serendipity1980
Full Member
Hi all,
I dont really post on here much, maybe because I dont have that much confidence when I see all the fabulous posts you guys have describing your lives, families and happenings. Let me tell you a little about me.
Im 27 years old, and for all of my life I have had a weight problem. One of my worst childhood memories was of being called fat at the age of 10 by my best friend (who was a boy incidentally).
The nail in the coffin came for me when I had to buy a school skirt for my 1st yr of secondary school in a size 18. At the age of 14, I developed the habit of not eating anything at all for a while, then eating and vomiting afterwards. I had this til the age of about 16, during which time I went down to about 10 stone, the lightest I had ever been. I was a size 10 but still felt huge.
I couldnt sustain this however and by the time I left secondary school I was huge again. I couldnt tell you what weight I was because I was too ashamed to check.
That boy who was my childhood friend was the only real relationship I have ever had with a boy in my whole life, and it was purely platonic. He came to my Debs as a friend as I didnt know any other boys.
I met a very good friend when I was 19, who is still a good friend today. She constantly spoke to me about losing weight, and did everything to get me interested in exercise and eating right. I did lose about a stone and a half for my friends 21st as I wanted her to be proud of me. I put it all back on though and then some. My friend was never happy with me putting on weight, and she was genuinely concerned about my health. I was miserable. It got to the stage where my friends would go out places and not invite me, I tried to tell myself that they thought I wouldnt be interested in pubs and clubs etc ( I dont drink and rarely go to clubs), but I suppose it was because they were embarrassed to be seen with me.
I have never had a guy be interested in me EVER! In saying that, I wasnt particularly interested in guys either, maybe I think they wouldnt look twice at me so why should I be interested in them? When my friends got to the age of being interested in boys, I used always wonder why we couldnt all just go out and have fun in the big girl group, and not have to worry about impressing these boys!
Anyway im rambling! I used to get so upset when my best friend (the girl) began to go places without me. She didnt want to say it but I knew she was embarrassed to be seen with me. I knew it. I feel that my whole life, people come into my life, stay for a while, and move on, leaving me behind. I never seem to move on. I dont cope well with change as a result of this. I have no confidence and I find it hard to trust people as I know that eventually they will move on, find boyfriends etc and leave me there. I dont seem to be able to do any of that.
The final straw came when my friend said that she could no longer be friends with me, as she couldnt handle being the one who was friends with me out of pity. she said we couldnt do anything together as I was too fat (I was 22 stone at this stage) and I even had to get extensions on the plane. My friend is the type of person who has to blend in and she hates any attention being drawn to her. she constantly thinks people are looking and judging everyone else. I used to say that people have far better things to do than look at me and take notice, but she was right, people did look and stare and make comments.
Anyway, I went on LT and lost 120 lbs nearly. I still have 40 lbs to go and I feel much much better. There was a man on a thread there who thought that the answer to all his problems was to lose weight. I thought exactly the same, I thought if I lose weight then ill be so happy. I dont think it has worked out quite like that for me though. I dont have much more confidence, and i am worried all the time about eating. I have taken to binging and vomiting again cos Im scared to put on weight. All of my friends have boyfriends, or fiances or husbands at this stage, and whereas they do love to meet up for the cinema, coffee etc, they always have that security of someone to go home to, and the friends are just a happy diversion. For me, though it is my life. when I go home I am home alone. I live with my mam and dad, and even my 12 yr old sister is not at home as much as me! How sad is that!
AAAAAGGHH! I feel like killing myself at times, but I know I would never do it!
H E L P!!!
Im sorry for the long string of misery!
I dont really post on here much, maybe because I dont have that much confidence when I see all the fabulous posts you guys have describing your lives, families and happenings. Let me tell you a little about me.
Im 27 years old, and for all of my life I have had a weight problem. One of my worst childhood memories was of being called fat at the age of 10 by my best friend (who was a boy incidentally).
The nail in the coffin came for me when I had to buy a school skirt for my 1st yr of secondary school in a size 18. At the age of 14, I developed the habit of not eating anything at all for a while, then eating and vomiting afterwards. I had this til the age of about 16, during which time I went down to about 10 stone, the lightest I had ever been. I was a size 10 but still felt huge.
I couldnt sustain this however and by the time I left secondary school I was huge again. I couldnt tell you what weight I was because I was too ashamed to check.
That boy who was my childhood friend was the only real relationship I have ever had with a boy in my whole life, and it was purely platonic. He came to my Debs as a friend as I didnt know any other boys.
I met a very good friend when I was 19, who is still a good friend today. She constantly spoke to me about losing weight, and did everything to get me interested in exercise and eating right. I did lose about a stone and a half for my friends 21st as I wanted her to be proud of me. I put it all back on though and then some. My friend was never happy with me putting on weight, and she was genuinely concerned about my health. I was miserable. It got to the stage where my friends would go out places and not invite me, I tried to tell myself that they thought I wouldnt be interested in pubs and clubs etc ( I dont drink and rarely go to clubs), but I suppose it was because they were embarrassed to be seen with me.
I have never had a guy be interested in me EVER! In saying that, I wasnt particularly interested in guys either, maybe I think they wouldnt look twice at me so why should I be interested in them? When my friends got to the age of being interested in boys, I used always wonder why we couldnt all just go out and have fun in the big girl group, and not have to worry about impressing these boys!
Anyway im rambling! I used to get so upset when my best friend (the girl) began to go places without me. She didnt want to say it but I knew she was embarrassed to be seen with me. I knew it. I feel that my whole life, people come into my life, stay for a while, and move on, leaving me behind. I never seem to move on. I dont cope well with change as a result of this. I have no confidence and I find it hard to trust people as I know that eventually they will move on, find boyfriends etc and leave me there. I dont seem to be able to do any of that.
The final straw came when my friend said that she could no longer be friends with me, as she couldnt handle being the one who was friends with me out of pity. she said we couldnt do anything together as I was too fat (I was 22 stone at this stage) and I even had to get extensions on the plane. My friend is the type of person who has to blend in and she hates any attention being drawn to her. she constantly thinks people are looking and judging everyone else. I used to say that people have far better things to do than look at me and take notice, but she was right, people did look and stare and make comments.
Anyway, I went on LT and lost 120 lbs nearly. I still have 40 lbs to go and I feel much much better. There was a man on a thread there who thought that the answer to all his problems was to lose weight. I thought exactly the same, I thought if I lose weight then ill be so happy. I dont think it has worked out quite like that for me though. I dont have much more confidence, and i am worried all the time about eating. I have taken to binging and vomiting again cos Im scared to put on weight. All of my friends have boyfriends, or fiances or husbands at this stage, and whereas they do love to meet up for the cinema, coffee etc, they always have that security of someone to go home to, and the friends are just a happy diversion. For me, though it is my life. when I go home I am home alone. I live with my mam and dad, and even my 12 yr old sister is not at home as much as me! How sad is that!
AAAAAGGHH! I feel like killing myself at times, but I know I would never do it!
H E L P!!!
Im sorry for the long string of misery!
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