Trolley Dolly xx
Full Member
Just popped by to see how your first day went? Nearly done...looking forward to joining you in 12 days time. x
**DESTINATION SKINNYVILLE**
- Thread starter emz.is.shrinkin
- Start date
emz.is.shrinkin
on the shrink.!!
oh shanny...
im about to write a very looooong post and its not gonna be a very good one :cry::cry:
but i think the lightbulb moment has hit my brain. will tell all in next post. xx
*Shanny*
Gold Member
bless ya commmmeee on em..!! im ready for me bed lmao xx
emz.is.shrinkin
on the shrink.!!
hey all, well i am about to write a pretty lengthy post here so get comfy..
right where do i start.. well as u all know i restarted cambridge yesterday. and as many older members will know that from when i joined this forum nearly a year ago i have battled with every diet possible. and im still the same weight as i was then :cry::cry:
yesterday evening i was finding my first day of CD restart very difficult. i know the first 3 days are always the worst but i just didnt have it in me to carry on. i feel like such an embarrassment..!!
i always start so upbeat and start my diaries saying that ive finally got my head in the right place to do this bla bla bla and at the first hurdle i crumble. :break_diet:
dammit i am sick to death of this yoyo dieting crap. its torturing me :cry::cry::cry:
and last night i got in my car, travelled 8 miles to the nearest shop, bought a loaf of bread and a load of other crap, came home and made 2 ham and cheese toasties, had 2 packets of crisps and a load of chocolate....((wipes tears))
so eventually i went upstairs and got into bed and got out every single diet book i own....u name it...it was on my bed. atkins, CD books, SW, WW and RC books...to name a few!!
and then came the lightbulb moment when i finally realised why i can never succeed..
im 28 now and since i was in my late teens i have always been trying diets and trying to lose weight. i was never a fat or chubby child. i was very active at school and on all the sports teams. but then when i left school my activity levels dropped and so the weight crept on.
but every time i decide i am going to embark on a diet i always say im going to start 'such and such' a day and spend the days before that on a complete binge...like a last supper type thing i suppose, because i have the approach that anything bad is 'completely forbidden' no matter what diet it is.
and so i start the diet all fired up and ready to go and start well. with CD i lasted a day this time, and even last time i only lasted 2 weeks. on other diets its much the same. i maybe last a week or 2 at the most and then stop. and the reason i stop is because ive maybe had a packet of crisps or a choccy bar that was taking me over my syns/points/kcal allowance and i then think im a complete failure and go on a huge binge and thus the diet is out the window and i then search for a 'better' diet. and when i find one to try the vicious cycle begins again and i binge in my lead up to the big start date.
and when i know that theres something thats off limits or that i shouldnt be having when im on a diet i want it even more. i cant seem to cope with the restriction.
im sorry if im boring you all but im writing this from the heart, misty eyed and trying to put my feelings into words and explain myself properly.
so after a pretty sleepless night and a very thoughtfull day and a good talk with my best friend (my mum!) i have decided not to embark on any diet plans for a while. maybe even not at all.!
i have finally realised where my head is at and what my problems have been. and it is an absolute relief. i was like a different girl this afternoon and felt like a true weight had been lifted off my shoulders and the penny has finally dropped.
so for my plan ahead...
i am not going to embark on any diet plans and i am not going to tell myself im on a diet either as then i feel restricted and would end up on another binge.
nothing will be off limits and if i know that its there and i can have it if i want then i might not want it as much.
i do want to get back into exercise and get fit again.. i have shred dvd, i have davina dvd, i have weights, i have a treadmill...i have no excuses
but im not gonna make myself any promises such as 'exercise everyday' or 'must do shred everyday'. im just going to go with the flow and that way i wont be beating myself up if i miss a day of shred, or dont run a certain day.
im not going to give myself or join any more challenges on here as when i dont stick with it, again, i feel like a failure!! i know how much weight i want to lose (around 50lbs) but im just going to let it come off bit by bit. ill still keep my goals in my signature but im not gonna give myself a deadline for them.
i am going to start a general diary in the 'members only diaries' section. not a 'diet' diary as such...just somewhere i can write my thoughts etc down as i get to grips with whats been holding me back.
and lastly, i am going to keep reading 'beck' and 'spangle' books to try and help myself learn better food etiquette.
so thats it (youll be pleased to know!)
i have poured out my thoughts and faced my demons once and for all and hopefully now i know whats really going on i can sort myself out for the better
thank you all so much for ur kindness and support. goodness knows where id be without u all. good luck everyone and thanks for reading
OVER AND OUT..:wave_cry::wave_cry:
Emz xxxxxxxxxxx
right where do i start.. well as u all know i restarted cambridge yesterday. and as many older members will know that from when i joined this forum nearly a year ago i have battled with every diet possible. and im still the same weight as i was then :cry::cry:
yesterday evening i was finding my first day of CD restart very difficult. i know the first 3 days are always the worst but i just didnt have it in me to carry on. i feel like such an embarrassment..!!
i always start so upbeat and start my diaries saying that ive finally got my head in the right place to do this bla bla bla and at the first hurdle i crumble. :break_diet:dammit i am sick to death of this yoyo dieting crap. its torturing me :cry::cry::cry:
and last night i got in my car, travelled 8 miles to the nearest shop, bought a loaf of bread and a load of other crap, came home and made 2 ham and cheese toasties, had 2 packets of crisps and a load of chocolate....((wipes tears))
so eventually i went upstairs and got into bed and got out every single diet book i own....u name it...it was on my bed. atkins, CD books, SW, WW and RC books...to name a few!!
and then came the lightbulb moment when i finally realised why i can never succeed..
