My mood is the lowest it's been for a long time

[Yorkiegirl]

I know it's not strictly a LL thread, but as I am doing LL I thought I would put it in here.

Diet wise I am doing fine. But in terms of everything else I feel horrid. I am so very very tired because I am busy non stop from morning to night. It was half term here last week, so no work, but I just didn't get a break from the girls other than an hour in the gym for a swim on Wednesday. DD2 is refusing to go to bed, and then getting up at 5.30.

My family are great but my grandad is very ill in hospital at the moment. My parents are there with my grandad. So I have seen less of them than usual. My DH's family have not done much for me since he died. His mum is not really fit to support me but his sister only lives 10 minutes' drive away and we have barely seen her since he died.

Friends who promised to help me out with the girls have vanished.

I feel like I have hit a brick wall. LL is the most positive thing in my life, and I won't be giving up on that.

But other than that, life is not good.

 

[In search of me]

Hi there,
Really sorry to hear that you're feeling so low but good that you're determined with ll. Its no wonder you feel low as I'm sure you feel tired with looking after the girls single handed and times like this I am sure make the loss feel all the more painful.
Also really sad that you feel so deserted. Is there anyone locally that you can get some practical support from or could you afford to get some babysitting on a paid basis? One long term plan could be an au pair?
It could also be that the past year is catching up on you and that you may be suffereing, understandably, from depression and it may be worth a visit to the GP. I wish there was something I could do to help on a practical level as I'm sure much of this is due to being so tired...how are you sleeping generally? Can you have a nice warm bath & get an early night..its not the answer t everything but a good nights sleep may help or do some scrapping to take your mind ff things for a couple of hours...
Please feel free to pm if there is anything I can do to help I will....big squidgy hugs (make the best of em cos when I'm skinny you'll only be able to have boney ones!).

 

[mags1x]

I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time, I'm not sure what to say but I have only one suggestion.

Give your friends a chance, give them a phone.

Lots of people want to be good friends but have no idea how to act or what to say when things happen as have happened to you. Also you may have given out a vibe that you wanted to be left alone for a bit without realising it, they may think you need some space.

I'm not suggesting you phone and ask for help as such, but call and ask to meet for a coffee and a catch up, it will allow an opportunity for them to see they are wanted in your life at the moment. Often just seeing people can make you feel less isolated which I get the feeling is how you feel just now.

Not all of your friends will respond, but I'll bet some of them will. The ones who are proper friends but just didn't really know what to do and those are the ones that matter.

Sending big cyber hugs through my broadband line!

Mags
xxx

 

[Pixie]

Hi Hun,
Didn't want to read and run cos you sound so down!
Feel free to PM me if you want Im a good listener!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Yorkiegirl]

the trouble is, I have made arrangements to meet up, invited people round etc etc but have been let down. I feel as if it is always me that does the running and realistically I just don't have that sort of time any more.

 

[In search of me]

umm..it is hard when you're let down, esp when you feel low anyway as it then dents your self esteem. Sometimes I go through phases when I reassess the relationships that I have and realise that there are some where I give all the time with me chasing up for visits etc and then let down and there have been occasions when this is genuine & others when people are just taking the mick. Its also about valuing your time isnt it! SOme friends have gone by the wayside (& looking back now I thank God I did say no while it was hard at the time!) and others I left for a bit & explored other avenues...ie got an allotmet last year (see blog) which has been a great way of getting out, being busy and moving on more positively plus its a great depression buster! How about doing an evening class and getting a babysitter once a week just for "you" time? You also look like you've been busy doing stuff & clearing your husbands stuff & emotionally this is really hard to do...Hope you feel better after a good nights sleep. Big hugs. Sorry but must sign off as need sleep ...sleep tight...

