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I need lot's of help please

S: 19st4lb C: 14st9lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 35.2 Loss: 4st9lb(24.07%)
#1
On Monday the 29th my amazing Mum suddenly passed away :'( I've kind of been on auto pilot since. I wasn't able to eat at all for days. I'm managing to eat more now but have been eating what I want and I don't want to undo all of my hard work. The day I found out I also stopped smoking so I've not smoked for 9 days now.

I'd just love some help, advice etc. I'm not sure how I'm coping at the mo really :(
 
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abigail09

Gold Member
S: 11st6lb C: 11st1lb G: 9st7lb BMI: 26.6 Loss: 0st5lb(3.13%)
#2
sending my love kelly, its hard for me to know what to say when you have lost someone so close to you and can only imagine how you feel right now. when you go through such a terrible time you do just got on auto pilot and life seems like an absolute blur til you get a bit of normaility in your life. if your really struggling seek some sort of professional help to get you through. dont worry about sw, its not the main priority in your life right now, i would speak to your C about it and rejoin group when you feel ready. i lost over 7 lbs in a few days last year going through an enormously stressful time myself which is also a blur but its not good and not healthy. look after yourself kelly but speak to someone who specialises in bereavement if your struggling x
 

JackieN

One day at a time, one step at a time
S: 18st8lb C: 18st8lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 44.6 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#3
(((hug)))So so sorry to hear about your Mum. I was like that when lost my Dad suddenly. Its a rollercoaster of emotions. Be good to yourself. Take life a day at a time. Try to eat small portions throughout the day. I went off food for ages and nibbled, i'll never forget as lost so much weight (all went back on again) You will have good and bad days. Grief is one of those things we all deal with differently. I found I couldn't face or fancy proper meals but smaller snacky things I managed and soups. Have another (((hug))) xxx
 

alwyn

Silver Member
S: 80.29kg C: 80.29kg G: 60.33kg BMI: 29.5 Loss: 0kg(0%)
#4
Don't have anything to add but just wanted to give you my love Kelly *hug*
 

Woodsylou

Silver Member
S: 13st6.5lb C: 13st6.5lb G: 9st11lb BMI: 32.4 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#5
My goodness you poor poor thing, I can't even imagine how you're feeling.

Have you spoken to anyone about bereavement conselling? i think it's so important to speak to someone when you suffer such a huge loss. you poor thing.

if you feel you want to focus on SW still then let yourself, sometimes i can help to have something else to think about, but if you dont, then don't, you are going through such a traumatic time you need to focus on just getting through the day.

it always helps to eat lots of healthy food anyway, but if you need a break, don't beat yourself up.

i am so sorry for your loss xxx
 

Laddiesboy

I ♥ Slimming World :)
S: 24st0lb C: 17st0lb G: 13st12lb BMI: 30.6 Loss: 7st0lb(29.17%)
#6
Awww bless you **HUGS**

I lost my mum when I was just 21 and she only 46, the hardest time of my life for sure. Everything else went on the back burner while I came to terms with it and dealt with all the things that needed dealing with.

I wasn't following SW at the time, so it is slightly different, but I would most definitely have forgotten all about it for a few weeks if I had been.

You need to do whatever it takes to get you and your family through this awful time, nothing else really matters. It doesn't matter if you put on weight a little. In fact it is more vital that you MAKE SURE you do eat, as I lost quite a lot of weight just after losing my mum as I kept forgetting to eat.

Deal with the grief, take a few weeks off, then get refocused when you are ready to. You may even find that getting back on plan and refocusing your mind will help you deal with things as it gives you something else to be thinking about at times.

I hope I'm not out of line for saying this but I'm sure your mum will have been proud of you for the weight you have already lost, and would want you to be able to get back on track sooner rather than later and get to target :)
 

malaika

Lover of Extra Easy
S: 11st8lb C: 10st6lb G: 9st6lb BMI: 25.9 Loss: 1st2lb(9.88%)
#8
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Having lost both of my parents, I know the pain you are feeling.
I can only echo the words the others have said and send you hugs xxx
 

Harrie

Silver Member
S: 9st12lb C: 9st4lb G: 8st10lb BMI: 24.6 Loss: 0st8lb(5.8%)
#9
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Please, don't go through this alone. Go see a bereavement counsellor and talk through your feelings. You must be feeling so raw at the moment.

Look after yourself
xx
 

pesty

Fighting the bulge
S: 13st13.5lb C: 13st2.5lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 31.7 Loss: 0st11lb(5.63%)
#10
Sorry for you loss Kelly, sending big (((HUGS))) your way.

I dont really have anything to add, just to say do whatever you feel is right, if you want a few weeks off then that's more than ok. If you want to stick with it then make sure you eat and have good things on hand to nibble.

