It's the night before and I am sitting here fretting as to whether I can actually do this. I want it so bad, I just have to get the headspace right.
So, the reasons for doing such a low cal diet are; yuck, that irritating 'for the sake of my health' , but more for the way I look.....I hate that old, baggy, saggy bag puss that I see in the mirror.
I just got back from a weekend in London visiting my daughter and the whole town is full of slim people and even worse in our hotel room there was a sofa facing a floor to ceiling mirror and seeing myself sitting on that sofa in what I thought was my most flattering outfit is burnt into my retina. I looked like a big toad, huge fat belly and skinny legs sticking out. My girls would shout at me for calling myself names but you know I loathed what I looked like, felt so ashamed that I have done this to myself, disgust that the woman in the mirror is me.
Harsh maybe but honest and from the heart.
This is my last chance to change my life, I know if I leave it much longer I will give up on myself entirely. I have so much to live for so why give up on myself and life. I want to have fun and not hide myself away. I want to wear pretty clothes and feel confident when I enter a room. I want to make friends, I have no friends, I allowed myself to be cut off from people by my relationship and didn't feel worthy of friends so hid away and stopped trying to meet people. I felt that I was too ugly to be liked, so if I slim down I might find the courage to reach out a hand to people and maybe someone will take it.
There I said it, I have no friends and I am terribly lonely.
A slimmer me maybe a likeable me.
Wish me luck xxxx
So, the reasons for doing such a low cal diet are; yuck, that irritating 'for the sake of my health' , but more for the way I look.....I hate that old, baggy, saggy bag puss that I see in the mirror.
I just got back from a weekend in London visiting my daughter and the whole town is full of slim people and even worse in our hotel room there was a sofa facing a floor to ceiling mirror and seeing myself sitting on that sofa in what I thought was my most flattering outfit is burnt into my retina. I looked like a big toad, huge fat belly and skinny legs sticking out. My girls would shout at me for calling myself names but you know I loathed what I looked like, felt so ashamed that I have done this to myself, disgust that the woman in the mirror is me.
Harsh maybe but honest and from the heart.
This is my last chance to change my life, I know if I leave it much longer I will give up on myself entirely. I have so much to live for so why give up on myself and life. I want to have fun and not hide myself away. I want to wear pretty clothes and feel confident when I enter a room. I want to make friends, I have no friends, I allowed myself to be cut off from people by my relationship and didn't feel worthy of friends so hid away and stopped trying to meet people. I felt that I was too ugly to be liked, so if I slim down I might find the courage to reach out a hand to people and maybe someone will take it.
There I said it, I have no friends and I am terribly lonely.
A slimmer me maybe a likeable me.
Wish me luck xxxx