Yorkshireman takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, lad - I've browt 'im wi' us."
***
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet, he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No - I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft beggar!"
***
A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "She Were Thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stonemason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. Later, the stonemason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look. When he gets there he sees that it's been engraved "She Were Thin".
He explodes - 'Good grief, man, you've left the flamin' "e" out!'
The stonemason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning.
Next day comes and the widower returns - 'There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you.'
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud - "E, She Were Thin".
***
Bloke from Barnsley with a sore backside asks chemist, "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies, "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"