Fun Book Club!
- Thread starter Enough
- Start date
Enough
Gold Member
me tooo! what am i scared of? most of the time I'm not eating, I'm absolutely fine and not even thinking about it.. like when I'm busy, with people etc.. but I'm terrified of wanting food and it not being available to me.. or being denighed it.. like wanting something and it not being available, or it not being 'allowed' somehow.. it's fine when I'm CHOOSING to do something else, but something... I can't put my finger on... something about not eating when I get the urge is really scarey - like I wont cope.. but wont cope with what? ??
Vxx
Vxx
Enough
Gold Member
I was just looking at the first three chapters again, before moving on to the next three... and I was thinking about those levels of fears that Jeffers talks about, and which ones apply for me and my fears around healthy eating vs. comfort eating...
Rejection
Success
Failure
Being Vulnerable
Being Conned
Helplessness
Disapproval
Loss of Image
of these:
Rejection and feeling unloved or alone in the world is one of my biggest emotions which leads me to comfort eat, rather than to look at a) how true it really is anyway, b)the bigger picture rather than generalise from one small incident c) recognising that making myself overweight is not going to resolve these feelings d) realising that what I want is a cuddle, or some indication that there is love in the world, and eating isn't it.
Success. I've never thought of myself as fearful of success.. but why am I a little fearful of being slim, elegant, and not my 'usual' podgey self? Am I a little scared of some successes but have yet to realise/acknowledge the fact? maybe..
Failure and rejection... the two areas in my life where I get down and find it hard to get back up again, instead of taking things in my stride, I become overwhelmed and find it very difficult to shake of the idea that somehow I belong in the category of 'failure'.. all or nothing, rather than a bakance.. rather than recognising I'm good at some things, and other things will require more practice, skill development, learning, time.. or that maybe I don't need to be perfect or some leading pro.. what I would like is to enjoy the things I do, things I feel, things I think.. rather than compare myself with the next person..
The fear of CD for me, and Especially the fear of maintanaince, is the fear of failure, and risk that instead of seeing one small hiccup as a little thing, think of it as an all consuming failure, never to be recovered from.. like I've thrown myself in the bin! Rather than just 'one of those things' that is easily recoverable
Being Vulnerable
-telling people about being on CD.. -admitting to myself in the first place that I wanted to expose myself to the feelings/thoughts that admitting my difficulties would expose me to..
-asking for help
Being Conned
-questioning the safety of being on a diet
-worring about asking for support - can I really deeply, whole heartedly trust people with my deepest insecurities? will I be safe?
Helplessness
-what if I feel hungry/want to quench my pang for comfort eating/am feeling that I can't cope, and yet I don't have any more CDs left that day?? How will I COPE?
Disapproval
-fear of disapproval from others who don't understand CD..
-fear of disapproval from CDers if I have a problem with it/slip/blip etc
-fear of disapproval if I don't loose the weight
-fear of getting to goal, and disapproving of myself and the way I have wasted a large chunk of my life not looking after myself
Loss of Image
-who will I be when I'm slim? will it change me? what sort of clothes will I choose when I start to have a choice? will others approve?
and things I think "I can't handle"
feeling that 'desparate pang' that leads me to comfort eat, and not being 'allowed'.. or rather.. CHOOSING NOT TO comfort eat...
--------------------
The first three chapters of Feel the Fear have been brilliant for me!
So, how's everyone else found them?
Vxx
Rejection
Success
Failure
Being Vulnerable
Being Conned
Helplessness
Disapproval
Loss of Image
of these:
Rejection and feeling unloved or alone in the world is one of my biggest emotions which leads me to comfort eat, rather than to look at a) how true it really is anyway, b)the bigger picture rather than generalise from one small incident c) recognising that making myself overweight is not going to resolve these feelings d) realising that what I want is a cuddle, or some indication that there is love in the world, and eating isn't it.
Success. I've never thought of myself as fearful of success.. but why am I a little fearful of being slim, elegant, and not my 'usual' podgey self? Am I a little scared of some successes but have yet to realise/acknowledge the fact? maybe..
