I don't know why I'm struggling so much?

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by lighterlifeclaire, 3 February 2008 Social URL.

  1. lighterlifeclaire

    lighterlifeclaire Silver Member

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    OK, I thought its about time I sorted this out... The past 3/4 days have probably been my worse since I started :mad: I really don't know why (have tried the thought records, the lot!) but I just cannot stop eating. Previous moments when I have lapsed I have always gone for quite healthy choices so although it is bad to lapse at all, I have not put on any weight. However, this time I have eaten everything bad :eek: bread, chocolate, crisps... the lot :cry:and I think I have put on 2/3lbs over the past few days :break_diet:

    Yesterday I tried to sort it and thought I'd look through old photos and maybe that would keep me on track - made a before and after collage-y thing which I posted on here and the comments spurred me on to stick with it. I woke up this morning thinking a new day, new start and everything else but I've just gone and made myself a sandwich and ate a sausage roll like I would have done before I started LL. I really don't know why... the ONLY thing I can think of is I had a job interview last week and got the job, however... my team don't want to let me leave to go to the other department so at the moment I'm not allowed to tell anyone I've got the job and I'm also not allowed to tell anyone what's going on (they are fightin over me! haha!)... I guess I'm struggling at having to lie directly into peoples faces when they ask if I've heard anything from the new job, but I can't imagine that this is the reason I'm eating? I'm getting quite worked up about the situation because I don't know what's happening but I just want everything to be sorted and me to be back on shakes and losing the weight :eek:

    Sorry to rant... I know that I am good at getting everyone else back on track but I just can't help myself :confused: :jelous:
     
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  3. Eclipse

    Eclipse Gold Member

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    Aw hun, sorry to hear your struggling at the moment. I don't think the job "up in the air" situation is helping, you're probably a bit stressed without even realising it. Its hard to get your head back in the right place, but I am SURE you will overcome the blip and get back on track. Your photos that you posted are lovelly, and the difference in you already is amazing. You just have to start to believe in yourself again and get 100% back on track. Tomorrow is the first Monday of February, what better day to begin? Sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes xxxx
     
  4. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

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    Claire the best you have done is to come on here and try and explain. I have struggled this week and by coming on and admitting it really helped. It does sound like you have a lot of stress at the moment so that could be it.

    I also found that the throught records didnt actually help me as i felt that I was hiding the real reason although I still think they are a good idea.

    I hope you find your way back. Why dont you try putting everything you put in your mouth on here, it may deter you.

    Good luck and big Hugs.
     
  5. bexnkev

    bexnkev Silver Member

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    I'm not sure I can add anymore than Lady or eclipse has said but I really do wish you luck in getting back on track :)
     
  6. lighterlifeclaire

    lighterlifeclaire Silver Member

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    Last time I wrote what I ate someone said they didn't want to hear it because they found it hard!!

    I am determined not to eat again... I feel really fat and horrible and I've got the worst headache at the moment, probably from all the s**t I've been stuffing... :( Argh.

    One thing I do know... When I eat... the feelings after I've eaten are definately dominated by negative thoughts... surely that is enough to make me stop ... it's so frustrating. For the first time I have actually felt like things have been out of my control (even though, of course they are not cos its me reachin 4 the fridge) ... I am not even going in the kitchen again today.
     
  7. Sappho

    Sappho Full Member

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    Do you think maybe the fact that you are getting so much thinner and people are noticing is a little scary subconciously? I know part of my weight is probably a barrier to the outside world like if I'm fat people have a reason not to like me and I dont have to show my real self to the world. Hiding in your old body so long was probably comfortable and now you are striding out of your comfort zone maybe there is something in your mind that is trying to drag you back into that cage? but I am not a psychatrist (can't even spell it lol) so this might be a load of rubbish!!

    I havent done thought records or anything yet so not sure what they are but maybe you could try writing a list of all the things that you fear or that really bother you deep down about loosing the weight and then burn it (saw that one on Spa of Embarrasing Illnesses 2). They suggested then throwing the ashes into the sea but personally I think that might be a bit messy!

    You just need to get into the zone again, but perhaps this time you know how hard the first two weeks are which makes it more tough to start.

    Good luck, we are all rooting for you x x x x
     
  8. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

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    I dont think anyone will moan again about you posting. Having food around is part of the course, so if you think it will help you stuff anyone who doesnt like they can ignore this thread.

    Go on Claire YOU CAN DO THIS, you are not a failure you have just had a little blip. so what, at least you are thinking about what you have done. I can remember when I used to go off the rails on other diets i would binge for days totally unaware of the damage I was doing.

