Joolz's diary ...got my head examined

[Joolz]

Well its been a while since I posted on Minimins (Nov to be exact) but I feel like I need the support and help of writing stuff down. The reason for not posting (excuses I suppose:sigh: ) is that I've had a lot going on and I started a great new job in the New Year!
My SS story so far is that I started LL back in February 06 at a hefty 18s 12lb. Did my 100 days without cheating and carried on right into the summer when I stopped SSing due to loads of stuff going on for me personally :sigh: . Put about a stone back on in 4 months as a result but went back to SSing in November 06 with a new counsellor and determined to get to where I want to be and then STAY THERE. Then another break over December as I was away with work a lot (but I only put on 5lbs then which I was pleased with) but have been back on LL SS since 8th Jan and doing OK. In fact feeling pretty good.

I now face the fact that I have about a stone and a half to lose and I know the next few weeks are going to be tricky. So by using this diary thread I hope it helps me stay on the straight and narrow. Its been a long journey so far - but I am getting there. I hope to share my thoughts and fears and hopes as I continue this marvellous journey.

I love the feeling of being in control of what goes in my body. I've had some tough tests lately with meals out with friends, work trips away in hotels and business lunches but my desire to get to a healthy BMI and reach my personal goal have kept me going.

Anyway, I'll stop rambling now, quiet night in tonight with hubby and my Shakes and Soups for company.

 

[Mini]

Hi Joolz,

You have done great all in all and have shown that you are in control and managing very well when your out for dinner and so on.

Your gain over Christmas was very small in comparison of what it could of been...

Here now is to the next and final 21lbs.

Wishing you all the best and look forward to reading your diary.

Love Mini xxx

 

[Joolz]

Thanks for your comments Mini, yes I got off "lightly" at Christmas, but the danger was 5lb becomes 1 stone...and its a slippery slope.

In the London office today after a horrible 2+ hour journey to work as the tubes were a nightmare!!! By the time I got to the office I had a much need large black Earl Grey from Starbucks, which made me feel human again. The old me would have had a muffin as well so my behaviour has definitely changed!!
A couple of important meetings to keep me occupied today so better get my head down and get on with it...

 

[Joolz]

Saturday afternoon - had loads of water today but no packs yet as been busy doing all the stuff that needed doing round the house. So 4 packs to have this evening - that doesn't bother me actually.

got a pair of size 16 jeans on today but they are too big and keep riding down - at least thats a nice problem to have and shows the weight is coming off.

I do find weekends tricky though as it is such a social time and a glass of wine would go down really well...however i must stay strong and think that if I want to get to where I want to be, then the odd glass of wine can wait, I know what it tastes like after all. Tricky though...

 

[Joolz]

Monday and back to work today after a nice leisurely weekend with hubby. Went shopping to Bluewater with him yesterday and we splurged a bit on stuff for the house and I treated myself to a pair of high heeled black patent leather boots - they are divine and the pre LL me would have had sore ankles and feet after 2 mins wearing them but now they are quite comfy!! I didn't feel bad about buying them as they are good quality (Carvela) and were half price in the sale in John Lewis. I love buying decadent things when I get the chance!

Anyway - weigh in this moring and 3lbs off which I am pleased with. Three and half would be nice (my average on LL) but as I get closer to goal maybe it starts to come off more slowly? Certainly I've been very good - packs only and doing 5 litres of water a day.

So lets hope my willpower and desire to be slim holds out this week...

 

[Joolz]

Busy day (working from home today) as I have a deadline looming for next week and I always get a bit stressed when that happens. The old me would have coped with the stress with comfort food. Now I just try and get on with it. Eating won't make the deadline or the stress go away. So I just get on with it. I've had no packs yet today but plenty of water, black tea, and hot water with LL water flavours. Off to my drama group tonight so will have to fit packs around that and probably end up with a couple of late packs when I get home before I go to bed. My "drama life" is very important to me . Its something so different to work and the chance to act and be a part of something creative is wonderful.

