sleepybird
wants a pony
You are doing wonderful lovely KC x
Katycakes Won't Give Up...
- Thread starter Katycakes
- Start date
Sunshine Singer
Dropped White Sugar & Feeling Fantastic
You are doing fab! Great to see you back in control and doing so well.
It was lovely to hear from you.
Still inspiring everyone. Great loss for two weeks.
Take care hun xxx
It was lovely to hear from you.
Still inspiring everyone. Great loss for two weeks.
Take care hun xxx
Sunshine Singer
Dropped White Sugar & Feeling Fantastic
Xxx
Katycakes
Stubborn tortoise
Thanks Sunshine & Lelly. Line has been drawn, today will be 100%, but... gah. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
I am not really blaming Fred, it was all me. The same stubborn streak that can keep me on track is lethal when it decides it wants to eat, and I'd been battling it for 2 days. Yesterday afternoon... a lot of stress. Long drive in dark & ice & freezing fog, daughters appointment that ran more than an hour late, feeling of guilt for letting people down as I knew she'd then be late for work (an HOUR late, agh...) and other stuff as well playing games with my head... but it wasn't spur of the moment, either. I set up the sabotage. Drank a latte waiting for DD. Bought her food to eat in car on return journey, including chunky kitkat. Bought a Reeces peanut bar to send to son. Decided to buy TWO of each. And a 0% yog in case I decided to have an SS+ Sunday. And little cream cheese stuffed mini peppers for OH. Got home, struggled, chose not to counter the struggles, not to look at Beck, not to use tactics learned, not to come on minis or even LOOK at the boards because I didn't want anything to stop me. Blind mist descended, ate the yog. Then some mini peppers thinking they wouldn't put me out of ketosis. Then the rest of mini peppers. Then the 2 'duplicate' choc bars, in secret of course... then bed.
I could rage and cry and binge on, the way I have so many times over last few months, but I don't, don't, DON'T want to let this go. I will be calm and move on and refuse to let it be more than it is, a mistake, a slip, a lesson. I will not be derailed by Fred, or by PMT, or by guilt/stress/freezing fog. Today will be 100%, and I will put the work in on my Beck responses to try to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Scales, by some miracle, still say 12st 7. A high 7 rather than yesterday's low one, and a rise may yet appear of course, but I am taking some comfort from this. Those scales are moving DOWN. Any other direction is just not an option.
xxx
I am not really blaming Fred, it was all me. The same stubborn streak that can keep me on track is lethal when it decides it wants to eat, and I'd been battling it for 2 days. Yesterday afternoon... a lot of stress. Long drive in dark & ice & freezing fog, daughters appointment that ran more than an hour late, feeling of guilt for letting people down as I knew she'd then be late for work (an HOUR late, agh...) and other stuff as well playing games with my head... but it wasn't spur of the moment, either. I set up the sabotage. Drank a latte waiting for DD. Bought her food to eat in car on return journey, including chunky kitkat. Bought a Reeces peanut bar to send to son. Decided to buy TWO of each. And a 0% yog in case I decided to have an SS+ Sunday. And little cream cheese stuffed mini peppers for OH. Got home, struggled, chose not to counter the struggles, not to look at Beck, not to use tactics learned, not to come on minis or even LOOK at the boards because I didn't want anything to stop me. Blind mist descended, ate the yog. Then some mini peppers thinking they wouldn't put me out of ketosis. Then the rest of mini peppers. Then the 2 'duplicate' choc bars, in secret of course... then bed.
I could rage and cry and binge on, the way I have so many times over last few months, but I don't, don't, DON'T want to let this go. I will be calm and move on and refuse to let it be more than it is, a mistake, a slip, a lesson. I will not be derailed by Fred, or by PMT, or by guilt/stress/freezing fog. Today will be 100%, and I will put the work in on my Beck responses to try to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Scales, by some miracle, still say 12st 7. A high 7 rather than yesterday's low one, and a rise may yet appear of course, but I am taking some comfort from this. Those scales are moving DOWN. Any other direction is just not an option.
xxx
Chelsea Lou
Gold Member
Aw bless you KC. Please dont be too hard on yourself. Draw a nice big line under it and tell yourself that today is a Fred-free fabby Friday.
