Feeling very low, and gave in to food :(

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by snuggle69, 29 April 2010 Social URL.

  1. snuggle69

    snuggle69 Silver Member

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    Long story but I have been trying to divorce my ex husband for 3 years now, he has been so difficult with the arrangements and maintenance for the children that I eventually had to give up because of the cost. At christmas for the first time in over a year he rang me to say if I started proceedings again he would agree to the orignal things and we could finally get everything settled. This is because he has decided to marry the lady I threw him out for having an affair with!!
    Well I got a call from the solicitor yesterday to say he has refused to sign anything again, I have spent yet another £500 for nothing and still he has control of my life :(

    So last night I blew it big time....Large bag of maltesers, large bag of kettle chips and a portion of chips. Do I feel any better today? nope now I feel guilty for binge eating.

    I am back on the wagon today, but feel awful and not motivated fingers crossed I can get through the next couple of days without dropping back off the wagon. Times like these can be very lonely when you have no one around you. Lets just hope I can turn things around before weigh in next week.

    It has made me decide one thing though I need to get out more and start enjoying life.
     
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  3. alwyn

    alwyn Silver Member

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    Aw hon, sounds like you're having a really rubbish time. At least you're back on the wagon today and you haven't used it as an excuse to carry on binging.

    Well done you xx

    You don't have a massive way to go until target, and just think how good you'll feel about yourself once you get there. Stick two fingers up at your ex!

    Does he still see the children now? I've not been in your situation (don't have kids either) but I'd be inclined to temporarily stop the contact if he keeps playing silly b*ggers.

    If he wants to get married to this woman then he'll have to agree to the terms of the divorce sooner or later, it's just a case of waiting it out. I know it sucks, but you'll be rid of him in the end.

    Keep your chin up honey xxx
     
  4. Eternalflame

    Eternalflame Excited about the new me!

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    Morning Snuggles

    I went through a messy divorce,with 3 kids, he refused to pay any maintence to me for the kids and even gave up his job so he didn't have to.. So I do understand that this can throw you all ways, I'm an emotional eater too, but you do need to re gain control, so i'dtell the solicitor that you want this to hurry through and don't want any contact with him. If you have kids, that can be done through supervised access, or a member of your family for now.

    Please try again and think of how this slipping is affecting you, you have done so well and only have 11lb to go now.. so come on, you can do it and "Don't let the B's get you down" xx
     
  5. snuggle69

    snuggle69 Silver Member

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    Thanks for your comments, I would love to stop contact but that would upset the kids which isnt something I would do. I also receive no maintenance and I am just lucky that I have a good enough job to be able to support the children myself.
    I have had yet more traumas today of my neighbours decided to take the adjoining fence down without telling me and the dogs escaping from the garden....but they are now back home, I am back at the office...and I havent misbehaved with food.....expect loads of ramblings from me tonight though as that will be my danger time if I am still feeling like this
     
  6. MancBird

    MancBird Always comes back to MMs!

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    What a difficult situation he has put you in - but you're obviously a brilliant Mum and your loss so far is fantastic. Please try and stay strong, and if you need to rant come here, that's what we're all here for! xxxx
     
  7. moomintrolljen

    moomintrolljen Will be thin god dammit!!

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    Awww chin up, we are only human and you have to put the glitch behind you and get back on track, your so close to your target!
    Good luck
     
  8. Wendi

    Wendi Full Member

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    Sorry to hear things are so bad at the moment. Regarding the divorce, if you have lived continously apart for five years, you may be able to petition for a divorce without his consent based on five years separation. I found this for you:-

    On rare occasions the UK Divorce Law grants divorce to couples without consent from both partners. Divorce under the category of 5 years Separation Without Consent is granted to couples who have lived apart continuously for a period of five years or more. If the continuous separation of five years can be proven, then consent is not necessary from the other partner. However, it is important that the partner filing for divorce to understand that the court can still refuse to grant the divorce. So, although in most cases the Five years Separation law is good grounds for divorce without consent, however there have been cases where divorce was not granted when the other partner has been able to prove extreme hardship.

    Of course this would mean waiting two more years (if you separated just three years ago).

    I think it is very wise of you not to stop contact with the children. As frustrating as it is, his refusal to sign divorce papers is not a ground to stop contact and you could potentially find yourself as a Respondent on an application for Contact.

    Hope things work out for you :)
     
  9. snuggle69

    snuggle69 Silver Member

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    I would never do anything to hurt the children, what happened between us should affect them as little as possible as far as I am concerned. Thanks for your advice, my solicitor also said today that I may have to wait the full 5 years so we will see, just feel like he is still trying to control my life if that makes sense!

    As for today, I have been really good and havent veered off plan at all so fingers crossed I can continue on that tomorrow.. thanks for all your advice I am so glad I found this forum
     
  10. lemon_fizz

    lemon_fizz Full Member

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    Sorry to read of your troubles.
     
  11. Going2be*fab*at40

    Going2be*fab*at40 Silver Member

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    Hi,
    I just wanted to say that I went through a difficult time with my ex and contact arrangements for my children - I spent the best part of 2 years in the courts.
    It was a very emotional time for me and in that time, I put on lots and lots of weight - that's exactly the reason why I am here.
    It was incredibly easy to over-eat - I just didn't care.

    Anyway, I do appreciate some of your challenges, but as you know and have written, eating will not solve your problems, it will just help to lower your self-esteem.

    Make the most of the fantastic support network that you have here - focus on how fabulous you feel about you as a direct result of all of the weight that you've lost so far, and try and seperate the issues (weight v issues at home) - I do know that its easier said than done.

    You can and will do it.
    xxx
     
  12. not_lar_croft

    not_lar_croft Silver Member

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    Maybe you need to put doubt into the mind of the women he is with now. Why does he not want to divorce you is it because he is still in love with you or is it because he does not love her enought to marry her and therefore is holding off getting a divorce from you. If she gives him enough earache and questions his reason for not getting divorced he may be happy to sign the papers? Just a thought! Otherwise unless you have plans to get married again then leave it for him to do. He only has control over your life if you let him. I have been in a similar situation and once I stopped worrying about things they did eventually sort themselves out.

    Hope all goes well and like someone else said you can be proud of yourself for being a good mother and the slip up with the diet is fine as you have got straight back into the plan. :)
     
  13. Meli

    Meli Gold Member

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    I hope that things get better for you soon and you've done great with your weight loss so far, so don't let these things blow it. It should just give you more motivation to keep going and feel proud of yourself. You're a strong woman :)
     
  14. eilidhsmummy

    eilidhsmummy Full Member

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    i think talking to the other woman may be a good idea although the hardest thing to do, my sil is going through a terrible time wanting a divorce, as has left everything is his hands as she has been left with 3 kids and doesnt have the spare cash to go through it all!

    he walked out about 8yrs ago and now has a newly born set of twins to somebody else and refuses to pay csa, even changes his job after they find him and get a couple of payments!
     
  15. tara40

    tara40 Loves Norman Reedus

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    Dont know much about divorces but are you entitled to divorce without the other signature after so many years?
     
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