Hating it!

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by fatpossum, 27 June 2007 Social URL.

  1. fatpossum

    fatpossum Silver Member

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    Hi Chaps,

    I have been doing really well on my LL diet and have lost just under 3 stones and am about 4lbs off target - brilliant.

    I can wear size 10 and 12 and I look great.

    But what I hate is the comments from people I hardly know - people with whom I have only a passing acquaintance remarking on my weight loss and refusing to drop the subject when I make it clear that I do not wish to discuss it.

    I have reached the stage now where if someone I don't 'know' comments and keeps on about it I will say something like

    "do you mind, these are very personal questions and I don't want to talk about it".....

    People seem to think that they own you when you have lost weight - it's like it's their right to know HOW you did it.

    One woman really got on my wick .... kept asking
    "are you on that £60 a week diet"? I said no (technically not a lie as it is £66 a week!) but she kept on. And when other people were about she would start again "look at Fatpossum (not my real name! :D) she's on that £60 a week diet"!!

    I told her to stop saying "I am feeling really got at - I don't want to discuss personal issues".

    She didn't like it. People don't like. I wish that they would all just p*$$ off!!

    I feel so exposed.

    But don't panic chaps this is not affecting my dedication or driving me to want to buy a Twix or visit Pizza Hut - I just want the nosey/norah's to stop and to have been thin for about 6 months so that people forget that I was ever fat!
     
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  3. sonkie

    sonkie Gold Member

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    A lot of this is jealousy and instead of complimenting you they want to put down the next best thing so the diet always gets it.
    You have done well so ignore them and they will go away ...hopefully
     
  4. Karen1972

    Karen1972 Gold Member

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    Was so shocked to read this post.

    You have achieved an amazing feat that most people will never do.

    Revel in it and celebrate your achievements. I think it's lovely when people compliment your success, you clearly are looking far better than you did before - a common side effect of weight loss!!

    Appreciate the good wishes as they were intended. I'm sure people are not interested out of maliciousness or nastiness!!
     
  5. SuzyA

    SuzyA Full Member

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    Good for you for having the confidence to tell them where to go. It is jealously I think but also do you think like me that if you were in denial about how big you were before, getting to look good kind of admits you weren't before?

    I was sat at a dinner a couple of weeks ago (eating a bar!) and half the people there didn't know me before and obviously I explained that I was on a program and had lost a lot. I then carried on talking and one of the women was talking to the guy next to me and said I can't imagine that to which he replied 'Oh she was big'. Didn't know how to respond to that! Wish I'd had you with me!!
     
  6. Karen1972

    Karen1972 Gold Member

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    Would you be so offended if people complimented you on a new hairstyle or a new pair of specs??

    You have changed your whole image, of course people are going to comment - der! PMSL
     
  7. Karen

    Karen Serial Foodie!

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    tell u what....next time someone does this....just look them up and down and say..." yeah its really good...u really ought to and need to try it" and smile sweetly and walk off. better yet, tell them that if they tried as hard with tash bleaching kit they'd look as good too lol. oooo im soooooo bitchy :D
     
  8. fatpossum

    fatpossum Silver Member

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    Thanks Chaps,

    But just to clarify for some .......

    I'm not objecting to people paying me compliments, what I object to are people I don't know remarking on my weight loss and asking probing questions as to how it came about.

    For instance today, I went to London for a board meeting (not the usual group but about 20 people most of whom I had never met before and others with whom I had only a nodding acquaintance) when one woman I know (just to exchange pleasantries) looked at me from across the table and said

    "You've lost weight" .... all heads turned and looked at me ...... I smiled sweetly (I can when I want to) and said jokingly "Oh it must be the stress" and looked away.

    But not to be deterred she continued (by this time her audience was enthralled!!) "Are you sure?"

    Again I smiled and began writing - trying to look busy. But she came again .... "Or are you on a diet"?

    I was apalled and mortified and humiliated.

    I told her .... "please this is getting very personal, would you like details of my sexual activity and bowel habits too"?

    At that point she got the message and stopped her 'search and destroy mission'.

    I know some of you may feel that I was a little harsh but this wasn't someone offering me a compliment, it was someone thinking that she could intrude into my personal 'space' in an open and entirly inappropriate forum.

    I don't like it!!

    I don't have any problem in accepting that I was 3 stones larger at the beginning of April or that the weight loss has brought about a vast improvment in my appearance (indeed I relish it) I just don't like intrusive questioning from people I do not know.

    If I had grown a large wart on my nose or suddenly gone bald (which could happen on LL I suppose - only joking!) she wouldn't have mentioned that, would she?! No, but for some reason a person's weight seems to be fair game.

    I just sooooo hate it.
     
  9. Karen

    Karen Serial Foodie!

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    u didnt come across as being harsh. ur thread seems quite clear that its the type of probing, not the compliments that u object to and i agree that people can be so intrusive when its about weight, whether its gained or lost. "wow u look great!" is not the same as "look everyone...what did u do? are u starving urself?". it'd pee me off as well. tho im far from having to deal with ur situation lol
     
  10. fatpossum

    fatpossum Silver Member

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    Thanks Karen,

    Your 'day' is fast approaching so hang in there.

