It's happened a lot!! Is it wrong that i'm not beating myself up??

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by luckyloser, 27 February 2008 Social URL.

  1. luckyloser

    luckyloser Hate it but doing it!

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    Hi yah,
    i've not been here for a while and i see that a few people have had a moment this week, so you'd better add me to that list.
    Oh bl**dy nora.
    I've not been having a particularly bad day, a mega busy one, (i was at work at 4am), but i had a sandwich, followed by crisps, chocolate bar with caramel and nougat, salted and roasted peanuts and cashews, childrens sweets and another packet of crisps. Why oh why oh why?????
    I've been finding it a bit difficult i suppose but not to the point where i've just suddenly eaten everything i could find??
    I know that i won't have immediately put on everything that i've lost but i must admit i'm so annoyed with myself as i won't have lost weight today but i feel strangely calm as well.
    I'm not beating myself up, i'm not telling myself off, i still feel a bit in control over the whole issue which feels really wierd.
    A couple of questions that i need to ask;
    How long does it normally take to get back into ketosis?
    Not doing this whole thing properly before will i suddenly start hating myself for this?
    For others that have had a wobble is it easier or harder to stay on track now.
    I'm only half way through really, i've just about lost my 3 stone which is all cool and groovy and i can't say how pleased i am, my mum says she's got her daughter back and i feel lots better which is why i can't understand why i sabotaged myself.

    I'm such a plum. Grrrr
     
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  3. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

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    I wont answer the Ketosis thing not very techinical and to me I dont care about ketosis I only care about being in control, but sure some peeps will know the correct answer.

    But regarding getting back on track once you have come out of abstinence, well speaking for myself a definate yes it is very difficult.

    I think you and I are similar in that I feel good, so so much better than I did. I also look sooooo much better and think I have lost some of that drive I had to start off with.

    All I can say, as I have said before, is that I am not gonna be the star pupil at this but I am gonna stick it to the end. It may take me longer than some, but so what I will get there.

    I dont think anyone should cheat but not all of us can be the perfect LLifers.

    I am glad you are not beating yourself up. Just move forward, and I dont think you should be hiding away when you are not whiter than white.

    The forum is made up of all sorts, the ones that find it easy, the ones that dont find it easy but manage and the ones like you and I who keep tripping up.;)

    Go for it wobbly women. The train is waiting at the station.
     
  4. Slimseaa

    Slimseaa Silver Member

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    WW I am sorry what you are going through! Don't beat yourself up about it, you haev had a terrible day and thast all! You can start fresh from tomorrow, just keep focused, you have done well to nearly having lost 3 stones, so you can carry on with your previous willpower. I agree with Lady too :) Good luck, we are all here to support one another!
     
  5. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Oh dear Wobbly Woman. Sometimes things just get away from you, and as said, you just pick up and keep going.

    What I am wondering, as you are looking better - is there something you are afraid of, something that makes you uncomfortable that will change in your life if you reach your goal and are slim. I know for me - there are things that I am not comfortable with, and I think something I have done on every single previous attempt, is sabatoge myself.....because I think somewhere in my head I beleive that the things I am afraid of are going to become something I will have to deal with a lot if I get slim- whereas staying fat kept those things at bay. Does that make sense? So I feel pretty certain in my past on one of more occassions I have not allowed myself to lose weight, but without realising why.

    So thats why I just wondered if you were afriad of anything? Not asking you to post it here or divulge anything you are uncomfortable with - but just something to think about.

    I want to see you succeed and be happy. And you can do that - even if it take you a bit longer then you thought, just keep trying your best hon. That is all we can do. And you will discover along the way what is happening with you!

    <hugs>

    xxx
     
  6. luckyloser

    luckyloser Hate it but doing it!

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    Hi ladies,
    thanks for the messages, i know i need to keep going and i will but i'm just a bit disappointed.
    Something BL said has struck a real cord with me, more than i think she probably realises.
    This is a biggy and i don't know how i'm going to deal with this, seriously, i need some help.
    I don't know if i married the right man. We're not intimate, we're only young and have been together 8 years but that side of the relationship has gone. Food i suppose was a way to make me feel better and punish myself for potentially making the wrong decision.
    I have been thinking about this for so long and it's the only reason i can think that i stuff myself until i want to be ill.
    I don't get any support from the "counselling" each week, (it's a joke), and i know he won't see anyone to talk about it, out of the question, i've tried so what the hell do i do?
    I want to be happy, i want to be fit and start a family with him as i know he'll be an awesome father and i know that we'll be together forever really when that happens but i'm completely messed up.
    Told you it was a biggy but it's actually easier to type about it to cyberspace than physically say the words myself out loud.
    How about that for a bit of an offload.
    Phew
     
  7. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

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    Yep WW that is a biggy. My gut feeling is you should write two lists.