Failure and rejection... the two areas in my life where I get down and find it hard to get back up again, instead of taking things in my stride, I become overwhelmed and find it very difficult to shake of the idea that somehow I belong in the category of 'failure'.. all or nothing, rather than a bakance.. rather than recognising I'm good at some things, and other things will require more practice, skill development, learning, time.. or that maybe I don't need to be perfect or some leading pro.. what I would like is to enjoy the things I do, things I feel, things I think.. rather than compare myself with the next person..
The fear of CD for me, and Especially the fear of maintanaince, is the fear of failure, and risk that instead of seeing one small hiccup as a little thing, think of it as an all consuming failure, never to be recovered from.. like I've thrown myself in the bin! Rather than just 'one of those things' that is easily recoverable
Being Vulnerable
-telling people about being on CD.. -admitting to myself in the first place that I wanted to expose myself to the feelings/thoughts that admitting my difficulties would expose me to..
-asking for help
Being Conned
-questioning the safety of being on a diet
-worring about asking for support - can I really deeply, whole heartedly trust people with my deepest insecurities? will I be safe?
Helplessness
-what if I feel hungry/want to quench my pang for comfort eating/am feeling that I can't cope, and yet I don't have any more CDs left that day?? How will I COPE?
Disapproval
-fear of disapproval from others who don't understand CD..
-fear of disapproval from CDers if I have a problem with it/slip/blip etc
-fear of disapproval if I don't loose the weight
-fear of getting to goal, and disapproving of myself and the way I have wasted a large chunk of my life not looking after myself
Loss of Image
-who will I be when I'm slim? will it change me? what sort of clothes will I choose when I start to have a choice? will others approve?
and things I think "I can't handle"
feeling that 'desparate pang' that leads me to comfort eat, and not being 'allowed'.. or rather.. CHOOSING NOT TO comfort eat...
--------------------
The first three chapters of Feel the Fear have been brilliant for me!
So, how's everyone else found them?
Vxx
Last edited:
Asa
Silver Member
Thank you so much for posting your thoughts Enough! I haven't quite finished chapter three, but will do next week. There were some things you wrote that I really can relate too:
Yes, why do we think we have to be perfect at everything, even at things we don't know how to do. We would never put those demand on someone else. We would allow them to train and do rookie mistakes. Why not for ourselves? And we should also accept that we might be really bad at something, but that doesn't make us BAD persons, just at that thing!
I agree here. I am also afraid of failing long term, I know I can take the weight off. But I am less confident that I will keep it off. I am afraid people will See me as a failure if I yet again failed another diet.
Totally agree here. I have to re factor how I see myself. Me and many of my friends sees me as the girl with long going weight problems, who is constantly thinking about food, diets, or doing a diet. That is what I do, I put a lot of time on this. I have a lot of friends that I know just because we are struggling with weight. Will we find something to talk about? Will it affect our relationship if I succeed and they don't? Who I am once the dieting is taken out of my life? What will I enjoy, how will I dress. And so on.
Yes, why do we think we have to be perfect at everything, even at things we don't know how to do. We would never put those demand on someone else. We would allow them to train and do rookie mistakes. Why not for ourselves? And we should also accept that we might be really bad at something, but that doesn't make us BAD persons, just at that thing!
The fear of CD for me, and Especially the fear of maintanaince, is the fear of failure, and risk that instead of seeing one small hiccup as a little thing, think of it as an all consuming failure, never to be recovered from.. like I've thrown myself in the bin! Rather than just 'one of those things' that is easily recoverable
I agree here. I am also afraid of failing long term, I know I can take the weight off. But I am less confident that I will keep it off. I am afraid people will See me as a failure if I yet again failed another diet.
Totally agree here. I have to re factor how I see myself. Me and many of my friends sees me as the girl with long going weight problems, who is constantly thinking about food, diets, or doing a diet. That is what I do, I put a lot of time on this. I have a lot of friends that I know just because we are struggling with weight. Will we find something to talk about? Will it affect our relationship if I succeed and they don't? Who I am once the dieting is taken out of my life? What will I enjoy, how will I dress. And so on
.
Enough
Gold Member
Hi Susan
We're all reading at slightly different paces anyway, so you'll fit in fine!
