in search of friends

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by fitz, 4 May 2007 Social URL.

  1. fitz

    fitz Lovin it !!! :)

    hi anyone
    im desperately lonely and am looking for some girl friends who maybe live nearby in essex. I moved here in 2005 but gave up everything to move from Norwich. Allthough I do work, most of the people are younger and I don't find it easy to mix when they all seem to have their own lives etc. I need to meet people who obviously have the same "issues" with regards to dieting etc. I have a partner but find I am unable to talk to him as he doesnt really undestand the whole food issue/emotional eating etc. I have posted on here before, but not really got many replies, feeling so low, just want to meet some like minded people to meet for coffee or a chat or even text support when times are hard etc.
    Is there anybody outhere???
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  3. Bluepaws

    Bluepaws Full Member

    Cambridge diet
    Hey Fitz, turn that frown upside down! :patback:

    Are you a member of a gym etc? Or maybe you could join one? There'll be lots of ladies there, probably in the same situation as you and while you make friends there, you'll also be getting yourself fitter. 2 birds/1 stone!

    This is what I have done. I've joined a couple of classes in my local leisure centre and i'm slowly growing in confidence and started chatting with the ladies in my classes and they're all really friendly. It helps to be able to talk 'diets' with the girls there because I think my friends are probably sick of me mentioning cd. lol. I can't blame them really.

    I'm sorry, i'm probably not helping much...just wanted to give you an idea.

    Mini likes this.
  4. Frumpster

    Frumpster Becoming Un-Frumpy!

    Cambridge 790
    Hi Fitz

    I understand where you are coming from hun. I too feel so lonely. I have a fantastic husband and little biy, but I don't have any friends. My family are great, but I miss female friendship. I moved from Newcastle to cheshire and left all my friends behind.

    You can message me whenever you want a chat i'm online pretty much all day long as I work from home, so i'm always sat at the computer. I am restarting cd tomorrow.

    No doubt your confidence to meet new people will soar as the pounds come off, I know thats how I am.

    contact me whenever you need anything :)

    Mini likes this.
  5. fitz

    fitz Lovin it !!! :)

    hi thanks for the tips, but cant really afford to do eve classes etc at mo, in new job and still on probation sodont really want to spend too much - just in case - if you kow what i mean. its not really the weight thing as such - have lost nearly all of excess - did ll in 2003 - everyone thinks i am so confident but in reality im just a lonely wreck in need of some understanding friends i can chat/moan/laugh with etc. i guess really though no-body wants a miserable friend, who can blame them. I left my whole life in norwich and though i do still tx friends etc its not the same - got no-one to turn to here - no family, friends anyting and no-where to go. had row with partner not so long back & spent the night in my car in tesco car park. ffs - dont know what i have become - i am just a miserable lonely waste.
    sorry to go on - cant sleep and needed to get it out of system.
    Mini likes this.
  6. kazz

    kazz Gold Member

    Hey fitz, I know how you feel...I left all my friends and family behind in Ireland and pretty much gave up everything to move to the isle of man with my lil can get so lonely at times, and I find it hard to meet people as well so havent really made many friends over here.

    But there is something I have noticed, I was talking to a girl I kind of know at a party last nite (her daughter is in my daughters class at school) and I cant remember what she said, but I said well, I dont have that many friend over here, its difficult to meet people and immediately she was inviting me here there and everywhere. Now, dont get me wrong I dont have a problem doing things by myself, but she genuinely didnt realise the lack of friends and I was telling her I miss just sitting and chilling wit mates etc and thats where the invitations really came from.

    Maybe if you can actually mention to some people that you miss your friends from home and that you dont know that many people where you are they will be more forthcoming? I guess if people dont know how you feel, what can they do about it??

    Or even check online to see if there are any websites that ca help you meet new people?
  7. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

    Oh Fitz - so sorry that you're feeling this way! I do know how you feel - I had to move from London back to Newcastle 5 years ago and found it quite hard making new friends. Most of my social group up here are parents of my kids' friends!