Before I had my hysterectomy many moons ago I suffered with PMT for two weeks leading up to D-day every month and it was terrible. Craving carbs and sugar. Gain 7lbs or so then spend the next two weeks losing it...groan. I am so pleased that I don't have that particular battle although the menopause has thrown up a few different kind of battles.........so much for you to look forward to
You'll be fine. It is tempting to run away and hide but you didnt, you came onto minis and 'fessed up. Well done for that.
Don't get off that wagon, you hauled us all back on it and we need you. xx
Before I had my hysterectomy many moons ago I suffered with PMT for two weeks leading up to D-day every month and it was terrible. Craving carbs and sugar. Gain 7lbs or so then spend the next two weeks losing it...groan. I am so pleased that I don't have that particular battle although the menopause has thrown up a few different kind of battles.........so much for you to look forward to
You'll be fine. It is tempting to run away and hide but you didnt, you came onto minis and 'fessed up. Well done for that.
Don't get off that wagon, you hauled us all back on it and we need you. xx
hi hun, its out of you're system now so it might stop tormenting you and renew you're passion to get to where you want to be
we all make mistakes and we're all human, what makes a difference is actually been able to admit to it, and get back on it, whats done is done
i used to 'plan' binges too (not that this was a binge) i'd go to the shop when taking my daughter to school and buy as much junk as i could, to intentionally eat it all, then id get full after too much (but not all of it) then would have the shame of having to throw the rest away and hide the wrappers in the outside bin, i couldnt get it in my mouth quick enough. One day i happened to be stood in front of the mirror while i was shovelling it in, and that gave me the wake up call, i felt terrible! you arent alone hun, il always battle with that person inside me, i just have to try not taking my purse to the shop and try doing things to avoid it. hopefully once pmt is out of the way you will have a clear run for a good few weeks and by the next 'time' you'll be another 10-14lbs down and that will give you an even bigger incentive not to eat any choc.
hope you have a lovely friday, and you've worked so hard im sure you'll have no trouble been 100% today
xxx
we all make mistakes and we're all human, what makes a difference is actually been able to admit to it, and get back on it, whats done is done
i used to 'plan' binges too (not that this was a binge) i'd go to the shop when taking my daughter to school and buy as much junk as i could, to intentionally eat it all, then id get full after too much (but not all of it) then would have the shame of having to throw the rest away and hide the wrappers in the outside bin, i couldnt get it in my mouth quick enough. One day i happened to be stood in front of the mirror while i was shovelling it in, and that gave me the wake up call, i felt terrible! you arent alone hun, il always battle with that person inside me, i just have to try not taking my purse to the shop and try doing things to avoid it. hopefully once pmt is out of the way you will have a clear run for a good few weeks and by the next 'time' you'll be another 10-14lbs down and that will give you an even bigger incentive not to eat any choc.
hope you have a lovely friday, and you've worked so hard im sure you'll have no trouble been 100% today
xxx
Chelsea Lou
Gold Member
hi hun, its out of you're system now so it might stop tormenting you and renew you're passion to get to where you want to be
we all make mistakes and we're all human, what makes a difference is actually been able to admit to it, and get back on it, whats done is done
i used to 'plan' binges too (not that this was a binge) i'd go to the shop when taking my daughter to school and buy as much junk as i could, to intentionally eat it all, then id get full after too much (but not all of it) then would have the shame of having to throw the rest away and hide the wrappers in the outside bin, i couldnt get it in my mouth quick enough. One day i happened to be stood in front of the mirror while i was shovelling it in, and that gave me the wake up call, i felt terrible! you arent alone hun, il always battle with that person inside me, i just have to try not taking my purse to the shop and try doing things to avoid it. hopefully once pmt is out of the way you will have a clear run for a good few weeks and by the next 'time' you'll be another 10-14lbs down and that will give you an even bigger incentive not to eat any choc.
hope you have a lovely friday, and you've worked so hard im sure you'll have no trouble been 100% today
xxx
Oooh Blondie, how I can relate to that. It never used to touch the sides. Just shovelled in and could barely taste whatever it was. That's the change that I have so got to work on.
