Form a queue - 10p a kick....

[Blonde Logic]

I lost the plot this week. No point dancing around the subject line - I let life get to me, and did something I never ever did on this diet before - and I lapsed. :break_diet: And And And and

I just had a really rotten few days this week.

I quit smoking a week ago today (will be exacly 7 days smoke free at 10:30pm tonight!)

So between that and the diet - will power was pretty well extended.

Then my husband did something stupid, in only that unbelieveable way spouses can do, and it was something I felt very insensitive and self-fulfilling, and I was furious. It was the maddest I have ever been at him. We have a pretty quiet life, and never really spend much time actually ANGRY at each other. Annoyed and miffed - sure - but not ANGRY, and boiy, was I.

Work was the pits. SHort staffed and we have been under stress and pressure since March when we got a new IT system. It was rough.

And then, and I apologise for TMI, but I have a medical issue that desperatly needs attention - but one no one ever rushed to deal with - Piles. And yesterday, they crossed over to where I HAVE to deal with them. ASAP. I am miserable and it is painful and uncomfortable and just overall the pits. Pain kept me awake from 4am this morning, etc.

So - with all of that, I just basically said "Stuff it, I am eating today" And I didn;t have single pack. I didn't binge, I just ate - but - when you are on this diet the things available in the house are not fresh fruit or veg, etc., so wise choices were not abundant. So, while it was not a binge fest, I am dissappointed in myself.

I just said 'sod it' - and did it. Total rebellious child with two fingers up at the world - my husband - my bosses - my bum - two fingers to the lot.

I am fine today- perfectly back in control, just really annoyed.

It was not OK. It was not necessary, and I just stuck my fingers in my ear like a child and went "nah nah nah nah - I can;t hear you...."

Truth is, and I don;t say this often as I don;t want to damper all the lovely enthusiasm here with all of you on your first adventure, and lavashing in your great resulte...but truth is, I AM SICK TO DEATH OF LIGHTER LIFE.

Doing it once for 10 months, never lapsing, took everything I had, and I did it.

Now, the first couple of months it was great - but now, I am bored and annoyed and pissed off - and sad - lots of stuff stirred again by the lapse and our argument - I just want more than anything to unwind the clock - just a year or two - and be where I was, happy, slim and oblivious.

It is taking EVERYTHING I have to see this through now. At first I was dissappointed my upcoming surgery would cut my diet short by about 3-4 weeks - but now I am grateful.

I just hav to get through October. Thats it.

Today is a new day, but now that I have tasted food, I really hope I don't battle it everyday for the next month. This is why I never lapse. I can;t believe I have.

:break_diet:

 

[lozzer58]

Hi Blonde Logic, Dont beat yourself up , you are a total inspiration to a newbie like me what you have done is awesome . Hope everything goes well with medical problem you must be feeling pretty miserable no fun being in pain and having a totally stressful week on top. Being new i dont qualify to give you advice on LL but it takes one hell of a person to do what you have done so far, you must be one strong individual hope everything works out well for you take care Lorraine

 

[sexychick]

Hi BL,
You know what you did,with good reason your only human!
Now you're starting a new day.
Kick ass over hun!

This month will fly by you know you can do it hun!!

I know what you mean about been fed up of LL,I felt the same on my 3rd attempt,but hay I'm back at my goal and happy again.

You will feel the same way too soon hunni stay strong.

It's a case of been there done that,didn't really want to do it again but had to!!