    That's why I spend so much time online, catching up with the people on here who've become so important to me as they've been the ones who've kept me going through some extremely rough times. Just like the one you're going through right now, honey!

    Please don't take it personally when one of your threads doesn't get many replies - this site is getting bigger and bigger every day and it's hard to keep up with reading everyone's posts, so sometimes I miss a 'cry for help', as it were.

    You can always PM me or one of the other staff/moderators/admin at any time if you need specific questions answered, or if you just fancy a chat - there's always a friendly 'face' around, hun.

    We're here for you, ok?

  8. sonkie

    sonkie Gold Member

    Goal Weight:
    measure up

    I too left my brothers and friends in Nottingham after my mum died, so it was and still is quite emotional......! Though as the years have gone on all my so called mates just dont keep in contact...not even a text message. I got fed up chasing them too.
    Though sometimes I do feel lonely here in Plymouth as I dont really have many friends down here, I would not move back....I do love it down here.
  9. westiegirl

    westiegirl Gold Member

    Start Weight:
    Current Weight:
    Goal Weight:
    Hi Fitz

    I can totally relate to this also. Just moved back to Wales from Scotland last October and am still finding my way. Same as you my workmates are lovely but have all their own lives or live too far away from me.

    I have felt so lonely recently that it just seems like there is so much despair coming out of me. I always think it is much harder to make friends the older you get :(.

    Please do as Isobel says and keep coming here for support until you find your way a little more. I didn't know Isobel until a year a go and have since met her and some other friends from on here a few times and I am grateful for this site for bringing me these new friends.

    Sorry I'm not close enough because it would be lovely to meet for coffee, but we can always chat anyway!
  10. Sparkle

    Sparkle Gold Member

    Weight Watchers
    I know exactly how you feel - in fact I was having the same conversation with my mum last night. I feel so lonely at the moment - I only have two good friends here, and they're in their late 30s with kids (in their teens) so their priorities are completely different to mine. I feel like I have no friends, there's no man in my life and I'm struggling to come up with ideas of how to meet people my own age. There's not really any 'clubs' or 'groups' I can join around here.

    Unfortunately I don't have any suggestions otherwise I would be doing them and probably not feeling so bad. All I can say is you're not the only one who feels like this. :hug99:
  11. Guinness_tester

    Guinness_tester Full Member

    Fellow Essex Dieters

    Hi Fitz
    I am doing CD at the same time as my wife and would happily become buddies, we live in Colchester, Essex
    ther is a link from my blog to drop us an email if you fancy a chat
    Best Wishes
    Blog shortcut The Big Diet
    IreneH likes this.
  12. IreneH

    IreneH Gold Member

    I also didn't have many friends until I started CD and joined first DH and then MInimins. Since then I now have a load of friends some I've met and some I haven't but I know there is always somone there to support, help and comfort me when I need it. And there have been plenty of occasions so far. Keep coming on here and if you need help just shout and one of us will be with you
    I wish I lived nearer to you so I could have a coffee with you. We also have meets and I go to as many as I can. Look at the WeMitts thread and Meetings and Events
    Irene xx
  13. stacey

    stacey i love minimins me :)

    hey hun

    am only 19 and can honestly say i dont have many friends, a have a few from school, who bother with me when they cant find anyone else, i have kayleigh from here (who is fab :) ) an i am meeting verity from minimins tomorrow to :), i have 2 friends from uni but they both hav kids, then have have the best friend, who is bascially horrible to me and drives any friends i do have away from me :(

    but i thought i was the only one who didnt have many friends, i dont feel so bad now, knowning its common

  14. Joeyroo

    Joeyroo Full Member

    Hey Fitz

    I'm a fellow Essex girl, what part of essex are you from? I'm canvey island. I am in your boat too, i gave up my life in kent to move to Essex to buy a house with my partner so doing the whole 'making new friends' thing which is quite hard at times but i'm slowly getting there!

