SO MUCH TO LOSE!
Must do it this time
I wish i knew last year when i started cd for the 1st time what i know now......that the 1st time on cd is the golden time :cry:
This time last year i had lost 4st on cd and another stone on my own and felt great but then it all went horribly wrong somewhere along the line.I got lazy i suppose..eating what i wanted when i wanted:break_diet:
I lost all that weight in 5 months and to be honest i really dont think that my brain had caught up with my body as now i have piled it all back on again and feel so horrible and disgusting that i dont want to go anywhere or do anything.I feel so depressed and paranoid its just not me at all and i hate feeling like this,i hate being this paranoid .
I wont let my partner near me i dress in the dark or a seperate room,i so long to be slim again and i know that only i can do it but i just dont seem to have it in me anymore,and the more i try and fail the more depressed i get,which leads to me eating even more:cry::cry:
I feel everybodies looking at me thinking how bad i look and saying the weight didnt stay off me for very long,as i can see the way people look at me(not paranoid on this i can assure you).
Anyway i know that there are alot of you who feel the exact same as me but at least you are doing something about it,i was supposed to start today but due to me not getting an answer to my frozen tetras question i couldnt and really dont have the money to spend on more packs unless necessary,which i hope i wont have to.
Im so sad and feel so alone and im crying as i write this as i know that every feeling that i have is all down to my own doing and ive nobody else to blame but myself.
I do apoligise for rambling on but i feel that this is the place for me to just let it all out(dont want to talk to my oh about this),apoligies for rambling and im not expecting any replies,
thanx to anyone for taking the time to read
good luck to you all,
Elaine:break_diet:
This time last year i had lost 4st on cd and another stone on my own and felt great but then it all went horribly wrong somewhere along the line.I got lazy i suppose..eating what i wanted when i wanted:break_diet:
I lost all that weight in 5 months and to be honest i really dont think that my brain had caught up with my body as now i have piled it all back on again and feel so horrible and disgusting that i dont want to go anywhere or do anything.I feel so depressed and paranoid its just not me at all and i hate feeling like this,i hate being this paranoid .
I wont let my partner near me i dress in the dark or a seperate room,i so long to be slim again and i know that only i can do it but i just dont seem to have it in me anymore,and the more i try and fail the more depressed i get,which leads to me eating even more:cry::cry:
I feel everybodies looking at me thinking how bad i look and saying the weight didnt stay off me for very long,as i can see the way people look at me(not paranoid on this i can assure you).
Anyway i know that there are alot of you who feel the exact same as me but at least you are doing something about it,i was supposed to start today but due to me not getting an answer to my frozen tetras question i couldnt and really dont have the money to spend on more packs unless necessary,which i hope i wont have to.
Im so sad and feel so alone and im crying as i write this as i know that every feeling that i have is all down to my own doing and ive nobody else to blame but myself.
I do apoligise for rambling on but i feel that this is the place for me to just let it all out(dont want to talk to my oh about this),apoligies for rambling and im not expecting any replies,
thanx to anyone for taking the time to read
good luck to you all,
Elaine:break_diet: