PerfectPudding
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Total Solution I'm so upset :-(
- Thread starter PerfectPudding
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PerfectPudding
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Bellerine
Silver Member
Oh dear. Your friend is totally jealous. Can't you see it? SHE doesnt have your stamina and she has lost only a fraction of what you've lost. Its easier being fat if you've got company. You were her company and her yardstick of what was acceptable. Now you've gone and changed. She cant help herself being catty. Be nice. IGNORE her. She feels guilty and bad about herself and putting you and your diet down makes her feel ok. Be nice. Tell her how amazing she looks and how the weight loss shes had really shows. Then go and have a ball. And then beware. She will want to sabotage your diet. Stay strong so that you can succeed and also to show her that it can be done.
Belle
Belle
she's clearly jealous, my sister and i started weight watchers at the same time and i was 2 stone heavier, all was ok until i over took her and now am 21lb lighter. then i started this all get is i'm not suprised your losing weight you don't eat and you know you will just put it all back on. that's my sister and it made me sad for a while but now it drives me to lose it all and keep it off! tell her to stick it and go out with someone else xx
PerfectPudding
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Bellerine
Silver Member
PP. Its not about you. Her problem is with herself. She didnt want things to change you guys bonded over many a meal and drinks. You've given that up and she didnt want you to. She sees you leaving her behind - even though thats a good thing for you remember she is being left behind. Her actions are not deliberate or thought through. Id say she just cant help it. Forgive her cos shes only human. We've all done and said stupid things when we're gurting so please let this go. She will justify what she said to herself as trying to help you so there is noooooo point arguing. Be the bigger person. If you dont she will then say you let her down tonight. She said it was your choice remember? So you have to go. Maybe this is the death of a friendship or maybe the two of you will find another way to bond. Either way you have to let this slight go.
Belle
Belle
Darcy15
I can and will do this!
The human psyche is complex, to say the least 
There are two distinct, but intertwined, issues at play here I believe. Alcohol and weight loss.
Although she will never admit it, and you will find it hard to accept, your friend is jealous of your fantastic achievement in losing so much weight. Subconsciously, she will try to undermine you - by saying the things she has already said. She wants to be slim as well, and is struggling with seeing you change so much when she isn't doing so well. Be kind, be supportive, but be strong. Exante is working for you, and you want to stay with it. This is your choice.
Alcohol is the other issue. As a life long abstainer ( no moral crusading, just don't like the taste - never have, never will ), to suggest that it is not possible to have a social life without alcohol is clearly ludicrous. I manage, very succesfully!
Again, your friend is projecting her beliefs and probable insecurities on to you. What if you had given up alcohol for other reasons - Lent, being on medication for example. I wonder if her reaction would be the same? Again, be kind with her but stick to your guns. You are freely choosing not to drink. Your choice, not hers.
Whether or not you go to this event has to be up to you. I can not advise. Only you know the complete circumstances. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Right, enough ramblings from me!
Take good care of yourself. You are doing so well, and you are doing this for yourself - nobody else!!! Do not let anyone deter you from success.
There are two distinct, but intertwined, issues at play here I believe. Alcohol and weight loss.
Although she will never admit it, and you will find it hard to accept, your friend is jealous of your fantastic achievement in losing so much weight. Subconsciously, she will try to undermine you - by saying the things she has already said. She wants to be slim as well, and is struggling with seeing you change so much when she isn't doing so well. Be kind, be supportive, but be strong. Exante is working for you, and you want to stay with it. This is your choice.
Alcohol is the other issue. As a life long abstainer ( no moral crusading, just don't like the taste - never have, never will ), to suggest that it is not possible to have a social life without alcohol is clearly ludicrous. I manage, very succesfully!
Again, your friend is projecting her beliefs and probable insecurities on to you. What if you had given up alcohol for other reasons - Lent, being on medication for example. I wonder if her reaction would be the same? Again, be kind with her but stick to your guns. You are freely choosing not to drink. Your choice, not hers.
Whether or not you go to this event has to be up to you. I can not advise. Only you know the complete circumstances. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Right, enough ramblings from me!
Take good care of yourself. You are doing so well, and you are doing this for yourself - nobody else!!! Do not let anyone deter you from success.
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PerfectPudding
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Bellerine
Silver Member
Hi PP. I just read some of my earlier posts here and it sounded like I was a bit pushy telling you to go out tonight. I'm sorry if it came across that way. Wasnt meant to. You made tough choice. Good for you.
At least there is good stuff on the telly tonight. OH has just announced that the apprentice is on.
Belle
At least there is good stuff on the telly tonight. OH has just announced that the apprentice is on.
