Describing yourself as disgusting...

[Stackhead]

This may be me being mean BUT I'm going to write it anyway to get it off my chest really...

Does it ever annoy you when people with smaller amounts to lose (maybe 2 stone) describe their heavy weight as *yuk* or *disgusting* or anything similar? Because, whilst I know everyone is different and we all have our own journeys and yes well done to them for not getting to my size in the first place BUT I'd literally kill to have just 2 stone to lose right now - I'd be at goal if I did.

It just annoys me, or rather it makes me think 'what must they think of me, with 10 stone to lose, if they, with only 2 stone to lose, already describe themselves as disgusting' - does that mean when people look at me are they thinking that internally?

This thought never really occurred to me before, but reading threads and diaries on this site and it's quite common for that phrase ("i'm disgusting" or I've got 2st5lbs to lose *yuk*") to crop up. Even now, at my current weight, I'd never describe myself as disgusting - I'd never describe anyone as disgusting for that matter, not in terms of appearance. So it just confuses me.

It kinda goes along with odd usernames really, i.e. someone signing up with the username 'Massive Fattie' <-- any reference is purely fictional, any members bearing this name I assure you the reference is purely coincidental - I don't understand the mindset of starting a weight loss journey with the mindset of hating yourself.... I just don't get it.

I'm not trying to trivialise anyone's journey, it's hard work whether you have 1 stone or 10 to lose. I don't really know what I want out of this thread I just wanted to get this out of me. . .

 

[xMariex]

I probably would have agreed with you over a year ago but its all about body issues. I have lost over 10 stone (nearly 11) and have still have about 10lbs to lose. I hate the way my body looks, still don't see that much difference and it does depress me. I am struggling to get this last bit off and I am wondering if maybe I need to lose more than I originally thought. I thought when my BMI was 50, that I would feel better when it was under 30 but it didn't happen. I do recognise some achievement, I don't know I guess I thought I would feel different. Not sure if that's common or because I have some very serious health issues with my cancer.

However I never look at anyone else and think that, it is internalised at me. I am my own worse judge. I know how it feels to have more to lose when I get to target I will have lost 160lbs, so far I have lost 150. I think these usernames can be 2 fold sometimes its tongue in cheek or maybe (and this is how I was) are used to the name calling etc. And are so used to it they put it out there first so they can laugh it off first? I used to call myself all the "fat" names so I could pretend I was fine with it, as even my own family have been very mean about my weight. I am the fat person in the group and boy everyone lets me know it. I even had someone say to me "Well at least you don't look like a cancer patient with your thick hair and being fat". Like that should make it any easier. I was only 3 stone overweight at that point. My sister made a similar comment that at least I didn't look ill and it was a direct reference to my weight.

I would say like many women we have body issues and we are aiming this stuff at ourselves rather than judging others. Just today I thought how awful my thighs look but the thought would not even occur to me on someone else. I would hope others were the same. I cheer up and feel happy when others achieve as it is hard work, if anything it inspires me. I certainly do not make judgements, especially as I know what it feels like. Maybe its because I suffer depression and I think many in the wemitts (not all!) got to the weight they did through using food to help with their emotions, I know I did. So it would not surprise me if people have low self esteem and views on themselves.

However I do think the journey is a bit different when you have more to lose as its a lifestyle change and it will take time plus hard work. Someone who has only been a bit overweight doesn't need to set mini goals, their target is like one of our mini goals. Wemitts section was so good for me as I before I thought I was the only one who had this much to lose as my friend who went on a diet also was only 20lbs overweight compared to my 160lbs over weight.
People do judge that's true but on here I have found a safe place to talk about my weight, first place I revealed my true weight and somewhere I can discuss my issues. I can understand the need to let it out but I think its probably more directed at themselves, from their negative experiences they have suffered having that more to lose. And like I said earlier many like me have got the weight we did by having low self image not just lookswise but mentally wise as well but that's directed solely at me. I certainly do not think anyone here is disgusting

 

[chezz]

stackhead

not the peeps on here who have lost alot but the ones who come on with little weight to lose really really get my back not aimed at my friends on here they have done great xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Stackhead]

I think that losing weight regardless of how much is hard. However, maybe a little thought to the people who do have loads to lose on a weight loss forum could be the way forward?

Its the same with people saying stuff like "I don't know how anyone can get THAT big" <-- it's insensitive and overall unhelpful on a forum with many of us with 5+ stone to lose.

I think just a little more thought is required when posting. Yes please get your thoughts out there, but remember that other people will read them too!