You've done fantastic so far stick with it,you know it will be worth it!!!
Not much longer to go,it will soon be over!
Take care.
Sexy xx

 

[roundrachel]

Yesterday is in the past BL. You're back on track and only have to get through October. I compeltely understand your sentiment that you're fed up with LL. I'm struggling too. Denying myself food on social occasions this time round has felt so much harder. It's only my own fault for getting myself in this state again but it doesn't make it any easier. You've done so well and maintained so well for such a long time and been a real ispiration and continue to be so for so many people on here.
No need to dwell on yesterday. You know why it happened. It won't happen again and you're back on track. It would have been much worse if you continued for the rest of the week!
I hope you can get your medical problems sorted out this week. I can really sympathise with your problem as I've suffered in the past too.
Hold your head high and just think how great you're going to feel in the new year. Feet will be fixed and you'll feel tonnes better about your body.
You're doing great and getting things under control again. There's no need for a kicking. I'll keep my 10p thank you! xx

 

[Ulysses31]

Hi BL. Was sorry to hear about the awful time you've been having this last week, but don't get too hung up on this lapse - you're a human being, and you're allowed to stray off the beaten track. It's getting back on it that's the true measure of a person, and you've done that straight away. You're every bit as much an inspiration now as you always have been, if not even more so.

I've only been on LLT for 12 weeks (I'm in milk week right now) and already I'm getting fed up of it, so I can only imagine how sick of it you must be. But you've kept it up this long, showing me that it CAN be done. Hold your head up high and be proud of your achievements - staying on it this long, and beating a lapse!

Rich

 

[Blonde Logic]

<<hugs>> thank you everyone, I really appreciate your support.

I am feeling really awful - I have never had this <ahem> problem before - not like this. Minor flare ups after surgery, but this - its painful.

Half of me wants to go to a&e and ask for help - but its not really an emergency is it. Thing is though, doctors wont be able to do anything will they - would have to refer me....so theres days and days waiting.... Ugh. Its a real pain in the arse this is. LITERALLY. :giggle:

ANyway, thank you for your shoulders. xx

 

[lozzer58]

Hi Blonde Logic, casualty might not get your op done any sooner but they be able to make you more comfortable. My son is a ambulance man and people go to casualty with less, hope your better soon take care Lorraine

 

[*Tia*]

Oh blonde!!!!
Sounds like you have had a horrible week and being in pain is not easy for anyone!!!
Try to focus on the positive you have now done nearly a week without reaching for a fag which is brilliant! Think of yesterday as a little blip and I'm sure you can get back on it!!!
You have/and still are such an inspiration you have made a difference to so many people's lives while on this forum!!!! I know your such a strong person and I know your angry with yourself but just think 4 more weeks and you can be LL free!!!
Hugs honey xx

 

[on the verge]

Hello BL
Hope u are feeling a little better by now. As every one here as said u r only human and things happen to the best of us. You have shown that u have it in you by doing 10 months straight. I have only done 3 weeks and ur feet is inspirational. I have no doubt that you will get up, dust off and start from where you left !!
With regards to your medical problem a pharmacy may be able to help with some soothing creams just until your doc can see you. There are some 24 hr pharmacies around.

I do hope this week will be better for you.

Just remember that constipation can worsen piles and so you need to try and keep it soft and regular if you can.

 

[Julz]

Crumbs you are having a tough time, I suffered with the same problem a few years ago and GP resolved with one prescription, it took a few days but the relief was great.
Are you constipated at all? I know you have done LL before and probably resolved the issues then, but maybe you are so busy it is not under control.
I have been using whole psyllium husks mixed with my shakes twice a day, and it has been a lifesaver!
In the meantime have a warm bath, soak if you can, move on from yesterday and forgive yourself, you know you have done fantastically and end of October is in sight, I'm on about day 175 at the moment and struggling badly some days, th others sail buy, trying to get more sailing days!!
Break down the month into 7 day blocks, and it will be achievable, really feel for you hunny, you know we are all here for you and each other!
Take care
Jx

 

[daisydoll]

BL - no kicks from me just a (((((((hug))))))))
You are getting so near again, come on, you can do this.
I'm getting bored too, but tried on some of my 1st time round LL clothes I am just getting back into - and its re-focussed me. A few more weeks we'll be back where we should be - and you know you can maintain once you get there, you did it so well before.
So come on - back on that wagon 100% all the way!!
Daisy xx
PS good luck with the other issue - painful!

