O/T Am I being silly?

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by Anna*, 6 September 2009 Social URL.

  1. Anna*

    Anna* Full Member

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    Maybe men are all like this, I dont know but let me know what you think.

    I work full time during the week in an office from 8.30 until 5.30 and on Saturday nights I work in a Residential home on the night shift 10pm until 8am. During the week I try to keep up with the house work and try to cook proper meals for me and the O/H who comes home from work watches telly eats his dinner and falls alseep infront of the telly by 8.30pm. On the weekends I try to get him to help out with things but he always makes an excuse that he's got something more important to do outside usually DIY or mowing the lawn or washing the car, which is fine as they all need doing but he doesn't actually get round to doing them lol, so it leaves me doing all the housework and him parked on the sofa or infront of the computer apparently just about to get on and do something which never happens. I wouldn't mind so much but when I get home from a night shift on a sunday morning, he instantly expects us to either take the dogs on an all day walk, wait up for the shopping to be delivered or have his family round, on the odd occassion that I do manage to go straight to bed he wakes me up pretty much every hour to tell me the time and make a point about me sleeping to much and it being lazy! Lol

    Now I love him sooooo much, there's no question about that, im not trying to say that this makes him a bad boyfriend as he's not, he is an amazing person and he does make me so happy, he's my man and I dont wanna change him! but am I being silly expecting to help out just a little bit more?
    Just wondered wot you ladies think as maybe im am or maybe im not, im no expert on men at all as he is the first man I have lived with apart from my Dad and Brother, we have been together 3 &1/2 years and lived together for 1 year.



    Xxxx
     
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  3. Ninja

    Ninja Silver Member

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    Lol...I think you already know the answer ;)

    Personally if it was me, I wouldn't do any of his washing, picking up after him or cooking his dinner. But then I am very confrontational. If it was me I would feel as though he was taking the p1$$ out of me and would tell him so.
    I'm not saying this is what you should do or say, but that is how I would feel.
     
  4. mumtheshopper

    mumtheshopper Silver Member

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    I thought all men were like that. Just thought it was something us women had to live with. Eventually, after 15 years, and 2 children, and me doing absolutely verything for all of us, as well as doing my fair share of earnng a living, I think the respect went, along with the love, in massive sea of resentment. I have since learnt, that no, not all men are like that. I have found a new bf, and he loves cooking, will always clean what needs cleaning, does his fair share with the kids, his and mine, and is an absolute love! I wish that I didn't split up with the father of my children though, even if for the children's sake. There is no going back for us now ever!! But I do wonder if I had spoken out, argued objected or just not done it at some point, rather than just live with it and put up with it, whether things could ahve been different!!

    Talk to him if you feel resentment, please.

    Lynda
     
  5. Anna*

    Anna* Full Member

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    Thank you for your reply's, I really dont wanna let it get that far, at the moment it's just bugging me and I suppose im hoping that one day he's gunna see that he needs to help but suppose that wont happen lol think I do need to talk to him. I dont wanna resent him over something like this. Thanks for the advise

    Xxxx
     
  6. Ninja

    Ninja Silver Member

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    It's best that you do discuss it and I would tell him what you just told us. That now after just 1 year of living together it's only bugging you, but how would you be feeling after 5 or 10 years....by then resentment, bickering and bitterness will be settling in. Is that what he wants for you both?
     
  7. metrognome

    metrognome is getting better at it

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    you need to sort this out now and not let him carry on taking you for granted as a few years down the line this will all come to a head and it wont be pretty, the only feelings you will have for him then will be resentment. i let my oh get away with it for 9 years but not no more
     
  8. lucysmommy

    lucysmommy Gold Member

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    deffo a man thing, i work evenings and weekends for nhs24 and i am also a full time student nurse - i also have a 23 month old daughter lol and a partner who is very reluctant to move his butt off the sofa

    i now leave his mess and make him clean it up, because its just ridiculous

    x
     
  9. jockiejoe

    jockiejoe Wanting Is The Key

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    yes us men need a good poke/nudge every now n then to keep us programmed into our ladies wants n needs
     
  10. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    Its true, they'r all like that. & i have had this problem with my Oh in the past,

    but i found after sitting down and talking about it and not getting anywhere, i sat him down, cried and told him that i couldn't cope and needed the help.

