Emotional triggers

[juju_doll]

Have been thinking today a lot about the emotional triggers that send me in to binge eating. Today I have had to listen to some family problems, getting phonecalls from my brother and dad all trying to sort out a birthday thing for my mum - who doesn't want to do anything! Just trying to juggle every one else's feelings and try to make sure no-one is upset set me really wanting to binge eat. I didn't - came home and got in my pjs! - but my family are definitely an emotional trigger to wanting to eat. Just wondered if anyone else has similar experiences and what tips they have to help?

 

[weasey]

I think a lot of us have hight developed adaptive child ego states and we try to look after other people's feelings a lot. The thing to remember is that your feelings are as important as every other person's. Sometimes I like to picture myself as another person (ie separate from the one who is thinking). How would I treat that person if they were feeling overcome? What would I advise that person to do if she was getting stressed about this situation? Often we put ourselves bottom of the pile and don't think that our issues are important compared to other people's. Then we bury our feelings in food.

 

[nzmegs]

the counselling taught me about "game playing". this is where people start a conversation with you in such a way that they have the opportunity to make excuses for themselves. the aim is that eventually you will just agree with them and they will feel like they won. it goes like this "I wish I could lose weight" "why can't you" Well, I have so much on my plate, work, school no time..." "but losing weight doesn't have to take up your time" "yeah but i can't really exercise because of my knees" "well how about swimming" "the pool is too far away..." it goes on like this until you eventually say "yeah I suppose you are right, it is too hard for you at the moment".

The key is to recognise the game and exit yourself from the conversation at an early stage. Don't let them even get started. Your dad wants you to agree with him, while your Mum is being a martyr. I suggest leaving them to it, deciding not to be part of the arrangements and agree to do whatever they think best. it is the only way. Even just recognising the game is a sure way to get less stressed out by it.

 

[juju_doll]

Really interesting and thoughtful responses. I find it very difficult not to get involved and try and rescue the situation, but I definitely need to work on stepping away and letting others resolve their problems. Thank you for your ideas.