 

[Blonde Logic]

Thanks everyone. GLad this day is almost over - though I dont think I will get much slep tonight - there is no position I can sit/lay/stand in to take the pressure off. I am deffo going to have to go see my doc tomorrow asap. I spoke at least the the NHS for advise and hopefully maybe there will be some relief by morning....though no signs of it yet. Man, this is mis-o-ra-ble!!!!!! I am so not a happy bunny.

Other than that, feeling better then I did yesterday!! THough its been a struggle today. I really needed diversion today, and wanted to go out or soemthing, but all I have done is sit for 10-15 minutes - stand for 10-15 minutes - bath for 10-15 minutes, and so on. lol

Anyway than you all for your support and encouragement. It helps.

xx

 

[eatlikeabird]

Hi BL,
Cream from the doctor definitely helps, hope you will rapidly get some relief tomorrow. Cream I got is not stinky like prep H and gave much more relief also.
I have been using the LL fibre, may try the psyllum fibre soon.
You are almost there. Be kind to yourself and big hugs. xx

 

[slendablenda]

Love ya piles hun - oops sorry, meant to say
Love ya loads.
Hope you can get some relief soon. Someone told me old fashioned vaseline can give a bit of relief. The Pharmacy is a good suggestion.
If you said "sod it" you're turning native! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:bighug:

 

[Jemima80]

Ahh blonde honey - you are doing so well, can believe you are doing LL and giving up smoking - that is huge! You're bound to crave sugar and carbs when you give up smoking too ... May be worth asking your GP for some advice... Are you using any nicotine replacement? I found this really effective.
I had piles when pregnant and it may be worth calling NHS direct as they can hel you with stuff from over the counter.
I got anusol and a solution called lactalose that was absolutely friggin amazing within 24 hours! Only problem with lactalose is that it is a sugary syrup but honestly things improved within a day and you can just get them over the counter.
Bigs hugs, you're doing so well x

 

[slendablenda]

Sorry BL - Also meant to say huge respect for not going back to the ciggies xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:happy096:

 

[UmmZakaria]

You poor thing, I really hope you manage to get some sleep. Sod the lapse, these things happen, it's in the past. I agree, well done for not going back to the cigs. that's amazing!! Big hugs xxx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Blonde Logic]

AWw, thanks so much ladies.

I weighed my choices - when I knew something had to give, I asked myself which of the two evils would be easiest to go straight back to, and I knew smoking would be harder, so opted to lapse instead. I knwe it would be the easier of the two blips to put straight behind me.

Well, itss 2:30am, and I sat here so uncomfortably....I never had any idea these things could get so uncomfortable. Jeez -= there is just no way to sitlay.stand comfortably.

Going to call in sick in the morning - at least until I can see the doc. Hope they can getme in strait away.

I did call NHS Direct and they were very helpful. Their suggestions not pleasant, but helpful LOL Ever try icing yer arse??? Thank god hubby is out of town, that leaves some dignity in place - however, my audience of 2 cats and my dog was a little unsettling

Hope I can get back to sleep soon.

Thanks for all your messages. Means the world.
x
x

 

[Blonde Logic]

Well, another sleepless uncomfortable night - slept from 11pm to 1am, and thats it - was too uncomforatble whatever I tried.

I called in sick, and got in to see my doctor this morning. Its a Thromboid Pile - so its a big blood clot and wil take time to go down. He tried - shudder- removing blood using a big ugly needle. No one- NO one - whould ever, EVER have to have a needle stuck there!!! Owwwwwwwwwwwwww. It still hurts.

So, stronger cream and Luctalose on tap the next couple of weeks.

He was impressed though - said no wonder I am in pain!! lol

Hope Luctalose doesnt affect Ketosis, but truth is I really dont care - this is one of the most unpleasant things so that needs to get sorted sooner rather than later.

Probably staying off tomorrow too.

Pooh pah.

 

[lozzer58]

Hi Blonde Logic, glad you got to see doctor and you now have something to help.hope you get some relief soon take care Lorraine