These are the dates we set for chatting about the different chapters:
Week 1 (1st - 7th June):
[FONT=verdana,geneva,arial,helvetica,sans-serif]
1. What are you afraid of… and why?
2. Can't you make it go away?
3. From pain to Power
[/FONT]Week 2 (8th - 14th June):
[FONT=verdana,geneva,arial,helvetica,sans-serif]4. Whether you want it or not… it's yours
5. Pollyanna rides again
6. When 'they' don't want you to grow
[/FONT]Week 3 (15th - 21st June):
[FONT=verdana,geneva,arial,helvetica,sans-serif]7. How to make a no-lose decision
8. How whole is your whole life?
9. Just nod your head- say yes!
[/FONT]Week 4 (22nd - 28th June):
[FONT=verdana,geneva,arial,helvetica,sans-serif]10. Choosing love and trust
11. Filling the inner void
12. There is plenty of time[/FONT]
Personally, I'm only reading the three chapters during the actual week that we're set to talk about them, cause I feel that I learn more if I give myself a week's break between new chapters.. but we all have our different ways, don't we...
(I've had this book on my shelves for years and never read it, so I'm loving having a little scheduel to keep me motivated )
Vxx
We're all reading at slightly different paces anyway, so you'll fit in fine!
These are the dates we set for chatting about the different chapters:
Week 1 (1st - 7th June):
[FONT=verdana,geneva,arial,helvetica,sans-serif]
1. What are you afraid of… and why?
2. Can't you make it go away?
3. From pain to Power
[/FONT]Week 2 (8th - 14th June):
[FONT=verdana,geneva,arial,helvetica,sans-serif]4. Whether you want it or not… it's yours
5. Pollyanna rides again
6. When 'they' don't want you to grow
[/FONT]Week 3 (15th - 21st June):
[FONT=verdana,geneva,arial,helvetica,sans-serif]7. How to make a no-lose decision
8. How whole is your whole life?
9. Just nod your head- say yes!
[/FONT]Week 4 (22nd - 28th June):
[FONT=verdana,geneva,arial,helvetica,sans-serif]10. Choosing love and trust
11. Filling the inner void
12. There is plenty of time[/FONT]
Personally, I'm only reading the three chapters during the actual week that we're set to talk about them, cause I feel that I learn more if I give myself a week's break between new chapters.. but we all have our different ways, don't we...
(I've had this book on my shelves for years and never read it, so I'm loving having a little scheduel to keep me motivated
)Vxx
Enough
Gold Member
I got mine from a cheap and cheerful second hand book shop online, only cost 3.50 or something, including postage, and arrived two days later.. it looks brand new too...
I'm reading further for this week's three chapters...
found ch4 a bit harsh at first, but I DO think it's a valuable process to go through, even if I started to think she doesn't pull her punches!! ..actually, it's facinating to see which parts of ch4 I simply found interesting to read, and which bits evoked an emotional response.. and, as she says (a bit harshly imho) "GOOD!", cause it's only when I can experience which bits evoke an emotional responce, that I can start looking at those areas of my like, and see if I can develop in relation to them, I guess... (gulp).. wish me luck!!!
Vxxx
I'm reading further for this week's three chapters...
found ch4 a bit harsh at first, but I DO think it's a valuable process to go through, even if I started to think she doesn't pull her punches!!
..actually, it's facinating to see which parts of ch4 I simply found interesting to read, and which bits evoked an emotional response.. and, as she says (a bit harshly imho) "GOOD!", cause it's only when I can experience which bits evoke an emotional responce, that I can start looking at those areas of my like, and see if I can develop in relation to them, I guess... (gulp).. wish me luck!!! Vxxx
Hi Enough and others, I'm not meaning to sound self-righteous here but I'm not really getting too much of an emotional response when I'm reading this. Maybe as it goes on it will speak to me more personally. Perhaps I'm just quite comfortable in my fear eg. the kids I work with are going to do this skyclimb thing and they want me to join them but I wouldn't dream of doing it nor would I even want to confront my fear and do it as I'm really quite comfortable staying on the ground and watching them! (maybe that's a metaphor for all my fearful feelings!)
