the afternoon - my pink fluffy weighted blanket, the cats snoozing next to me, there's nothing like it. But then I don't have children (although the cats do feel like children at times!).

Sxxx
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
oh my @ladyfelsham if only you knew 😆 How many avenues I've explored trying to sort all this out. The only option seems to be to wait it out, but I've managed to get by for 2 years, 1 more will be definitely possible!

I'm really very fortunate, I'm a home owner and my home has never been in jeopardy, always managed to have plenty food, clothes for kids, replacing things etc. It's really only my car in jeopardy at the moment and I appreciate that given what some people are facing it won't sound like much. However my location and distance from family members mean I really would be impacted without a car.

They may yet allow me to refinance the final payment (it's just over £3000) I have to wait to see though.

In the meantime, I know that regardless, life will go on and we will recover and I know that between the car payment and the loan that ends in just over 12 months I will be considerably better off next year, which is much to be grateful for. I know that there are people out there without that light at the end of their tunnels.

Please don't think I'm offended by your suggestion, I really have tried every possible option in the shorter term. I do appreciate your listening/reading to my rambles though and it does help to have a place to spill things out.

You've done an amazing job in taking your own opportunities and building a business, I do have a craft sideline, but I haven't time to explain as I need to get to work! Have a lovely evening. x
 

tipperary

Gold Member
S: 88.7kg C: 82.6kg G: 68kg BMI: 36.2 Loss: 6.1kg(6.9%)
When money is a struggle it's hard to concentrate on other things. But you have come so far through it now, the hard bit is done.
 




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