Plumfoodie's diary and ramblings

[Plumfoodie]

Ahahaha! Today I am very amused. My mum-in-law has come for the weekend. I've lost about 20 lb since seeing her last but she hasn't said a word. Instead she's regaled me with tales of how much weight my sister in law has lost, and spent most of her time taking sneaky appraising looks at me. I'm really curious to see whether she eventually cracks and asks me about it!

(we get on pretty well so I'm not being mean, I am truly just amused!)

 

[CaliSweden]

Ouch, I wonder why she hasn't said anything to you. You earned a compliment for sure. You've worked hard to lose your weight, and it's quite not nice to keep mentioning someone else's weightloss to you, but pretend to not see yours. Inlaws are always very interesting.

My inlaw has yet to say a word about my weightloss. We get along well too. Though the Swedish way is very different from English speaking countries. At least one of his sisters has given me compliments.

 

[irish molly]

It is a wonder that your mum in law has not remarked on your weightloss. 20lbs is noticeable on anyone! Are you wearing clothes that show off your loss? It will be interesting to see when she does comment!!

 

[Plumfoodie]

Yesterday I was wearing an outfit in my current size (a lot of my clothes are still bigger, it's true) which provoked at least 3 comments from people at work, including one lady I don't know well who stopped me in the hall and asked if I was losing weight 'because you look good, babes!'. (which was really nice ) so I think MIL could tell, hence all the looks when she thought I wasn't looking.

It's kind of her way tbh. She also didn't bring up Christmas (last year we offered to host everyone this year) but then when I mentioned it, she told how she'd already spoken to everyone else and worked out where they all could sleep and figured out liftshares and could bring a cake and buffet items. But until I mentioned having it at our house she hadn't said a peep about this!

Maybe she herself had an interfering MIL and is trying not to be one, dunno. I like her very much so I accept this as one of her quirks, but I am not going to bring up the weightloss myself! Which is maybe a bit mean but there we are. It would possibly be easier for her to bring up if I had lettuce for every meal but of course I don't!

 

[babliboobabu]

Aw at your MIL

She sounds like she is too embarrassed to bring up the subject directly (also with the whole Christmas thing). Bless her. You should put her out of her misery by talking about it so that she can say how wonderful you look! Remember also that she might not be saying anything because she might think it's a part of your illness and does not want to presume.

BTW, I assume she has not said anything about your weight to your hubby either?

 

[Plumfoodie]

Well, after the entire weekend, I can rest assured that embarrassment or shyness were not a problem. Not looking forward to Christmas! She's already started to outline various ways in which we're planning to do it wrong (there was a distinctly tense moment over a festive table runner I wanted to buy in a shop) and even offered to bring most of the food as she's anxious that we won't do all that's required. She's said as much so I can't even force myself to be altruistic and assume she's being helpful because of my health.

Having kind of a grim week health/work/familywise so might not be around but thank you all for the added perspective. It does help me to step back and look with fresh eyes.

 

[Plumfoodie]

(oh, and nope - she left without a peep to either of us about the weight! And in fact his entire family ignores the fact that I'm ill. Ho hum!)

 

[irish molly]

Oh dear. Sounds like its a tightrope walk with MIL over Christmas. Carries a lot of stress in itself without the added health issues you have. Plum, you sound like the type of gal who can handle her, so I'm sure it will all work out. Christmas though meant to be so jolly, can really be a major stress when trying to please everyone!!

 

[Plumfoodie]

I can appreciate that she shouldered the Christmas responsibility for so many years and so has much good experience to share, and that she wants her family to all have a nice Christmas. I wish she would realise that I do too! And sometimes feel like asking her what the worst possible outcome would be if the colours in the childrens' jelly were layered in the incorrect order, and possibly we would all feel a bit better in the long run if I did! But I don't like confrontation and in fact the table runner debacle was a rare example (although she won the battle at the time - stealth tactics now take over and I'm going to go back for it!).

 

[Plumfoodie]

To add a slightly weight-related note to all my whinging! Last time MIL was here I retired to bed one night with an enormous tin of smuggled ginger biscuits. This time I merely ate a few too many macaroons. I'm counting this as a low GI win!

