Low self esteem issues.

Discussion in 'General Weight Loss Discussion' started by Pinkemi, 8 July 2011 Social URL.

  1. Pinkemi

    Pinkemi Full Member

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    I, guys, have low self esteem issues and would love to know if it's just me?? or if there are people out there with the same problems. I have tried speaking to my partner about it all but because he's pretty happy with himself, he cant understand why I am the way I am.

    To cut a very long story short... We both had a "discussion" last night... You know one of those not quite an argument but not a conversation sort of things. Anyway he was upset with me because I had shown a glimmer of jealousy with regards to one of his female co-workers who he happens to be talking a lot about recently.

    Now I trust my partner fully... I know full well that he has no desire to cheat on me and I know that he loves me a lot. Yet I still get these little glimmers here and there that make me feel awful. Ive tried to explain that obviously its a me problem, because I hate the way I look etc and not his problem... and mainly that the low self esteem flairs up because I know that the person infront of me is skinner then me and therefore, stereotypicaly, prettier then me.

    I think im kinda going off track here... But recently its really bugged me. I'm trying my hardest not to be jealous of his female friends... and most of the time it works pretty well. And I cant help being over protective of the things that I love. But its the insecutiry and low self esteem that I just got to work with... and I dont know the best step forward.

    So is it just me? Does anyone else know that what they are feeling doesn't make sense but it does?
     
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  3. hewholaughslast

    hewholaughslast Banned

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    There are particular moments in life that when you wish you could depend on anybody’s self-improvement advice. But even if they gave it to you with the best intentions, in case anything goes wrong, you are always going to blame that person.

    That is why specialists strongly advise you, every time you find yourself at a crossroads, to always take the decisions by yourself.

    No matter how young or old you are, you must have gotten to a point in your life when you have to take a big decision, which will probably affect your entire existence.

    There is no doubt that there are certain moments in life when you feel helpless and disoriented and believe you could use some self-improvement advice in order to figure out how to proceed with your life.

    The answer is never simple. There is self-improvement advice that can be of great help and employed regularly will have great results.

    It is called meditation and it has been used for centuries in certain rituals and by ancient civilizations. Even in old and famous books, like the Bible, people are invited to meditate, to discover and fight the evil in us and by knowledge to gain control over our decisions and our lives.

    Meditating doesn’t mean you have to go into a trancelike state, just quiet time for you to reflect.

    First of all, you need to be away from any source of distraction. You cannot analyse your deepest feelings and thoughts and watch a movie at the same time.

    Secondly, you need to ask yourself a series of questions that will help you to better determine who you really are. The questions should relate to everyday aspects. You don’t have to particularly consider these; these are just examples.

    What do you like doing?

    What made you most proud of yourself during your entire life?

    What is it that you always wanted to do and you never found the time?

    What role does money play in your life?

    What is it more important for you, you family life or your career?

    How much do you depend on others?

    If you are worried about a certain decision, let all the questions be related to that issue. If you are just confused when asking the questions, think about the common topics that one has to deal with during his life.

    Do not forget to write down the answers. Try to concentrate and to be sincere. After all, nobody will judge you.

    All these questions will help you determine exactly where you stand and what is it that you want form life. All you have to do is to get the right interpretation of your own replies.

    In order to do that, help yourself to a cup of tea or your favourite coffee and take the time to analyse them thoroughly. Mark with a red pen whatever you find pride worthy answers and with a black one the things that do not make you proud.

    Post the list somewhere where you can see it more than once a day, or post it in more than one place.

    You will notice that, step by step, even unwillingly, the black things on your list will start turning red.

    Don’t forget to renew the list when most of it has turned red. It is the best way to always be aware what your expectations from life are.
     
  4. small steps

    small steps Full Member

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    Your posting, in a strange way made me smile about think about my relationship. I have talked to my boyfriend about self esteem before. He cannot comprehend that women lack confidence about themselves or have glimmers of jealousy about other women. My boyf is full of confidence (even though he is balding, chubby and farty)

    Obviously, your partner loves you. You just feel protective, because you see him as a catch. Also remember, that you are a catch - he is with you because he sees something in you, which meant he wanted to spend his time with you.

    Possibly the best person to discuss your insecurities with are women. Men, bless them, don't understand.....
     
  5. Pinkemi

    Pinkemi Full Member

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    slimming World / Calorie Counting/ Low-Carb
    Hewholaughslast...

    I am intrigued by your answer. I have to admit that when I wrote my post, I didn't think that anyone would come back with the answer of meditating. From a cynical point of view, I guess I have always thought of meditating as 'just a waste of time' because I've always seen it as a trance thing.

    Yet in a way you have managed to put a point across. I instantly thought while reading your post that it was a 'waste of time' and that I didn't have time to be doing those sorts of things. However upon reflection, I SHOULD be putting more time towards myself. The modern day person is constantly rushing around and we never take a break. Maybe sitting down and actually thinking through my problems might actually make it better. Or if it doesnt then at least I have had a bit of 'me time.' ;)

    Small steps-

    It is nice to know that my man isn't the only one who doesnt understand. ;)

    I have thought about speaking to other women such as friends and family but I always find that it is too biased towards me. They, like my boyfriend, can't understand why I am feeling the way I do. Actually apart from my mum. I spoke to her a few days ago after a small blip, and she actually acknowledged that after my recent weight gain, she could see that in some situations I wasn't as comfortable as I used to be. It made me feel good that she could acknowledge it... but awful at the same time because I wondered then if it was obvious. haha.

    I think deep down I know my problem is that I dont feel happy with myself at the moment. So therefore I find it hard to accept that people are happy with me... if that makes sense.

    I guess talking it through really is the best way forward. :/


     
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