Little Problem that could get bigger!

Discussion in 'Lipotrim Forum' started by serendipity1980, 31 October 2008 Social URL.

  1. serendipity1980

    serendipity1980 Full Member

    Hi all,

    I dont really post on here much, maybe because I dont have that much confidence when I see all the fabulous posts you guys have describing your lives, families and happenings. Let me tell you a little about me.

    Im 27 years old, and for all of my life I have had a weight problem. One of my worst childhood memories was of being called fat at the age of 10 by my best friend (who was a boy incidentally).

    The nail in the coffin came for me when I had to buy a school skirt for my 1st yr of secondary school in a size 18. At the age of 14, I developed the habit of not eating anything at all for a while, then eating and vomiting afterwards. I had this til the age of about 16, during which time I went down to about 10 stone, the lightest I had ever been. I was a size 10 but still felt huge.

    I couldnt sustain this however and by the time I left secondary school I was huge again. I couldnt tell you what weight I was because I was too ashamed to check.
    That boy who was my childhood friend was the only real relationship I have ever had with a boy in my whole life, and it was purely platonic. He came to my Debs as a friend as I didnt know any other boys.

    I met a very good friend when I was 19, who is still a good friend today. She constantly spoke to me about losing weight, and did everything to get me interested in exercise and eating right. I did lose about a stone and a half for my friends 21st as I wanted her to be proud of me. I put it all back on though and then some. My friend was never happy with me putting on weight, and she was genuinely concerned about my health. I was miserable. It got to the stage where my friends would go out places and not invite me, I tried to tell myself that they thought I wouldnt be interested in pubs and clubs etc ( I dont drink and rarely go to clubs), but I suppose it was because they were embarrassed to be seen with me.

    I have never had a guy be interested in me EVER! In saying that, I wasnt particularly interested in guys either, maybe I think they wouldnt look twice at me so why should I be interested in them? When my friends got to the age of being interested in boys, I used always wonder why we couldnt all just go out and have fun in the big girl group, and not have to worry about impressing these boys!

    Anyway im rambling! I used to get so upset when my best friend (the girl) began to go places without me. She didnt want to say it but I knew she was embarrassed to be seen with me. I knew it. I feel that my whole life, people come into my life, stay for a while, and move on, leaving me behind. I never seem to move on. I dont cope well with change as a result of this. I have no confidence and I find it hard to trust people as I know that eventually they will move on, find boyfriends etc and leave me there. I dont seem to be able to do any of that.

    The final straw came when my friend said that she could no longer be friends with me, as she couldnt handle being the one who was friends with me out of pity. she said we couldnt do anything together as I was too fat (I was 22 stone at this stage) and I even had to get extensions on the plane. My friend is the type of person who has to blend in and she hates any attention being drawn to her. she constantly thinks people are looking and judging everyone else. I used to say that people have far better things to do than look at me and take notice, but she was right, people did look and stare and make comments.

    Anyway, I went on LT and lost 120 lbs nearly. I still have 40 lbs to go and I feel much much better. There was a man on a thread there who thought that the answer to all his problems was to lose weight. I thought exactly the same, I thought if I lose weight then ill be so happy. I dont think it has worked out quite like that for me though. I dont have much more confidence, and i am worried all the time about eating. I have taken to binging and vomiting again cos Im scared to put on weight. All of my friends have boyfriends, or fiances or husbands at this stage, and whereas they do love to meet up for the cinema, coffee etc, they always have that security of someone to go home to, and the friends are just a happy diversion. For me, though it is my life. when I go home I am home alone. I live with my mam and dad, and even my 12 yr old sister is not at home as much as me! How sad is that!

    AAAAAGGHH! I feel like killing myself at times, but I know I would never do it!

    H E L P!!!

    Im sorry for the long string of misery!
    Last edited: 31 October 2008
    yvonne85 and Janey2004 like this.
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  3. debbie12slim

    debbie12slim Full Member

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    That is such a sad story but you have done so well with your weight loss. Your friend at the end of the day was not a true friend or she would still be with you regardless of your size. Are there no clubs you could join. Where do you live? You don't say what you do workwise maybe you could do some voluntary work and get to know another circle of friends. You really are not on your own hun. It is quite difficult replying to this thread but you have achieved so much in losing 120lb just try not to be so hard on yourself
    Last edited: 31 October 2008
  4. harriet2

    harriet2 serial poster

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    my own
    even saying this on a thread is a big step forward for you..i say well done for doing that

    have you thought about a visit to the dr and getting some councelling to help you?


    h xx
  5. jennyc

    jennyc Silver Member

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    number one this person is definaltely not a friend,and you should be thankful your not as shallow as her,im so sorry that people have treated you so bad in the past.well done on your weight loss its fantastic,if you can do this you can do anything hon,joinin some sort of group would be a great idea or even an evening class,maybe if your worried about your eating you could join a nutrition course or healthy eating cookery class.talking to someone about these issues would also be great,you might benifit from it,i know i dont need to be nuts to talk to a councellor.since i went iv developed alot of confidence,and am just generally happy to be me.i wish you all the luck in the world.and if you need to chat to chat just message me,jen
  6. summerscream

    summerscream Full Member

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    Hi serendipity1980,
    After reading your thread the first thing what came in my mind was to tell you if you could not switch to Lighter Life. A vlcd with councelling is maybe a good idea for you?
  7. Kilobel

