Midweek Joke.

[Allan G]

A posh couple fancy a night out, so they give Jeeves the butler the night off and tell him he can do what he likes, Later the wife doesn`t feel so good so returns home early. She calls Jeeves into the bedroom and says "Jeeves slowly remove my dress", which he does, she then says "slowly remove my bra and panties" again he does, she then leans over and whispers "If i ever catch you wearing my clothes again your fired" .

 

[Sweetpea]

:giggle::giggle::giggle:

 

[Mrs Depp]

Heard that one in the playground!

 

[Hedgemag]

:giggle::giggle::giggle::giggle:

 

[Chardonnay]

Took me a while to work that one out!!!

:ashamed0005:x:ashamed0005:

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

Here's another one .....


A guy goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor, I think I'm going deaf."

The doctor says,
"What are the symptoms?"

The guy says,
"They're a disfunctional cartoon family with yellow heads."

 

[GnomesGnuts]

Your a re all amateurs, you wanna a top class joke, (YES i hear you all shouting!!)

Plane crash An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger said, " I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player, the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die.... So he took the first pack and left the plane.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former president of the United States, I am also the most ambitious woman in the world and I am a New York Senator and a potential future president." She just took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, said: "I'm President of the United States of America, I have a great responsibility being the leader of a superpower nation. And above all I'm the cleverest President in American history, so America's people won't let me die." So he put on the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year-old school boy, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left, as a Catholic I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The boy said, "It's OK, there's still a parachute left for you. America's cleverest President has taken my schoolbag."

 

[Hedgemag]

PMSL...

 

[Barb]

Brilliant! Love it!

 

[GnomesGnuts]

Another joke I hear you all pleading..... here goes

Fast Car A fellow bought a new Alfa Romeo and was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.

"There ain't no way they can catch an Alfa," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100, 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him. "What in the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go!"

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Off you go," said the officer.

 

[Mrs Depp]

Oh so cops can be easily bribed then? Not according to Officer AllanG! lol

 

[GnomesGnuts]

HoW To KeEp A hEaLtHy LeVeL Of InSaNiTy AnD dRiVe OtHeR PeOpLe iNsAnE... Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)

Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

Insist that your e-mail address be:
[email protected]

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

Put your waste paper basket on your desk and label it "IN".

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the break room. When people complain that nothing was there, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that."

Put decaffeinated coffee in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".

Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

Dont use any punctuation

As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

Ask people what sex they are.

At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

***AnD tHe FiNaL WaY tO aNnOy PeOple:

Post silly post on forums!!!!

 

[voodoo]

lol GG especially the George Bush parachute, all this laughing is keeping me away from the fridge & MUST be burning some calories off!
xxxxxsharon

 

[Barb]

Thanks GG, I am now crying, my mascara has run, my DH is booking me into respite care and I am actually thinking about carrying a hairdryer in my car at all times!!

Love you!

 

[GnomesGnuts]

ONE LAST JOKE!!

Office A young executive was leaving the office at 6 pm when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. 'Listen', said the CEO, 'this is important. My secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?'

'Certainly', said the young executive (feeling his career igniting beneath him as his heart beat wildly). He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

'Excellent, excellent!' said the CEO as his paper disappeared in the machine. 'I just need one copy'
:wave_cry:

 

[Barb]

OUCH!