O/T Is it wrong to feel this way?

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by jessabelle, 13 September 2009 Social URL.

  1. jessabelle

    jessabelle needs more willpower!

    Posts:
    352
    Likes Received:
    3
    Start Weight:
    10st5lb
    Current Weight:
    10st1lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st4lb(2.76%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    This is going to sound stupid and petty but here goes.

    I went out with a guy for 2 years. We split up over 2 1/2 years ago. I've been with my lovely fiance for 2 years now and i'm happy with him. My relationship with my ex was awful. I cried every single day i was with him. He was both mentally and sometimes physically abusive and cheated on me.

    We shared friends and when we split he was vile so we never speak. He's still friends with a few of my friends. Is it wrong to still hate him? I hate the fact that these people still think hes great even after everything he put me through. And now i've just seen on facebook that hes told one of my good friends hes got a spare room if he wants to move in with him! I know i should be over it but i'm one of those people who over thinks things and sometimes can't let go x
     
  2. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Matched Content

  3. malaika

    malaika Lover of Extra Easy

    Posts:
    2,273
    Likes Received:
    83
    Start Weight:
    11st8lb
    Current Weight:
    9st0lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st0lb
    Lost(%):
    2st8lb(22.22%)
    Diet:
    slimming world
    You are well shot of him hun. He sounds like a real rotter.
    It can take time to get over bitterness and hatred, but you really need to try as it will only drag you down.
    Unfortunately, you can't chose your friends' friends and the ones who like him must see a different side to him. You really should not make them decide between the two of you.
    You don't have to associate with him, and if they do it's up to them really.
    If I were you, I'd totally draw the line. Don't read what he does on facebook and don't even talk to your friends about him.
    Pretend he never existed and you will feel so much better.
    You have a great fiance. Enjoy your current relationship and don't dwell on the past or the bitterness may creep in and spoil what you now have.
     
  4. miss_emmajane

    miss_emmajane Silver Member

    Posts:
    555
    Likes Received:
    9
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    I feel the exact same way about an ex-friend of mine - she seems to be having a whale of a time and I am sat still wishing she would wake up and realise that she treated me like crap ...

    Facebook isn't all its cracked up to be! If it weren't for the communication with my best friend on there I would quite like to get shut of it so I didn't have to see how happy she is and how she seems to be making lots of new friends despite the way she treated me.

    Malaika's advice is spot on though - hope you start to feel better about it all soon :)
     
  5. Scarlet Daisy

    Scarlet Daisy Hungry For Life

    Posts:
    835
    Likes Received:
    72
    Start Weight:
    15st0lb
    Current Weight:
    10st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st8lb
    Lost(%):
    4st6lb(29.52%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    I can imagine how angry you feel but sometimes people are naturally charming (or manipulative) and others are unable to see them for what they are. That may be why he was able to treat you so badly for so long. Your friends have to learn from their own mistakes, because if you try to warn them you'll look bad.

    Remember: The opposite of love is NOT hate, it is indifference. You need to stop caring about anything to do with this idiot. Hating him is more energy than he deserves from you.
     
  6. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

    Posts:
    1,920
    Likes Received:
    71
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    You are definately not wrong to feel that way as it does take time, but for you own good take the advice below which is brilliant and move.

    Good luck and as you say facebook can cause a lot of trouble, believe me I know.
     
  7. jessabelle

    jessabelle needs more willpower!

    Posts:
    352
    Likes Received:
    3
    Start Weight:
    10st5lb
    Current Weight:
    10st1lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st4lb(2.76%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Thank you. It just gets to me. I mentioned him to one of my friends once and he said "hes a legend". It just annoys me. But i will try and forget him. He's just split up with another girl and i met one of her friends recently and apparantly he treated her just like me. I spose i just need to think "what goes around, comes around" x
     
    Scarlet Daisy likes this.
  8. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

    Posts:
    6,269
    Likes Received:
    205
    Start Weight:
    14st13lb
    Current Weight:
    14st13lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    SW
    hey hun, i'l proberly be showing my age here.. and deep down i don't like to be one to hold grudges, i chose to ignore and cut you out.. and continue to better my own life whilst thiers sucks.. BUT there area few people in my past who have done some bad things to me and iv never been able to forgive and get rid of the bitterness even if they'r no longer in my life at all.

    Clearly this bloke is a monstor, and in general not a good person.. but obviously if you have some mutual friends, you will never be shot of him 100%, .. i say if feeling bitter makes you feel better, having the odd rant and the odd ***** makes you feel better than do it. Luckily i have my best friend to make sly comments to about certain people in my past, as shes been there with me and understands but my OH is deffinatly one to let go, and be all grown up about it.. much to my dissapointment when i feel the need to say somthing when i hear a bit of news, or walk past them in the street. LOL

    Being bitter to the point where it rules you and you cannot still be mature about it, then no that's not right and you need to assess why it still bothers you so much, but from what i hear from your post its not, and all it is hurt, from the past..and although its not very mature to say this, i think its perfectly acceptable to hate him given the circumstances, it's not like some silly girly thing. This guy physically and mentally abused you, and took 2 years of your life you'l never get back, and not only that but you have moved on, but he's still in the back ground with these mutual friends.. so if feeling a little bit bitter makes you feel better, then fine!


    ((hugs)))

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  9. jessabelle

    jessabelle needs more willpower!

    Posts:
    352
    Likes Received:
    3
    Start Weight:
    10st5lb
    Current Weight:
    10st1lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st4lb(2.76%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    You are all so lovely here, thank you xx
     
  10. ilovelife

    ilovelife Wishing and hoping!

    Posts:
    3,666
    Likes Received:
    39
    i am not surprised you feel the way you do, lets hope one day you can be a peace mentally so that he wont effect you through your thoughts.
     
Popular Forums
  1. MiniMins.com is a weight loss support community helping each other on their weight loss journey. We have a multitude of forums, from Slimming World and Exante, to Success Stories. Click the logo at the top right to return to the forum home page at any time.
Loading...