me too it used to be my biggest downfall, you wouldnt believe what id have in my basket... crisps to quiches, then a full dessert and a full cooked chicken just so i could eat the skin.... like a woman possessed! it hit me right between the eyes one day when my five year old brought two packets of crisps into the room and thought nothing of it.... she probably thought it was ok cos she'd seen mummy eat and eat and eat. so i have to get good habits for her
xx
it used to be my biggest downfall, you wouldnt believe what id have in my basket... crisps to quiches, then a full dessert and a full cooked chicken just so i could eat the skin.... like a woman possessed! it hit me right between the eyes one day when my five year old brought two packets of crisps into the room and thought nothing of it.... she probably thought it was ok cos she'd seen mummy eat and eat and eat. so i have to get good habits for her xx
Katycakes
Stubborn tortoise
a mysterious package of shakes in assorted varieties arrived by post just now... a kind Mini's 'fairy' sending new flavours to tide me through till Monday CDC app. Thank you... it's SO appreciated, today of all days.
Have made mousse with a toffee & walnut pack, and divided it into two which seems like a useful idea too. And not long until 12, when I can have one of them...
xxx
Have made mousse with a toffee & walnut pack, and divided it into two which seems like a useful idea too. And not long until 12, when I can have one of them...
xxx
Chelsea Lou
Gold Member
Kids eh???? Don't they just show you up???me too
xx
Katycakes
Stubborn tortoise
Thank you... Jess's post makes a lot of sense to me, won't let me 'rep' it alas but I think for me things will be one day at a time for a while. Blondie, thanks too... your post rang so many bells... and Chels, Lelly & Sunshine. The support means a lot.
My idea of saving half the mousse might have worked, except that I ate both dishes of it... oops. But it's one pack, so I guess that is OK, and I feel full and content now, and a bit cold (mind you it IS freezing today here) so am sipping herb tea. I will have 4 packs if I need to today, but let's see how it goes.
I know I am still in the danger zone so trying to tread carefully.
xxx
My idea of saving half the mousse might have worked, except that I ate both dishes of it... oops. But it's one pack, so I guess that is OK, and I feel full and content now, and a bit cold (mind you it IS freezing today here) so am sipping herb tea. I will have 4 packs if I need to today, but let's see how it goes.
I know I am still in the danger zone so trying to tread carefully.
xxx
Greeneyes11
Gold Member
Katy, I totally relate to what you are going through at the moment. I was happily cruising through this week, when Wednesday.... bam!!!! I had my porridge for brekkie, my bar for lunch, and then in the afternoon after school I was hungry, so had a bag of baked crisps, I try to allow myself 100 calories a day of whatever I fancy and calculate this into my calorie allowance..... then I realised that I wanted to eat more and shovel it in, so I went and had a bath..... whilst in the bath I sent son for a bag of snack a jacks, and ate them whilst in the bath (never managed that before) and then I sent him for another one...... plan was then to have a WW meal for dinner with salad so I wouldn't totally blow it, but the others were having egg and chips and we realised there weren't enough chips in the freezer, so we had fish and chips for tea, big greasy fish..... what on earth was I thinking. Luckily yesterday morning I was straight back on, but today I am struggling too, it is TOTM week and I am always ravenously hungry then..... but I have managed to draw a line under it and I am just taking each day as it comes, doing my best to eat healthily.... keep going Katy, if you have a binge each week, no big deal, just start again the next day, hopefully we will find they get less and less once our body gets used to having healthy stuff....
Katycakes
Stubborn tortoise
Thanks GE. Funny how dieting plays games with your head and both of us seeing the blips as a binge... mine was in no way a healthy meal, or a meal at all, but in cal terms probably 800-ish? 1000, max. The same can be said of your fish & chips, and at least it was a proper meal hun. Reality gets skewed when you are forbidden to eat certain things, I suppose the trick is not to see them as forbidden but to CHOOSE not to eat them... trouble is, both of us had other ideas and I think totm has a lot to do with that. I am still shaky today too, but trying to tread carefully. Yes, once we are enjoying healthy foods hopefully the junkier choices will have less appeal.