    Thanks for the moral support - you are a star! :character00238:
     
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  11. Heaven can wait

    Heaven can wait Silver Member

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    I know what you mean, I quite liked it at first, but the penny has dropped (perhaps belatedly) that it is quite intrusive especially when people cant just let it go when you make it clear that you have reached the end of the conversation. I love it when I get a genuine heartfelt compliment, but when someone who you dont know well , who normally dosent give you the time of day, gives you the third degree it gets a bit, how can I say it ,'uncomfortable'. However this type of uncomfortableness pales into insignificance next to the people who just choose not to say anything at all pretending they havnt noticed, so I guess I am just a hard to please, moody bit of a cow really! LOL
     
  12. Karen

    Karen Serial Foodie!

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    lol. i think i could handle the third degree if the person was genuinely interesting in losing weight themselves, therefore looking for guidance and was pulling u aside in a discreet way. otherwise...its a bit off!!

    people who dont mention it at all are either on the other end of the spectrum and dont want to appear intrusive in any way or are just eaten up with jealousy and cannot stand to see others succeed. sod em!

    as for compliments??? my compliment from hubby this week when i told him to kiss my a$$ (playfully of course!) he asked which bit and what postcode! dontcha just love men!
     
  13. Karen1972

    Karen1972 Gold Member

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    Nope still don't get it!!

    That woman in the board room was paying you a compliment and genuinely interested in how you managed it.

    I think you were rude to her by saying that.

    Sorry, just my opinion!!

    I've had loads and loads of comments and questions by friends, colleagues and people i barely know. Not one of them has been anything other than congratulatory and thrilled for me.

    I'm still shocked.
     
  14. Karen1972

    Karen1972 Gold Member

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    BTW absolutely no offence intended towards you fatpossum, just wanted to say i have a completely opposite view to you on peoples interest in my weight loss. I'm fascinated by your post i really am.

    Good job we're all different though i guess lol.
     
  15. LLStu

    LLStu Full Member

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    I'm with you Karen1972. I get lots of comments and people are always genuinely interested in how you do it. I kind of feel that LighterLife is a bit of a secret still and that I should share it with other people. Some people who ask do not need to lose weight but they may be asking on behalf of an interested party.

    I do think that by losing weight we put ourselves in the public spotlight and, whilst I am not suggesting that we no longer have any rights, people are bound to ask. Most people view it as an amazing feat that they would not be able to do themselves.

    I think that you may have misinterpreted her interest and thought it meant something else. I don't know as I wasn't there so can't say eitherway.

    Just my personal opinion. I don't mind shouting about LighterLife from the rooftops. I would rather other people know and are able to share in this amazing programme. I never would have got onto it myself if I hadn't asked someone how they lost the weight!

    Stuart
     
  16. natayou

    natayou a bit different everyday

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    afraid im with karen1972 here guys :)
    I too love getting asked 'how did u do it'
    one woman even asked me 'were u meaning to loose weight' i just roared with laughter
    I love telling people about cd too, am i weird
    maybe i am a secret exibitionist:p
    fatpossum dont take it to heart sometimes people are just genuinely interested in weightloss stories, i mean its not everyday you see someone who has changed their whole life through their own willpower!!
    best of luck to you
    i guess everyone deals with stuff in their own way :)
     
  17. Karen

    Karen Serial Foodie!

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    nat.... "were u meaning to lose weight?" lmao. noooo....i often lose 8 stone by accident! :D
     
  18. slinkytobe

    slinkytobe Full Member

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    Fatpossum I'm with you on this one. Some people are genuinely happy for us and I think sometimes they are even fascinated as to how we manage to lose so much so quickly. But when it is someone who you don't really like or know it does get a bit uncomfortable.
    I had an incident with one lady in the school playground when I was picking up the children. I have always said hello to her in the past as our children are very good friends, but she has always ignored me. She came up to me and said that someone had told her how much weight I had lost. Firstly I was shocked that she finally spoke to me and secondly I was uncomfortable with the fact that someone had been speaking about my weight. She then went on to say that when she was in the car the other day she saw me walking across the car park and thought to herself - I'm sure that woman used to be hugely fat but I must have just imagined it!
    My friend said she thought there was a compliment in there somewhere.
     
  19. natayou

    natayou a bit different everyday

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    well that was downright rude
    i would have punched her!!


    oh by the way i have accidently lost 8 stones, if anyone finds it let me know
    haha
     
  20. SuzyA

    SuzyA Full Member

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    Thanks Slinky.
    I am with fatpossum. Obviously positive strokes are great but it's the people who think you are stupid for being on a VCLD and who have never had a weight problem and therefore go on about the traditional healthy eating/exercise and critise from that respect. I don't mnid genuine curosity and I love the LL approach but it is the people who are against it that I have a problem with. I don't like having to defend it rather than celebrate it!
     
  21. slinkytobe

    slinkytobe Full Member

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    I really did feel like punching her Natayou!

    To people who try to tell me that it's not a good diet I just say: well that's good if that works for you but I had so much weight to lose (nothing to hide there) I had to do something more drastic. This diet is very good for me, obviousely works and is supervised by a doctor. SO NAH!!!
     
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