Lets have a giggle !!!!

Discussion in 'Lipotrim Forum' started by Sheep, 28 May 2008 Social URL.

  1. Sheep

    Sheep on the up lol

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    Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.:D


    Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

    As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...:rolleyes:



    lol srry was bored :D
     
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  3. fattothin

    fattothin Gold Member

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    why does you feet smell and your nose runs????
     
  4. EveryRose

    EveryRose Full Member

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    :giggle:
     
  5. Sheep

    Sheep on the up lol

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    A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife
    in bed with another man.
    "Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world."
    "It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what
    if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with
    your wife?"
    The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his cane
    and kick his seeing-eye dog in the a**."

    Night. A sleeping couple is lying in a bed. Door bell rings. A couple
    wakes up.
    Woman: "Quick! My husband is back!"
    Man jumps out from a window. Flying down he starts to think: "S**t! But I
    am the husband!"
     
  6. Daisybank

    Daisybank Hmmmmmm!

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    lol
     
  7. scazman

    scazman Full Member

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    A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said £50.00, which seemed awfully cheap.
    "Why so cheap?" she asked the pet store owner.
    The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
    The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
    The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.
    When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
    The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
    Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Dave!"

    Boom boom!!!
     
  8. Sheep

    Sheep on the up lol

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    LOL
     
  9. cuddlyfairy

    cuddlyfairy Gold Member

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    The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.
    She regarded the wine coolly for a second without looking over at the man........and decided to send a reply note.

    The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read:

    "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your
    garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants"

    After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded his note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.
    It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. However, not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back."
     
  10. Lisa Bigger Bum

    Lisa Bigger Bum Full Member

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    :rotflmao: loving this thread.
     
  11. BellyFlop

    BellyFlop Silver Member

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    A man goes to a Stevie Wonder concert and during the encore, Stevie takes requests from the crowd...the man shouts out, "Stevie, play a jazz chord!", So Stevie launches into a funky instrumental on his keyboard and the crowd goes into a frenzy of dancing....

    Stevie then waits for his next request when the same man shouts out again, "Stevie, please play us a jazz chord!"....so once again Stevie goes into an amazing freestyle on his electric piano....

    ....At the end of this Stevie announces he will do once final track before leaving the stage and once again the same man shouts out, "Stevie, Go on play us a jazz chord!"...at this the crowd and Stevie turn to face the man and Stevie tells him that he already has played jazz chords...the man says, "no, you haven't!"

    Stevie is getting peed off and says to the man, "Ok, you come on stage and play a jazz chord" to the man, so the man gets on stage, he sits at the keyboard and sings....." A jazz chord to say I love you......":D:D:D:D:D:D:D
     
  12. 2hourglass

    2hourglass Silver Member

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    Yup ... that was v funny:D xx
     
  13. Daisybank

    Daisybank Hmmmmmm!

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    pmsl!!
     
  14. 2hourglass

    2hourglass Silver Member

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    A penguin walks into a pub and as he looking a bit lost, the landlord says, 'hello mate - can I help you' the penguine replies ' I hope so, I was out shopping with my brother and we got separated - I wonder have you seen him'? 'I don't know mate' says the Landlord 'what does he look like ?'
     
  15. cuddlyfairy

    cuddlyfairy Gold Member

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    My sister sent me this and I thought you'd all appreciate it! It made me laugh!

    If you haven't yet experienced this crime, be very careful, it could be you next!!!

    Subject: Theft alert!

    You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves?

    My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs.
    Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans.
    And then the thieves struck again.
    ?
    My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favour of long skirts.

    Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary – my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

    When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

    THIS IS NOT A HOAX.

    This is happening to women everywhere every night.

    WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

    P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

    Thought this was too 'important' not to pass on Have a wonderful day – with a joy filled heart

    These same thieves come in my closet and shrink my clothes! How do they do
    it????

     
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