I've had a very stressful time of late and for me food was the one thing i felt i could control in the madnessa round me, just make sure your ok before worrying about anything else.

As always, were all here if you need a chat

xxxxxx
 

IreneH

Gold Member
#11
I am so sorry to hear your news. At the moment you are bound to be in a state of shock and everything not real. Almost as if you are not part of what is happening in real life. Take each day as it comes and forget about a diet you have enough on your plate at the moment.

Sending you big hugs and don't forget if it helps to cry you cry.

Irene xx
 

Simmy1978

Full Member
S: 13st3lb C: 11st3lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 29.7 Loss: 2st0lb(15.14%)
#12
so sorry to hear about your loss hun! my prayers are with you and your family! i dont really know what other advice to give you in terms of being on the plan apart from just taking one day at a time to cope with your feelings..

i lost my grandfather while on the plan 2 yrs ago and kinda fell of it for about 2 yrs and refused to accept that it was now time to get things back in order for my health's sake

i can say though that i wish i hadnt waited 2 yrs before going back to slimming words as now i have even more damage to undo!

but do take whatever time you need and get back to it when u feel you can! *hugs* wish i could help you more hun! xx
 

LadyHelen

No Coffee, No Workee
S: 19st6.5lb C: 19st0lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 42.9 Loss: 0st6.5lb(2.39%)
#13
I can't improve on everyone else's advice, but wanted to post and say I'm thinking of you, I'm so very sorry for your loss. :gen126:
 

StripedDaisy

A sucker for a key change
#14
I have nothing useful to say as both my parents are still around, but I remember the feeling of devastation when I lost my grandparents who I idolised. But I can send you my virtual hugs too...

(((((HUGs)))))
 
#15
lots of hugs to you-its a horrible feeling and unless you've been there you can't understand the sheer force of how the loss punches you inthe stomach and takes away your physical and emotional legs.No words will ease it but very slowly the sun will chase the clouds away long enough for you to smile through the tears. You'll feel guilty for smiling at first but then think of her smiling and remember she will be smiling with you.Keep that thought in your head and one day you will be able to laugh and cry as you think of her. A mothers love never dies like yours for her will never die.It will take a long time but take it one tiny step at a time.Its too soon to see through the clouds yet but remember if you need to talk we will all help. Don't be afraid to ask. xxxxxxxLouise
 

lupuscow

Full Member
S: 11st12lb C: 11st6lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 28.3 Loss: 0st6lb(3.61%)
#16
Sorry for your loss and there is some great advise on here, but just wanted to say well done for giving up on smoking. Thats a major acheivement, and now you've given up for this long, don't give in to cravings. As for food, try and keep your strength up and its not the end of the world if you gain, you can restart when you are ready, you know it is possible to lose, just in your own time. take care. x
 
#17
So sorry to hear of your loss x I am not able to understand the situation fully as am lucky enough not to have been in it and can't imagine how I would be able to cope with anything let alone the focus it takes to stick to plan!
I would suggest be gentle with yourself and take it one day at a time x
There is an article about how to bounce back from anything in this edition of SW mag, it mentions bereavement but its not a very long piece...don't know if it would help at all? xxx
 

Shrimpy

Gold Member
S: 13st6lb C: 8st12lb G: 8st11lb BMI: 24.2 Loss: 4st8lb(34.04%)
#18
So sorry for your loss. Don't worry too much about SW, just take things slowly and one day at a time. The pain will slowly dissipate, talk to someone, doesn't need to be counsellor, just remember to talk through things...
 

Brightonrosie

I want to be fitter again
S: 11st8lb C: 11st0lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 29.1 Loss: 0st8lb(4.94%)
#19
Hello Kelly sad sad news. Even though I have lost both of my parents I still don't know what you are going through because everyone is so so different. Personally I think it is too early to see a counsellor. If you need to talk about her death and how you are feeling, close friends are probably best at this time. As for SW and stopping smoking it is sometimes good to feel you can be in control with a couple of aspects of your life when everything around you is out of your control. At the same time even good intentions can go slightly haywire whilst your emotions are in turmoil. The mothering part of you, needs to look after the small person inside you, who is crying for her mum. Tears are good. Let them flow if you can . Hope this makes a miniscule bit of sense to you. It will be difficult to work out what you need right now. Try things out and see how they feel. Eat as many nourishing foods you can as well as foods that calm the body. things like bananas are a great natural sedative. Camomile tea is brilliant for calming effects also. Take care. xxx
 
S: 19st4lb C: 14st9lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 35.2 Loss: 4st9lb(24.07%)
#20
Thank you all for the wishes. I'm having good and bad days and lot's of different emotions. I still don't honestly think it has hit me properly and probably won't until the funeral.

I'm still not smoking but the diet has gone completely out of the window, I've eaten lots of foods I probably shouldn't but have allowed a little comforting and will get back on it on Monday.
 


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