Class of 2009 - slow learners. But we are taking extra classes, right, so we WILL get there!
xxx
Class of 2009 - slow learners. But we are taking extra classes, right, so we WILL get there!
xxx
Katy, this is exactly what I did each time I started CD again.... but here's the thing.....I can see this more clearly now that I am not doing CD (at present.)
When I did what you did, it made me feel awful, as it did you. Then there'd be another binge, then another and I'd get so cross with myself for being so weak, and wasting money and then after the next one I gave up....until the next time.
Now, there are 2 ways to go - as I did, off altogether, Christmas = weight on. Or the other way - keep going with CD, trying to reduce these episodes and watching the weight fall off. A bit slower than you'd like perhaps, but still going.
I think you've made your choice and that's great.
This post isn't very clear at all, I can't really explain what I'm trying to say. It's not just - 'forget it, don't beat yourself up, move on;' it is that but more....it's.... don't allow yourself to feel a failure and throw it all away. What I mean I think, is try to gain a measure of acceptance, rather than self reproach....I think if I'd been able to do this I would have done better.
Oh dear, not clear at all, sorry....xx
When I did what you did, it made me feel awful, as it did you. Then there'd be another binge, then another and I'd get so cross with myself for being so weak, and wasting money and then after the next one I gave up....until the next time.
Now, there are 2 ways to go - as I did, off altogether, Christmas = weight on. Or the other way - keep going with CD, trying to reduce these episodes and watching the weight fall off. A bit slower than you'd like perhaps, but still going.
I think you've made your choice and that's great.
This post isn't very clear at all, I can't really explain what I'm trying to say. It's not just - 'forget it, don't beat yourself up, move on;' it is that but more....it's.... don't allow yourself to feel a failure and throw it all away. What I mean I think, is try to gain a measure of acceptance, rather than self reproach....I think if I'd been able to do this I would have done better.
Oh dear, not clear at all, sorry....xx
Wales
Silver Member
Evening Katy, big hugs and I have brought my pens to help you draw that line...
Bess I think you explained yourself very well, and I totally get it. I spent nearly 2 years "thinking" about starting a VLCD. Two years, thinking, and eating and not doing anything.
Katy, you are doing something, losing weight - just a little bump to rattle the sledge from time to time.
It is blimming freezing at the moment though, I just hope that the sun comes out this weekend xxx
Bess I think you explained yourself very well, and I totally get it. I spent nearly 2 years "thinking" about starting a VLCD. Two years, thinking, and eating and not doing anything.
Katy, you are doing something, losing weight - just a little bump to rattle the sledge from time to time.
It is blimming freezing at the moment though, I just hope that the sun comes out this weekend xxx
trisha
likes to post
Katy, you are doing great. I think most, if not all, of the class of 2009 know exactly how you feel, and have been in the same situation one way or another but like others have said its just a little bump so keep on going and don't let one blip derail you, sending you hugs:grouphugg:class of 2009
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Hope you are back on form Katy!! SS is hard enough the first time when it's novelty so when starting for a 2nd / 3rd whatever time it's going to be even harder because it's not new and exciting. Dust yourself off and do not feel guilty! You made a choice to eat a couple of choccie bars and then you ate them. Your choice so own it - there is no need to feel guilty or bad or shamed as you have every right to eat whatever you want. It's not a moral issue so why should you feel bad.
Eating is a bodily need much like sleeping. If you slept too much one day would you beat yourself up over it. Probably not. Why should it be different when it comes to eating...??
Can you tell it's not me speaking. It's not that I don't believe any of the above, of course I do, but if it was that easy I'd still be slim
I'm trying to figure out the root cause of my overeating at the moment - doubt I'll ever get there but I'm going to give it a good go. Am reading a book that I found in a pile of self helpy type books in my book case...Expect more of this kind of airy-fairy response from me in the future
Eating is a bodily need much like sleeping. If you slept too much one day would you beat yourself up over it. Probably not. Why should it be different when it comes to eating...??
Can you tell it's not me speaking
. It's not that I don't believe any of the above, of course I do, but if it was that easy I'd still be slim I'm trying to figure out the root cause of my overeating at the moment - doubt I'll ever get there but I'm going to give it a good go. Am reading a book that I found in a pile of self helpy type books in my book case...Expect more of this kind of airy-fairy response from me in the future