Enough
Gold Member
be kind to yourself broxi
the idea of this book club is to express our thoughts and feeling about a book, whether we like it or not, it 'speaks to us' or not.. so how you're feeling about this book is equally valid, and entirely welcome here...
for me.. I think there are some areas of my life that I'd like to work on, because I avoid some situations out of fear.. I didn't loose weight for several years.. and now I realise, that actually, whatever reasons I was telling myself (I'm too busy, I can't do it while I'm doing this job/course/personal difficulty etc, I am happy how I am, I'm not interested in becoming one of those fasion-vicitim-skinny-types, etc etc etc) when, of course actually, it's what I was most beating myself up about and feeling miserable about...
so, for me, I have been finding 'feel the fear' really valuable... it has been helping me to reflect, on:
the things I find hard/personally challenging/painful
the things I have been avoiding (and I'm still avoiding,, ssshhh... dont point them out to me! Haha!)
the areas of my life I have been 'meaning to change' for a long time, but have a host of reasons why I haven't...
so, for me, while I read through 'feel the fear', I'm not instantly thinking 'OMG, she's talking about me.. that's uncanney', but I am reading it, thinking 'well that's an interesting take on the world', and through the day when I'm stumbling upon an aspect of my thoughts and feelings, behaviour and responces to situations.. I'm occasionally going (for example..) 'oooh.. I REALLY didn't like how I felt then, or I wish I was like x y or z..', and then realising that maybe the 'pain to power' thing IS relevant to my situation.. and maybe I can think/behave/feel/respond differently and that will leave me feeling less undermined/unsure/unhappy/insecure/etc etc...
So... anyway, enough about me
I guess, for you, broxi it might be that:
-she doesn't use the language that you relate to
-you don't experience the kinds of difficulties she's talking about (although I think many of them are quite universal.. but I have met stunningly together women, and you do sound like you might be one of them)
-you know that there is 'room for improvement' of the kind she discusses, but you're not currently interested/wanting to persue that line of exploration into your own psyche.. which I think is entirely legitimate - it's your life, your mind, your choice, and not for anyone else to interfere with that process (imho)
and of course theres always the possibility that:
-the book's a pile of nonsense, and I could talk about self-reflective self improvement even if I only had a house brick to look at and use to reflect on!! HAHAHA!!!
Obviously, that's not an exhaustive list of why you're not finding the book of much value, but I guess they're some of the possibilities...
please do keep posting about feel the fear, Broxi.. it helps me in thinking it through by hearing what you have to say... and of course, there's always the possibility that somewhere half way through you might have a 'CA-CHING' moment, and start loving it... or, of course, you might not, and we might have completely wasted your time!
Vxxx
the idea of this book club is to express our thoughts and feeling about a book, whether we like it or not, it 'speaks to us' or not.. so how you're feeling about this book is equally valid, and entirely welcome here...
for me.. I think there are some areas of my life that I'd like to work on, because I avoid some situations out of fear.. I didn't loose weight for several years.. and now I realise, that actually, whatever reasons I was telling myself (I'm too busy, I can't do it while I'm doing this job/course/personal difficulty etc, I am happy how I am, I'm not interested in becoming one of those fasion-vicitim-skinny-types, etc etc etc) when, of course actually, it's what I was most beating myself up about and feeling miserable about...
so, for me, I have been finding 'feel the fear' really valuable... it has been helping me to reflect, on:
the things I find hard/personally challenging/painful
the things I have been avoiding (and I'm still avoiding,, ssshhh... dont point them out to me! Haha!
)the areas of my life I have been 'meaning to change' for a long time, but have a host of reasons why I haven't...
so, for me, while I read through 'feel the fear', I'm not instantly thinking 'OMG, she's talking about me.. that's uncanney', but I am reading it, thinking 'well that's an interesting take on the world', and through the day when I'm stumbling upon an aspect of my thoughts and feelings, behaviour and responces to situations.. I'm occasionally going (for example..) 'oooh.. I REALLY didn't like how I felt then, or I wish I was like x y or z..', and then realising that maybe the 'pain to power' thing IS relevant to my situation.. and maybe I can think/behave/feel/respond differently and that will leave me feeling less undermined/unsure/unhappy/insecure/etc etc...
