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give with one hand take away with the other!

kellymundy

Gold Member
S: 20st9.5lb G: 10st0lb
#1
My dad has never been very gentle in the way he delivers his opinions but this morning I thought he'd finally started to listen to me telling him I need his supposrt while doing this diet and to only say good things about it (like asking the rain not to fall). For some strange reason I've always valued his opinion over everyone elses, even my mum (who is always supportive of all the diets I've tried).
This morning though my dad said how proud he was of me for sticking to the diet for the last 2 weeks and he can really see me making it this time...I didn't hear any reports of snow in hell, did you? I was beginning to think that my dad had been abducted by aliens and replaced when he came out with...well you did need to do something, you looked like an elephant arse...:badmood: there's the dad I know (and starting to hate)!!!
Why do I listen to him? Every time I've started a diet I've done it for me, then he's come out with something like that and it changes into doing it to prove him wrong this time (slippery slope) and everything then goes t*ts up.
I'm desparately trying not to let myself think...I'll show him...but I'm determind not to make this about him this time, it's about me and my health!
Sorry to rant at you guys but I needed to vent somewhere.
Thanks for supporting me so far you've all been great but I suspect I'll be needing you even more over the next week or so to get over this little set back.
 
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Jot

jo'stime
S: 14st1lb C: 14st1lb G: 10st10lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#2
My dad has never been very gentle in the way he delivers his opinions but this morning I thought he'd finally started to listen to me telling him I need his supposrt while doing this diet and to only say good things about it (like asking the rain not to fall). For some strange reason I've always valued his opinion over everyone elses, even my mum (who is always supportive of all the diets I've tried).
This morning though my dad said how proud he was of me for sticking to the diet for the last 2 weeks and he can really see me making it this time...I didn't hear any reports of snow in hell, did you? I was beginning to think that my dad had been abducted by aliens and replaced when he came out with...well you did need to do something, you looked like an elephant arse...:badmood: there's the dad I know (and starting to hate)!!!
Why do I listen to him? Every time I've started a diet I've done it for me, then he's come out with something like that and it changes into doing it to prove him wrong this time (slippery slope) and everything then goes t*ts up.
I'm desparately trying not to let myself think...I'll show him...but I'm determind not to make this about him this time, it's about me and my health!
Sorry to rant at you guys but I needed to vent somewhere.
Thanks for supporting me so far you've all been great but I suspect I'll be needing you even more over the next week or so to get over this little set back.
Hi kellymundy

We have started this together (same time) lets finished together for us. Sometimes how we feel about ourselves when we are overweight can be impacted by others comments and suggestions, i wonder if all these external influences will bother or provoke a reaction when we have reached the land of slim and healthy. My advice is enjoy the compliments and trash all the rest.
You have done brilliantly and through your grit and determination you are having a positive effect on people just like me. x:p
 

Grandma

Totally Focused
S: 21st4.0lb C: 18st13lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 45.5 Loss: 2st5lb(11.07%)
#3
Hi Kelly

I know how you feel about always wanting to please Dad - I think its a girl thing! I always wanted to please my dad and do things for him too. He probably didn't think at all that you looked like that - you are his daughter and he loves you whatever. Men have a terrible way of not knowing how to phrase things and then putting their feet in it!

BUT I think you have hit the nail on the head when you say you are doing this for YOU and YOUR health! That's what's important - not what anybody else, however close, says or thinks. Yes, their affirmation is nice, but You are the important one in all this, and need to keep thinking of why you want to be slim and what it will be like when you get there.

Rise above it, Kelly: accept your dad for what he is and take no notice of silly comments like that, however much it hurts. He probably doesn't even realise what he has said!

We'll be here for you this week. Keep strong!
with love
x
 

Emm28

Silver Member
#4
COR WHAT A CHARMING DAD ((oops caps sorry)) well hun your doing great and stick with it hun x x
 
#5
:hug99: Kelly, I think Grandma has given you some excellent advice there - she's put into words what I was thinking. I think most men really have no idea whatsoever of the impact of what they say. Concentrate on the positive comments and write off the other to the ignorance of men.

