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Feeling out of place at SW group

#1
Hi, I am new to this site and only 3 weeks in to Slimming World so hello everybody. I have come on here as I'm a bit disappointed with the group I go to. Every time I go there are almost completely different people to the week before, but they all seem to know each other really well. It's put me off staying after the weigh in but it seems like a waste of money to just leave straight after. I know it's a slimming club not a social club but everyone stands around chatting for ages before the group therapy starts and I feel like I'm the odd one out just sitting there!
 
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S: 11st3.0lb C: 11st7.0lb G: 9st7.0lb BMI: 27.6 Loss: -0st4lb(-2.55%)
#2
Hi Lucy, welcome to Minimins :)

Sometimes getting into a new group is hard. People do often know each other, and after just 3 weeks, especially in summer when people have been on holidays, you're bound to see different faces and have different people coming and going.

Why does other people knowing each other put you off? Try to think of it as a social club as well as a slimming club. People come with friends, make friends there...there's no reason why you can't as well :) And when you get to know people, that's when all the tips and advice come out and you will find that you get more from the group.

I'd say stick with it for a while, but if you're still feeling like you aren't fitting in, then find yourself a different group. Give it a chance though. I hope you start to feel more comfortable soon.

And we're always here too! :D
 
S: 23st9lb C: 20st0lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 45.2 Loss: 3st9lb(15.41%)
#3
Stick with it, I am extremely shy in group, but as you lose weight and gain confidence I am sure you will make friends and find it worthwhile. I am pretty sure if you look around you will spot someone like you also feeling a bit lost and newbie and it might be easier to strike up a conversation. Be sure to pop in here often though as this bunch are pretty fantastic :D

**hugs**
Cobweb x
 
#4
Thanks for the reply, I just find it hard to get talking to anyone there as they are all chatting in little cliches about their personal lives etc so I can't really join in the the conversation. I find it easier talking to people on a one to one basis although I do try and join in with the group therapy. I think I'll give it another week or two as I've lost 3 pounds so far and am finding it good otherwise. I will definitely come on here from now on anyway!
 

Wacky Jacky

Size 10 in time for 2010!
S: 16st7lb C: 10st2lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 22.9 Loss: 6st5lb(38.53%)
#5
Hello and welcome to Minimins and Slimming World - pity you don't got to my group ..... I think I've got one of "those faces" .... I seem to attract people asking for help of some kind or another! Does your group have teas & coffees on the go? If so, why not offer to make a cuppa for a couple of people to break the ice, or ask someone where you can find out some syn value or other? Ask your Consultant or the Weigh In person if you could do anything to help in the group, maybe? I know I definitely end up talking to everyone at group now because I usually get them to sign in and take their money off them, so they all feel at ease asking me for help or advice ..... I'm sure people at your group are likely to need some sort of help .... At least try keep going along to group, and hopefully you'll find someone to talk to soon.

Allthe best o'luck'n'stuff
 

Morgawr

Silver Member
G: 10st7lb
#6
Hi - I'm sorry you feel out of place at group, and I can quite understand how difficult it can be.

What I did initially was to force myself to just make small talk with the person in front of me (or behind me) in the queue to pay and weigh and it wasn't long before I could talk to anybody there and they speak to me as well.

The other thing I do is when I am seated and waiting for the meeting to begin just smile and say hello to the person seated next to you if possible, I do appreciate that sometimes they have their own conversations going on. It is surprising how often a conversation can get going from that.

Hope some of this may help

Liz
 
S: 15st0lb C: 10st8lb G: 10st8lb BMI: 23.2 Loss: 4st6lb(29.52%)
#7
Hi - I'm sorry you feel out of place at group, and I can quite understand how difficult it can be.

What I did initially was to force myself to just make small talk with the person in front of me (or behind me) in the queue to pay and weigh and it wasn't long before I could talk to anybody there and they speak to me as well.

The other thing I do is when I am seated and waiting for the meeting to begin just smile and say hello to the person seated next to you if possible, I do appreciate that sometimes they have their own conversations going on. It is surprising how often a conversation can get going from that.

Hope some of this may help

Liz
Brilliant advice!

I'm pretty confident and outgoing but I still find it really hard to join a new group and fit in. At least with SW meetings you know there is a subject everyone will be interested in talking about!