im 28 now and since i was in my late teens i have always been trying diets and trying to lose weight. i was never a fat or chubby child. i was very active at school and on all the sports teams. but then when i left school my activity levels dropped and so the weight crept on.
but every time i decide i am going to embark on a diet i always say im going to start 'such and such' a day and spend the days before that on a complete binge...like a last supper type thing i suppose, because i have the approach that anything bad is 'completely forbidden' no matter what diet it is.
and so i start the diet all fired up and ready to go and start well. with CD i lasted a day this time, and even last time i only lasted 2 weeks. on other diets its much the same. i maybe last a week or 2 at the most and then stop. and the reason i stop is because ive maybe had a packet of crisps or a choccy bar that was taking me over my syns/points/kcal allowance and i then think im a complete failure and go on a huge binge and thus the diet is out the window and i then search for a 'better' diet. and when i find one to try the vicious cycle begins again and i binge in my lead up to the big start date.
and when i know that theres something thats off limits or that i shouldnt be having when im on a diet i want it even more. i cant seem to cope with the restriction.
im sorry if im boring you all but im writing this from the heart, misty eyed and trying to put my feelings into words and explain myself properly.
so after a pretty sleepless night and a very thoughtfull day and a good talk with my best friend (my mum!) i have decided not to embark on any diet plans for a while. maybe even not at all.!
i have finally realised where my head is at and what my problems have been. and it is an absolute relief. i was like a different girl this afternoon and felt like a true weight had been lifted off my shoulders and the penny has finally dropped.
so for my plan ahead...
i am not going to embark on any diet plans and i am not going to tell myself im on a diet either as then i feel restricted and would end up on another binge.
nothing will be off limits and if i know that its there and i can have it if i want then i might not want it as much.
i do want to get back into exercise and get fit again.. i have shred dvd, i have davina dvd, i have weights, i have a treadmill...i have no excuses
but im not gonna make myself any promises such as 'exercise everyday' or 'must do shred everyday'. im just going to go with the flow and that way i wont be beating myself up if i miss a day of shred, or dont run a certain day.
im not going to give myself or join any more challenges on here as when i dont stick with it, again, i feel like a failure!! i know how much weight i want to lose (around 50lbs) but im just going to let it come off bit by bit. ill still keep my goals in my signature but im not gonna give myself a deadline for them.
i am going to start a general diary in the 'members only diaries' section. not a 'diet' diary as such...just somewhere i can write my thoughts etc down as i get to grips with whats been holding me back.
and lastly, i am going to keep reading 'beck' and 'spangle' books to try and help myself learn better food etiquette.
so thats it (youll be pleased to know!)
i have poured out my thoughts and faced my demons once and for all and hopefully now i know whats really going on i can sort myself out for the better
thank you all so much for ur kindness and support. goodness knows where id be without u all. good luck everyone and thanks for reading
OVER AND OUT..:wave_cry::wave_cry:
Emz xxxxxxxxxxx
*Shanny*
Gold Member
Aw big hugs em.. do u feel better for posting this? i member u did RC wih your mum and you both seemed to motivate one another
yeah come over to the member's hon we can support one another as i dont know which plan to follow myself ive done CCing today tomorrow maybe exante lol.!
but good for you on making a choice which suits you xx
yeah come over to the member's hon we can support one another as i dont know which plan to follow myself ive done CCing today tomorrow maybe exante lol.!
but good for you on making a choice which suits you xx
emz.is.shrinkin
on the shrink.!!
Aw big hugs em.. do u feel better for posting this? i member u did RC wih your mum and you both seemed to motivate one another
yeah come over to the member's hon we can support one another as i dont know which plan to follow myself ive done CCing today tomorrow maybe exante lol.!
but good for you on making a choice which suits you xx
thank you darlin' yeah my mums fab. but she was glad to hear that id finally worked it out for myself whats been happening even though shes seen it and tried to explain it to me for years lol.
i feel sooooo much better for posting this and finally confronting my demons. no more 'dieting' for me for a while. i just cant seem able to have a good approach to them.
yeah i ment to post over on ur diary earlier but i was caught up trying to pluck up the courage to write my post. you have done so well hun and should be very proud of yourself. i will check in with ur diary soon xxxx
CheeseGirl
Gold Member
Wow lovely, it sounds like you have finally found your turning point and I'm certain that from here on you will meet your goals, whatever they may be. If you have not yet read 'eating less, say goodbye to overeating' by Gillian Riley I cannot recommend it enough! It is all about precisely what you have just realised and it gives you a plan on how to change your addictive eating by NOT having forbidden foods but by making you look at what you eat in a different way. I actually think that had I read this book before starting CD I may have not even started (not that I regret it) but it is definitely a mind-set I intend to at least try to incorporate into my "life after CD". Good luck to you! I'll be popping over to your diary to see how you are getting on
emz.is.shrinkin
on the shrink.!!
CheeseGirl said:Wow lovely, it sounds like you have finally found your turning point and I'm certain that from here on you will meet your goals, whatever they may be. If you have not yet read 'eating less, say goodbye to overeating' by Gillian Riley I cannot recommend it enough! It is all about precisely what you have just realised and it gives you a plan on how to change your addictive eating by NOT having forbidden foods but by making you look at what you eat in a different way. I actually think that had I read this book before starting CD I may have not even started (not that I regret it) but it is definitely a mind-set I intend to at least try to incorporate into my "life after CD". Good luck to you! I'll be popping over to your diary to see how you are getting on
Thank you cheesegirl. I've never heard of that book but I'll definitely be checking it out. Thanks for the info. Best of luck on the rest of ur journey xx
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