    As I said I had a really bad week and its taken a few days to get my head in order, I may not have lost this week, but that is just one more week, who cares.

    You have come so far you can do it again you should be so proud of your achievements.
     
  9. lighterlifeclaire

    lighterlifeclaire Silver Member

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    I was actually told that I'm at risk of sabotaging myself because of the reactions I'm suddenly getting from people... I think that I would know in my head that that is the reason I am eating though, and I don't believe it is that?? I don't know what it is... but my lovely new slim size 20 jeans have felt slightly tighter over the past few days and I am determined not to grow out of them and into them big fat clothes again. Tomorrow I will be bagging up all my 'big' clothes to send to the charity shop so there is no going back :sign0151:
     
  10. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Hi Claire

    Sorry its hard for you right now.

    It's these sort of struggles that scare me and make me feel lke I must never have a wobble, or it could easily be the beginning of the end. We are dealing with an addiction, and I believe that is why 100% abstinence is so important. If it were me in your shoes, I woudl be doing the exact same things. One little wobble would lead to a lighlty larger one later, and then again adding someting else, and before you know it, as you have described your choices change from 'trying to be good' to just having waht you want and probably miss.

    Alcoholics suffer the same type of setbacks. There is no such thing as 'just one more drink' for them. Once they have one - it won;t be long before they have 2, 3, 4...and then are right back in it.
    I was the same with smoking when I once quite. Then 2 years later had one'just for fun'. It took about 4 months, but I kept having one 'just for fun' because I believed I had gotten away with it.

    That might be what has happened to you. :(

    Hon....what I would reccomend, is that you sit down and be completely and brutally honest with youself to see if you can work out what is making you sway. You know you can do this. You have had GREAT success already! Even with the wobbles. But I worry for you - that you need to really get a handle on it for your own hapiness.

    Do you ever meditate? That can be helpful. Just really REALLLLLLLLLY put your head in the right place, and make a committment to yourself. I would guess if ou made a promise to someone, you would keep it. Make that prmise to you, and treat you with the same respect as you would another.

    Start out small. Promise yourself you will go one day and be 100%. Just one day....only 24 hours. Sleep the day away if you need to - just get thru that one day. The next day, draw on that power you gave yourself the day before, and promise yourself TWO days of abstinance. All the while you are doing this, focus on what you are getting out of it and what you WANT out of it. Constantly reaffirm to yourself, that this IS temporary.....you WILL have those crisps and sausage rolls, etc., again. Just not now - because you CHOOSE not to - because you promised yourself and you are worth keeping that promise.

    If there are any outside influences distracitng you - friends, families, colleagues, etc., shut them out for a few days if you have to.....you put YOU first, and take care of you.

    I want to see you succeed, and I get a feeling you very much want to too, as you keep going back at it.

    Focus. Commitment. Control. you can do this!!!!! Just do one day at a time. Live by that, and before you know it you will be back in ketosis, and on the road to the new slim you, where you will then be able to reasonably eat the things you want to again.

    COme on girlfriend!! Pick that little chin up, and have a smile and a giggle at just being human.....and get on your road to freedom. You can do it!!!!!!

    XX
     
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  11. debz32

    debz32 Gold Member

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    Hey you.....stop beatin yourself up !!! you can so do this....and if it helps YOU to write when you've eaten or slipped up, then go for it !! people don't have to read it....this is your journey....and if we can help you along the way, then that is great.....

    try to focus on positives - why you want to lose weight......that you have CHOSEN to do this - for whatever length of time it takes for you to get to where you want to be......

    and remember....research has shown that cravings last for around 4 minutes (on average) so DISTRACT yousrslef, brush your teeth, phone a friend, clean out a cupboard - WHATEVER it takes to stop you reaching for the food.....abstinence is hard BUT the results are SOOOOO worth it !! Come Summertime you will be so glad you stick with it !!

    Keep us posted hun !

    Debz xx
     
  12. blue_grapefruit

    blue_grapefruit Gold Member

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    Reading your post is like reading my thoughts. Few people have been trying to explain why we wreck the diet on my diary thread, mosey on over.
    I'm still struggling (and now terribly constipated too! TMI or what?!)

    Good luck honey, you will do this. It's just a bit bumpy and you're bruising your confidence.