 

[Lorny]

I know how it feels too, Stackhead! I'm currently morbidly obese- I have a higher BMI than you, and I'm lighter! I know that people have their own insecurities with their own bodies, but you're right, it often feels like "Oh s**t, what must they think of me?". I have a friend who does the same about herself, and she has a 24" waist; when I say "well look at me!" she says "Oh, it's OK cuz you're voluptuous."

Sometimes I want to bop them in the head and say "Look, be grateful you are NOT this size and that you ONLY have 2st to lose." But that's their own weight issue, maybe 11st IS the heaviest they've ever been. When I got down to 9st, at one point I crept back up to 11st and felt awful, like I was the fattest I'd ever been, but of course, it wasn't. Even at 9st, I thought I needed to lose more weight.

I am happy here on WeMITTs though, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who needs to lose some serious weight.

 

[Becky1993]

I understand, I had 5 stone to lose (which may or may not be a large amount to you) and I really dislike my body. When I look at other larger girls I never judge them or consider them 'disgusting' but it's about not being comfortable with yourself. If you're insecure with your body no matter how much, or little, you have to lose it's likely you'll find yourself disgusting. We are our biggest critics afterall!

 

[debsxdiet]

I know what you mean exactly!! I started dieting again 4 weeks ago and was 28.8 1/2. I have an OH at 14 stone who always goes on about how fat he is. Now he is a very intelligent boy and you would think he would internalise that going on about being fat (huge) at 14 stone when his gf is twice his size may make her feel even worse. I also have friends qho have much less to loose than myself however I am probably 10 times more confident than they are. I remember my friend saying yrs ago "I like standing next to you, you make me look thin" well this is driving me cos I cannot wait to be thinner than her and I will make no comment I will just know lol. Xx

 

[Roziee]

We have a different mind set to those who have less weight to lose. They have their issues- their thighs rubbing might be their biggest crux whereas ours would be going up a flight of stairs and being out of breath.

I have nothing in common with someone who have a stone or two to lose in the sense of all the physical and psychological effects being so overweight brings. But, each to their own.

It's a forum- people are entitled to tell others how they feel. I never use to the SW forum section anymore. It's one of the bitc*iest places I've come across and a lot of them annoy me with their "I have 1/2 stone to lose and I'm a house".

Stay in this section and you'll have the company of those who are here for the long run. We understand what it's like to be 4-15 stones over weight.

You have the choice to read what you do. So don't upset yourself by reading it x

 

[Lorny]

Exactly! WeMITTs are where it's at! I don't bother subscribing to anything where the original poster says stuff that might rile me a bit, no matter how much empathy I have for them. I also steer clear of anything looking for the 'easiest' way, cuz there's no easy way for a WeMITT either!

 

[ican2013]

I probably would have agreed with you over a year ago but its all about body issues. I have lost over 10 stone (nearly 11) and have still have about 10lbs to lose. I hate the way my body looks, still don't see that much difference and it does depress me. I am struggling to get this last bit off and I am wondering if maybe I need to lose more than I originally thought. I thought when my BMI was 50, that I would feel better when it was under 30 but it didn't happen. I do recognise some achievement, I don't know I guess I thought I would feel different. Not sure if that's common or because I have some very serious health issues with my cancer.

However I never look at anyone else and think that, it is internalised at me. I am my own worse judge. I know how it feels to have more to lose when I get to target I will have lost 160lbs, so far I have lost 150. I think these usernames can be 2 fold sometimes its tongue in cheek or maybe (and this is how I was) are used to the name calling etc. And are so used to it they put it out there first so they can laugh it off first? I used to call myself all the "fat" names so I could pretend I was fine with it, as even my own family have been very mean about my weight. I am the fat person in the group and boy everyone lets me know it. I even had someone say to me "Well at least you don't look like a cancer patient with your thick hair and being fat". Like that should make it any easier. I was only 3 stone overweight at that point. My sister made a similar comment that at least I didn't look ill and it was a direct reference to my weight.

I would say like many women we have body issues and we are aiming this stuff at ourselves rather than judging others. Just today I thought how awful my thighs look but the thought would not even occur to me on someone else. I would hope others were the same. I cheer up and feel happy when others achieve as it is hard work, if anything it inspires me. I certainly do not make judgements, especially as I know what it feels like. Maybe its because I suffer depression and I think many in the wemitts (not all!) got to the weight they did through using food to help with their emotions, I know I did. So it would not surprise me if people have low self esteem and views on themselves.

