My Musings (Cerealkiller)

Discussion in 'LL Diaries' started by cerealkiller, 17 September 2010 Social URL.

  1. cerealkiller

    cerealkiller Full Member

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    Yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life. Since deciding to take up the challenge, I have been so apprehensive, paranoid and scared. Because, no diet has ever worked for me and this one looked really promising and is my last straw.

    Anyhoo, my first day was worrying. I am a worrier, by nature. I worried how I was going to make myself eat the foodpacks, nevermind like them. My last meal of the day was a choc shake, which I quite liked. So off I went today to my LLC and swapped all of my foodpacks for choc. I told him I felt no hunger or desire to eat and could I possibly be in ketosis already? He gave me a stick to pee on. I came home and did the test to find a pale pink. So I really am in ketosis. Now just hoping for a good loss, not getting overly ambitious though.

    Things are alright otherwise. We had some visitors today, so I had to rush to the kitchen to make them a two-course curry meal. Although, I was not hungry, I did have the urge to have a wee nibble. Got over the urge but drinking some water and I was fine. Thankfully, I didn't have to join them for dinner as a very cranky 7-month old needed some sorting out. Saved me the trouble of explaining and a possible ear ache.:rolleyes:

    Wonder what day 3 has in store for me? We shall see, soon.
     
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  3. cerealkiller

    cerealkiller Full Member

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    Not the most fabulous day today. I don't know why, but I was getting quite worked up over things i.e., baby resisting food followed by uncontrollable crying, pending laundry, cleaning etc. I had a dull headache almost all day. No hunger, like yesterday. Brought some ketostix from Boots today and turned a darker shade of pink. Think I am getting slightly obessesed with checking from ketones everytime I pee. I can so easily get obsessed with things.

    Have had choc shakes all day long and to be honest, I miss chewing. I have realised now that chewing was an activity that kept me busy and entertained (like a cow!). I don't miss food, really. I miss all the chewing and fun. For the (lonely) life that I lead, the act of chewing was the only activity I enjoyed, besides cooking, cleaning, washing and thinking. And that's gone now.
     
  4. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    LOL @ chewing... well hun you can start having bars soon and they are lovely, very chewable ;)
    Sounds like you're doing really well otherwise and honestly well done for having just one flavour of packs each day. I'd get bored within a few hours lol ;)
     
  5. cerealkiller

    cerealkiller Full Member

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    Can't wait for the bars, but have heard they are slighty higher in calories, does that affect your losses at all?

    End of day 4, DH was at work, so went for a walk pushing the pram around town. Went into boots and thought shall I weigh myself? Without thinking too much, I slipped 70p into it. Apparently, I have lost 7 pounds, so far. Result: A very happy me. Just hope it's not lying though!

    Otherwise, my MIL decided to cook something that I hadn't eaten for quite sometime, although my absolute favourite. I wish I could tell her to cook something else, but then thought how long can I ask everyone to avoid eating/cooking my fav dishes, and it really isn't fair is it? I am on LL, and it's my choice. They aren't, so they can eat whatever they like and as much as they want. Sometimes, I wish I was on my own, that way I would've made sure the kitchen cupboards were completely empty. Doesn't help to see your fav food in there when you open them. Oh well.
     
  6. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    Well done on your determination! Way to go girl! :)
    No, bars should not affect your weight loss as long as you stick to one per day (i wonder which one will be your favourite).
    Yes you are quite right about not demanding from others to change their habits just because you are on a diet.
    I can tell you are going to do so well! :)
     
  7. cerealkiller

    cerealkiller Full Member

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    Thank you, Mags. You wouldn't know but your kind words keep me going. Looking forward to trying the bars, which one is your favourite? I am still living off choc shakes and I'm really surprised that I haven't gotten bored of them yet.
     
  8. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    That's why we're here hun! To support one another :)
     
  9. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    Funny how ppl's tastes can be different! I cannot stand the choc one lol but loooove the vanilla (with a bit of instant coffee in it) blended with ice (yum)
    I loove the fudge bar and the toffee :)
     
  10. cerealkiller

    cerealkiller Full Member

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    Having bad days more often as opposed to good ones. Couldn't sleep a wink last night as little one who appeared to have a mild cold, became rather poorly and stayed up crying all night. He started wheezing about 3 weeks back when he had an infection and had calmed down a little after 7 days of antibiotic. Barely a week and he's ill and wheezing again, this time louder. Took him to after hours surgery and they have asked me to stick to the inhaler, which for some reason doesn't seem to work as effectively as it did before. I hate to see my child ill, as any other mother would. To sum it up, I was rather disorderly today with regards to everything.
    My MIL's sisters were visiting today, so again a feast was made for them. :rolleyes: I'm proud of myself that I managed to sit down at the table with a jug of water whilst everybody else tucked in.