    Y'know what Dori says xxx
     
  13. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    I do think there is something, at least with me, about retreating when we start getting positive attention. I am going to be wactching myself very closely in the coming weeks, as every single time I have done Slimming World, I have had fantastic success....for the first two stone. ANd then it all falls apart. I think I freak out when there is too much praise, and too many acknowledgements. I freak out at my husbands attention - I fear too much intimacy (on my list of things to deal with...lol) And I freak out at colleagues compliments - maybe I feel if they see me getting thin they start adding up the losses and realise just how fat I was, where if I simply AM fat, noone bothers to notice one way or another.....there is a lot to self sabatoge over that I believe. Perosnlly, I am aiming to break that record and soar on to 3 stones n beyond, but it does make me nervous with 2 stone approaching!!

    Good luck to you too Blue - sorry you too are having a tough time. :(
     
  14. blue_grapefruit

    blue_grapefruit Gold Member

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    Thanks hun.

    Just wanna POO!!!
     
  15. annie_d

    annie_d Silver Member

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    Claire? Could you get rid of the rubbish food from your house? I have eaten too much today but just veg salad and chicken and grapes, because that's all we have in.
     
  16. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    NOTE TO BLUE GRAPEFRUIT!!

    WIthout hijacking thread - let me just say two words: Psyllium Husks.

    WOrked a treat for me. In just two days am more normal and regular then I have since starting the diet. :) Poor you and your poor bum....I was there last week and its horrible. Hope you feel better real soon!!

    xx
     
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  17. annie_d

    annie_d Silver Member

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    Maybe you could put some lipstick on? Who wants a sausage roll covered in lipstick? Just a thought. Don't feel/act as if the whole effort has been ruined, it hasn't. You are doing so well. NOTHING in life is ever completed without making the odd mistake and this dieting lark is just the same. The overall picture for you in one of great success.
     
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  19. lighterlifeclaire

    lighterlifeclaire Silver Member

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    thanks annie... I think it has really helped to just come on here and face the truth.

    Somebody somewhere (sorry i have read too many threads tonight!) said something about not wantin 2 lose the weight because they don't want people to realise HOW fat they were... this is DEFINATELY one of my fears... Now I have always been fat, but being tall people don't actually realise how fat. I was 24stone 8lb wen i started and I'm down to 20stone 3lbs i think now... The other day someone said "how much have u lost" i said "4stone 5lbs" and they said "wow, so how much do u weigh now, u must be near target?" :eek: I cudnt say I had 8 stone left... so i just went "oh ive got a way to go yet" but the thought of ANYONE (besides u lot and my group) finding out how much I weighed freaks me out
     
  20. lighterlifeclaire

    lighterlifeclaire Silver Member

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    I have decided I am going to run a hot bath, relax and watch bridget jones in bed with a bottle of water and a hot chocolate shake! I will NOT be bridget jones anymore !!!... abstinence starts again NOW.

    Goodnight everyone, I have a busy day tomorrow so am going to go offline and chill... thanks for all ur help - will come n let u know how tomorrow goes, tomorrow xx
     
  21. Curlygurl

    Curlygurl Full Member

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    Hey Claire

    You've got my sympathy. I have been in the same boat as you this weekend. Eating stuff that I know is unhealthy, and eating when I'm not really hungry. It's all very rebellious child stuff. After giving myself a long stern talking to this afternoon, and having a good look at what is going on, I realise it is because I have a supervision meeting tomorrow that I haven't prepared for. I should have been working on it this afternoon, but instead I have been avoiding it by eating. So I can completely identify with using food as a way of avoiding work stress, and from the sound of things - i.e. your own insights!, it seems like this might be what's behind your burst out this weekend.

    However, there are always going to be times of uncertainty, and things we don't like doing, and part of this journey is learning new ways of coping. And I know my emotional eating hasn't helped me at all - I still haven't prepared. So it's up early tomorrow, a morning meditation (great advice BL!) and back on plan.

    It's a shame that your good news of a promotion isn't something that you can properly celebrate with your colleagues yet, but you will be able to soon, and although they will be sorry to see you go, I bet most of them will be delighted to see you doing well for yourself.

    See you here tomorrow Claire. We can crack this! Lapses are horrible and painful, but if we must use them as an opportunity to learn. They may set back the goal weight for a couple of weeks, but the lessons learnt might provide us with the tools for long term maintenance and that has got to be the ultimate goal!
     
  22. Waistaway

    Waistaway Member

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    You can do it Claire !!

    I am only on day 4 but you have been one of my inspirations for starting the programme! I've been looking at the site and pondering for a while, and you encouraged me (without even knowing) to join. You have done so well so keep it up you can do it x
     
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