Hating myself

[Smiler1910]

Hello fellow exanteans!

Just a little rant from me to get this off my chest - just found out OH has dated THE BIGGEST (naughty word) in our office.

Just to put this into perspective - I'm 17 stone 12, 5 ft 11; she's the skinniest smallest little thing I've ever seen in my life!

1. I hate my height
2. I clearly hate my weight

I have the lowest self confidence of anyone you've ever met and now I feel a little bit like second best, I'm not sure what happen between them but when I asked him (jokingly) why visually he prefers me to her he refused to answer it! Ok, so I know it was an unfair question but he could if just paid it some lip service! I have always compared myself against smaller people, that's just the way it is.

In addition, when we got together she topped herself and he spent 2 whole days with her! (He was her team leader at the time but my team leader would never have done that!) I'm not sure why she did it but what if she wanted him and his attention?!

Sorry for my rambling, I know it's only paranoia but I can't help really hating myself for letting myself get this big! Why can't I be as tiny as she is?!

Needless to say my confidence is now through the floor, through the basement (I don't have a basement), and right at the core of the earth :-(

 

[blubbermonkey]

Hey, sorry this is quite a late reply, Ive only just joined. Sorry you are feeling this way I can relate a little in that my OH's ex (who he is still living with until he sells the house!!) is a size 8 yoga teacher! I sucks! The only thing I can suggest is to channel all your feelings about this into your weight loss, let it be another reason to spur you on. And you dont need me to tell you that the more you lose the better you will feel about yourself - no more earth's core!! x

 

[FunnyFarm]

If he wanted to be with her, he would. People aren't in relations as some kind of national service, it's their choice, and you are his choice. He sees a lot in you that you don't see, and by questioning him it's almost like you're insulting him and his tastes.

Thin isn't everything, you can be more attractive than someone much smaller than you are, or even less physically attractive but still the better choice. Who we love is out of our control and the chances are that if she took the two of you getting together badly, then she does still want to be with him. If she wants to, and they're not, what does that prove? That HE doesn't want her. He wants you.

Sure, lose weight to feel better about yourself if you want that, but don't lose weight to be good enough for him, you already are.

 

[VioletFlame]

Sorry you are feeling like this. I have had feelings like this before as my OH is the guy that all the girls wanted when we were younger and he didn't pay attention to me in *that* way at the time. We're together now, all these years later and my size hasn't changed; he still gets interest from all these girls and even gay men! I get very jealous at times but I tell him that and how stupid I think it is too, as I know he's waking up with me every morning and planning a future with me...not them!

There was one girl in particular that I would struggle with coming to terms with as she is possibly the most stunning female I know and they have dated in the past. I couldn't quite get my head around that but over time I find that everyone is fighting their own battle, with their own worries and doubts.
She may be feeling the EXACT same feelings you are "How come he was ever with me if he likes curvier women, were his feelings back then untrue?" she might be thinking. What is important is that he is with you and so long as he doesn't do anything to make you doubt him, make you feel bad or to be disloyal then you need to shoo away those self deprecating voices in your mind and just enjoy the present moment for what it is. It's you and him now...and she is his past. It won't do either of you any favors to keep reliving it.

Despite what the media tells us I think a lot of men are much less shallow than we have been lead to believe. If he is with you, he cares about you and has chosen to be with you.