So... anyway, enough about me
I guess, for you, broxi it might be that:
-she doesn't use the language that you relate to
-you don't experience the kinds of difficulties she's talking about (although I think many of them are quite universal.. but I have met stunningly together women, and you do sound like you might be one of them)
-you know that there is 'room for improvement' of the kind she discusses, but you're not currently interested/wanting to persue that line of exploration into your own psyche.. which I think is entirely legitimate - it's your life, your mind, your choice, and not for anyone else to interfere with that process (imho)
and of course theres always the possibility that:
-the book's a pile of nonsense, and I could talk about self-reflective self improvement even if I only had a house brick to look at and use to reflect on!! HAHAHA!!!
Obviously, that's not an exhaustive list of why you're not finding the book of much value, but I guess they're some of the possibilities...
please do keep posting about feel the fear, Broxi.. it helps me in thinking it through by hearing what you have to say... and of course, there's always the possibility that somewhere half way through you might have a 'CA-CHING' moment, and start loving it... or, of course, you might not, and we might have completely wasted your time!
Vxxx
Hi Enough and others,
First of all I want to say that reading Feel the Fear and discussing it with you is NOT a waste of my time. I love reading and I love talking about what I read whether I like it or not.
Also I am not a fantastically sorted out person although certainly over the years I have done huge amounts of soul searching and had much personal healing so I'm a million times better than I was 10 years ago in my 30s.
I love self- help books and read lots of them and I do think it's a BRILLIANT idea for this CD forum when we are all doing a fair bit (and needing to ) of self-examination and navel gazing!
So please don't think I'm being rude about the book I'm still getting a whole lot from this whole discussion process and maybe when I actually read more of the book I might find I personally get more out of it!
xxx
First of all I want to say that reading Feel the Fear and discussing it with you is NOT a waste of my time. I love reading and I love talking about what I read whether I like it or not.
Also I am not a fantastically sorted out person although certainly over the years I have done huge amounts of soul searching and had much personal healing so I'm a million times better than I was 10 years ago in my 30s.
I love self- help books and read lots of them and I do think it's a BRILLIANT idea for this CD forum when we are all doing a fair bit (and needing to ) of self-examination and navel gazing!
So please don't think I'm being rude about the book I'm still getting a whole lot from this whole discussion process and maybe when I actually read more of the book I might find I personally get more out of it!
xxx
Asa
Silver Member
Well, I finished the book! And I absolutely love it ! So much wisdom and truth in it I think. And I hope I can put all of it to practice!
I particularly loved the part about you not being able to make a decision that is wrong. I always hesitate on decisions, big as well as small decisions! And I wish to change that. Whatever the decision is, it can only lead to good things. That is comforting to hear!
I also liked the squares that fill up ones life; family, work, alone time, friends and so on. To give the individual squares 100% focus when I am there, and doing the best with I have sounds really great!
The law of attraction comes into this book as well, and I just love those ideas.
I really have lots of fears I realize. And the one thing I will remember the most is the thing she says about telling yourself that whatever comes up, I can handle it. That is so comforting and calming. I will make that one into a daily affirmation!
And then I will have to get the book for myself I think. I borrowed this on the library, but think I might want to read it again, and look up parts here and there.
! So much wisdom and truth in it I think. And I hope I can put all of it to practice! I particularly loved the part about you not being able to make a decision that is wrong. I always hesitate on decisions, big as well as small decisions! And I wish to change that. Whatever the decision is, it can only lead to good things. That is comforting to hear!
I also liked the squares that fill up ones life; family, work, alone time, friends and so on. To give the individual squares 100% focus when I am there, and doing the best with I have sounds really great!
The law of attraction comes into this book as well, and I just love those ideas.
I really have lots of fears I realize. And the one thing I will remember the most is the thing she says about telling yourself that whatever comes up, I can handle it. That is so comforting and calming. I will make that one into a daily affirmation!
And then I will have to get the book for myself I think
. I borrowed this on the library, but think I might want to read it again, and look up parts here and there.
