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I feel such a failure, useless, full of excuses

Well where do I start......

I started Cambridge last September, lost just under 3 stone, then it went pear shaped.

It's been a combination of, "I've cracked it" and eased off the brakes, you know how our brains work. Reading the thread about the way our mind works says it all.

Mine is always arguing with itself, I'm afraid the naughty one always seems to win. :cry:

Another factor, we have had a hard worrying time with our business, work wise, coming out of our ears, but cash flow, awful. trying to juggle things has got me down, but what hasn't helped is my councillor, she is the lovelist person I have ever met and so caring, but she does "promote other things" and I just can't afford them. I have enough on my plate trying to get into the routine of taking Cambridge, never mind pills and potions too. Plus she would only see 2 or 3 weekly and when finances are tight, £30 odd is easier to find than £100. Also she started me of with a private consultation, then wanted me go on like a call in clinic between certain hours of an evening and wait my turn

So I'm afraid I gave up, stopped going, just couldn't face going.

At the end of April I went to see my heart specialist, I have put 2 stone of it back on, I see him again in 6 months..since then I have been sorting my self out to start again, now another 2 months have gone by, I keep thinking 9 months have gone by since originally starting and I'm no further on, Why I don't just get on with it I don't know, I feel so useless. I lie awake at night, all best laid plans in my head, but real life is there in the morning, and you know what they say about best laid plans.

I want to go back, but I just want to have the strength to say NO, and just have my cambridge, I need to get my head around that first.

I live rural, there are other councillors, I suppose I could travel, one visits and charges you a mileage charge, I don't know what to do.

Sorry I'm such a wingebag and seem full of excuses, but in my head I know what I should do, but it is that other little numbskull in there that seems to get the better of me.

I stil have 3 weeks supply in my cupboard, so I can get started, but I just don't know what to do about after then....

Thanks for listening,
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