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Friendship problem

#1
Some of you may remember my posts a few weeks ago about how I am doing SW with my friend and her daughter and that they are cheating and fibbing about weight losses.
Well this week I had to know, so I asked them to weigh at my house. And so my suspicions were right- They have both gained weight since we all started in March- mum about 5lbs and daughter 8lbs. When I asked about this, the mum claims that they had put this on in a week and that they had been on plan the whole time. I know this is absolutly lies cos they asked me to go to BUrger King with them a few days ago, and then came to my house with ice creams the same day!
So anyway.
Have left them to it and trying to distance myself from them a bit. I have a few issues with the daughter, I think she may have a few problems regarding her weight. She seems to have a food disorder- she always has to have something in her hand to eat, or is talking about food. She weights 13 stone is 9 years old. She is also very hairy and has a very quick temper. One thing that is worrying me is lately she has been swearing. Yesterday, she even said the c word! And her mother never disciplined her for it- I felt sick when I heard a word like that come out of a childs mouth. I have 2 children and I dont want them mixing with her.
Im sorry if this sounds like me ranting about a child, but it is really the parents taht are at fault and i really feel that I have to distance myself from them. I have tried offering advise and ideas about what can help, but the mum just doesnt listen and it feels like im always going on.
What would you do? What started as me getting annoyed at them for not sticking to SW, has now turned into something more serious :(:(
 
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#2
Yes I really need to distance myslef, just hard as yes we know each other from schoolgates but also live on same street.
Think I will just have to slowly move away from them. I dont want to hurt the Mum, its just I cant be with someone who refuses to help herself and her daughter :(
 
#3
It's a tough one this.

You obviously care for the girl and want her to be happy & healthy, but at the same time it is up to mum to do something. It seems from what you have said mum isn't really that bothered (right word?).

I think unless mum & daughter really want to do something about their weight then you'll just have to leave them to it.

As for the girl swearing I'd say something, not bossy but firm so she knows that isn't allowed in your house.

I'd change the relationship you have with them from losing weight to what else you have, eg nice chat with brew,
 

xKimmyRx

soon to be slim...x
#4
I would distance myself aswell, espesh when u have children of your own!
As for the diet, they are just cheating themselves, at least u know that ur followin it and losin and thats the main thing.
Personally I cant bare liars, thers just no point really.
I hope u manage to sort things out and good luck with ur weigh loss
X

xkimmyx
14lbs gone - 71lbs to go :D
xSoon2bLilMrsSlimx
 
#5
Friendship should be a 2 way thing.
I agree with the others
Have a break from seeing them regularly. Don't go out your way to avoid them but
Don't make plans to meet up. They may see you in a month or so and
Notice if you have lost more weight and if they are interested they will comment and maybe
Consider trying again. If they don't they won't ...
Don't lose sleep over it . It's nice sometimes just to look after yourself and not take on other
Peoples worries x
 
#6
She weights 13 stone is 9 years old. She is also very hairy and has a very quick temper.
Without wanting to interfere with what others have said above - hirsutism (hairiness) is a classic sign of hormonal diseases such as Cushing's, PCOS (polycystic ovary disease) (or precocious puberty in the very young), which could be a serious contributing factor to the girl's obesity. (Although obviously the Burger King is t helping).

It would be advisable for her to see a doctor if she has these signs/symptoms as well as her obesity, although I do appreciate you might want to distance yourself from them for the reasons others have mentioned above.

Just thought I should mention it for the girl's sake. :(
 
#7
I too thought of PCOS when you mentioned hairyness and overweightness for the girl. However, I don't think there's much you're going to be able to do about them to be honest. It sounds like the mother's in denial about the severity of her daughters weight (I don't know what hers is like but 13st for a 9 year old is not right at all).

I think what others have said would be the best thing to do, maybe just see her occasionally rather than regularly and distance yourself. And I agree with maybe changing the relationship to just a cup of tea rather than weight loss buddy. If it were me I wouldn't talk about weight loss with her again (I have a list of people I don't talk about it to as every week they will ask me how much I lost and then moan at me about if I'm eating something they deem as unhealthy "Oh I thought you were on a diet"- You probably know the type).

As for the girl swearing, I'd distance the children but talk to your children about why, so that if they start noticing, then they're not confused about it.
 
#8
Without wanting to interfere with what others have said above - hirsutism (hairiness) is a classic sign of hormonal diseases such as Cushing's, PCOS (polycystic ovary disease) (or precocious puberty in the very young), which could be a serious contributing factor to the girl's obesity. (Although obviously the Burger King is t helping).

It would be advisable for her to see a doctor if she has these signs/symptoms as well as her obesity, although I do appreciate you might want to distance yourself from them for the reasons others have mentioned above.

Just thought I should mention it for the girl's sake. :(
Good advice. Hopefully if your friend loves her daughter and does not want her to spend her teenage years in misery when she sees her slimmer, fitter friends enjoying a life she can not begin to enter into because of her extremely high weight, she will take her 9 year old to the doctor.

A 9 year old girl should weigh between 95 and 120 lbs depending on her height etc. Everyone's weight is peculiar to them. One thing that is sure is that she should not weigh around 190 lbs AND is gaining more. That is really scary stuff.

As for your friend, if your friendship with her is very valuable, I would no longer involve her in your SW life. Let her get on with it, let her kill herself slowly with every cream cake or burger she eats. She is not your problem. Stay friendly on a different level.

Personally I would just want to walk away from the whole silly and sad situation.

Well done for you by not getting sucked into her way of life. You stick with it. You will not be sorry. She will when she sees you at target looking fantastic


hugs xxxxx
 

Safia

Gold Member
#9
Maybe the girl is like that because she is being bullied at school. I was overweight as a teenager and also hairy and i was bullied all the way from secondary school to 6th form. After i went to the docs they tested me for pcos and luckily i didnt have it but i did have a cyst and also i was warned to lose weight weight because i have dark skin at skin folds like my neck which he said indicated i had a higher chance of developing diabetes. As i was a young teenager i was helped with losing some weight so maybe her gp could refer her for tests to get some help x
 
#10
You have all hit the nail on the head- I agree that there could be a hormonal imbalance going on here. I just know that if this was my child I would be climbing over hot coals to get her sorted. But shes not, and so I have to just let them get on with it.
Thank you all for your comments and advise, I plan to keep the friendship going, but perhaps set up a bit of a distance . x
 
#11
Please let us know what happens.

I find the thought of a 13 stone 9 year old so disturbing...............poor kid.
 

ILoveCake

8.5st lighter!
#13
My son is 9 and weighs 5st 5lb and has padding, poor kid at 13st. Only her mother and her doctor can help her. I'd ve very surprised if her mother wasnt aware of a medical issue.

Worry about your own health and journey and separate your friendship with them from your weight loss journey. Xxx
 


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