Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by i'lldoit, 16 November 2006 Social URL.

  1. i'lldoit

    i'lldoit Banned

    Well some of you may have read about my OH and me but he just P**D me off,he knows how important LL iis to me and losing my weight,he pays for me to do it,on Satd I have a work night out and there will be a buffet and everyone will be drinking.......its for charity and with alot of thought I have decided I wont go,I will break abstinance if I go as I know myself,after 50 days TODAY of sticking to LL I havent cheated once which has been so so hard for me,he knows how much I have struggled.I know he has said in the past if I lose weight I will leave him for some1 else,maybe thats as his ex left her hubby for him when she lost weight or my mum left my stepdad after she lost weight Im not sure BUT Im losing weight for my health and happiness and I have reasurred him a number of times?
    We were just talking on the phone about work dos and he may/may not go to his I said Im not going to mine and there one on satd Im not going to because of my diet......he replied go ,have a drink and a laugh?????I said losing weight is more importnat than eating and drinking he said nothings more important than that???????!!!!!!!:mad: so I wonder as were not getting on does he want me to go and I may meet some1 else or does he want me to blow the diet?I have joined the GYm and Aerobice 2times a week,I said to him dont forget I have aerobics tonight he just went humf!!!??? SO my mind is boggling?Maybe its because he was the centre of my universe for 3+years and now hes not and he senses that?
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  3. punkass

    punkass Silver Member

    I think he is feeling a little threatened and insecure. If he already knows the importance of the diet to you, then I would just let him have his sulk every now and then, but don't relax ur principles.

    Explain to him your reasons for doing the diet are to become fit and healthy not to get a new man, tell him you will do the eating and drinkng (in moderation of course - don't tell him that bit!) once you have reached your goal.

    Good luck
    i'lldoit likes this.
  4. flirty40greeneyes

    flirty40greeneyes Busy busy busy!!

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    Oh dear this is a tricky one.
    You have to do want you want/need to do. And LL/CD is not easy to do when in a social situation. I did SS last year and because my head was in the right place would happily sit in a restaurant drinking my soup that I'd brought with me and cheekily asked them to make up! Or go out to a pub and drink black coffee or water. BUT this year I could not do that - and like you would have to turn social occasions down.
    I think your OH has issues about you losing the weight - and you need to reassure him. It's not right he's putting pressure on you to go - when he knows how hard it is for you to have stayed focussed and lost weight so far. But it sounds like he's feeling insecure ... reassure him but tell him you can't go to these "do's".
    And well done - pat on the back for being so strong!
  5. i'lldoit

    i'lldoit Banned

    Thanks Kirstin
    I dont know sometimes hes like my extra child?I wish he would go get a hobby?Instead he likes to stay home?
    I have explained so many times why its important to me.
    Thanks alot
  6. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

    Oh dear - I think you know that he's got issues about you losing weight and see that he's trying to sabotage your diet cos change is scary.

    Is there anyway you can make him feel a little more secure?

    Personally, I don't think it's worth breaking your brilliant track record!!!
  7. i'lldoit

    i'lldoit Banned

    Hi Thanks Bev
    Yes snap you are spot on when I did it last year I could do like you have my water etc at dos and not worry but this year its so differant!So I would love to go ,its for a mananger 37 he was and he died so works doing the charity night,I feel guilty not going as everyone else is BUT I will drink,everyone will be P**D and nagging at me to drink and Im not strong enough to say no :eek: I have reassurred him as much as I can,I think if Im going to cheat id do it fat or not .
    Thanks for the pat on the back :eek:
  8. i'lldoit

    i'lldoit Banned

    Thanks Isobel,I dont know what else I can do or say to reassure him do you?I could tell him Im doing it for him?Im not im doing it for me but he doesnt need to know that?Yes your right I dont think its worth it eirther as Satds are my worst days and I just about get through so if I go I will get drunk come home and have a chicken kebab !lol!
    Wish he would just tell me whats going on in his head!
    Thanks Hun
  9. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

    Ah darling - he probably doesn't know what's going on in his head either!!

    At the end of the day, he can't control what you put in your mouth (!) - only you can so you must do what you see fit!
  10. i'lldoit

    i'lldoit Banned

    Yes your right,I think he would force feed me if he could,Christmas is going to be fun away at Butlins with people going on eat eat eat !!!!:( But your right I control what I put in my mouth thanx for that Quote XX
  11. Ann2shoes

    Ann2shoes Ann2shoes

    He obviously felt in control of you when you were overweight and now that he sees you are sticking to LL and getting slimmer he feels threatened. All you can do is reassure him. Do not go the party if you don`t want to. You must live your own life and not mould yourself into something he wants you to be.
    I say this from experience. I was once married to a controller. I loved him but he was a controller and I can spot the behaviour. He will have to find some way of dealing with his insecurities.
    Do not give up.
    i'lldoit likes this.
  12. i'lldoit

    i'lldoit Banned

    Thanks Ann
    Yes he is a control freak,he cant see it but he is :mad: I will do this for me as it is important but it would be so much easier with his support,when I got in from weigh-in last night heasked how did I do and I said 3lbs and he didnt even reply???? Thats was a real :( moment for me,so I will do this and thanks for your support XXC
  13. Ann2shoes

    Ann2shoes Ann2shoes

    I am willing to discuss controlling behaviour with you any time, having suffered it for 27 years! Hopefully I might be able to offer some constructive advice if it is required.
    Stick to your guns and do this for you.
  14. i'lldoit

    i'lldoit Banned

    Hi ann I didnt seee your reply sozzzzzzzzz XX :eek:

    He likes me to sit and watch TV with him in the evening If I dont he sulks?

    I have to go to bed with-in 15 mins otherwise he sulks?

    If im doing washing-up or cleaning in the evening he gets a bit cross and says I could do that anytime he would rather I was sitting with him?

    He turns the TV over without asking?

    He wont let the kids on PC just incase it gets a virus?He never goes on it eirther?

    He likes to watch a film every weekend,if we dont he gets BORED?

    Is this controlling as he says its not ??
    Thanks HUn
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