    Kilobel Full Member

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    Hiya hun
    I can totally relate to alot of what you said in that post apart from the boyfriend bit cos for some reason I always managed to get them but I had my first child really young & was left as a single parent & going out wasnt an option for me even tho I wanted to & my friends left me behind too.
    I have never had any confidence & still dont but somehow I met my hubby on the internet (mad I know). I did meet a few frogs before I actually found him but I just wanted to let you know that you dont have to sit there & be left behind, even if you are so shy you cant go out you can do the internet hun & people get to knwo the 'real' you I think cos you are far more open than in person (or I was)
    You should be real proud of yourself for your weight loss but its now time to tackle 'you', the inside you.
    I dont know you but you seem to be a nice person who is asking for some kind of help & after living with a mum with severe depression all my life I do feel for anyone who is in such a down place. Also my brother did kill himslef & trust me that really isnt a good option as I am sure you know deep down anyway.

    Just shout if you wanna chat, I dont judge & I have a huge ear (& shoulder)
  8. Janey2004

    Janey2004 This is for ME!

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    Just wanted to say Hi! You've taken a big step by getting your thoughts and feelings out on here. Its taken me a wee while to start opening up on here too but it really does help to get it all out of your head if you know what I mean. Your weight does not define you. It makes you feel like crap, that i do know, but you really are the person inside you. Dont mean to sound like a cliche there. If you ever fancy a chat give me a shout.
    Janey xx
  9. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

    Wow, that was well brave of you putting all that down. My head is in a weird place at the moment, but I couldn't read that without sending you some :hug99: and some congrats on losing the weight. Hopefully we can help you with the head stuff too.
  10. fragglerock64

    fragglerock64 Silver Member

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    wow having got that of your chest is the 1st step you have started and are nearly there to losing the excess weight, I think you would really benefit from some counselling.
    I dont beleive the so called freind was a freind true friends stick together thru thick and thin.
    please consider the counsellingI really beleive you will benefit from it
    all the best in what you decide

  11. Gen

    Gen Normal

    Like DQ I couldn't read without posting some hugs :hug99::hug99::hug99:

    Much respect to you for your post. You have come so far with what seems such little help that you should be so proud of yourself.

    You are still very young so have loads of time to finish your weight loss journey and start afresh with a lovely new life.

    I think, for what its worth, that maybe now would be a good time to start dealing with all the emotional stuff that you have been through otherwise your binging/vomiting will only get worse. There are loads of counsellors out there who deal in emotional issues I for one would recommend NLP (neuro lingustic programming) but that is just my own personal experience.

    I hope to see you around here more often cos you seem like such a nice person.

    Take care of you

    Gen xxx
  12. CAZ72

    CAZ72 Silver Member

    Sorry to hear your feeling so low at the moment,your ex friend must have been really shallow to be that way to you,sounds like your better off without her!!! sounds like your in need of getting to know a few more people, nice people & i agree with Debbie if your not working may be a good idea to offer your services as a voluntary worker or join a club you have a dog? i found ive met so many nice people since i got a dog 2yrs ago..& a couple of them are now good friends of mine!!! you sound like a lovely person & i am going to ask that you try & focus on the positives of yourself, coz i bet there are plenty...try to forget all the nasty negative things people in the past have said,their not worth the thoughts...anyway congratulations on your fabulous weight loss!! you should be proud of yourself..take care hun!!! BIG HUGS Caz xx
  13. mrs bee

    mrs bee doesn't like the rain!

    well done hun for posting that, it must have taken a lot of courage, you have done amazingly well and should be so, so proud of what you have achieved.
    I hope you gain some confidence and some real friends that are worthy of your trust and your friendship.

    Take Care of yourself and believe in yourself xx
  14. Little Miss Living

    Little Miss Living Full Member

    Hey hun couldn't read this and not post something!:hug99:
    Writing that must have taken ALOT out of you and i want to say well done, that's the scary daunting first step!
    You don't need friends like that, a true friends sees you ALL of you, the good and the bad and loves you because of it not in spite of it!
    True friends become your family! I never had a huge amount of confidence and but when i met my bf (and i am NOT saying it's because i got a bf lol had a few some good some bad:rolleyes:) my confidence soared because i could be myself, truly myself and i couldn't believe it at first but i LIKED me! Go figure, i ended up with a bf who is me in male form and now i love him and myself!!! You need to get out there and meet people who make you feel comfortable, happy that you are you and full of life!!!
    It's a fantastic feeling!:party0019:
    I hope you find everything you're looking for hun, you deserve some happiness.
    Best of luck and keep us posted xxxxxxx
  15. cuddlyfairy

    cuddlyfairy Gold Member

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    Oh babe, reading your post has reduced me to tears. I admire you for writing it all down and wish you lived close to me coz I would give you such a big hug! You have come so far on your journey and I do hope you find yourself some help.