 

[nce1]

just wanted to say that i had been feeling like you for the past week DS playing me up but im not sure he was just that i was feeling low and lacking patience and looking on the downside of everything and stressing myself out more when i felt i was getting bogged down. Being on LL has helped me look at other areas of my life that i want to take control
I've taken some steps back and trying to sort my stressful situations one at a time.
Admittedly my friends got fed up with me making excuses that they gave up trying to make plans to do things together. As im on LL at the mo i can't drink etc i have organsed a get together at mine in the guise of an Ann Summers party tomorrow night.
You have been through a lot and still going so i admire your courage.

 

[supermum]

Yorkie

You have been through a hell of a year and you need support. Be honest with your family and friends. Ithink the second year after someone has died is so much worse than the first. - Ihave been there. I have also been there offering help and it isn't taken up and then you forget what you said. Try to be honest - it may have a positive effect. Can youcontact Gingerbread or Cruse - I am sure they can offer you some practical and emtional help and support.

BIG HUGS - post anytime.:wave_cry:

 

[Jannie]

Gads, you sound as if you are having a really rough trot. I agree that you should sit family and friends down and tell them how you feel and ask for their help. Perhaps you look as if you are coping really well ,or maybe they are afraid to offer as they think you might be offended. I hope you don't mind me replying since you don't know me, but I just wanted you to know that I send you my best, good luck with it all.

 

[tootsie]

Hey Yorkie

Can i just touch on something In Search of me said.
I was in the same position as you about5/6 years ago. A single mum, working all the time, no time for me at all. I got an aupair and it was the best thing I ever did. Not only was she there to help out with the time consuming jobs that running a house involves and helping out with the children but it was the company she provided for me that was great. We became good friends and I am still in contact with her now. She will be a friend forever as she helped me through my roughest time..... They are also not that expensive
Hope you are feeling a bit more positive today hun xx

 

[Yorkiegirl]

tootsie, you have read my mind! I am planning on getting an au pair when my youngest DD starts school. Admittedly that's not til September next year, but before then I would need too much childcare for an au pair to provide legally.
Until then I need to keep going. I have just joined an organisation called WAY (Widowed and Young) and I had a great chat with the local organiser tonight. What a relief to talk through everything which is bothering me and for her to know exactly what I am feeling. She even lost her DH in the same circumstances 6 years ago. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!

 

[New-Me]

hi Yorkie girl
how guilty do I feel - I saw the title to this thread and was going to post until I'd read it through. OK so I've had a bad day, am feeling really emotional and so nearly had something to eat today, was coming on here for support and you have just given me a huge shake which is exactly what I am needing.

All of the above is absolutely nothing compared to what you have been through and are going through. I totally admire how you have coped and think you are doing a fab job. Really sorry to hear that so many people have let you down - but it's clear that you've got loads of supportive pals here, just post any time.

Cannot believe that you're coping with all of the above and are doing LL as well. I'm doing it to lose weight which has made me re-assess my priorities, but totally insignificant compared to you.
Hang in there - you are an inspiration to us all, and we are totally behind you.
love and a hug
N-M

 

[In search of me]

Just wondered how you're feeling? Any better?

 

[Yorkiegirl]

I feel a lot better. Chatting to the lady from WAY really did help. She knew exactly what I was feeling and it was so good to know that I was not alone.
Then last night SIL came and babysat for the first time since DH died, think she was waiting for me to ask her. Then another friend heard I was feeling low and rang and offered to take the girls for me.
Plus my mum and dad are here for the weekend. I feel much better. Plus the weight loss last night made me feel good too!

 

[georgiasmum]

Yorkie I too had an aupair and it was wonderful. I did LL and I think that the diet can make other issues in your life come to a sharper focus. We usually 'eat away' our disappointments in others and our unhappinesss but with LL/Cd you can't due to the ss'ing. Work through this, get some help and ask people for support - you will feel better and you will be able to move through it. I have been where you are and am bizarrely grateful to LL for it (and the weight loss was a bonus too!!!)

 

[New-Me]

Yorkie - really glad you've had a better few days and signs of support are appearing. Great news about your weight loss too - keep it up (or down!!)

enjoy the blog too!