Here I go - AGAIN!

[PeacockGirl]

Hi everyone.
I could write this bit with my eyes shut. I've written it in various disguises a 100 times. The story of my weight and my battle with it. How I was ok until I started secondary and got bullied. How I weighed 15 stone at 15 years old. How I used to eat a 12" pizza, litre of coke and tub of Ben and Jerrys in one sitting. About the binging. About spending £200 in the first month of having my driving license as I could now go to drive thru when ever I wanted. It's been as long as an essay before. All the above and everything in between. I have literally tried every single diet going. Slimming World, Slim Fast, Dukan, Paleo etc.... all of them. Including cabbage soup and that horrible maple syrup thing.

But I know now why I am nearly 40 and weigh 20 stone. I am addicted to food. No getting away from it. I sit here with tears in my eyes wishing it wasn't the case. I wish i could just "eat less". I do. I hate my body. I hate my head. I have suffered with mental health issues fro most of my adult life and seriously for the last 10 years. I have never attributed it to weight until last year anyway. It's a catch 22. I am depressed because of my weight and my weight is high because i'm depressed.

So tonight I have indulged in a KFC, full cat coke and a whole tub of Ben and Jerrys. I have always had to do the "last supper" thing. I'm not saying I can't have these things again. But not yet. Tomorrow i'll weigh in and that will be my starting off point. Wish me luck.

 

[Sapphire Tiger]

You don't need luck, you need willpower!
I'm the same, always been a bigger girl and I suffer with depression too.
We can do this! 2016 is our year to get fighting them demons!

 

[PeacockGirl]

19st 4.5lb. So I actually only gained 2lb over Christmas which is good. Here with my porridge and feeling ready to do this!

 

[solange]

Hi there Peacock
Just saw you on Moos thread. I know well myself about the mental side of weight issues although mine happened later in life I was banging the weight on so fast!
I am doing fast diet 5:2 since September and the thing it has done is cut my appetite down to size and I have lost 14 lbs so far. If you take a look at Lexies thread you will be impressed I am sure.
Wishing you all the best in your quest. You CAN succeed.
Hugs.

 

[tickettyboo]

Hi Peacock,
Your post resonated so much with me...I'm 20 years older than you and it could have been me writing this post, and I'm STILL doing the same sh*t I've done all my adult life except now my body is letting me know that I really cant keep doing this any more...both my knees are wrecked,I'm in constant pain and I still can't get a grip on bingeing. I too am starting today, as Sapphire Tiger so rightly said, we need willpower, not luck, but I'm wishing you all the best because please, it only gets harder as you get older, and if that helps you to be more motivated I will be happy

Nicky x

 

[solange]

Nicky, read your post with some distress. Perhaps when you have some loss knees will improve. We are of similar height and I nipped my weight in the bud because I had problems with back ache, hip pain, and yes the knees. It was alien to me and have since lost a stone and it has made an amazing difference. I had no choice. I was lucky that it was not until the last few years I got out of control. I am wishing hard for you that us on the forum and your own determination will help.
Thinking of all and here is a best wish for everyone.

 

[tickettyboo]

Nicky, read your post with some distress. Perhaps when you have some loss knees will improve. We are of similar height and I nipped my weight in the bud because I had problems with back ache, hip pain, and yes the knees. It was alien to me and have since lost a stone and it has made an amazing difference. I had no choice. I was lucky that it was not until the last few years I got out of control. I am wishing hard for you that us on the forum and your own determination will help.
Thinking of all and here is a best wish for everyone.

Hi Solange,
Thanks for your reply, I know that losing weight makes a big difference to my knees, as when I've lost weight in the past the improvement has been great. Unfortunately there is now so much damage from osteoarthritis that I need joint replacements according to my gp. I posted an introduction on this site titled "I'm Nicky and I'm a foodaholic" on Sunday where I described my frustration and desperation because nothing should be able to motivate me more than constant pain,yet I still keep self destructing. I have yo-yo dieted for over forty years but so recognised myself in Peacock's post, I was hoping that my experience of continuing down the same path for another twenty years and the outcome might help to provide more motivation to succeed. I know I have to do this and finally stop being stupid,for my health's sake.

Nicky x