    Whereabouts in the country are you? I'm sure there must be someone on here close to you to give you more support than the cyber support you will definitely get from all of us.

    You sound like a wonderful, caring and kind person, alas there will always be others who are superficial or have their token "fat friend" but there are others out there who will love you for you. It is hard when you have no confidence to put yourself out there - I still think of myself as the fat one yet a friend of mine, cuddlier than me, always attracts male attention because she has more confidence than me!

    Set yourself some little rewards, when you get your BMI below 30 (won't be long now) treat yourself to a new hairdo. If you can't afford a salon (I can't) then try the local tech college as they will cut it for a fraction of the cost! I'm planning to book myself an appointment soon as I could do with a new style, especially as mine has thinned out so much since starting LT!

    You are a very special person and deserve to live life to the full, you are so young and have so much of it ahead of you.

    Take care babe and good luck.

  16. serendipity1980

    serendipity1980 Full Member


    Thanks a million for all your caring supportive replies! I was in a very down mood the other day when I wrote that and I just felt that I had to get it out! Thanks for all the fab suggestions, Ive always wanted to play tennis, get back to piano lessons and try scuba diving, so I guess there is no time like the present! I am a teacher so I have a bit of time I can give to trying new things!

    I have decided to give myself a break when it comes to the food thing and just try to get back to normal, ie writing down what I eat, and eating at mealtimes only etc. I really broke the habit of a lifetime by sticking to the LT programme and the refeed afterwards, and I dont want to go back to square one! I know what I have to do, its not always as easy as it sounds to do though. that goes not just for food, but for putting myself out there too...I did buy a new dress in Monsoon size 16 though, so I have to find somewhere to go to wear it now! First dress I ever thought I looked ok in!

    I am not from Britain, I live in Ireland. Thanks for all the kind genuine replies, they mean so much to me. You all have so much going on in your lives, and I really appreciate you taking time to listen to a total stranger like me rant on! Im sorry Im such a moaner, i guess im feeling sorry for myself at the mo!

    I have about 3 stone to lose to get to 10st, and then I will have to have a tummy tuck, so that is my ultimate goal. Heres hoping I get there.

    I know you guys are doing so well, and I think you are all brilliant for coming on every day here and letting people know a little of yourselves, its so inspiring. Thank you so so much again!

    Lots of Love

  17. Less Rotund One

    Less Rotund One Gold Member

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    Hi Serendipity, so glad you decided to post on here because it will give you an outlet with people who do genuinely care about you - even when we don't know you personally.

    I was so happy when I read that you were a teacher - be as kind, gentle, and caring with yourself as you are with the children you teach. Imagine you as one of them with your problems - what would you say to them? You would tell them that you believed in them, that you wanted them to succeed, how wonderful they were whatever size or shape they might be - and how totally courageous they were to have made the step you have made to change your life.

    Imagine the little you that has struggled for so long - and all the upset that she has endured over the years - and now, as the adult you, comfort her and guide her towards her new life with much greater confidence and happiness.

    You are truly inspirational - keep posting. It would be great to see some before and during pics. I bet you look so different.

    LRO xx
    rainbow brite likes this.
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  19. Forever Starting Over

    Forever Starting Over always!!

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    can't stick to just one!
    just wanted to send you a big hug
    a lot of what you said i can relate to including the bingeing the purgeing - so know you are not alone.
    Stay strong and focus on what will make you happy
  20. icemoose

    icemoose The Diet Guy

    Don't diet anymore!
    Hiya :)

    I was in the same boat with you that when I reduced my weight I found that actually it never was the pot of gold that you expected it to be, in fact for me I was more unhappy when i was slim than I was before as I still had my problems but couldn't eat anymore to cheer myself up.

    My advice therefore to you is to get some formal counselling to go over the real underlying issues here, try and get referred through your GP as then it will be free.

    Well done on your weight reduction though, you have done fantastically and now the next part of the journey is the mindset to match your new body!

  21. moanz

    moanz Full Member

    Hi Serendipity! Thank-you for opening up to us, you've definitely found yourself amongst like-minded friends here. I can completely relate to your life-story & i'm sure many do..
    A huge congrats on your weight loss. It must be a huge adjustment getting used to your new frame, don't expect your head to catch up with your body for a while!! I think seeking councilling (sp) would be a great help. Please don't worry you will meet good people one day. Your a great girl, friends will find you xx
  22. SlimJ

    SlimJ Full Member

    Where in Ireland hon? I live in Dublin.
    I went to a hypnotherapist at the start of the year and it has done me the world of good. I can really recommend him. Not cheap but it's a maximum of 12 sessions. I managed to get my head sorted out and feel light (!). The LT came afterwards and I feel good about my body as well as myself now. x, Jan
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