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funny email i recieved hope i dont offend anyone

kazzymc

Gold Member
S: 18st3lb C: 16st3.5lb G: 10st5lb Loss: 1st13.5lb(10.78%)
#1
Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you are cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!



Dear Ex-Husband -
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven
years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my
mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MYSISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lottery for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem
 
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S: 16st6lb C: 10st12lb G: 10st3lb BMI: 26.1 Loss: 5st8lb(33.91%)
#6
HA HA HA HA love it x
 

Isis

Ancient Egypt Nut!
C: 18st3lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 39.9
#11
Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you are cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


Dear Ex-Husband -
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven
years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my
mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MYSISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lottery for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D...thanks for the laugh!!!!
 

DQ

Queen of the Damned
#12
That was a corker!!!!
 
S: 22st3lb C: 21st8lb G: 14st7lb BMI: 44.6 Loss: 0st9lb(2.89%)
#13
Absolutely blooming hysterical!!!!
 

oisin

Silver Member
S: 3st8lb C: 1st3lb BMI: 2.2 Loss: 2st5lb(66%)
#15
Brilliant lol
 
S: 11st5.0lb C: 10st12.0lb G: 10st6.0lb BMI: 26.1 Loss: 0st7lb(4.4%)
#17
LOL - thanks for that!
I have a good friend going through a separation and she fantasises about winning the lottery and telling him he's just missed out.Sadly it probably won't happen in real life but it's good to dream.
 

Emmaline

Hippety Hop!
S: 16st2lb C: 14st13.7lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 42.3 Loss: 1st2.3lb(7.21%)
#18
Really good laugh - nice twist!

Sort of reminds me that when my ex left me (years ago now) I felt I had won the lottery anyway, sooo glad I was free from his violent and possessive ways, plus she was the exact opposite of me and made him wash floors,-the lot. I had a real good laugh at that.
 


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