gaijingirl
has lying hips
So I am now at the original goal I set myself - 11 stone 7lbs. But now I'm here I feel - in a strange way - almost as bad about my body as before..
I did have an inital rush of elation at being so much slimmer - being able to wear "normal" clothes etc. But now, I go into the shops and feel upset that I can't wear everything or fit into a size 10. I have lots of loose skin and still get rolls of flesh if I wear tight tops. I know I will lose some of that with exercise and toning. Also I'm back in abstinence now (after an enforced break) to lose another stone or so.
But - the problem, I'm realising, is that even if I were a size 8 I don't think I'd be happy. I still feel super critical of my body and look longingly (I know it's a mug's game) at picture of celebs on beaches in bikinis wishing I could look like that.
The thing is I'm an intelligent, mid-30s woman who should know better. I just recently analysed and wrote about women's magazines for a postgrad essay. I discuss this sort of thing with friends all the time. I know it's all bollocks basically - that I can't go by society's rules for what is right because you'll always be either too thin or too fat! But I'm beginning to wonder how much of it is society and how much is in my head??
Why can't I be happy with what I have and celebrate it??
I did have an inital rush of elation at being so much slimmer - being able to wear "normal" clothes etc. But now, I go into the shops and feel upset that I can't wear everything or fit into a size 10. I have lots of loose skin and still get rolls of flesh if I wear tight tops. I know I will lose some of that with exercise and toning. Also I'm back in abstinence now (after an enforced break) to lose another stone or so.
But - the problem, I'm realising, is that even if I were a size 8 I don't think I'd be happy. I still feel super critical of my body and look longingly (I know it's a mug's game) at picture of celebs on beaches in bikinis wishing I could look like that.
The thing is I'm an intelligent, mid-30s woman who should know better. I just recently analysed and wrote about women's magazines for a postgrad essay. I discuss this sort of thing with friends all the time. I know it's all bollocks basically - that I can't go by society's rules for what is right because you'll always be either too thin or too fat! But I'm beginning to wonder how much of it is society and how much is in my head??
Why can't I be happy with what I have and celebrate it??