Done something really stupid

[emmie83]

Its Hubbys birthday he really wanted to go out for a meal i told him i couldnt and was really worried so we settled on having something from the chippy and i would have sushi (figured it was the least fattening and havent had anything today no foodpacks as we have been out all day) so i had a few bits of that and a few chips not alot but enough to make me feel REALLY bad so i went upstairs after put the taps on and made myself sick till it was all up, i came down stairs and hubby was being really funny with me he said he has heard me and that i was childish and he was absolutely disgusted in me he said he was really angry at me and that i was disgusting he kept saying it and told me i could sleep on my own tonight.

i cant stop crying im so upset what have i done?? :cry::cry::cry:

 

[BBlilsis]

Sorry Emmie, I've not got a lot of advice, cuz I've never really experienced what your going through. I do know that there are two very upset people in your house right now, yourself and your hubby, best advice would be to try to stop crying and pull yourself together and try to go and talk to him, explain how you were feeling at the time cuz he doesn't understand and is naturally upset and probably afraid for you, it is terrible for you both.

 

[Starlight]

Your hubby is probably just really really worried. I dont know how supportive he is of you doing CD but could it be that he sees you on a TFR diet then you have something to eat and make yourself sick. I think that would scare a lot of people

You do need to go talk to him, explain how you feel, get a cuddle and talk it through *HUGS*

 

[LellyCD]

awww hey honey, :hug99:that's awful.

I agree with starlight he's probably really worried about you.

I hope you and hubby can sort this out soon.
xxx

 

[Dieting Rambler]

Emmie sweetie, my advice....there are two things you need to do...speak to hubby and sit down and think about why felt the need to make yourself sick, food is not the enemy its how you deal with it that can be. You also need to get some nutrition into your system, as you have had no shakes and have thrown up.

Hugs and kisses

 

[jayne23]

dieting rambler, just read your blog, I'm so sorry about your parents, you still feeling as angry? You are doing so fantastically, and you write so eloquently, have you thought of writing and having something published?
J

 

[Serena A]

Sorry Emmie don't really know what to say but I hope you can sort things out xx

 

[Dieting Rambler]

Emmie If you get a chance just drop a line to let us know how you are doing.

xxxx

 

[Dieting Rambler]

dieting rambler, just read your blog, I'm so sorry about your parents, you still feeling as angry? You are doing so fantastically, and you write so eloquently, have you thought of writing and having something published?
J

Thank you When I think about it I still feel angry, maybe angry is the wrong word.....but I don't want to take away from Emmie's thread.....hugs

 

[jayne23]

Emmie, its really hard isn't it, I don't know what to tell you but have done the same thing myself, just was fortunate that OH doesn't know. Imagine that he's worried about you, hope you get it sorted
J

 

[westiegirl]

Emmie, sorry that you are feeling so rubbish. Making yourself sick is a scary thing and a route that you shouldn't go down. I'm actually quite worried that you felt the need to do that.

Like Sandy says, I think hubby is probably really scared because there is a lot of implications of making yourself sick.

Talk it through with him and try and explain what you were feeling. Running the taps obviously means that you were having mixed emotions about what you were doing (trying to hide it?).

I hope you can sort this out and get some support that you need xxx

 

[emmie83]

Hi everyone thanks for your posts

have spoken to DH and he said that he is just so worried and that hes starting to think the diet is a bad idea if im feeling like i shouldnt be eating, I just felt so wrong, i know its daft i just felt that i had done something awful i need to have a think about why i felt like that i know food is not wrong etc i think it was disappointment more than anyhing i felt in myself as i have been doing so well up untill now, i think it was a mixture of things i felt like i was ruining DH birthday by not eating with him, yet i knew i shouldnt coz i was so worried all day yesterday and today at the thought of eating and ruining everything and then when i had i think i was so angry at myself and dissappointed that i had to get the food back out,
aarrgghh im rambling now!!! anyways me and dh have spoken and he said if he knows of it happening again he will leave as he will not stand by and watch me get ill it was a stupid thing to do and i know its not the answer and it was wrong but part of me cant help feeling better for doing it?
anyway im back on track now and intend to stay there i will do this properly i know i can!

thanks again everyone and sorry for the ramble!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[jayne23]

HI Emmie , ramble as much as you like if it helps. Keep talking to him, it may be that if you help him to understand then by explaining to him how you feel then you may have a lightbulb moment and realise why it happened yourself. I've done it myself after a binge to try and find some kind of release I think but its not good.
Saying that I would never talk to my OH about forced vomiting, need to go and think about that one myself I reckon
Take care honey, don't be too hard on your self, its a journey and you've just taken one step off the edge of your chosen path
Jx

 

[AllyKat]

Hi Emmie,

Sounds like you'e had a really rough night - first the food dilema, then being sick and then having deal with your OH's reaction.

You're not the first person to have that reaction to this diet. Sometimes the 'not food for now' can feel like 'food is bad' and that can lead to guilt. I guess your OH's reaction hasn't eased that guilt.

I hope you get a good sleep and that, in time you can chat with DH or someone else maybe.

Hopefully this is a one off but if you feel you want to make yourself sick again or struggle reintroducing food then there are people out there that can help. This is jumping ahead and but I know people who have found this lot helpful www.b-eat.co.uk/home A good book is 'overcoming binge eating'.

All the best for tonight and I really hope you can shrug off any feeling bad about it tomorrow.

 

[Dieting Rambler]

Hi Emmie

How you doing today? Did you manage to get some sleep last night?

Take one day at a time, and remember that we will all be here for you even if you decide that maybe the Cambridge Diet isn't for you, you have to do what is best for you mentally and physically.

Hugs