    Let me know what area your from :)
  15. kittykat

    kittykat Gold Member

    Start Weight:
    I know how you feel i moved from leafy surrey to bradford 5 yrs ago with my partner neither of us knew anyone have now got a few close friends but sometimes not the same as home nothing worse when you have a row and got no where to go i used to go for a 10 min drive and come back the house is now going on the market and weve made the decision to go back to surrey cant wait !!
  16. girlygirl

    girlygirl Silver Member

    I think most people who develop weight problems feel isolated from the world. It's something inside, like your face doesn't fit, or you just don't 'belong'.

    Then you find others in the same position and immediately understand each other.

    Overeating is a 'disease of isolation'. When we are heavy - or perhaps not so heavy, but just feeling huge - we shut ourselves away. Many's the time I'd come home from a very long working day in London, totally shattered, to face another long lonely evening of 'dieting' which of course meant starving. Eventually I'd crack and eat. You feel that food is your only comfort but at the same time you hate it. Even when you are at goal or almost you feel 'on your own' in this world, on an emotional level. I think I've always felt that, even when I was married to/living with a man I loved, and who loved me. I'm currently trying to get over a broken heart, so I'm lonely, too.

    Women need female pals, just as men need male buddies. Most guys don't understand our weight and body image issues, far less our complex emotional responses to just about everything that comes along.

    I know all about chasing up friends! You mail them, you call them, you send postcards, birthday cards, (they never remember your birthday!), Christmas cards, gifts... After a while you just give up, and they drift away.

    Hang on in there, Fitz and others. There is real friendship to be had, and many on this site meet-up regularly in person. We know what it's like to be 'us', and we can support each other through lonely times.
    IreneH likes this.
  17. debz32

    debz32 Gold Member

    Hey Fitz - sorry you're feeling so low....:(

    Agree with everything the other posters have said - it IS hard to make new friends and can sometimes be harder to hang onto the old ones - cos our lives change and people move on and seem to get caught up with other things.... as Kazz said - maybe people don't even realise how lonely you are....perhaps if you said something that might make them think....

    also - do you have any free time that you could give to being a 'volunteer' ?? - charities are always looking for people....I trained as a Childline volunteer a couple of years ago and now have a new set of friends who have seen me through some hard times....can also do gardening, working in shops etc etc.

    chin up hun....we're all here for ya !

    lotsa love

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  19. dizzy-n-mizzy

    dizzy-n-mizzy Not dieting ATM!

    Together we lost 8 stone on CD.
    Hi Bev

    I'm North Essex and the same age as you. Do you ever go to Freeport at Braintree? If you do next time you plan a trip I'd definitely up for shopping, coffee and chit chat. I would be only to happy to chit chat about diets and eating troubles with a good cup of coffee.

    Diana x
  20. fitz

    fitz Lovin it !!! :)

    Hi everybody -many thanx for taking the time to reply with all your kind words. I will pm some replies back - many thanx for those of you who live near to me - I will get in touch with a view to meeting up for coffee and a chat, would really like to meet some new friends. My day off is wednesdays and I more often than not go over to Lakeside for the day just browsin/shopping/coffee etc - alone.! I am an only child so no sisters to go out with & although my parents live about hour away my mum is in a wheelchair so not so easy to just go off out shopping. This morning, after a situation at home I left for work an hour early and just sat in my car and cried. I tx my friend in norwich for the number of samaratins - I felt so low and just didnt know who to talk to - anyhow my frind in norwich called me for a chat - but you know I felt so guilty as I just didnt want to burden her again with my problems. She is a friend I actually made whilst on LL in 2003 - we kept in touch - but alas she is still in Norwich. Anywhow - just wanted to say thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply and it is good to know that there are alot of people who do feel like I do. It;'s hard to admit we are lonely and it isnt something I would have ever admited to in the past. But hey - life is too short and we all need support now and again.
  21. IreneH

    IreneH Gold Member

    And remember we are your new friends and will always be here for you when you are both up and down
    Irene xx
  22. poohbearmufc

    poohbearmufc Longing 2 b a yummy mummy

    Start Weight:
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    Exante - Total Solutions
    Hey Helen,Where do u live?Love
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