olivia_skelton
New Member
Hey everyone,
This is the first time I have used an internet forum to discuss my weight, I just feel like I need some support from people who actually have an idea what I'm going through. Currently all my friends are on health kicks and are shedding weight like there's no tomorrow and I have been at it for years with no results and whenever I try talk to people about it they say things like "you're obviously not exercising enough/eating healthy enough" or "you'll get there" without any understanding of the struggle I go through. So I guess I'll just vent my life story so anyone who reads this can understand where I'm coming from.
I've had trouble with my weight my whole life, when I was a child I was obese and was severely bullied. Once I hit puberty at 13 all of a sudden I cared about what people thought of my appearance and I started to compare myself with other girls in my class. So my self-esteem was already incredibly low from the beginning. I started dieting and obsessively controlling the amount of fat I ate (nothing more than 1g) and weighing myself. If I didn't lose at least 1kg a week I would become very angry and depressed. Eventually I developed anorexia and was very sneaky in the ways I would hide it from my parents (who were mostly in denial about my disorder), the rare times they actually got me to eat I would just spew it up later.
This only went on for a year or so before I started getting the attention and recognition I craved from my class mates and boys. Once my self-esteem build back up some (obviously built on the wrong things) I started eating again and sure enough the weight gradually piled back on.
Since then I have struggled with weight loss, it hasn't been impossible but it certainty hasn't been easy. In the last year however the weight has stuck to me and has increased. I'm now 21, I am 160cm tall and currently weigh 77kg. I have been eating healthy and working out at a gym under the supervision of a trainer (cardio, weights, strengthening) for roughly 5 hours a week. I am a vegetarian and I eat tofu, beans, egg whites, vegetables, fruit and yoghurt generally (obviously I deviate from this occasionally). I tried avoiding high carbohydrate foods like bread and pasta but it didn't seem to make any difference so now I allow the occasional small amount.
This became very disheartening and my low self-esteem and depression quickly returned. I've even become desperate enough to try force myself into anorexia again but the conditions aren't the same as when my disorder was triggered (my self-esteem is higher, I'm not bullied, I have more support, and a boyfriend of 4 years who loves me how I am).
My mum suggested that I get a blood test to check for hypothyroid as my nanna has is and it would explain my seemingly sluggish metabolism. Of course when I went to the doctor he scrutinised what I told him about my diet and exercise and acted as though I was obviously lying to him (who would bother doing that?), but he tested me anyway and nothing was wrong with me, I don't even have low Iron levels (as would be expected of a vegetarian). So then he gave me a prescription for Xenical Orlistat. I have been on it for one week and I weighed myself this morning (no weight lost). I'm concerned it wont work for me as I am already on a low-fat/low-cal diet and I don't believe there is anything else I can reduce really. Also I had some of the side effects earlier this week (oily stool) but now I am constipated if anything.
I am so sick of not even being able to lose a single kg and I just want to be able to fit my clothes properly. If I have to go up a size I fear I will lose it and sink into depression/eating disorder again. Any support anyone can offer me would be great.
Thank you x
This is the first time I have used an internet forum to discuss my weight, I just feel like I need some support from people who actually have an idea what I'm going through. Currently all my friends are on health kicks and are shedding weight like there's no tomorrow and I have been at it for years with no results and whenever I try talk to people about it they say things like "you're obviously not exercising enough/eating healthy enough" or "you'll get there" without any understanding of the struggle I go through. So I guess I'll just vent my life story so anyone who reads this can understand where I'm coming from.
I've had trouble with my weight my whole life, when I was a child I was obese and was severely bullied. Once I hit puberty at 13 all of a sudden I cared about what people thought of my appearance and I started to compare myself with other girls in my class. So my self-esteem was already incredibly low from the beginning. I started dieting and obsessively controlling the amount of fat I ate (nothing more than 1g) and weighing myself. If I didn't lose at least 1kg a week I would become very angry and depressed. Eventually I developed anorexia and was very sneaky in the ways I would hide it from my parents (who were mostly in denial about my disorder), the rare times they actually got me to eat I would just spew it up later.
This only went on for a year or so before I started getting the attention and recognition I craved from my class mates and boys. Once my self-esteem build back up some (obviously built on the wrong things) I started eating again and sure enough the weight gradually piled back on.
Since then I have struggled with weight loss, it hasn't been impossible but it certainty hasn't been easy. In the last year however the weight has stuck to me and has increased. I'm now 21, I am 160cm tall and currently weigh 77kg. I have been eating healthy and working out at a gym under the supervision of a trainer (cardio, weights, strengthening) for roughly 5 hours a week. I am a vegetarian and I eat tofu, beans, egg whites, vegetables, fruit and yoghurt generally (obviously I deviate from this occasionally). I tried avoiding high carbohydrate foods like bread and pasta but it didn't seem to make any difference so now I allow the occasional small amount.
This became very disheartening and my low self-esteem and depression quickly returned. I've even become desperate enough to try force myself into anorexia again but the conditions aren't the same as when my disorder was triggered (my self-esteem is higher, I'm not bullied, I have more support, and a boyfriend of 4 years who loves me how I am).
My mum suggested that I get a blood test to check for hypothyroid as my nanna has is and it would explain my seemingly sluggish metabolism. Of course when I went to the doctor he scrutinised what I told him about my diet and exercise and acted as though I was obviously lying to him (who would bother doing that?), but he tested me anyway and nothing was wrong with me, I don't even have low Iron levels (as would be expected of a vegetarian). So then he gave me a prescription for Xenical Orlistat. I have been on it for one week and I weighed myself this morning (no weight lost). I'm concerned it wont work for me as I am already on a low-fat/low-cal diet and I don't believe there is anything else I can reduce really. Also I had some of the side effects earlier this week (oily stool) but now I am constipated if anything.
I am so sick of not even being able to lose a single kg and I just want to be able to fit my clothes properly. If I have to go up a size I fear I will lose it and sink into depression/eating disorder again. Any support anyone can offer me would be great.
Thank you x