Keep doing this for yourself, that is most important of all.
 

kellymundy

Gold Member
S: 20st9.5lb G: 10st0lb
#7
Ok i've pulled myself together now. I've just managed to change my focus back (for good I hope) by looking at the lovely villa I'm staying in when I go to Florida in 62 days (not that I'm counting down or anything sad like that!LOL).
Thank you all for your kind words of support and I know you're all right and I shouldn't listen to him. I've just spoken to my husband (he's at work) because he lives with me he can see how commited I am (or is that I should be commited). He said he's never seen me so focused on losing the weight and even though he sees me every day he can see me shrinking.

thanks again guys you're all great.:grouphugg:
 

Time4ME

MUST get a grip
#8
Kelly
I have a husband (sort of nearly an ex) who also believed in what he called ''tough love'' - he never actually meant to be cruel, spiteful or nasty but it was how it was interrpreted... If that makes sense.

The facts are:

You are doing this FIRSTLY for you and your own confidence, esteem because you are worth it.

The fact that Fathers husbands - many men express themselves in such a manner is nothing other than how they are!

If you dwell on words, it tends to start the chatterbox off in your ear - dismiss the comments and focus on the important things like you water, packs, fresh air and another successful CD Day...

Lots of love, and support to you!!!!
 
S: 17st4lb C: 16st11lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 43 Loss: 0st7lb(2.89%)
#9
well you did need to do something, you looked like an elephant arse...


Sorry - but that's inexcusable and to say 'that's just what some men are like' doesn't make it any better. I believe some men talk like this because they are allowed to ... like children, they have to be 'trained' that hurting people's feelings just isn't on.
You don't say how old you are but I wouldn't take that from ANYONE dad or otherwise. I would have to tell them in no uncertain terms how downright rude, ignorant and hurtful comments like that are ... they also demonstrate a crass lack of intelligence and empathy.

At the end of the day, I'd rather look like an elephant arse than talk like one.
 
#10
"At the end of the day, I'd rather look like an elephant arse than talk like one......"


WELL SAID !!!

xx
 

hollycat

To infinity and beyond!
S: 23st7lb C: 15st13.5lb G: 14st7lb BMI: 32.1 Loss: 7st7.5lb(32.07%)
#11
#12
Is there not a difference in these two sayings "speaking from the bottom of my heart" AND "speaking from the heart of my bottom".
Ignore his remarks - you do not need your dad or indeed anyone elses opinions on what you are doing - you are your own person and now you are taking control and not looking for approval from others. This is about you, for you, AND NOBODY ELSE. The building blocks are your own and you dont need others to attempt to take them away from you.
Turn your mood from "sad" to "positive" and dont be swayed. :badmood:to :whistle: to :clap::clap::clap:
 
G: 9st3lb
#13
my mums the same. Shes the best mum in the world and i love her to pieces but she is cruel with her comments about my weight. Shes stopped since being on the diet, and just makes them about how i did look. I genuinely think that they think they are helping you...you know shock tactics to try and make an impact!
I know she loves me to bits and would do anything for me and just wants to see me happy so i just try and let it go and think to myself that she cant help herself!
But i know how you feel...just ignore it and know that once you prove them wrong and do the diet you'll never have to endure it again!
xxxxx
 

suemal

Full Member
S: 16st7lb C: 16st7lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 37.3 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#14
Remember one day you can put him in a nursing home.Remind him of this and tell him that it'll be you who's picking it:D
 
#17
Hi kellymundy
I'm lucky as my family are 100% behind me on this, however others are not. It did upset me, but I got through it, I kept telling myself that I could slip or they would be proved right. I don't know how I'd feel if it was my Dad - probably suggest he did CD too to lose a few pounds himself.

Remember your goal and try to ignore his comments, or maybe try a counter comment about him, see how he likes it.

Nursing Home comment LMAO :rotflmao:

Mel
 


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