Ok, I need serious dating advice here.. dumped by text message!

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by ladykeltik, 18 February 2007 Social URL.

  1. ladykeltik

    ladykeltik Full Member

    Ok, so since losing weight, Ive gotten a bit more confident and started dating again. Ive been kissing a few toads lately, well last night, I think I kissed a prince, but Im a little concerned. This is probably stupid, and just my insecurities coming out, but here goes. There is another guy in the picture, well sort of, currently he is stationed in iraq (have to love a man that wears the uniform), so the chances of he and I being together right now are non exsistent, however, I do really like him.

    The one I had the date with last night, obviously lives in the UK. So far, he is nice, sweet, and ticks all the right boxes, but I have my doubts. Lets call the guy from last nite LB.

    LB is a good looking fella, financially secure, good job, really nice guy. Our date consisted of him coming over to mine and we just sat there and talked for hours. He has been pursuing me for a few months now, and I finally gave in (think it was the hard to get thing that got him interested).

    Anyways, I just dont picture him with me. He dresses nice, where as Im a jeans, t-shirt and sneakers kind of gal. He likes the finer things in life, I like camping and slobbing about. He has all these plans like going on romantic weekend breaks to Italy, Im independent and stubborn and would need to pay my own way on that, and truly cant afford to do anything like that.

    I picture LB with a blonde pretty thing, not with me. He knows I have lost weight, but not how much. And after thinking about it, I would have big reservations about getting naked in front of him (think of lots of loose skin, pudgy bits) especially when I picture him with a pretty young thing that dresses nice, and can fit into any social situation. Me, I get nervous and shy and just want to disappear from social situations!!!

    I have tried to talk to him about my reservations, I got a text back saying that 'before I start thinking about all this, I need to get to know him first, and give him a chance. That he thinks Im attractive, intelligent, great kisser (Im a damn good kisser), funny and cute (I hate that word). And he wants to be with me.

    Do I give him a chance, or do I just walk away cos I would always be self conscious around him and feel somewhat inferior? See its been a long time since I dated, 3 years in fact, so I dont know the protocol or expectations that are out there now. I need some serious help and advice from you more date savvy gals!!!


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  3. Brad0053

    Brad0053 Silver Member

    Well I'm not a gal Leighann, but I say give him a chance and go for it.

    Thinking about it, you have nothing to lose and perhaps everything to gain.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.
  4. Happe

    Happe escaping the fat

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    yep got to give him a chance leighann.
  5. nadhak


    lighter life maintaining and occasional re-starting
    I think you are feeling understandably nervous and you have low self esteem.
    You have him on some sort of pedestal and you feel you are not worthyof his attentions.
    But put yourself in his shoes - he has actively pursued you - he fancies you and sounds to me like you are his ideal woman!
    Give him credit for being able to make his own decisions on who he wants to be with.
    What is the worst thing that can happen - now think what is the best - whatever happens in the future you are now prepared to face it.
    Good luck with your decision and let happiness filter into your life - we all deserve that!
  6. minilady

    minilady Gold Member

    cambridge diet
    Hi Leighann

    Go for it girl!!!

    The thought of a tiny blond bimbette being with him and not you, are down to that nagging demon inside yourself. We all have that feeling of maybe not being good enough. But your not the one to judge that...he is... If he has chased you and is really keen (sounds like he is), then give him a chance.

    He sounds like someone who is interested in the whole package, not just the shallow image. Sounds like a catch to me....so enjoy yourself, you sound like a lucky girl to find a nice bloke.

    Hope it all goes well for you, make sure you keep us updated:)

  7. Angiexx

    Angiexx Full Member

    go girl he says ur funny and cute wow so he really likes you just do it
  8. Mrs Depp

    Mrs Depp Gold Member

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    Hiya Leighann,

    Just thought I'd add my twopennorth if you don't mind as I'm also new onto the dating scene after being married for 17yrs. Anyway, I'd agree with what everyone has said, give him a go, even if it doesn't work out at least you've gained some experience of today's dating and all it's mysterious do's and don't's:D

    Sounds like LB would be the type of fella you need to give you a lovely confidence boost!:D
  9. ladykeltik

    ladykeltik Full Member

    Well Ive decided to go with advice and give this guy a chance. We had a 2nd date last night, just hung around and watched tv, nothing spectacular. Part of me is still having reservations, see he is not like the typical guy I date, but I cant change myself for the better if I dont try new things, right? Have been playing 'cheeky text messages' with him most of the day, which put a smile on my dial. Now Im waiting with anticipation to see if I get a 3rd date, only time will tell I guess.

    Are there any dating rules I should know about? Been out of this dating game for so long, I dont know the rules anymore, any tips will be greatly appreciated!!!!

  10. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

    Ooh yeah - don't have sex until at least date 8!!!!!

    That is - if you want it to be a lasting relationship.

    If a fling is what you want, then great - go for it - BUT I have learned (to my cost) than these days, men STILL have double standards about how they view women.

    Get to know each other first - then if it doesn't work out, and you get hurt, at least you know you acted like a lady.


    PS (Cos I have soooo not been a lady in the past!!)
  11. Starlight

    Starlight Gold Member

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    He sounds great! Im so glad you gave him another chance. Enjoy the fact hes so interested in you and forget about everything else. You never know he could be 'Mr Right' and if hes not - well enjoy the moment :)
  12. ladykeltik

    ladykeltik Full Member

    Isobel, trust me, he will be waiting a lot longer than date 8 for sex, infact he will probaby be waiting a few months! Im not ready to get naked infront of someone yet!!!

    I still have reservations, I cant picture he and I together forever. Its been so long since dating and relationships for me, Ive forgotten about what to think and expect. Am I suppose to be able to picture us together for a long time, when I look at him, should I be thinking to myself 'he really isnt my type?' Oh if dating was easy, oh if I hadnt of put on weight in the beginning and kept my self confidence.. lots of oh's here!

  13. ladykeltik

    ladykeltik Full Member

    Well Ive just been 'dumped' via text message

    And I feel like absolulte ****. I finally decided to really give LB a go, to really stick it out, see where it went. Today I recieved a text message saying that he does not and will not want to date me, blah blah blah. Needless to say I feel very down, probaby cos this is the first real 'serious' dating thing Ive had with anyone in 3 years. Now I remember why I chose not to date for 3 years!!!

    Well off to clean, to get my mind off food.

  14. Karen

    Karen Serial Foodie!

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    well he obviously isnt as nice as everyone first thought. what kind of a pig does something like that in a text message??? unreal!!! u r better off. sod him!

    make no mistake...YOU are too good for HIM!!

  15. flirty40greeneyes

    flirty40greeneyes Busy busy busy!!

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    Oh Leighann that was really not nice of him. However better now than later down the line when you might have got attached.

    Don't give up on all men though - there really are some nice ones out there!! And you deserve to meet a really nice one who will wow you and make you feel good about yourself again.
  16. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

    Oh dear - so he was one of 'those' freaks who try their hardest to get you to go out with them and then back out.

    Yes - I've had my fair share of those!

    The most important thing you can do is NOT take it personally. He'll be doing this to a long line of women - he's in it for the kicks and nothing else. F'ing FREAK! So it's not about you, it's about him being totally inadequate, a commitmentphobe and a truly unpleasant character.

    Forget him, darling and move on - he's pathetic.

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