 

[CaliSweden]

Hurry for your low GL win! I think you did really well with the macaroons.

I can understand how you feel about the inlaws forgeting that you have an illness. I say go and buy your table runner I'm sure you'll pull off a great Xmas. As Molly says I'm sure you can handle your inlaw.

 

[Plumfoodie]

Thanks Cali!

 

[Plumfoodie]

Hm my weighin might be on Friday this week. My schedule is all messed up this week and I'll have an early start on Thursday - not sure I can face the weekly knell at that time of morning especially as I ate too much while MIL was here, including a rather nifty meal in a quite posh place!

 

[babliboobabu]

Oh dear at your MIL. It sounds like that although she has officially relinquished responsibility for Christmas she still wants to be in charge of it and wants to make sure that they have a very traditional Christmas in terms of what her family has always done, or rather how she has always done it.

I think you will just have to let some things go and some things you need to take advantage of. For example, I would probably ring up at beginning of December (or email!) and say "What did you say you are bringing again?" and make sure she brings as much as possible so that the load is off you. Add your own side dishes etc that you want to add, that is part of YOUR Christmas tradition, they can eat it or not - it's their choice! And if she wants jelly to be layered in a certain way, she can jolly well do it.

It does not matter if she has not done it for altruistic reasons, the main thing is that some of the burden is off you. You do NOT want to get more ill over the whole Christmas affair.

At the end of the day, it's about giving his family a warm welcome but making sure you look after yourself too. If things don't go to plan in her eyes, then that's HER expectations, not yours and don't let that upset you. If things don't go to plan in your eyes, drink some more.

And remember, Christmas is not Christmas unless someone has a tantrum or a cry. Just make sure it is not you by taking a deep breath, taking it easy and taking offer of help.

Do I sound harsh? I don't mean to be.

 

[CaliSweden]

I agree with Ashie, very well put.

 

[Plumfoodie]

Ashie, thanks for the advice, which is very sensible and sound. I will be planning ahead and you're right about the wisdom of taking up her offer. And the drinking, also. actually I am now less worried about the day itself (did you know that there will be wrapping paper to dispose of at Christmas? I'm so glad she warned me in advance *nonexistent devil smiley*) than having all the family sleeping over for three nights! Thank heavens our new house has a dishwasher and a big freezer, I'll freeze casseroles, soups etc and cakes/biscuits in advance as usually meals and snacks are the difficult bit.

 

[Plumfoodie]

MFP didn't consider my 0.2 lb loss yesterday worthy of a mention. Sniff! pleased tho as it was enough to increment my ticker.

Of course, this morning I lost a further 0.8 lb. Curse of the weighin day strikes even when you've delayed by a day it seems!

So, I've either 2 or 1.2 lb to lose by next friday depending on whether you count daily weighs. After an appalling week this week (husband away and work just awful, I had to miss my midweek rest day) I'm determined to make a push this coming week to try to reach 170. For the purposes of my signature goal I'll count a success if I reach the weight by/on Friday even though my official weigh day is Thursday.

 

[CaliSweden]

Way to go Plum on the weightloss! You're doing well

I do hate the weigh in day curse, and it does strike even if you change days >_<. Bad bad scale!

 

[irish molly]

Well done Plum on the loss. It's all in the right direction. You sound in control of Xmas arrangements etc, so good for you!!

 

[babliboobabu]

Well done, Plum on the weight loss. That's pretty good news, and as Molly says, it's in the right direction.

Am glad you are feeling better about the day itself. 3 nights of in-laws! You are right, it's usually snacks and meals that can be the stress points. I usually take a big secret stash of food when I go to my OH's family because our timings and their timings on food just don't match and our snack ideas do not match and erm, the meals... Oh dear, I sound like a right awkward cow.

Anyway, try to take it easy. Can you take time out during their stay? For example, a spa session, a walk with your hubby or a visit to see a friend. Try and plan it in so that you can have a breather. I get on with my OH's family but I do need time out.