Feeling out of place at SW group

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by lucyc, 16 September 2009 Social URL.

  1. lucyc

    lucyc Member

    Posts:
    20
    Likes Received:
    1
    Hi, I am new to this site and only 3 weeks in to Slimming World so hello everybody. I have come on here as I'm a bit disappointed with the group I go to. Every time I go there are almost completely different people to the week before, but they all seem to know each other really well. It's put me off staying after the weigh in but it seems like a waste of money to just leave straight after. I know it's a slimming club not a social club but everyone stands around chatting for ages before the group therapy starts and I feel like I'm the odd one out just sitting there!
     
  2. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Matched Content

  3. HellieCopter

    HellieCopter Gold Member

    Posts:
    3,770
    Likes Received:
    219
    Start Weight:
    13st2.5lb
    Current Weight:
    10st9lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st10lb
    Lost(%):
    2st7.5lb(19.24%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Hi Lucy, welcome to Minimins :)

    Sometimes getting into a new group is hard. People do often know each other, and after just 3 weeks, especially in summer when people have been on holidays, you're bound to see different faces and have different people coming and going.

    Why does other people knowing each other put you off? Try to think of it as a social club as well as a slimming club. People come with friends, make friends there...there's no reason why you can't as well :) And when you get to know people, that's when all the tips and advice come out and you will find that you get more from the group.

    I'd say stick with it for a while, but if you're still feeling like you aren't fitting in, then find yourself a different group. Give it a chance though. I hope you start to feel more comfortable soon.

    And we're always here too! :D
     
  4. Cobweb

    Cobweb Full Member

    Posts:
    389
    Likes Received:
    11
    Start Weight:
    23st9lb
    Current Weight:
    20st0lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Lost(%):
    3st9lb(15.41%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Stick with it, I am extremely shy in group, but as you lose weight and gain confidence I am sure you will make friends and find it worthwhile. I am pretty sure if you look around you will spot someone like you also feeling a bit lost and newbie and it might be easier to strike up a conversation. Be sure to pop in here often though as this bunch are pretty fantastic :D

    **hugs**
    Cobweb x
     
  5. lucyc

    lucyc Member

    Posts:
    20
    Likes Received:
    1
    Thanks for the reply, I just find it hard to get talking to anyone there as they are all chatting in little cliches about their personal lives etc so I can't really join in the the conversation. I find it easier talking to people on a one to one basis although I do try and join in with the group therapy. I think I'll give it another week or two as I've lost 3 pounds so far and am finding it good otherwise. I will definitely come on here from now on anyway!
     
  6. Wacky Jacky

    Wacky Jacky Size 10 in time for 2010!

    Posts:
    283
    Likes Received:
    14
    Start Weight:
    16st7lb
    Current Weight:
    10st2lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Lost(%):
    6st5lb(38.53%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Hello and welcome to Minimins and Slimming World - pity you don't got to my group ..... I think I've got one of "those faces" .... I seem to attract people asking for help of some kind or another! Does your group have teas & coffees on the go? If so, why not offer to make a cuppa for a couple of people to break the ice, or ask someone where you can find out some syn value or other? Ask your Consultant or the Weigh In person if you could do anything to help in the group, maybe? I know I definitely end up talking to everyone at group now because I usually get them to sign in and take their money off them, so they all feel at ease asking me for help or advice ..... I'm sure people at your group are likely to need some sort of help .... At least try keep going along to group, and hopefully you'll find someone to talk to soon.

    Allthe best o'luck'n'stuff
     
  7. Morgawr

    Morgawr Silver Member

    Posts:
    858
    Likes Received:
    18
    Goal Weight:
    10st7lb
    Diet:
    SW Group
    Hi - I'm sorry you feel out of place at group, and I can quite understand how difficult it can be.

    What I did initially was to force myself to just make small talk with the person in front of me (or behind me) in the queue to pay and weigh and it wasn't long before I could talk to anybody there and they speak to me as well.

    The other thing I do is when I am seated and waiting for the meeting to begin just smile and say hello to the person seated next to you if possible, I do appreciate that sometimes they have their own conversations going on. It is surprising how often a conversation can get going from that.

    Hope some of this may help

    Liz
     
    HellieCopter and Scarlet Daisy like this.
  8. Scarlet Daisy

    Scarlet Daisy Hungry For Life

    Posts:
    835
    Likes Received:
    72
    Start Weight:
    15st0lb
    Current Weight:
    10st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st8lb
    Lost(%):
    4st6lb(29.52%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Brilliant advice!

    I'm pretty confident and outgoing but I still find it really hard to join a new group and fit in. At least with SW meetings you know there is a subject everyone will be interested in talking about!

    I took a while to settle at my group but now I'm one of the old faces and get lifts home, as well as chatting. ;)
     
  9. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

    Posts:
    10,819
    Likes Received:
    380
    Hi Lucy,
    That is a shame but when I read your post I thought, hmm, my group is a social group and a slimming group!
    I've been going for 2 1/2 years to my group and I do know everyone but I always make a point of welcoming new members and if they sit near me then I will make conversation asking if they have had a good week for example.
    It's really daunting when you join any new group as everyone does seem to know everyone and a lot of new people join in pairs so it really seems as though you are on your own. Just think though, in a few more weeks you'll get used to seeing the same faces and will get to know them too.