I took a while to settle at my group but now I'm one of the old faces and get lifts home, as well as chatting. ;)
 
#8
Hi Lucy,
That is a shame but when I read your post I thought, hmm, my group is a social group and a slimming group!
I've been going for 2 1/2 years to my group and I do know everyone but I always make a point of welcoming new members and if they sit near me then I will make conversation asking if they have had a good week for example.
It's really daunting when you join any new group as everyone does seem to know everyone and a lot of new people join in pairs so it really seems as though you are on your own. Just think though, in a few more weeks you'll get used to seeing the same faces and will get to know them too.

People do sit around chatting for ages before Image Therapy, that's the social part of it, and some people actually go early so that they can have a chat and catch up! If it really does bother you hun, then go towards the end of the weighing session, not as the class opens, and then you will have less "standing round" time - but then this can be a bit detrimental as you won't really get to know people!

Staying to group really does help with your weight loss so don't give up hun, it will get better!
 
#9
Thanks for the advice everyone, I will try and make a bit more effort, that is a good idea about offering to get people a drink. Although I'm 31 I seem to be the youngest one there (not often I get to feel young lol) the average age is about 50 so I think that is part of it. I'm not ageist or anything but I think it's easier getting chatting to people in your age group isn't it? Will see how next week goes xx
 
S: 15st0lb C: 10st8lb G: 10st8lb BMI: 23.2 Loss: 4st6lb(29.52%)
#11
Although I'm 31 I seem to be the youngest one there (not often I get to feel young lol) the average age is about 50 so I think that is part of it. I'm not ageist or anything but I think it's easier getting chatting to people in your age group isn't it?
Hahaha! I'm 51 and my boyfriend is younger than you. ;)
 

LisaC

Gold Member
S: 17st0lb C: 17st0lb G: 10st6lb BMI: 40.2 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#12
Hi Lucy, when I joined my SW class in March I found exactly the same problem!!

I was the youngest person in the group, everyone knew everyone & it seemed quite click-y, I felt very uncomfortable.

I stuck at it as I felt staying for the group was vital, after a few weeks people recognised me more & as hard as I find it speaking to people I dont know well, I would nicely go & chat to one or two of the ladies, Im not really chummy like they all are with each other but by talking to them first Ive found it to be better.

I'll be honest & say that lots of women in my group seem to only go there for the social side of it, when they talk about SW they don't really take it seriously etc etc but thats fine, its up to them. Most people go with someone or a few ladies so Im on my own & do sometimes feel leftout but try talking to them, look for a friendly face.

If that really doesn't work maybe there's another group near by??
 

Vixxster

Nojo on the YoYo
S: 19st8.0lb C: 19st8.0lb G: 11st0.0lb BMI: 47 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#13
Hahaha! I'm 51 and my boyfriend is younger than you. ;)
Heh, you just like showing off dontcha? Well I bet my boyfriend's younger than your boyfriend, so NERRRRRR :p :cool:

EDIT: I do know how you feel though OP - I go out of my way to go to a group miles from where I live because my friend goes.
 
S: 15st0lb C: 10st8lb G: 10st8lb BMI: 23.2 Loss: 4st6lb(29.52%)
#14
Heh, you just like showing off dontcha? Well I bet my boyfriend's younger than your boyfriend, so NERRRRRR :p :cool:
If I remember correctly, only by about 5 years :D (Mine is 29).


I was trying to make a point though... Age doesn't stop you communicating - especially with women in their 50s, who are mostly pretty open-minded and switched on, these days.
 

Vixxster

Nojo on the YoYo
S: 19st8.0lb C: 19st8.0lb G: 11st0.0lb BMI: 47 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#15
If I remember correctly, only by about 5 years :D (Mine is 29).


I was trying to make a point though... Age doesn't stop you communicating - especially with women in their 50s, who are mostly pretty open-minded and switched on, these days.
I know I know. You aren't Carol McGiffin by any chance are ya?
 
S: 16st8lb C: 16st1lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 38.6 Loss: 0st7lb(3.02%)
#16
I know I know. You aren't Carol McGiffin by any chance are ya?

:D That made me giggle, people at work are now looking at me strangely.
 
#18
Sorry if I came off on the wrong foot earlier, I know that everyone has just as good a reason to lose weight at any age, one of my neighbours is in her 60's and we find loads to chat about, including our weight battles. As a lady on here suggested I may eventually try going to a different group to see if I feel more at home there. I just wish there were more daytime ones round my way as they are nearly all at around 6pm which is before my hubby can get home to takeover childcare duties!
 
#19
I don't think you came across wrong at all and I wouldn't really have thought a different group would make much difference, you would still be a newbie! Stick it out, it will get better hun. x
 


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