 

[Joolz]

Oh I Lurve me cake,,,but not that much

Well yesterday was a difficult day. Busy with work and travelling to various meetings in London. The tube was a nightmare (well the circle line anyway) and I couldn't get to one destination by tube as they were suspended so I ended up getting on a bus - something I haven't done in ages! Anyway, the meetings part went OK then I got back to Liverpool St tube station and I had a 10 min wait for my tube. On the platform there is a tea/coffee and snack place so I thought Ii'd by myself a cup of black tea. The girl said "would you like any cake or muffin to go with that". Well how tempted was I - VERY!!. The old me would definitely have had something. My tummy rumbled and said "feed me" and the chatterbox started "you've done so well, you haven't eaten anything today, not even a pack, ONE cake won't hurt." Ahhhh . This chatterbox is going to be with me for life - I know it. Blasted thing. Then I shut my eyes and the good old adult in me got strong.
"Look if you are really going to break your abstinence, do you really want some dried up old cake from a yukky snack place on the platform. it won't even taste good and its probably sat there all day. Why not wait and treat yourself to a lovely fresh moist Carrot cake from a favourite cafe when you are well into maintenance. You will enjoy it all the more ." All this thought process going on in an instant. But it worked - and I heard mysefl replying "No thanks, just the black tea thanks!!!" I felt quite empowered. Then I stood on the platform and ipped my black tea and watched loads of people stuff dried up old cakes and pasties down their gobs - and felt very self righteous and disgusted with them. Still thats their choice. I can only deal with my actions.

I've written this so I can read it when I am feeling weak and need t find some inner strength to help me shed this last stone plus of fat.

 

[cah-ching]

Hi Joolz,

Firslty well done for acheiving, what seems to me right now to be the unacheivable (IMO) losing weight! You've come a long way.

Jolly well done or showing such restraint in Starbucks! I love their berry scones ........ *mouth watering*.

Good luck for the remainder of your journey.

I'm reading!

 

[Joolz]

Jolly well done or showing such restraint in Starbucks! I love their berry scones ........ *mouth watering*.

Good luck for the remainder of your journey.

I'm reading!

Oh Cah-Ching thak you for your comments and support. Yep scones and muffins and flapjacks with a coffee are one of my weaknesses but my desire to be a healthy BMI is keeping me focussed.

You too are doing well I can see from your tracker - I think each pound off is like a mini achievement.

 

[Joolz]

Well a busy week nearly over a few things to print off and thats me done for work. Yippeee for the weekend. Not that we have any drunken debauchery planned (well not the drunk bit anyway ). Just the usual chores, some quality time with my dearly beloved and hopefully a long walk somewhere. May even summon up the energy to go for a swim!!! Then I have a manic work week next week again, but I won't think about that now.

Sipping my Raspberry pack made with hot water as I write this. Yummy. If you'd have told me a year ago I'd be abstaining from food and existing solely on water and vitamins and minerals I'd have died laughing. But here I am, a lot lighter, healthier and all thanks to LL and my determination.

The other news, dear diary, is that I must want my head examined!! Yep I've booked a consultation with a hypnotherapist who comes with a good reputation. I feel like I might need a bit of extra help as I lose my final weight and face food again! So he comes highly recommended and I see him for a "chat" next Thursday. We shall see. Not done anything like that before so I wonder what dark recesses of my sordid mind will be uncovered...
Am I mad to do it, probably, but I am so determined that Jules is not going to be big Jules ever again.

 

[Joolz]

Well it was a lovely weekend. Quality time spent with hubby and a friend came over on Saturday afternoon for a good old chat.
Sunday went into Brighton and did some shopping. Felt the teeniest bit guilty (not really) as we were supposed to be getting work shirts for hubby but he didn't see any we liked so he came back empty handed apart from a CD.

Me - I went into Zara - a shop I had never been in before - pre LL I'd never have got near any of their clothes - but I tried on and bought a gorgeous leopard print top in a "medium" which feels so lovely and a lovely black jacket which was in the sale at only £19 (I am a bargain hunter) and a pair of trendy sunglasses as spring is on the way. Then I bought a Per Una skirt in M+S - also in the sale at £15 from £40 in a size 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which goes with the Zara top and some new knicks in sexy lace. I love their low rise short kncks as they are comfy and sexy but hide my wobbly tummy. Then went into Ice which is a boutique shop that I'd never bought anything in before as they are all "standard size- ie nothing bigger than a 14 - and bought another top which was labelled as a medium and when I asked what that was the girl said "a 10-12". And it fits!!!!

Moments like that you have to savour as it makes the whole abstinence thing worthwhile. clothes I thought I'd never wear. I did a fashion show when we got home and the clothes look great.

In the evening I cooked a chinese meal for hubby as he had been so supportive all weekend and it was Chinese New Year. Welcome to the year of the Pig - but I certainly won't be a pig this year. Did the whole works - crispy seaweed, egg fried rice, beef stir fry in ginger and sweet soy sauce. It smelled yummy but with my new found determination to get to goal, it was actually very easy to resist - and the size 12s hanging new on the hanger are an added bonus.