    People do sit around chatting for ages before Image Therapy, that's the social part of it, and some people actually go early so that they can have a chat and catch up! If it really does bother you hun, then go towards the end of the weighing session, not as the class opens, and then you will have less "standing round" time - but then this can be a bit detrimental as you won't really get to know people!

    Staying to group really does help with your weight loss so don't give up hun, it will get better!
     
  10. lucyc

    lucyc Member

    Posts:
    20
    Likes Received:
    1
    Thanks for the advice everyone, I will try and make a bit more effort, that is a good idea about offering to get people a drink. Although I'm 31 I seem to be the youngest one there (not often I get to feel young lol) the average age is about 50 so I think that is part of it. I'm not ageist or anything but I think it's easier getting chatting to people in your age group isn't it? Will see how next week goes xx
     
    jaylou likes this.
  11. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

    Posts:
    10,819
    Likes Received:
    380
    Stick with it hun, I'm 38 and one of my best friends at group is a lady who is 60. Age has no bearing on losing weight, we are all there for the same reason!
     
  12. Scarlet Daisy

    Scarlet Daisy Hungry For Life

    Posts:
    835
    Likes Received:
    72
    Start Weight:
    15st0lb
    Current Weight:
    10st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st8lb
    Lost(%):
    4st6lb(29.52%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Hahaha! I'm 51 and my boyfriend is younger than you. ;)
     
  13. LisaC

    LisaC Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,155
    Likes Received:
    24
    Start Weight:
    17st0lb
    Current Weight:
    17st0lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st6lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Hi Lucy, when I joined my SW class in March I found exactly the same problem!!

    I was the youngest person in the group, everyone knew everyone & it seemed quite click-y, I felt very uncomfortable.

    I stuck at it as I felt staying for the group was vital, after a few weeks people recognised me more & as hard as I find it speaking to people I dont know well, I would nicely go & chat to one or two of the ladies, Im not really chummy like they all are with each other but by talking to them first Ive found it to be better.

    I'll be honest & say that lots of women in my group seem to only go there for the social side of it, when they talk about SW they don't really take it seriously etc etc but thats fine, its up to them. Most people go with someone or a few ladies so Im on my own & do sometimes feel leftout but try talking to them, look for a friendly face.

    If that really doesn't work maybe there's another group near by??
     
  14. Vixxster

    Vixxster Nojo on the YoYo

    Posts:
    1,968
    Likes Received:
    87
    Start Weight:
    19st8.0lb
    Current Weight:
    19st8.0lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0.0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Heh, you just like showing off dontcha? Well I bet my boyfriend's younger than your boyfriend, so NERRRRRR :p :cool:

    EDIT: I do know how you feel though OP - I go out of my way to go to a group miles from where I live because my friend goes.
     
  15. Scarlet Daisy

    Scarlet Daisy Hungry For Life

    Posts:
    835
    Likes Received:
    72
    Start Weight:
    15st0lb
    Current Weight:
    10st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st8lb
    Lost(%):
    4st6lb(29.52%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    If I remember correctly, only by about 5 years :D (Mine is 29).


    I was trying to make a point though... Age doesn't stop you communicating - especially with women in their 50s, who are mostly pretty open-minded and switched on, these days.
     
  16. Vixxster

    Vixxster Nojo on the YoYo

    Posts:
    1,968
    Likes Received:
    87
    Start Weight:
    19st8.0lb
    Current Weight:
    19st8.0lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0.0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    I know I know. You aren't Carol McGiffin by any chance are ya?
     
  17. Wicca303

    Wicca303 Full Member

    Posts:
    416
    Likes Received:
    8
    Start Weight:
    16st8lb
    Current Weight:
    16st1lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st7lb(3.02%)
    Diet:
    Healthy eating and 5:2

    :D That made me giggle, people at work are now looking at me strangely.
     
  18. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Advert

  19. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

    Posts:
    10,819
    Likes Received:
    380
    Made me smile too! That women is fab for nearly 50! In fact, she's just fab full stop!
     
  20. lucyc

    lucyc Member

    Posts:
    20
    Likes Received:
    1
    Sorry if I came off on the wrong foot earlier, I know that everyone has just as good a reason to lose weight at any age, one of my neighbours is in her 60's and we find loads to chat about, including our weight battles. As a lady on here suggested I may eventually try going to a different group to see if I feel more at home there. I just wish there were more daytime ones round my way as they are nearly all at around 6pm which is before my hubby can get home to takeover childcare duties!
     
  21. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

    Posts:
    10,819
    Likes Received:
    380
    I don't think you came across wrong at all and I wouldn't really have thought a different group would make much difference, you would still be a newbie! Stick it out, it will get better hun. x
     
Popular Forums
  1. MiniMins.com is a weight loss support community helping each other on their weight loss journey. We have a multitude of forums, from Slimming World and Exante, to Success Stories. Click the logo at the top right to return to the forum home page at any time.
Loading...