Belle
PerfectPudding
Full Member
Hi Bellerine
Oh no, in no way did I find your post pushy so please don't worry there! Honestly I was just grateful that you read a bothered to reply. Everyone has different opinions and perspective on things I just wondered if I was overreacting to what she said in the way it made me feel. I just decided I didn't want to feel like I'd put a dampner on her and the other girls night so in the end thought it best not to go, shame to have missed out but as you say had some good tele on x
Oh no, in no way did I find your post pushy so please don't worry there! Honestly I was just grateful that you read a bothered to reply. Everyone has different opinions and perspective on things I just wondered if I was overreacting to what she said in the way it made me feel. I just decided I didn't want to feel like I'd put a dampner on her and the other girls night so in the end thought it best not to go, shame to have missed out but as you say had some good tele on
x
Niennor
Full Member
I totally agree with belle, she is jealous and her own insecurities are being taken out on you! Trust ne I've been her before, when my best friend lost weight it made me want to sabotage her, I'm not proud of it but I know it was the reason why I always suggested takeaways and a movie instead of just the movie and often offered to pay as 'my treat' it wasn't a treat just a way of making myself feel better that if I put in weight from this so will she.
It's a shame because you wanted to support her but at the end of the day she is the one who lost out on your fabulous company!
Big hugs!
It's a shame because you wanted to support her but at the end of the day she is the one who lost out on your fabulous company!
Big hugs!
PerfectPudding
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Reading this thread has been like reading my life story over the last few weeks..
My bestie of over 35 years has always been tiny slim sitting at around 9st at 5ft 4"... today she is 11st and she has a tiny frame so looks very much larger than that. I love her to bits but i have had to stop going to see her of an evening as she is constantly pushing me to eat rubbish..
She has always been very supportive of my diet and celebrated in all my victorys over my battle to slim from 21st 7lb to 13.07...
Like your friend she is putting pressure on me to go for a blow out evening of wine etc..Using the emotional blackmail that she has been very low and needs cheering up.. Like you i have not given in and it has defo put a strain on our friendship.
The only difference being i will not allow what has been a truely great friendship be ruined over a few thoughtless acts on her behalf.. Yes your friend seems to be jealous of your weight loss but she is probably feeling like a failure (we have all been there) ..
Try not to fall out with her over this huni if she is normally a good friend etc... You may find if you do ignore some of her silly thoughtless comments that your friendship may get back ontrack..
You could always ask her to go for a coffee and have a chat about things in a casual manner.. You never know it might just help her to open up and admit that she may be feeling a little inadequate around her Super Slimmer friend... just a thought xx
Well done with your fab losses by the way ,, your going great guns xx
My bestie of over 35 years has always been tiny slim sitting at around 9st at 5ft 4"... today she is 11st and she has a tiny frame so looks very much larger than that. I love her to bits but i have had to stop going to see her of an evening as she is constantly pushing me to eat rubbish..
She has always been very supportive of my diet and celebrated in all my victorys over my battle to slim from 21st 7lb to 13.07...
Like your friend she is putting pressure on me to go for a blow out evening of wine etc..Using the emotional blackmail that she has been very low and needs cheering up.. Like you i have not given in and it has defo put a strain on our friendship.
The only difference being i will not allow what has been a truely great friendship be ruined over a few thoughtless acts on her behalf.. Yes your friend seems to be jealous of your weight loss but she is probably feeling like a failure (we have all been there) ..
Try not to fall out with her over this huni if she is normally a good friend etc... You may find if you do ignore some of her silly thoughtless comments that your friendship may get back ontrack..
You could always ask her to go for a coffee and have a chat about things in a casual manner.. You never know it might just help her to open up and admit that she may be feeling a little inadequate around her Super Slimmer friend... just a thought xx
Well done with your fab losses by the way ,, your going great guns xx
PerfectPudding
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reading what you have just written i would say that you have indeed grown out of your friendship with this lady.. Good for you not to allow it to spoil your diet.. Maybe when you are at goal you should drive the hour and pay her a suprise visit lol... It seems like she just wants a fat mate to hang out with so she doesnt have to worry about looking like the fatty herself... Good luck with the rest of your diet and to all of the new friends you will make along the way .. Especially when you are at goal and feeling confident and looking totally fab xxx
Bellerine
Silver Member
"I'm such a soft touch and people generally walk all over me so truth me told she will ring me when she needs me and I'll always be there."
Awwww. Thats so nice. Im like that too. I always seem to be the one without a "motive" or an "agenda". If I care about someone I care and thats that. Pity that some people dont appreciate that but most do.
Anyhoo I am SHOCKED at your friends behaviour and I think you are well rid of her. What sort of a person needs a "Fat Friend". Gees that is sooo hard to get my head around. Truly shocking. Hope you feel a little bit of revenge dieting coming on and I love the idea of the "Surprise Visit" once you reach goal!!!!! That is something you should definitely do. You might need a fat friend then and she could be it!!
And she was a b*tch for not calling you back.
Belle
Awwww. Thats so nice. Im like that too. I always seem to be the one without a "motive" or an "agenda". If I care about someone I care and thats that. Pity that some people dont appreciate that but most do.
Anyhoo I am SHOCKED at your friends behaviour and I think you are well rid of her. What sort of a person needs a "Fat Friend". Gees that is sooo hard to get my head around. Truly shocking. Hope you feel a little bit of revenge dieting coming on and I love the idea of the "Surprise Visit" once you reach goal!!!!! That is something you should definitely do. You might need a fat friend then and she could be it!!
And she was a b*tch for not calling you back.
Belle