Have a good week girl...

 

[Joolz]

Testing to see wwhy my tracker has disappeared...

 

[nce1]

Hi joolz, hypnotherapy sounds good, be sure to post how you got on.

 

[Joolz]

Well diary, its been a tricky few days. Long hours and busy days, with a trip to Leeds and a prsentation to a client. I sometimes wonder why I put yself through all this work stuff. My back aches a bit today, right between my shoulder baldes and I think thats from lugging my laptop and papers around even though the case has wheeliesI still have to lug it up and down stairs getting on tubes and trains etc. Feeling sorry for myself I suppose. Anyway the work stuff has all gone well so thats good.

Its hard travelling about and sticking with the old LL sole sourcing but my determination keeps me on the straight and narrow. A make do with water and balck tea and ocffee on my train travels.

I just want so much to be at goal and to start reintroducing food. And that brings me onto my consultation with a hypnotherapist...

I am a little scared about my ability to keep the weight off when I get to goal so thought some extra help in the form of hypnotherapy might help. So I went along this morning - had an horrendous journey getting there as there was an accident on the A23 so a 7 mile journey took an hour and a quarter.!!! so I arrived very late but Mark very kindly saw me between his sessions and we had an intro chat. He asked me loads of questions about why I was there and my issues with food and said I was a different catergory to people who were struggling with diets which he gets quite a lot. I had to answer 10 questions about how I saw my personality and rate the statements on a 1-10 scale he asked about me. All he said was "that was interesting!!!!". We ran out of time today due to me being very late and his other bookings but he recommended that I have a few sessions with him which will combine hypnotherapy and psychotherapy. He wants to know a little bit more about me before we start the therapy so the first session - booked for 7 March will be for 2 hours rather than an hour and a half.

I liked him and I hope he can help me with my brain/food/emotion issues and though a little scary I really think it will be worth a go. I'm sure he will uncover things I've probably only scratched the surface of with LL.

Anyway back to work now...

 

[Joolz]

Saturday afternoon and I'm a big rugby fan so its lots of water and a rugbyfest on the sofa for me!!! I've just cooked hubby some breaded fish for his lunch (I still love cooking) and it smelled wonderful but my resistance is still high. I just so want to get to goal although I am having a few wobbly moments when I wonder if I'll ever get there!! Maybe I'm obsessinng a bit but I even got hubby to measure my height today as I wanted to check I hadn't shrunk and therefore that my BMI was really higher than I thought. But no still just a smidge under 5'7" so I am really hoping to hit the 25 BMI mark at mondays weigh in. It would be so good to get to that mini target.

 

[Mini]

Hi joolz,

Just been catching up on your diary and your going great.

You will have to bring me out shopping with you sometime as you seem to be able to sniff out all the really good bargains

I am very interested to see how you get on with combine hypnotherapy and psychotherapy, as I feel this has helped me when I was stopping smoking and I am thinking of going back and probably should go sooner rather than later.

Well done your doing brill and are very focused and good luck with your weigh in on Monday!

Love Mini xxx

 

[Joolz]

Hi Mini

Thanks for your supportive comments. I will let you know how the hypnotherapy/psychotherapy goes over the next couple of weeks.

Weigh in tomorrow so fingers crossed.

 

[Joolz]

Well without being smug about it I am so thrilled at what the scales said this morning which means I have hit two of my 4 major weight loss goals today. I lost 4lbs this week which means:
1. In total I've lost MORE THAN 100lbs of fat and flab now
2. And perhaps more importantly as its been a major goal - my BMI is now under 25 - so I am "officially" normal. Not morbidly obese, obese, overweight (I've been all of those) but now NORMAL .

That feels so good and I want to bottle this feeling and keep it for all those times when I feel blue. I may not be at my absolute goal but this is a BIG STEP FORWARD. And only those that have done this bonkers diet know what this means to me. So can I pat myself on the back and make a vow that I'm never going back to fatland.

 

[Happe]

Oh Joolz that is fabulous. Blooming well done to you.

 

[Joolz]

Oh Joolz that is fabulous. Blooming well done to you.

Thanks Happe - it does feel good.

A quick update today as rather busy. Went to LL class last night and had a chat with leader Jo about when to move into Management. We are going to review it after another 7-10 days of SS to shift a few more pounds before I go into management. I'm happy with that. Then the hard work really starts....