chele80
On a mission
in a big way
Since Xmas I've fallen off the wagon several times, but always managed to get back on and persevere.
You might have read my post on low progesterone and after having far too many dizzy spells and near blackouts, yesterday, after advise from my CDC to move to SS+ for a few days until CD get back to her, I ate a pizza last night.
Booooom!
Destruct button pressed.
All yesterday I was torturing myself (I think the whispers from DH didn't help) with the idea of the pizza and eventually decided at 6pm to have one. That was it, the deed was already done in my head. I didn't have it until 8.30pm so could have changed my mind several times, but with me, once I get an idea in my head it sticks and I just can't shift it.
I woke up feeling proper pants in and suffering from a major carbover, and decided to climb back aboard the wagon. Well I've had a sad face on me all day and I don't know why. I then spent the whole afternoon justifying eating tonight.
Long story short, I haven't, I've had my shake and been 100% SS+ all day.
But I just don't know what to do any more.
I've given myself 7 weeks until my LO's 1st birthday, my birthday and a few days in Paris to lose as much as possible and get as close to target as possible.
But I am just not sure what's going on. My heart is in it Monday - Friday, then Saturday it just all goes to pot and keeps happening.
I can SS in the week like the best SSer ever. I never ever ever fall of the wagon in the week.
I feel like I'm just stuck in a rut
Is it because it's just been so long doing CD?
Is it because I am at a comfortable weight?
Is it because I feel better at this weight?
Is it because the end is still so far away?
I feel like I've totally lost any understanding of food. I am absolutely petrified of going to back to "normal" eating. I know it's a way off yet and I keep telling myself that if I just stopped CD now without moving up the stages, then the weight will pile back on, which it will. That and many other thoughts (the rapid weight loss, the fact I want to be a CDC and so HAVE to finish, the fact that WW and SW make me cheat etc etc) make me know I will have to finish CD.
But why do I self destruct nearly every weekend so far this year?!
Sorry to rant. I just need to vent
Since Xmas I've fallen off the wagon several times, but always managed to get back on and persevere.
You might have read my post on low progesterone and after having far too many dizzy spells and near blackouts, yesterday, after advise from my CDC to move to SS+ for a few days until CD get back to her, I ate a pizza last night.
Booooom!
Destruct button pressed.
All yesterday I was torturing myself (I think the whispers from DH didn't help) with the idea of the pizza and eventually decided at 6pm to have one. That was it, the deed was already done in my head. I didn't have it until 8.30pm so could have changed my mind several times, but with me, once I get an idea in my head it sticks and I just can't shift it.
I woke up feeling proper pants in and suffering from a major carbover, and decided to climb back aboard the wagon. Well I've had a sad face on me all day and I don't know why. I then spent the whole afternoon justifying eating tonight.
Long story short, I haven't, I've had my shake and been 100% SS+ all day.
But I just don't know what to do any more.
I've given myself 7 weeks until my LO's 1st birthday, my birthday and a few days in Paris to lose as much as possible and get as close to target as possible.
But I am just not sure what's going on. My heart is in it Monday - Friday, then Saturday it just all goes to pot and keeps happening.
I can SS in the week like the best SSer ever. I never ever ever fall of the wagon in the week.
I feel like I'm just stuck in a rut
Is it because it's just been so long doing CD?
Is it because I am at a comfortable weight?
Is it because I feel better at this weight?
Is it because the end is still so far away?
I feel like I've totally lost any understanding of food. I am absolutely petrified of going to back to "normal" eating. I know it's a way off yet and I keep telling myself that if I just stopped CD now without moving up the stages, then the weight will pile back on, which it will. That and many other thoughts (the rapid weight loss, the fact I want to be a CDC and so HAVE to finish, the fact that WW and SW make me cheat etc etc) make me know I will have to finish CD.
But why do I self destruct nearly every weekend so far this year?!
Sorry to rant. I just need to vent