    and actually, although he's not mr.housework, he does try, and on the odd occasion pushes the boat right out, this morning he emptied the dishwasher, re filled it and swept the floor. it was super helpful.. but i think he knew he had some making up to do as i found him awake on the ps3 at 2am this morning :O

    i think nagging only gets you so far, sit him down and tell him how difficult it is. . maybe you can come to an agreement of some sort of list. . maybe you could each do a list of what you expect from each other.. and then he'l realise how much you do for him, and that in return he should help a little more.

    don't expect miracles, it's in the male nature to be this way lol.. and generally a pain, but my fingers are x'd for you ;) lol


    xxx
     
  11. Circes

    Circes Strutting her stuff

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    Well I don't agree that all men are necessarily like that but do think that people treat you the way you expect to be treated. So he'll continue to take advantage for as long as you let him.
     
  12. malaika

    malaika Lover of Extra Easy

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    You really need to sit and talk to him.
    Tell him exactly how you feel. He needs to know and he needs to stop taking advantage
    of you right now before the resentment really sets in.
    I am afraid that like Ninja, I would stop doing everything. That really is not the right way but if he doesn't want to listen that would be the route I'd take.
    Not all men are like that but some do need to be pointed in the right direction.
    I am fortunate to have a hubby that does almost everything including 90% of the cooking. Admitedly he is unemployed at the moment while I am working but he has always done far more than his share.
    The only thing he ever refused to do it to change babies crappy nappies, and I can live with that!
    Reading and hearing what other partners are like, I really class myself lucky.
     
  13. BikerAngel

    BikerAngel Silver Member

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    I don't think all men are like that, mine does help me round house after I lost the plot with them for not helping the kids do too. They are responsible for doing own bedrooms and bathrooms and hubby helps me with rest of house. He also cooks for me and this weekend he made me lovley steak supper on Sat and I got a mushroom and bacon omlette with toast and coffee in bed today. Kids empty dishwasher when they get in from school as I work 3 days week and they will cook too, nowt difficult but they do try. Think it is the way you teach them as it was old fashioned that the men don't do anything and the women do but not in my house they know they help or I go on strike lol, well till the mess did my head in then I gave in but they got message. Now 15 yr married this Oct and think we do pretty well with sharing things out.
    Just have the talk with him and set few ground rules out and hope he takes it on board. Good luck
     
  14. Anna*

    Anna* Full Member

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    Thanks ladies, think strike thing might be a good idea, lol will shock him if nothing else, also think I might take it steady on the demands as his dad has very recently left his mum for another woman after 28yrs of what seemed to be an extremely happy marriage, I dont want him to think that I would leave him if he doesn't do as I ask him. Might sound odd but think although he would never admit it he is feeling quite vunerable at the moment as his whole world has been turned upside down. I might add that this isn't the cause of the lack of enthusiasm around the house and hasn't affected it wither way.


    Xxxx
     
  15. JoJosing

    JoJosing Full Member

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    Bless him - he is but a simple male and can not understand without you telling him that stuff needs to be done! I have myself learnt this the hard way - as a woman I can see that jobs need doing and just get on with them, as do my girls.
    Hubby and son have to be given very clear specific instructions of my expectations of what needs to be done and when.

    As has been said above talk to your BF. Cause a build up of resentment leads to a big explosion.

    Take care
     
  16. Ninja

    Ninja Silver Member

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    You know what gets me? I come home from work (about 8ish, he comes home at 5ish) and the washing is still out on the line. I'll say something like 'Why didn't you bring the washing in, it's raining now' and he'll say 'cos you didn't ask me to' :eek: I then feel like asking him if he needs me to tell him when he needs a shower or can he see for himself? :cool:
     
  17. BikerAngel

    BikerAngel Silver Member

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    Lol Ninja mine used to be like that, or he would say well I have not got your psychic powers so how was I meant to know it needed done. I told him to use his common sense like he does with his bike when it needs a new tyre or something done he knows then without someone having to tell him pmsl think he got the hint as I don't have to ask now and when he sees me doing something he asks do I need a hand. Maybe that is cause he needs me to take wheels to garage to have his tyres changed and doesn't want to rock the boat with that haha.
     
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