    Aside that, my strained relationship with my husband hit another note today. Apparently, I am a complainer and never happy with things. This has been said to me a few times before as well. I think I should just stick to being my own friend, rather than trying to find solace in my husband. Maybe I will write how I feel on here thinking that somebody is listening to me. It's just really awful.
     
  11. cerealkiller

    cerealkiller Full Member

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    I hate feeling sorry for myself, but I can't help it this time around. Just back from hospital as my 7 month old DS had to be admitted yesterday for having problem with his breathing. I hated seeing him in so much pain. Had a pounding headache all day yesterday and barely managed to finish my packs. So sleep deprived too. Little one is still wheezy, but they decided to send us home with medicines.

    Besides that, weigh-in tonight. Hoping for a good loss. :)
     
  12. cerealkiller

    cerealkiller Full Member

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    11 lbs off. Wit wooo
     
  13. cerealkiller

    cerealkiller Full Member

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    I can't bloody wait, to be able to have 'normal' food again. No, I'm not hungry. I am just getting a bit fed up of the constant choc shakes that I have. I have started to dread my 'meal' times as it is making me gag.
    On the flipside, I have developed an obsession for cooking and mainly trying out new recipes. Everybody seems to be loving it. I also spend a lot of my time looking for new recipes. I must be strange?! I am guessing it's my way of coping; by torturing myself ever more. Sigh! As much as I want to lose weight, I want it to hurry up. I am very impatient by nature and just want this over and done with. Send some patience my way please?!
     
  14. Kim26

    Kim26 Gold Member

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    I totally agree - Chrismas Dinner is what i am focused on right now - and boy that seems a LONG way away!

    Hope you are finding it easier cereal! :)
     
  15. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Hello, Cereal. I didn't realise you'd started a diary. You're doing so well - I don't know how you manage on one flavour! Sounds like you've had a tough couple of weeks so well done on sticking to the plan. Is your DS ok now? It's so difficult when they're not well and you don't get enough sleep. Be kind to yourself.
     
  16. cerealkiller

    cerealkiller Full Member

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    Kim, I have been thinking about the christmas dinner too! I decided to eat that one meal on xmas but I'm not sure now. I have a feeling that once I fall off the wagon, things will never be the same.

    Hi SM, thank you hun. :) I was alright with the choc for the first two weeks but I can tell I'm slowly coming off it. Not sure if I can bring myself to swallow any other flavours, nevermind like. DS is alright now, he is at the 'exploring' stage at the moment so I'm on my feet most of the time. He is still wakes up for a feed at night, so it is safe to say that I have not had a decent night's sleep in the past 8 months! x
     
  17. cerealkiller

    cerealkiller Full Member

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    Spend a few hours last night in the ER with hubby. He had a minor operation last week and the stitches have come undone exposing a big open wound. It looked awful and I decided he needed to be seen. He's alright now but off work for two weeks.

    BIL who is in the RAF is home for the weekend. Cooked everyone a good meal which they all loved. Finally, my FIL has something nice to say about me. SIL and her family coming tomorrow. More food. It's hard. I keep telling myself that there will be an end to this, keeps me going.
    Oh and my friend from school had a little boy today and I'm so broody! I have to keep reminding myself of the sleepless nights and the amount of dirty nappies that I have changed so far. However, children are such a blessing. My little one has changed so much in this past month; it's amazing. He wakes up early in the morning and I take him in the bed with me, so that I can get a few more minutes in bed. His way of asking me to move my butt and make breakfast for me? Poking his finger in my eye and pulling my nose out.
     
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  19. Jadeycakes

    Jadeycakes New Member

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    Hi Guys!

    Started LL 4 days ago and am determined to see it through

    Was thinking about xmas dinner the other day also and decided that I will sit in another room when everyone is eating then come back when they are done. Its just another day we can do this the end result is so worth it :)
     
  20. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Hi Jadey
    Try not to worry about Christmas yet. I expect by the time it comes you will feel strong enough to sit with the others and have your soup/bar and water and tea or coffee.
    You can still enjoy the smells.crackers and silly jokes.
    Sounds crazy I know...................
    :109:
     
  21. Jadeycakes

    Jadeycakes New Member

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    Thanks Slenda!

    All I have to do is focus on my goal and I wont give up :)
     
  22. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    How are you doing Cereal? X
     
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