Naive or just not ready?


Gold Member
On the recommendation of the lovely Karen1972 I joined udate last week and have been merrily chatting to blokes for a couple of days.

However is it me or do things just seem to move so fast on these places?

The first guy I have been talking to seems absolutely sex mad and keeps trying to undress me and make love to me online. Is this normal???? God I sound so naive! What the heck happened to romance?

The second guy seems quite nice (except he's a chelsea fan lol) but when he asked to text me I gave him my number, stupidly forgetting that people can phone u to. Doh! I just spoke to him for 5 minutes but made an excuse and ran away!

I suppose I'm stupid for not thinking that because I have joined a dating site that people are interested in one thing only - DATING!

I guess I feel like I'm a bit of a fraud because I've posted a picture of me in my bridesmaid dress (the only nice slim picture of me not standing in front of a LL doorway!) and since then I must have put on at least 2 stone!

Last night I avoided the computer all night because I couldn't cope with it! My new year resolution is not to diet and "sort my head out" first but last night I was seriously thinking of SSing again just so I can live up to my picture!

Man I'm screwed up aren't I? I did met quite a nice man when I was out on NYE. He was dressed as a pirate and we did snog a bit but by the end of the night I was ignoring him and spent all my time on the dance floor. He left in a huff and I felt quite bad because I was quite mean to him. If I saw him again I would apologise and explain that I was hurt badly recently and that I was scared and it wasn't him! I am scared. My low self esteem is rearing it's ugly head again! Don't think I'm worthy of the attention! OMG, this post has gone a little deeper than I intended!

The original point was just going to be, what's wrong with just a little flirting on-line without sexual propositions or telephone calls? Am I being naive or am I just not ready yet?
Hey Sarah honey

There are guys on the dating sites that are only looking for sex, and that is exactly what the guy is after - the one trying to undress you etc etc.

You will get used to it and will work out quickly which ones are genuinely looking for a girlfriend rather than just sex.

The problem with dating sites is that its too easy for men to get a date - so some of them become like kids in a candy shop.

Shop wisely my darling!!

Re your picture, i won't worry too much about it, unless you look COMPLETELY different - which i'm sure you don;t!!! Maybe the dating will be good motivation to getting back on track??

Just enjoy it and go with the flow honey... get your self esteem and realise your worth... there are sites for pure sex talk and ud isn't one of them! I just wish some men realise that!

Look forward to hearing about your antics....

Hiya Sarah ............... I have had a lot of experience with dating sites - successfully I might add!!

One of the sites I use to use was called Midsummers eve - and is free - but it is like this site in that there is a forum where everyone can "talk/express opinions" on a variety of subjects. There's also a just for women page where more intimate female (or the equilalent for men I guess!!!) The thing I like about the site is that you can make friends (of both sexes) ....... and/or you can meet someone for romance. As well as the forum pages there is also a "meets" page - where they meet up around the country and I met one of my now best friends at a Knutsford meet years ago - and we spent New Yrs Eve with her. I also met my previous boyfriend on the site at a meet in Bradford - and so we were friends before getting involved.

If you want to know more PM me and I'll let you know anything else.
Hiya Sarah,

I've done the same as you and taken Karen's advice to join udate. I'm also like you in thinking that I'm not sure if I actually WANT to indulge in all that goes with it. I've been talking to a bloke for a couple of weeks and had a similar sort of conversation where he started off asking if I had any other pics (I've only got one as I'm not happy with any I've taken!) Anyway, after a couple of mildly flirtatious texts I asked him what car he had, he asked about mine and then said "and what are your headlights like?" Even I knew what he meant! haha! So I ignored the question. A while later he said "B C or D?" So I said "are you obsessed or what?!"

Don't get me wrong, I do like flirting and I do like the attention but I'm not about to jump into bed with him and won't hesitate in letting him know! I've arranged to meet up with him in the next couple of weeks, but I have made a sort of mental decision that I am willing to date a few blokes to give myself a confidence boost and maybe just enjoy the attention:D

It is a bit of an ego boost, but i don't want to feel uncomfortable though!

Just had both of them talking to me on MSN at the same time - phew - trying to keep my head straight and not mix conversations. Bloke number one has asked for other photos but I told him that I haven't any more on this computer which actually not a lie!

Number two seems very nice and don't think he would push things, just had a nice 10 minute chat about footie, my passion! Maybe have to cool things with number one if he doesn't back off! Maybe if I ignore him he'll get the hint! Trouble is i feel bad about rejecting people on line let alone to their faces!!!
Hiya Sarah,

Don't feel bad about rejecting him, if you feel he's not right for you then you'd be wasting yours and his time carrying on with the relationship. That's the nature of these sites I suppose, everything happens at such a quick pace doesn't it? I've decided to just go at my own pace and not be rushed into anything (don't I sound like a right prude?!:eek: :D :D )
I'd say reject anyone instantly who you think is not for you. Like Karen said it's too easy for men to get a date on those things so you have to be extra wary of who you're meeting. For yur own safety if nothing else. Good luck :)