Negative comments...

Discussion in 'General Weight Loss Discussion' started by radicore, 4 January 2009 Social URL.

  1. radicore

    radicore Full Member

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    ...about how much weight I've lost.

    I know it's a strange thing to be complaining about, but recently I've been having people tell me I've lost too much weight.

    I'm not really sure how to take these comments, because it's not an issue I've had before; I've always been too fat, not too thin.

    I'm happy at the size I am now. I only want to lose another 2lbs so I'm a solid 8 stone, because I have mild OCD issues with numbers and I prefer things to be solid.

    It's just irritating that people are suddenly offloading me with candy (friends guilty of this) and trying to force feed me food I don't want (Dad guilty of this) like they want me to get fat again. :\

    Has anyone else lost a lot of weight only to have to deal with comments like these?

    It seems people are never happy. I'm either too fat, or too thin. Where's the happy medium?
     
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  3. Maffie

    Maffie Full Member

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    I think if you are within a healthy weight catergory which at 5'2 you are I dont think losing the extra 2lbs is bad. I know i'd eventually like to be 9st but have set my goal higher than that as I know with the amount of exercise I am doing i'm going to be carrying more muscle than the average person.

    I think people get used to how people look or act and change can worry people so they try to get back the old person they know. There are also sabatours (sp) out there whowill try to scupper things i've seen this happen before.
    I think with people who play an important role in your life it's best to be open and honest about what you need from them and how their comments affect you.It may be that they don't realise the affect their comments have on you.
     
  4. totty

    totty Personal Trainer

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    Dont worry about it hun, i had this when i was at my lightest :wave_cry:

    its only because everyone is sooooo used to seeing you ....larger...they arent used to it :(...go ask a stranger on the street..see what they say :D
     
  5. Isis

    Isis Ancient Egypt Nut!

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    Hi radicore :)

    Well done on nearly being at your goal - only 2lbs to go!!

    Maybe some people, like your Dad are just a bit worried that you will want to carry on losing quite a lot more as you are quite young if I remember?:)

    As long as you feel fit and healthy and happy then I'm sure everyone will see that with time, and ease off a bit,

    Lacey..xx :)
     
  6. radicore

    radicore Full Member

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    Thanks everyone :)

    My family sadly has a warped vision of what is "healthy". They're all quite big people, and don't really understand the concept that because I'm short, I'm not supposed to weigh much. My gran seems to think I should weigh the same as my brother, despite the fact he's 4 years older and 7 inches taller.

    I have a feeling some of my friends are trying to sabotage me, because I have always been the fat friend, and now quite a few of them are bigger than me and I guess that makes them uncomfortable?
     
  7. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    If you used to be the "fat friend" and are now slimmer than some of your larger friends, then I ca see how they might be (subconciously) put out by that.

    People get very used to other people "roles" in relation to themselves, and when that role changes, it can really put some people out.

    Others just get jealous as they have seen you have such success and yet they might well be secretly struggling to lose the few pounds they want to lose, or feel bad as they've gained over Xmas and you've lost.


    At the core of it, you just have to say "screw them and their comments" I think! You know what is right and healthy for you, no-one can tell you that you are not what you should be, especially if they themselves have very warped viewpoints on weight.

    Have you tried talking to your family and explaining that actually, you are the weight that is medically healthy for you, and in fact it is they who are misguided in thier view towards a healthy weight?

    not an easy subject, I know, for ages my Mum has been telling me that I am "A big boy" and throws out comments like "but you'll always be big", it's only lately that I have actually started to openly refute these statements and tell her no, I'm not "a big boy", I was extremely overweight and unhealthy, and that I'm not "always going to be big", and the fact that I've lost so much already proves that.

    It's tricky, but if you keep getting negative comments and not setting the record straight, it'll get harder to keep hearing them and not react badly.
     
  8. ChristieK

    ChristieK Queen of Cats

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    I agree with Pete. Also...you can't control what other people feel and what other people say (whether it's from jealousy, honest concern, etc), but you can control how you react to it. Taking a deep breath, counting to 10, smiling and thinking about how much better I feel, all this really helps me if I get a negative comment from anyone!
     
  9. Jenmac

    Jenmac can't speak French

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    Looking at your sig you seem to be losing weight quite quickly - could that be the reason your family are concerned rather than how much you actually weigh?

    You are a low but healthy weight at the moment, I'm sure if your family can see that you are eating healthily and not skipping meals or anything, they will eventually get used to the new slimline you.

    You are probably spot on about your friends being uncomfortable with your transition from "fat friend", but they are probably only offering you sweets cos that's what friends do! Also, some of them may be genuinely concerned, as I said before you do seem to have lost weight pretty quickly and if a friend of mine were to lose weight so fast I would want to make sure she was okay. It feels like a long journey to you as you put the work in every day, but you must look totally different now to three months ago (being small myself I know how much just a few pounds can change you!) so you'll have to forgive people for getting a shock sometimes when they look at you!

    I am not having a go at you, I just know from my own experience that sometimes you think people are being *****y and trying to sabotage your diet when they're actually not and are genuinely concerned for your health, so don't be too hard on your mates. If YOU know in your heart of hearts that you are eating properly then just try and be patient with them. Don't get into justifying what you do or don't eat, just be confident in yourself. Undoubtedly some will not be able to handle the jealousy your weight loss will cause, that's their loss, not yours. If you like someone it shouldn't matter what they look like!

    I've come back and edited this cos initially I thought the speed of your loss was a *bit* fast but thinking about it, it must work out as 1 1/2 - 2lb per week, which is what I'd lose myself if I behaved!

    Enjoy your new look, take extremely good care of yourself and ignore the haters!
     
    Last edited: 8 January 2009
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