    One for staying with OH and one for leaving OH and see what transpires.

    You may find that the staying side is a lot longer than the going. If you want children and he is not intimate, the likelyhood of this happening is very rare. Would you be happy with a relationship without intimacy and were you prentending it was ok because you had you comfort layer of fat to hide behind.

    Lots of questions and lots of answers and I dont think you will sort this one our easily, but you have a made a start by admitting there is a problem.

    Keep posting dont withdraw fro things, you are a very brave person to do this and you deserve to get it right in the end.;)

    I wrote that quick as this is my gut feeling, I will probably change my mind if I read it too much.
     
  8. luckyloser

    luckyloser Hate it but doing it!

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    I'm going to pop over to the relationship forum and get mad with the posting there.
    Thanks LL.
     
  9. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Wobbly <hugs> That is a biggy. That is why I asked. Thanks for sharing with us. I know it is scary. For me, my previous attempts and failures I am certain revolve around intamcy and marrying the wrong man as well. How is THAT for a coincidence. I am referring to my ex husband. We were married for 15 years. We lost all intamcy for the last 7. And it had to do with my weight. Its a slightly different set of circs then yours, but I found it very coincidental how much was similar. I suppose that is why I asked.

    I became the one that was not interested in intamcy with him. He hurt me very badly once with his words, made my weight a condition of his love. If I was thin, he would love me. If I was fat, he would not, not until I lost weight. That made me angry and sad at the same time. Later I discovered something about him that was very very difficult for me to understand or accept. Not quite ready to talk about that yet. BUt these things put a huge wedge in our physical relationship.

    7 years is a long time. A very long time. During that time I got quite used to going without. While I was still married I was incredibly independant - there was noone for me at home, so me nd my dog took to the road a lot. Weekends away. Alone or with gal pals. Lost in my art - not seeing him at all. I just withdrew from the relationship, but stayed married.

    To make a long story short, if that is possible for me, I did finally leave him. But a lasting scar from the marraige is my nearly complete and total lack of interest in sex, if I am to be blunt. Being heavy, to me, is a barrier from anyone showing interest in me. Therefor I don;t have to deal with it. My OH now, bless his heart and soul, does not care what size I am. He loves me inside and out, but I still have hang ups about sex. i got so used to going without any physical contact from a man, at all, that I reached a point where I didn;t miss it. My OH is pretty tolerant, but I know he would like a whole lot more then he gets. And I don;t know if I have it in me to give. Not anymore. So I feel my previous attempts failed partially because I felt if i got slim and attractive, my OH would find me even more desireable, and then would want action all the time, and I don't feel I can give...so if I stay fat...I don't have to.

    Does that make sense?

    I guess my very long winded point, is we can be our very own worst enemy's, and rather then looking at and addressing the issues, we punish ourselves by stacking on weight.

    I think what we need to learn now, and are learning, that we control our lives. So we need to trust that we will make the right choices and decisions, with or without the weight. It's our life - we need to do what makes us happy first, before we can make anyone else happy anyway.

    I know this doesn't offer any advice to your situation, because I feel its a very personal one for you and I wouldn't know what to offer you. But I guess I just wanted you to know, that if fear is keeping you from reaching your goal - you are not alone. however, I know in my heart, this time is different, and I will reach goal, and I will learn how to deal with fears, and things uncomfortable, and find a way to get back the fire that once burned inside. It makes me quite sad that I have lost all interest in such a special part of live and coupledom. And I feel for my OH. And I hope and pray that I find a way to get that part of me back - to feel whole again. It has, and does, casue me a lot of sadness and I would really love to put that behind one day.


    Good luck to you - keep talking about it as that can only help you find answers. Just know you are not alone. Sorry for rambling.

    XX
     
  10. luckyloser

    luckyloser Hate it but doing it!

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    We could do with one of these BL :hug99:
    I'm over in the relationships forum now.
    Thank you for sharing, i know that this has always been the reason behind me over eating i just didn't want to have to admit it.
    I don't know how the hell i got into this mess.
    x
     
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