cah-ching
Gold Member
Hello Gang.
(firstly, may I say I'm really chuffed to have found you guys again, secondly, your welcome so lovely)
My weight is at 130.6kgs (20stones 8Ibs)
Tomorrow is the 1st October 2006. I'd like to lose some weight for Christmas and my salsa-dancing new years eve party.
So once again I'm booking myself back into Hotel Sole Source (or should that be Soul Source - given I'll be deriving my willpower from the depths of my soul)
I've deliberately kept away from here because there has been no urge to post as I haven't been following the plan, however as of tomorrow I'll be on it and posting as often as I can, I won't promise a diary.
In addition I've told one friend (one in particular) that meeting up is off the cards as it ALWAYS means eating and eating LARGE. He wasn't too impressed with that as he thinks I'll buckle, his response was "we'll see, you'll not be able to go without a Monty’s (a lovely Nepalese/Indian restaurant in Ealing, West London)for too long". He of little faith and belief, funny because when I tackled him for his words, he suggested that it was because he felt I was being too harsh on myself. I explained that I've been substantially overweight for a long time and my being hard on myself is WHAT IS REQUIRED because I'm ruining my life. I'm depleting future funds from the 'Bank of Me' - I'm killing my future self.
He is a good friend, but he doesn't believe in food addictions (even though I've tried to explain it to him and he assures me he understands, but I know he doesn't) so doesn't think such a "drastic" approach is necessary. Well I do - even if it is BLOODY HARD
, however like every thing, the human body is ingenius and I'm hoping to work myself into a routine PDQ!
I'm 29 and I don't want to spend my 30's as miserable, lonely, unconfident and esteemless as I spent my 20's.
So why do I keep coming back and posting the same thing month after month?
Because this is the first diet I know that works, if I buck my ideas up, remain strong and focused. I've never been so persistent with a diet in all my life. I've never had such belief in a diet in all my life. The only thing that has been lacking in belief in myself and how I'll be when I reach goal. I guess I'm afraid I won't like the new me ..... I know I have to break down that psychological barrier. My weight, my fat has defined me, who I am and how people treat me for WAY TOO LONG Lord knows. Being (outwardly) fat and jolly even when I'm feeling pain and anguish internally is a trade mark. I feel I can come here (and also use my blog) to really put down how I feel AND know that I'm surrounded by people who read this, nod and say "I really understand how cah-ching feels" or "oh my God, she's hit the nail on the head" etc.... I don't condone being fat, my knees, feet and joints are underrated testiment to that, but we are an abused, stigmatised, misunderstood people. I want to change me, lose weight because I know I'll be treated differently, with more respect and won't be prejudged. I want to spend time being inconspicious and not having to make up for the fat flaw or my (intimidating) largeness by being "sorry" or being "talkative" or being "uncessarily friendly" or just yearning to be liked ... loved. I won't to love society, humankind again ... I yearn to be less cynical and more trusting.
Sometimes I feel it's now or never, but I'm adamant to never say "never again". I will climb back on that wagon again. And I'll keep a close eye on that wagon, because my journey will be so much farther is I keep veering off the tried and trusted road.
Gosh! this has turned out to be a Tolstoy-esque post. I hope you've read to the end. I'm hoping to make some real friends of you, because kindred spirits are the best kind.
Take Care and Love and Hugs ......
Cah-Ching x
(firstly, may I say I'm really chuffed to have found you guys again, secondly, your welcome so lovely)
My weight is at 130.6kgs (20stones 8Ibs)
Tomorrow is the 1st October 2006. I'd like to lose some weight for Christmas and my salsa-dancing new years eve party.
So once again I'm booking myself back into Hotel Sole Source (or should that be Soul Source - given I'll be deriving my willpower from the depths of my soul)
I've deliberately kept away from here because there has been no urge to post as I haven't been following the plan, however as of tomorrow I'll be on it and posting as often as I can, I won't promise a diary.
In addition I've told one friend (one in particular) that meeting up is off the cards as it ALWAYS means eating and eating LARGE. He wasn't too impressed with that as he thinks I'll buckle, his response was "we'll see, you'll not be able to go without a Monty’s (a lovely Nepalese/Indian restaurant in Ealing, West London)for too long". He of little faith and belief, funny because when I tackled him for his words, he suggested that it was because he felt I was being too harsh on myself. I explained that I've been substantially overweight for a long time and my being hard on myself is WHAT IS REQUIRED because I'm ruining my life. I'm depleting future funds from the 'Bank of Me' - I'm killing my future self.
He is a good friend, but he doesn't believe in food addictions (even though I've tried to explain it to him and he assures me he understands, but I know he doesn't) so doesn't think such a "drastic" approach is necessary. Well I do - even if it is BLOODY HARD
, however like every thing, the human body is ingenius and I'm hoping to work myself into a routine PDQ! I'm 29 and I don't want to spend my 30's as miserable, lonely, unconfident and esteemless as I spent my 20's.
So why do I keep coming back and posting the same thing month after month?
Because this is the first diet I know that works, if I buck my ideas up, remain strong and focused. I've never been so persistent with a diet in all my life. I've never had such belief in a diet in all my life. The only thing that has been lacking in belief in myself and how I'll be when I reach goal. I guess I'm afraid I won't like the new me ..... I know I have to break down that psychological barrier. My weight, my fat has defined me, who I am and how people treat me for WAY TOO LONG Lord knows. Being (outwardly) fat and jolly even when I'm feeling pain and anguish internally is a trade mark. I feel I can come here (and also use my blog) to really put down how I feel AND know that I'm surrounded by people who read this, nod and say "I really understand how cah-ching feels" or "oh my God, she's hit the nail on the head" etc.... I don't condone being fat, my knees, feet and joints are underrated testiment to that, but we are an abused, stigmatised, misunderstood people. I want to change me, lose weight because I know I'll be treated differently, with more respect and won't be prejudged. I want to spend time being inconspicious and not having to make up for the fat flaw or my (intimidating) largeness by being "sorry" or being "talkative" or being "uncessarily friendly" or just yearning to be liked ... loved. I won't to love society, humankind again ... I yearn to be less cynical and more trusting.
Sometimes I feel it's now or never, but I'm adamant to never say "never again". I will climb back on that wagon again. And I'll keep a close eye on that wagon, because my journey will be so much farther is I keep veering off the tried and trusted road.
Gosh! this has turned out to be a Tolstoy-esque post. I hope you've read to the end. I'm hoping to make some real friends of you, because kindred spirits are the best kind.
Take Care and Love and Hugs ......
Cah-Ching x