However I do think the journey is a bit different when you have more to lose as its a lifestyle change and it will take time plus hard work. Someone who has only been a bit overweight doesn't need to set mini goals, their target is like one of our mini goals. Wemitts section was so good for me as I before I thought I was the only one who had this much to lose as my friend who went on a diet also was only 20lbs overweight compared to my 160lbs over weight.
People do judge that's true but on here I have found a safe place to talk about my weight, first place I revealed my true weight and somewhere I can discuss my issues. I can understand the need to let it out but I think its probably more directed at themselves, from their negative experiences they have suffered having that more to lose. And like I said earlier many like me have got the weight we did by having low self image not just lookswise but mentally wise as well but that's directed solely at me. I certainly do not think anyone here is disgusting

This worries me. What if I lose weight and am not happy? You really should be so very proud of yourself, your weight loss is amazing. I always worry what my body will look like but I read a post the other day from a lady who had lost weight, she said she doesn't care what here body looks like as it's only her husband that sees it and he loves her. She has the energy to play with her kids and isn't in fear of dieing all the time.
This made me realise that it really isn't about the looks. It's about your health. I wish you all the luck in the world with your fight against cancer. Kick it's rear end and keep smiling xx

 

[Stackhead]

Some interesting responses, thank you all. It certainly helps me understand a little although I think i'll never fully get it as I don't have that mindset...

 

[xMariex]

This worries me. What if I lose weight and am not happy? You really should be so very proud of yourself, your weight loss is amazing. I always worry what my body will look like but I read a post the other day from a lady who had lost weight, she said she doesn't care what here body looks like as it's only her husband that sees it and he loves her. She has the energy to play with her kids and isn't in fear of dieing all the time.
This made me realise that it really isn't about the looks. It's about your health. I wish you all the luck in the world with your fight against cancer. Kick it's rear end and keep smiling xx

Thanks, health wise I am certainly healthier which gives me a better chance at fighting my other health concerns. I think as someone who also has depression it is probably the depression aiding me to feel this way. I just thought I would feel so different to how I feel now. But I have never thought about anyone else in that way, in fact it didn't even come on to my radar till this thread just not the way I think. Like most I am my own worst judge.

 

[claire_oh]

I totally understand where you're coming from stackhead, on the slimming world forum I have seen a lot of people who call themselves repulsive etc and they currently weigh what I want to weigh at the end of my journey!

Marie makes a good point about people having their own body issues and when I get down there I will probably be the same. Wemitts is definitely the place for me! Positive thoughts are definitely the way forward

 

[sarahmun]

Ah stackhead ive waited so long for someone to see where im coming from lol

i understand that everyone is different and their issues are their own but i hate magazines which show someone who was so unhappy as a size 10 and now is a perfect size 8 and i wanna tear the magazine up and jump up and down on it!!! Lol

thankyou for making my night.

Sarah xx

 

[celtgirl]

your right sarah- makes me feel that way too! i lose a stone just by

 

[Achren]

Hmmm - I have some thoughts here...
Part of my 'sort my **** out' plan is including studying and using mindfulness techniques, and one of the first things you find out is that to think negatively of yourself is quite natural, but also that negative energy is often based on adrenaline release, so if you can quiet that down (either with exercise or cake) you will run out of steam - hence likely fail (as I have done so many time before when my motivation has been, I hate the sight of myself), so to get past that resolve/fail routine, ideally, we should all be thinking positively and seeing the good in our bodies, then we won't be angry at them/ourselves and do that snap.
On the other hand - owing to a change in our circumstances, my poor husband has put on weight too recently, and found himself feeling odd telling his morbidly obese wife that he feels vile, because he's a whole stone and a half heavier. But the thing is, he genuinely does, and it isn't because he doesn't like how he looks etc, it's because he doesn't like how he feels, he feels wobbly and weird and icky - this doesn't mean he's judging me for being ten stone overweight, he is just considering how comfy he is in his own body. I think this is true of a lot of people. The weight isn't really the issue - to look at. It's more to do with what it represents about how people feel about themselves (weak/failing/silly)...

 

[Paula79]

When I first joined, I noticed a lot of members like you describe & it almost had me hitting delete profile & going into hiding from the shame I felt at their start weight being below my goal weight, and them describing themselves as gross. Really glad that I kept noseying around & found wemitts I don't even bother to look to the other parts of the forum now as personally, it's disheartening.

 

[chezz]

so true paula so true

 

[Paula79]

Just wondering, is the wemitts bit ever likely to break off from & just become a sister site to the main one?

 

[chezz]

no no never